Just For The Men

[almaty 19]

This did at one time have its own thread but thought Marylins thread for the men was a fitting place for it

This is based on a lot of reaserch. You'll want to know this.

There are 28 days in a womans menstrual cycle. This cycle is what really determines how things go between you and her. For example, on Day 24 you should learn to duck. I talked to sex experts and discovered how the hormonal fluxes in a woman's body affect her moods-and your life-throughout the month. Now I have a handy schedule for you to consult when you want to know which days you're going to have sex, which days your going to get yelled at, and which days your going to get yelled at durring sex.

DAY 1 TO 5: She's ready to iron and fold

What's happening to her: She may complain of cramps a few days before this, but this is where the cycle really starts. Her estrogen levels are dropping, so there's only a 2% chance she'll get pregnate if you have sex. That would be great news, except you won't be having sex right now. Thanks to those low estrogen levels, she currently sees you as a large lump of cells in a stupid shirt.

Your strategy: Lack of estrogen can also trigger insomnia and restlessness, which is why many women feel the urge to clean and organize durring these days, says Christine Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Widsdom (I read it so you wouldn't have to). My suggestion: Forget about sex and point her to the clothes.

DAYS 6 TO 9: She's up for anything

What's happening to her: She's calmer and happier now because her body is saturated in feel-good hormones and endorphins. "That means she's more receptive to new and creative ideas," says Northrup.

Your strategy: Break out the new and creative ideas! This is the time to settle old disputes and get buy-in on your golf trip with the guys.

DAYS 10 TO 14: She's horney.

What's happening to her: A rise in the hormone androgen has rekindled her interest in sex. This causes the thin lining of mucus around her cervix-deep inside er at the entrance to the uterus-to become thin and watery.

Your strategy: Your woman's so ready, you may not need more than a few minutes of foreplay. "Set the mood in a few seconds by telling her how much you want to have sex with her," says Tara Roth Madden, author of Romance on the Run--Quality Sex for Bust Couples. Your pants should be off before you finish the sentence.

DAY 15: She's really horney

What's happening to her: On the positive side, she CRAVES sex because she's at her most fertile. On the negative side, the sex doesn't necessarily have to be with you. Research shows she's mroe likely to be unfaithful during this time. In one study, researchers observed 500 women in nightclubs and found that they were more likely to wear revealing clothes and send suggestive signals to men in this pahse of their cycle. Naturally, the researchers still went home alone.

Your strategy: Don't let her out of the house by herself. Instead, take advantage of her adventerous mood by trying a new position or location.

DAYS 16 TO 23: She's a lesbian

What's happening to her: Her estrogen level is dropping again, so she's less fertile. Research shows that during these 8 days, she's mroe attracted to feminine-looking men because they appear more nurturing (as I call it, the Justin Timberlake factor). She's no longer looking for a strong man to provide sturdy genes and protection.

Your strategy: Shave and put on some Melissa Etheridge.

DAYS 24 TO 28 She could crack at any moment

What's happening to her: Estrogen continues to fall aas tantrum-provoking progesterone rises. This leads to premenstrual syndrome, during which she'll be extra sensitive to criticism, more neurotic about ehr looks, and more likely to thrrow a fit, or a Crock-Pot.

Your strategy: Play tennis or go run with her-vigorous exercise can reduce her symptoms. That way, if she "feels fat", at least she's doing something about it.

DAYS 26 TO 28: She's craving ice cream and jelly beans

What's happening to her: Her estrogen and progerterone levels are falling as her body prepares to start the cycle all voer again. Low estrogen causes her to crave high-fat foods such as chocolate, which studies show can elevate mood.

Your strategy: Indulge her cravings by taking her out to eat rather than bringing home some Ben & Jerry's. Reason? She'll eat the whole tub and blame you for letting herr do it.

It still gives me a chuckle

sister lorelle, that is sooooooooooooooo true

[Marilyn. 340]

A WOMAN`S DICTIONARY

1. "Fine"

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"

Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)

This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)

This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"

This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie). Do not try to >lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"

This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"

The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"

"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

[Marilyn. 340]

How to Drive the Women in Your Life Crazy

1. Call her by the dog's name and then deny it.

2. Answer all her questions with a question, preferably one on a totally different subject.

3. Superglue the commode seat in the up position.

4. Shrink her jeans and when she overreacts because she thinks that she's gaining weight, give her a condescending smile and say that you prefer her with some meat on her bones.

5. Firmly refuse to ever ask for directions even if you find yourself in Georgia when your original destination was California.

