Want to get a divorce/annulment and need your help!

[Wyld Blu 35]

It sounds to me like the OP is bothered because this is an arranged marriage and he thought he was "getting better" out of the arrangement. I know that sounds strange but in an arranged marriage you don't think about it not mattering because you love them, but that you were lied to when "purchasing goods".

I'm not trying to be rude but I think that's where his irritation is. Mental illness is typically genetic (depending on the illness of course). I assume the OP is upset that he can't have children with this person (without risk of passing on the illness), she is probably "acting crazy" and he's scared that his wife will turn into her mother.

HOWEVER, OP, not knowing about the mental illness is as irrelevant as her not telling you she smokes, or that she doesn't like your cooking. It's simply not necessary. Sure it would have been nice to know what you're getting into, but it just didn't work that way. It could be uncomfortable for her to share with you, as an arranged marriage especially where she is scared you'd reject her or, as you did, consider her "faulty goods".

Divorce her if you want to, but this isn't grounds for divorce. Hopefully she'll go home so she can marry again and you'll be off the hook. But that's a BIG if.

Actually, California is a no fault state. You don't need a reason to get a divorce as long as both parties agree.

-Blu-

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Actually, California is a no fault state. You don't need a reason to get a divorce as long as both parties agree.

-Blu-

No no I knew that. I just meant he kept trying to use it like it WAS a reason for divorce and like his case would look better or something 'cause "she lied"... and I was trying to point out that it doesn't matter, even if CA WAS a state that cared about who's fault it was, not knowing her mother is ill is irrelevant.

[Ramses 0]

I want to thank everybody here that is helping me out. You guys are a big help, and I don't take any comments negative in any way. I talked to a officer right now at the USCIS, and he stated that I just get an annulment or divorce. My other option is jsut to wait for her condition status to come and not fill it out, yes he actually told me that lol. So any other things you all can help out with will be greatly appreciated.

[Dana-Mića 51]

I don't understand what her mothers mental status has to do with your marriage. I am also not up for arranged marriage but what ever floats your boat. Maybe she isn't all that into you and her family forced her to get married to you. I don't think you should punish her by making her seem like this really bad person and being all happy about it. Because I am pretty sure that after you return her to her/your country no other man will want to marry her because "she is used" according to those cultures.

[Ramses 0]

I don't understand what her mothers mental status has to do with your marriage. I am also not up for arranged marriage but what ever floats your boat. Maybe she isn't all that into you and her family forced her to get married to you. I don't think you should punish her by making her seem like this really bad person and being all happy about it. Because I am pretty sure that after you return her to her/your country no other man will want to marry her because "she is used" according to those cultures.

That is a very narrow minded and culturally racist observation that you've made. Please don't judge people by their religions, because I'm sure that not everyone is the same. I am an American born citizen, so this (USA) is my country. And lastly, nobody here knows the whole siutation, because you don't know what goes on in my household and I am not here to speak of that, only legal matters. I am here to get legal information, not seem derogatory towards another human being. So please, if you must post, post respectfully. Thank you.

Edited February 8, 2010 by Ramses

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from K-3 to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum as more appropriate location

Edited February 8, 2010 by Kathryn41

[Old Dominion 26]

Trying to get her deported probably isn't going to work any time soon, if ever. If she wants to stay, she's eligible to stay by filing the right paperwork. The only option you have is to file for divorce and get it over with. So far as I can tell, by American law, she did not misrepresent herself (only her mother) and so the marriage was not flawed. For that reason, an annulment may not be possible.

[Anh map 2,098]

That is a very narrow minded and culturally racist observation that you've made. Please don't judge people by their religions, because I'm sure that not everyone is the same. I am an American born citizen, so this (USA) is my country. And lastly, nobody here knows the whole siutation, because you don't know what goes on in my household and I am not here to speak of that, only legal matters. I am here to get legal information, not seem derogatory towards another human being. So please, if you must post, post respectfully. Thank you.

