Just For The Men

[Marilyn. 340]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always

something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair

of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again trying to be sarcastic, I handed her a toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

[almaty 19]

[Fixer 0]

Because I told Ivona I would reply to the first post (for humor), I have done the following (which, in addition to being somewhat humorous, is also true).

1. What are you thinking about?

"Ok, putting the cat in the dryer was a bad idea. I should have put something soft in there too to make sure it doesn't get beaten so badly."

2. Do you love me?

"Is this a true/false, multiple choice or essay question?"

3. Do I look fat?

"Nope! Do I?"

4. Do you think she's prettier than me?

"Of course not. She is far too (insert comment here)." (No joke. I think Ivona is perfectly pretty. Every other woman has to have something wrong with her I can point out.)

5. What would you do if I died?

"I would have to die too. I couldn't very well let you go on the next big adventure alone, could I?"

[Indo_mommy 0]

So funny!

[Marilyn. 340]

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

[almaty 19]

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

that is true

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

that is true

[JEDI 0]

• My wife (otherwise known as my better half) and I were
  sitting in the living room when I said to her, "Honey, just
  so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
  state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a
  bottle. I could not live like that!
  If that ever happens, please honey, just pull the plug."
  She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out all my
  beer.
  

[almaty 19]

• My wife (otherwise known as my better half) and I were
  sitting in the living room when I said to her, "Honey, just
  so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
  state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a
  bottle. I could not live like that!
  If that ever happens, please honey, just pull the plug."
  She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out all my
  beer.
  

[iceyspots 0]

[Marilyn. 340]

A short cautionary tale for all the men out there

A husband had forgotten his wife's birthday and she was furious.

So she tells him, "For your sake,tommorrow I better find something in the garage that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 5 seconds."

The next day, the wife sees a package in the garage, opens it and finds a bathroom scale. His funeral is tommorrow.

Edited May 26, 2006 by MarilynP

[Ladylethal 12]

:lol:

[bubba100 0]

I would like to add something to the list, WHAT ARE MEN THINKING, for me at least it would be:

I WANTED A BEER AND TO SEE SOMETHING NAKED

[almaty 19]

I would like to add something to the list, WHAT ARE MEN THINKING, for me at least it would be:

I WANTED A BEER AND TO SEE SOMETHING NAKED

that 90% of the day

[Marilyn. 340]

The husband had just finished reading a new book: 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN Of YOUR HOUSE.'

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU

need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law!

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished

eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we

will have all the sex that I want.

After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You

will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you

will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fxxxxxxg funeral director would be my guess."

[Marilyn. 340]

Stopped by Police!

The policeman came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, it is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Edited June 1, 2006 by MarilynP