Just For The Men

[Marilyn. 340]

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to

do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1) The woman goes to the store.

2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along

with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is

lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

4) The man places the meat on the grill.

5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon

seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some

women.

[irishgirl73 0]

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby is pretty good with the BBQ thing, he usually prepares everything, occasionally I have to make a side dish and he is even getting better with the clean up... although I never can get him to wash the dishes

[Marilyn. 340]

THE RULES

1. THE FEMALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES.

2. THE RULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE AT ANY TIME WITHOUT PRIOR NOTIFICATION.

3. NO MALE CAN POSSIBLY KNOW ALL THE RULES.

4. IF THE FEMALE SUSPECTS THE MALE KNOWS ALL THE RULES SHE MUST IMMEDIATELY CHANGE SOME OR ALL OF THE RULES.

5. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG.

6. IF THE FEMALE IS WRONG, IT IS BECAUSE OF FLAGRANT MISUNDERSTANDING WHICH WAS A DIRECT RESULT OF SOMETHING THE MALE DID OR SAID.

7. IF RULE 6 APPLIES. THE MALE MUST APOLOGIZE IMMEDIATELY FOR CAUSING THE MISUNDERSTANDING.

8. THE FEMALE CAN CHANGE HER MIND AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME.

9. THE MALE MUST NEVER CHANGE HIS MIND WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT FROM THE FEMALE.

10. THE FEMALE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET AT ANY TIME.

11. THE MALE MUST REMAIN CALM AT ALL TIMES, UNLESS THE FEMALE WANTS HIM TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET.

12. THE FEMALE MUST UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES LET THE MALE KNOW WHETHER OR NOT SHE WANTS HIM TO BE ANGRY OR UPSET.

13. ANY ATTEMPT TO DOCUMENT THESE RULES COULD RESULT IN BODILY HARM.

14. IF THE FEMALE HAS PMS, ALL RULES ARE NULL AND VOID.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

ahhhhhhhh marilyn... so true! especially the pms one!

just kidding guys... we know ya'll rule! *winks @ the girls... fingers crossed*

[Marilyn. 340]

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to

show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to

tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last

week, you came home and didn't notice that I had got my hair and nails

done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after

watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't

touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me

anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your Ex-Wife

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true

that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman

is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown

out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice

when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came

to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say

anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favourite

meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped

eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on

that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that

it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars

from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this,

still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I

discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my

job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were

gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said

with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take

care.

Your Ex-Husband

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born

Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

[munchkins 0]

Like it marilyn, you always come up with some real gems

[SamRod 0]

these posts RULE!!!! hats off to everyone here.

you have my vote. (even though its genetically inherent)

[almaty 19]

Marilyn, always good for a laugh

[Marilyn. 340]

Edited March 24, 2006 by MarilynP

[Marilyn. 340]

Signs Your Spouse is Having an Affair on the Computer

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked

9. After signing off, she always has a cigarette

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up

6. She's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand

5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software"

4. Lipstick on the mouse

3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"

2. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underpants

1. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's azz

[Marilyn. 340]

This movie would probably go over a little bit better in the male circles...

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

You forgot..

"Am I overreacting?"

[Veiled Princess 1]

More Advice From Women To Men....

1. The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.

2. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.

3. If we're watching football with you--it's not bonding--it's their butts.

4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.

5. Please don't drive when you're not driving.

6. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.

7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn't ask in bed.

8. The next time you joke about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.

9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of "who's easy"?

10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don't care.

11. When you're not around, I belch loudly, too.

12. We don't mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance -- in fact -- please do !!!

13. When you're out with us, please wear "our" favorite outfit rather than "yours" -- the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way.

14. If you must grunt in reply, please develop a system to indicate a positive vs a negative grunt.

15. Don't insist that we "get off the damn phone" and then not talk to us.

16. Eye contact is best established above our shoulder-level.

17. Cleaning the house is not necessarily "women's work"; besides, most of the "dirt" and clutter is yours anyway.

18. Yes, we know most of the great chefs are men, why is it then you never want to cook?

19. We go to the Ladies Room in groups to talk about you.

20. Yes, we know you can probably beat us arm wrestling; however, very few praises or promotions were gained by arm wrestling the boss.

[Jasman0717 9]