There is zero legal advice given here. There are a lot of experiences to draw upon. Talk to a qualified family law attorney about the divorce. Talk to immigration attorney regarding immigration law questions.

You cannot force your spouse to leave the country or have her green card revoked. Not disclosing facts about her family health is not a violation of immigration law. I can't speak to any cultural norms.

You can't be released from the affidavit of support if you are divorced and she removes conditions on her own. That's part of the contract that we sponsors signed.

One more person's 2 cents: obtain the divorce and move on. It's a survivable experience.

[Wei&Shu(Joe) 2]

Damn am I really that screwed?? So her mother being mental and the info not being disclosed after the marriage has no weight huh? What if she agrees to go back to her country and I get a divorce then? Would that work? Help me out here guys!!

Well she told you her mother suffered from the mental illness which is known as depression but you claim that she never told you her mother suffered from a mental illness. That will be a tough one to complain about. Since she did tell you that her mother suffered from a mental illness. If you do want to claim for some reason that she didn't tell you, it would probably be best to omit the part of the story where she told you.

[Ramses 0]

Thanks for the tips guys

[Catt 6]

Sorry for you both that your marriage isn't working out.

However, from what you have written above (and with the remark that I don't know your complete story and am not up to speed on California divorce law or the national family law of wherever you were married), I see no grounds for annulment.

Okay, you had an arranged marriage. However, this happens quite often in some parts of the world and would in itself not be a sign of lack of a good faith marriage. Also, you knew from the start it WAS an arranged marriage and you went along with it.

The non-disclosure of her mother's "mental illness" by your wife prior to your marriage will not be easily recognized as grounds for annulment, I would assume, otherwise it would be all too easy to get out from under a marriage. First off, she did tell you her mom is depressed, you mentioned. If the mother has a different mental condition, then you would have to prove that mental condition exist and - had you known this info prior to the marriage - you would not have married her. Simply any mental condition - of a parent in law! so not even the spouse - would not be sufficient to get an annulment. Maybe if the condition is severe and hereditary, meaning any kids might get it as well? You would definitely need an attorney to help you with this one.

You also write that after the marriage, you noticed you really don't like your wife. This seems a bit contradictory with your statement about the mental illness. Also, just because you noticed you do not like your wife doesn't in itself mean that there is any fraud going on or that the marriage was not entered into for good faith reasons.

Also, as others have said, you are not in a position to "send her back home". You are not the government.

As I understand, she has a green card so her status is legit until that card expires.

She now has a conditional green card, so she will need to remove conditions at the end of the 2 year period. However, if you divorce her, unless I am mistaken, she can apply for removal of conditions on her own.

Edited February 9, 2010 by Catt

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

I have no idea where you from, or where your wife is from, how you met your wife, how you came to marry her, how long you courted, what you knew about her before vowing to spend the rest of your life with her, and so many other things related to you, your wife, and your marriage, but from what I read, here's my take on it.

If you buy a car in the United States, even an import, you have a contract that states certain qualities. If you get that car, and it doesn't work as you expected it would, or it breaks constantly, you have legal recourse.

A marriage doesn't work that way. It's like a used car purchase, bought "as is" with no warranty stated or implied. If you don't want to buy a car from your local dealer or car lot, but import an exotic one from overseas, and thus waive your consumer's right on a thorough inspection and a lengthy test drive, you can't just ship it back to wherever you bought it from. You're stuck with it.

That's an analogy of your marriage. You had all the options of making sure you get what you bargained for. To meet her mom in person, her family, see what she's like in daily life, in stress situations, in intimate situations, under stress, before you signed on the dotted line. Actually, you signed on several dotted lines: the import papers (USCIS) where you assume responsibility if something doesn't work out with the car . . . uhhh woman, and when you signed up for the marriage.

So who's to blame? I have an idea, but does it really matter? What matters is that you are financially responsible for your wife for the next ten years, unless certain criteria are met. You can't get an annulment of your marriage and even if you divorce her, she's entitled to her part and you're still on the hook in regard to the Feds.

You can't have her deported, you can't send her back. If you divorce her and she can prove that she entered the marriage in good faith, she can remove the conditions of her Green Card on her own, and many people do this successfully.

The only thing you can do right now, assuming you really want out, is to take responsibility for your mistakes, and file for divorce. I seriously doubt that your wife will agree to an uncontested divorce, so it will take time and cost you money. Money for your attorney and hers as well! Money for the settlement, and then, of course, money to take care of her for the next forseable future.

I could be Mr. Smarty Pants and tell you that one bad decision can spoil one's life, but you made several bad decisions here, all in one line. Maybe you should try something totally different first: try to have a good talk with your wife in order to find out what she really wants out of life, in regard to daily life, job, education, and life itself. You should have done that before marrying her, but that doesn't mean you can't still do it. Maybe, just maybe, all you guys need is to get to know each other before marrying? Oh, you are married to her already. So the order of things is out of order, but you could still cover the basics, trying to learn what kind or person your wife really is, and what kind of person she desires to be. Oftentimes, it's difficult to see the forest with all the trees blocking the view.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I have no idea where you from, or where your wife is from, how you met your wife, how you came to marry her, how long you courted, what you knew about her before vowing to spend the rest of your life with her, and so many other things related to you, your wife, and your marriage, but from what I read, here's my take on it.

If you buy a car in the United States, even an import, you have a contract that states certain qualities. If you get that car, and it doesn't work as you expected it would, or it breaks constantly, you have legal recourse.

A marriage doesn't work that way. It's like a used car purchase, bought "as is" with no warranty stated or implied. If you don't want to buy a car from your local dealer or car lot, but import an exotic one from overseas, and thus waive your consumer's right on a thorough inspection and a lengthy test drive, you can't just ship it back to wherever you bought it from. You're stuck with it.

That's an analogy of your marriage. You had all the options of making sure you get what you bargained for. To meet her mom in person, her family, see what she's like in daily life, in stress situations, in intimate situations, under stress, before you signed on the dotted line. Actually, you signed on several dotted lines: the import papers (USCIS) where you assume responsibility if something doesn't work out with the car . . . uhhh woman, and when you signed up for the marriage.

So who's to blame? I have an idea, but does it really matter? What matters is that you are financially responsible for your wife for the next ten years, unless certain criteria are met. You can't get an annulment of your marriage and even if you divorce her, she's entitled to her part and you're still on the hook in regard to the Feds.

You can't have her deported, you can't send her back. If you divorce her and she can prove that she entered the marriage in good faith, she can remove the conditions of her Green Card on her own, and many people do this successfully.

The only thing you can do right now, assuming you really want out, is to take responsibility for your mistakes, and file for divorce. I seriously doubt that your wife will agree to an uncontested divorce, so it will take time and cost you money. Money for your attorney and hers as well! Money for the settlement, and then, of course, money to take care of her for the next forseable future.

I could be Mr. Smarty Pants and tell you that one bad decision can spoil one's life, but you made several bad decisions here, all in one line. Maybe you should try something totally different first: try to have a good talk with your wife in order to find out what she really wants out of life, in regard to daily life, job, education, and life itself. You should have done that before marrying her, but that doesn't mean you can't still do it. Maybe, just maybe, all you guys need is to get to know each other before marrying? Oh, you are married to her already. So the order of things is out of order, but you could still cover the basics, trying to learn what kind or person your wife really is, and what kind of person she desires to be. Oftentimes, it's difficult to see the forest with all the trees blocking the view.

Very well written.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Affadavit of Support is valid for 10 years or 40 quarters of work. If you divorce and remarry, you are still resposible for her financially.

Jackie

[anitacastillo 0]

I did my own divorce in CA using the Nolo Press book. Pretty easy if you don't have children or property to split up.

Do you know if she wants to stay in the US? You might encourage her to sign the paperwork - the Marital Separation Agmt, etc - by offering to buy her plane ticket home and some extra cash. This would be much cheaper than alimony. Not sure is she has any friends/family who would know that she has rights to alimony.

Please don't get her pregnant.