6. Call her by your mother's name and then deny it.

7. Start a conversation with the dog in the middle of one with her.

8. Buy her power tools for Valentine's Day.

9. Never give her a straight answer.

10. Take up yodelling and practice a lot.

11. Quote Tim Allen to validate your position during arguments. (Argh! Argh! Argh!)

12. Leave the newspaper open to an ad for plastic surgery.

13. Pretend you forgot how to speak English.

14. Answer every question with "Yes, dear." (Use with caution as PMS is a valid murder defense in many states.)

*Guys, I wouldn't recommend trying any of these

[Marilyn. 340]

The Point System

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

*Do something she likes, and you get points.

*Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

*You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed..... +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..... -1

You leave the toilet seat up..... -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..... 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings... +5

In the snow ..... +8

But return with beer..... -5

And no liners..... -25

You check out a suspicious noise at night..... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..... +5

You pummel it with a six iron..... +10

It's her cat..... -40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party..... 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy..... -2

Named Tiffany..... -4

Tiffany is a dancer..... -10

With breast implants..... -18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday..... 0

You buy a card and flowers..... 0

You take her out to dinner..... 0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.... +1

Okay, it is a sports bar..... -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night..... -3

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ... -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal..... 0

The pal is happily married..... +1

The pal is single..... -7

He drives a Ferrari..... -10

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)..... -15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie..... +2

You take her to a movie she likes..... +4

You take her to a movie you hate..... +6

You take her to a movie you like..... -2

It's called Death Cop III..... -3

Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls..... -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.. -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..... -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..... +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..... -30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."..... -800

THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding..... -10

You reply, "Where?"..... -35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ###"..... -100

Any other response..... -20

COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression..... 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes..... +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.. +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying" well, what do you think I should do?"..... -100

You have fallen asleep..... -200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

You talk..... -100

You don't talk..... -150

You spend time with her...... -200

You don't spend time with her..... -500

You seem to be enjoying yourself.. -1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE

Just remember no matter how hard you try you just can't win ...... but you can still try!!!!

[CarolineM 0]

this whole thread is awesome

[Marilyn. 340]

TEN WORST GIFTS TO BUY A WOMAN

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a infomercial. The only wise choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the sexy woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend.

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year's party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman's clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she'll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, "were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?" An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to "do these pants make me look fat." If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn't get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

[Flames9_RN 358]

Guess i will be returning a few items!!

[almaty 19]

The Point System

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

*Do something she likes, and you get points.

*Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

*You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed..... +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..... -1

You leave the toilet seat up..... -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..... 0

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. -1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings... +5

In the snow ..... +8

But return with beer..... -5

And no liners..... -25

You check out a suspicious noise at night..... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..... +5

You pummel it with a six iron..... +10

It's her cat..... -40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party..... 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy..... -2

Named Tiffany..... -4

Tiffany is a dancer..... -10

With breast implants..... -18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday..... 0

You buy a card and flowers..... 0

You take her out to dinner..... 0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.... +1

Okay, it is a sports bar..... -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night..... -3

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ... -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal..... 0

The pal is happily married..... +1

The pal is single..... -7

He drives a Ferrari..... -10

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)..... -15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie..... +2

You take her to a movie she likes..... +4

You take her to a movie you hate..... +6

You take her to a movie you like..... -2

It's called Death Cop III..... -3

Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls..... -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.. -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..... -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..... +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..... -30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."..... -800

THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding..... -10

You reply, "Where?"..... -35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ###"..... -100

Any other response..... -20

COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression..... 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes..... +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.. +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying" well, what do you think I should do?"..... -100

You have fallen asleep..... -200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

You talk..... -100

You don't talk..... -150

You spend time with her...... -200

You don't spend time with her..... -500

You seem to be enjoying yourself.. -1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE

Just remember no matter how hard you try you just can't win ...... but you can still try!!!!

hmmm? how did that incident with Tiffany end up here? note to self.:.send more $ to tiffany and request the photo of me dressed like scooby doo returned....

Edited February 25, 2006 by almaty2004

[Marilyn. 340]

Men never understand why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

[pri 0]

wow i learnt so many new things which is all true thats how men react

i agreee

i liked that $500

[aussiewench 9]

Men never understand why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

[sadie33138 0]

TEN WORST GIFTS TO BUY A WOMAN

The only wise choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

[almaty 19]

just wrong.....note to self...kick cat later.,...

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Men Are Just Happy Creatures

Men Are Just Happier People--

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to

the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please,"

and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ### and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes

outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said:

"You lying #######! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented,

"I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, " pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to, " his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, " now just rest and let the poison work."