A few cultural questions

[Ney 0]

We found the bidet at the Mediterranean halal grocery store. It cost about $35.00 and my husband hooked it up to the toilet. The water is a little cold for me so next time we'll try to invest in one with the thermostat for temp control.

We have always had a watering can available, but I like the idea of one that has flowing water.

I was wondering about the temperature ecspecially this time of year.

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

OMG I didnt even think about that!!! I am going to have to talk to him about that lol....and I wont be able to install one in this house so the water can will probably be a must!!!!

Thanks so much amysaid!!!!

[me_4_musa 1]

sorry to interupt the 'positive vibes' about how one cleans there azz but i think that should be the least of ones worries. I'd be more concerened about what the poster originally mentioned.

if she has a solid gold plated temperature controlled bidet waiting for him...big whoop....there's alot of other bigger issues that will have to be dealt with.

To the poster - you mentioned you live in "hillbilly town" does your SO have an understanding of what that means?

Wish you both the best of luck

[~Jackie~ 30]

I took Ibrahim with me to measure a house in 'the country' and his first reaction was 'I am sooo glad we dont live here.'

I have seen alot of the guys come over and when they see where their wives live, it's not long til either A..they leave for a bigger city and take the wife with...or B. they leave for a bigger city and the wife stays behind.

If there is NO employment or education opportunities~~it is unreasonable to expect the man will have any interest in living in a small town. (unless he is from a village then he might just think he died and went to heaven)

Jax

then he can use the garden hose to clean da bottom

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

There are educational opportunities here..we have two universities here but thats it we are surrounded by corn fields!!! I am very aware that Mehdi will get bored here really quickly..so him and I have already made the decision that once he polishes his English and gets work permission he is going to begin looking for jobs elsewhere...he is highly educated and my father who is retired military and now works for DOS is looking at employing him as a linguist in the future since Mehdi speaks 5 languages...and when he gets a well paying job and we have have children I will stay at home since my job as an athletic trainer doesnt exactly give me much free time to raise a family...so we will go to whatever big city he wants to be in...so the place I live now is not really a problem since Im not insistant on staying here

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Since I'm married to an Egyptian(-American), this isn't anything culturally specific to Iran, but just adjustment tips in general.

I know my husband would have gone bonkers if we had lived anywhere smaller. Our metro area is actually larger than where he came from, but the way it's laid out makes it seem more spread out and small townish. The fact that he doesn't see very many people walking around outside, and that he can't easily walk to get what he needs drives him crazy.

Here are some things that should be figured out ahead of time:

*Transportation. Is public transportation available? If not, can he drive? And if not, how will he get around? Having to rely on one's spouse for transportation sucks and can make job hunting difficult.

*Food. Does he have any dietary requirements? Any kind of bread he's particular to? For AbuS, he's just fine with whatever I cook (which tends towards zabiha indian and vegetarian), so long as he has his pita bread.

*What to do before the EAD. How prepared is he to find a job here in the US? Is his resume up to snuff? Does he know how to write a cover letter? All of this can be done before he gets here and in the time before he is authorized to work. Another good thing is to find a volunteer position. This not only keeps him busy and out of the house, but it also gives him potential references, which are essential for finding a job later.

I can't remember much else. I think I've blocked the whole experience from my mind

[me_4_musa 1]

We are too! We’ve already discussed that Dads gonna hire him to work. Were going to by a huge downtown loft overlooking the skyline. Then by a couple of boats since we both love the water – were thinking somewhere in Miami. We’re going to hire a maid and a nanny (maybe a gourmet chef to come just 2-3 times during the week). I’m going be a stay at home mom. Hopefully when i’m not attending tennis lessons during the day I’ll have time for the spa. When he’s not working with Dad we’ll travel Martha’s Vineyard / Nantucket. Life is so peachy isn’t it.

*positive vibes ladies positive vibes*

Edited February 10, 2010 by me_4_musa

[~Jackie~ 30]

Ibrahim was HERE for 5 months and for some reason~~he's struggling with adjusting these first 3 weeks. I wish I could sit home and read and study on the computer all day while someone else worked.

