Just For The Men

[Marilyn. 340]

[Marilyn. 340]

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

*******************************************************************

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

********************************************************************

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

[Marilyn. 340]

Magazine for Married Men....

[Karen_L 1]

6 : Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

7 : I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.

I've said both of those MANY times, especially numero 6. As far as everybody knows, 1) I am almost never at home 2) when I am at home, I'm always in the bathroom showering

[Mew 0]

The simple truth

and

Hearts in the right place?

[Marilyn. 340]

WHY WE BROKE UP......

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending:$65.00 on make-up, $150 for a cut & color, $30 for a manicure, $40 for a pedicure, $50 on vitamins, $300 on clothes and $600 for a gym membership.

I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed it to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for and it's much cheaper.

I don't think she's coming back...........

MEN!

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

My Male answer

1. How can I get her back into bed a second time today

2. Hell Yes see above

3. Hell No see No.1 & 2

4. Who ???? I can't keep my eyes off your body why in heck do I want to look at her

5. Good question.. mourn...take my time to accept the fact you left before me.. and through time hopefully find someone like you again..because I love everything about you....and last but not least...Never forget you

Here is some good advice for you guys out there....

Valuable advice for all men

Allegedly the 5 questions most feared by men:

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat?

4. Do you think she's prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every

one is Guaranteed to explode into a major argument if

the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is

analysed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry

if I've been pensive, my darling. I was just

reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful,

caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am

to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the

true answer, which most likely is one of the

following:

a. Football/rugby.

b. Cars/motorbikes.

c. How fat you are.

d. How much prettier she is than you.

e. How I'd spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more

detailed answer is in order, "Yes, love."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh yeah, sh*t-loads.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not,

don't be ridiculous!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly

thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I've seen fatter.

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking

about how I'd spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of

course not, you must be joking!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.

d. Define pretty?

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking

about how I'd spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of

course, is "Buy a Porsche and a boat".) No matter how

you answer this, be prepared for At least an hour of

follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not, don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do!

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (With a hurt look)

MAN: (audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace

them with her pictures?

MAN: Well, that would seem like the proper thing to

do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: Sh*t!

[Sheriff Uling 3]

This is one of the funniest dahamn threads that I've ever read... Thanks!

[garya505 2]

Every time I go somewhere alone my fiance asks me "were there any beautiful and sexy women there?". Yikes!

I still don't have a good answer for that one. If I say "yes" she gets jealous, if I say "no" she thinks I'm covering something up. The best I can come up with is "yes, but they just reminded me of you!".

Got any ideas on this one?

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Every time I go somewhere alone my fiance asks me "were there any beautiful and sexy women there?". Yikes!

I still don't have a good answer for that one. If I say "yes" she gets jealous, if I say "no" she thinks I'm covering something up. The best I can come up with is "yes, but they just reminded me of you!".

Got any ideas on this one?

It's a lose-lose situation... maybe use... "I think everyone is beautiful, but you are the most beautiful person is my eyes!" Yeah Baby Yeah! Don't add the "Yeah Baby Yeah" part. LOL! Cheers!!!

[Peter Miami 1]

Every time I go somewhere alone my fiance asks me "were there any beautiful and sexy women there?". Yikes!

I still don't have a good answer for that one. If I say "yes" she gets jealous, if I say "no" she thinks I'm covering something up. The best I can come up with is "yes, but they just reminded me of you!".

Got any ideas on this one?

I have the same problem and I always lose no matter what response I give.

Peter Miami

[Ban Hammer 13,763]

Every time I go somewhere alone my fiance asks me "were there any beautiful and sexy women there?". Yikes!

I still don't have a good answer for that one. If I say "yes" she gets jealous, if I say "no" she thinks I'm covering something up. The best I can come up with is "yes, but they just reminded me of you!".

Got any ideas on this one?

I have the same problem and I always lose no matter what response I give.

Peter Miami

best answer is silence

[Marilyn. 340]

This is one of the funniest dahamn threads that I've ever read... Thanks!

you are welcome

[Marilyn. 340]

Real Man's Bar-B-Que....

Edited September 13, 2006 by MarilynP

[Marilyn. 340]

Warning to Men

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer".

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up “Golf Courses” in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works click here:

http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf