marrige blessing vs ceremony in Ireland

[jdall 0]

We have sort of a messy situation going on with the planning of our wedding ceremony and we're just wondering if anyone else is in or has been in a similar situation.

Basically, we need to get married in the US first, to comply with the terms for a K1. My Irish bride however, would prefer to have a ceremony in Ireland after a legal US marriage. After speaking with a (Protestant) Reverend, we have been told that we can not have a wedding ceremony, but only a "blessing" since we will already be married in the US. Furthermore, 1. we are required to walk up the isle together instead of her being brought up by her Father, and 2. We can not swap rings and cannot say our vows/ i do's.

This is very unfortunate for the both of us, and we're wondering if there's any way to work around this, so at least, she can be brought up by her father. I can understand if the wording of the ceremony needs to be different but it seems ridiculous to not allow the bride (or wife in our case) to be brought up by her father.

Does anyone have advice for our situation?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

We have sort of a messy situation going on with the planning of our wedding ceremony and we're just wondering if anyone else is in or has been in a similar situation.

Basically, we need to get married in the US first, to comply with the terms for a K1. My Irish bride however, would prefer to have a ceremony in Ireland after a legal US marriage. After speaking with a (Protestant) Reverend, we have been told that we can not have a wedding ceremony, but only a "blessing" since we will already be married in the US. Furthermore, 1. we are required to walk up the isle together instead of her being brought up by her Father, and 2. We can not swap rings and cannot say our vows/ i do's.

This is very unfortunate for the both of us, and we're wondering if there's any way to work around this, so at least, she can be brought up by her father. I can understand if the wording of the ceremony needs to be different but it seems ridiculous to not allow the bride (or wife in our case) to be brought up by her father.

Does anyone have advice for our situation?

Honestly, the walking up seems a bit stupid. I think that's just being a bit pedantic of this particular Reverend. My only advice is to speak to him and tell him exactly what you've said here, that you know the wording needs to be different, but you would really appreciate her being able to walk up with her father. Perhaps you can come to some sort of agreement of her walking to the end of the chairs/pews with her dad and meeting him and her there to take her the rest of the way? I honestly don't see why this small change should matter.

Good luck asking him. Also, why isn't her family coming to the US wedding? My parents couldn't come so I understand funds side of thing but is this more to do with her family and friends from back home seeing the ceremony? We had our ceremony recorded so that we could play it when we get back to Australia for the "australian reception".

Hope that helps a little. I really hope you can convince the Reverend that walking up the aisle is hardly ruining the whole "blessing" thing. It's a minor change.

[Alex356 0]

We have sort of a messy situation going on with the planning of our wedding ceremony and we're just wondering if anyone else is in or has been in a similar situation.

Basically, we need to get married in the US first, to comply with the terms for a K1. My Irish bride however, would prefer to have a ceremony in Ireland after a legal US marriage. After speaking with a (Protestant) Reverend, we have been told that we can not have a wedding ceremony, but only a "blessing" since we will already be married in the US. Furthermore, 1. we are required to walk up the isle together instead of her being brought up by her Father, and 2. We can not swap rings and cannot say our vows/ i do's.

This is very unfortunate for the both of us, and we're wondering if there's any way to work around this, so at least, she can be brought up by her father. I can understand if the wording of the ceremony needs to be different but it seems ridiculous to not allow the bride (or wife in our case) to be brought up by her father.

Does anyone have advice for our situation?

I know someone who had a civil ceremony (it was because the groom was going to be deployed for the army, they were both Americans), but then had a church "blessing" when he returned from Iraq. It was at an Episcopal Church (same as Church of England, don't know what it is in Ireland). Anyways, the priest had no problem with letting her father walk her down the aisle. They also had a "blessing of the rings" I believe, because there was a ring bearer and the priest said a prayer over the rings.

There was something extremely similar to vows/ I do's, but may have said "I will" instead, or something like that.

I would encourage you to try another church. Every reverend/priest is different in how they interpret Church rules/traditions and I know there are some out there who have problem with the things you described.

ALSO, keep in mind that if you are applying for a K-1 visa that the foreign spouse will not be able to leave (well, technically you can leave whenever you want but won't be able to return) until you've been granted AP (Advanced Parole). I think that usually takes about 3-6 months after you file (you file after your US marriage) so you'll at least need to wait that long until anything occurs in Ireland.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

Does she really want that particular church with that particular reverend? If not, maybe "shop around", I am sure there are reverends who are more willing to compromise.

Alternatively, does it have to be a church? You could hold a wedding ceremony outside or in a lovely hotel with a celebrant who is maybe a universalist minister (though I think there is only the one universalist church, in Dublin) or even just a friend or family member who is good at public speaking. That way you could make up your own ceremony complete with walking down the aisle, vows etc. God will understand your intentions no matter what you do.

[jdall 0]

Thanks for everyone's support and advice!! Based on the conversation that took place with the Reverend, there is no room for leniency.. so we'll be looking elsewhere. Hopefully the time line won't be an issue, since we submitted i129 in December, and have the Irish Ceremony planned for June 2011.

Venessa & Tony- We're only planning a civil ceremony in the US, and my fiance would like to save as much as possible for the Irish ceremony. Regardless, her parents coming over is still an option.

Thanks again for everyone's support, it's very encouraging for both of us to know there are still options.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Thanks for everyone's support and advice!! Based on the conversation that took place with the Reverend, there is no room for leniency.. so we'll be looking elsewhere. Hopefully the time line won't be an issue, since we submitted i129 in December, and have the Irish Ceremony planned for June 2011.

Venessa & Tony- We're only planning a civil ceremony in the US, and my fiance would like to save as much as possible for the Irish ceremony. Regardless, her parents coming over is still an option.

Thanks again for everyone's support, it's very encouraging for both of us to know there are still options.

Sounds good, good luck.

Personally I wanted a civil ceremony as well but my husband didn't want to disappoint his family. It was a bit upsetting for my mother as she couldn't attend and if i could go back i'd put my foot down about it. Oh well though right? The end result is the same.

if it helps, different Revereds have different standards. I was married in a Lutheran Church (per his family's insistence). Our pastor didn't mind that neither I or my hubby were religious, and didn't mind that we removed almost ALL the optional "god stuff" (there were prayers and hymns that you can add, we chose not to). We had to change churches to have that option as another church wanted us to do the pre-marital counselling (we couldn't as we were in a different state), wanted us to be religious (i.e. regular church goers) and didn't want us living together (no other choice, I just immigrated... duh!), and we just were lucky the other church didn't require it.

So there's always hope Good luck!