He's wanting to go places when I get off and all I want to do is sit down and chillax. He misses visiting with friends and going places. He knows there are universities here but they have requirements for admission, like placement tests and MONEY.

The ESL classes are closed til May. We have a foot of snow on the ground so he's homebound for the moment.

Friday we can go to the masjid, that will help for an hour or two. We go on Sundays, I have a womens class to attend and he reads with the men.

I guess we need to find some board games or card games to fill time. His 'cabin-fever' is killing him and frustrating me.

Good luck to the OP. Sounds like you and him are prepared for the adjustment.

Jax

[morocco4ever 63]

We are too! We’ve already discussed that Dads gonna hire him to work. Were going to by a huge downtown loft overlooking the skyline. Then by a couple of boats since we both love the water – were thinking somewhere in Miami. We’re going to hire a maid and a nanny (maybe a gourmet chef to come just 2-3 times during the week). I’m going be a stay at home mom. Hopefully when i’m not attending tennis lessons during the day I’ll have time for the spa. When he’s not working with Dad we’ll travel Martha’s Vineyard / Nantucket. Life is so peachy isn’t it.

*positive vibes ladies positive vibes*

Smart azz!

Hey, if positive vibes is what it will take to get a gourmet chef and maid while I am a stay at home wife please send them my way.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Isn't there a middle ground between rainbows and kittens (although I would argue that there is always a place for cats) and being completely and totally sarcastic and unhelpful?

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

luckly the university I work for has a LARGE number of international students who are working on becoming fluent in English so they have English classes he can take...and since I work for the university he can take those classes for free which is an added bonus. He is going to get a drivers license as soon as he can but he can walk everywhere around here which is what most people do all the time anyway...so he will see lots of people walking around and he wont have to rely on me before he gets his license. As far as food he loves fish and chicken with rice and we have some really nice farmers markets where we can get fresh vegetables. We also have alot of fresh fish stores around here so he is very happy about that. I have taken and sent him alot of pictures of the town I live in so he has been able to see what it looks and like and landmarks that are right by my house...although you never really know what its like till you see it in person!!

[sandinista! 1,816]

Isn't there a middle ground between rainbows and kittens (although I would argue that there is always a place for cats) and being completely and totally sarcastic and unhelpful?

she was being funny not mean. it's not all seriousness, all the time.

[v333k 59]

I was just wondering if anyone could give me a little insight?

My fiance is Iranian and has never been to the US. He has lived in Iran and Turkey his whole life. He tells me he "has enough knowledge from reading about the US that there will be no culture shock" when he finally gets here.( i don't think you can every really know unless you've been somewhere) I know its REALLY premature but I want to make sure he feels comfortable and at home when he arrives.( i have OCD about early planning) I have a lot of things in the house from the region from my mother and I travelling to Turkey and from my father who brings home things from over there every time he comes home. But I don't know very much about the Iranian culture. Ive tried looking stuff up online but haven't really found anything significant. I've talked to Mehdi about his life in Iran some but because of his situation it makes him sad to talk about his country and his life there, so I try not to bring it up often. So my question is can anyone give me any insight into the culture and what its like being married to an Iranian man ( I know every person is different so situations will vary). Maybe some "must haves" for him... I love him very much and would just like to understand better where he comes from and to be prepared to try and make his move here as smooth as possible! Thanks so much!!

Hi,

I hope I don't sound rude, but I would like to make sure I am realistic here.

No one can ever move to a different country and not go through the culture sock stage. Especially when it comes to two countries that are very different, in this case Iran and the US. It is very difficult to cope, especially because even Iranians in the US will be different than in Iran. It happens to every nation and every culture. There is an adaptation phase that goes on and without it, people will not be able to survive here and feel that they want to return to their own country. I don't mean to say this to scare you, because it seems like Mehdi is preparing himself for such a transition, which is a smart move.

In my own experience, I found out that understanding the differences in cultures and behaviors are key to realizing what surroundings have changed.

For example, in the middle east, when someone compliments you, the general reply is to humble yourself and give back and answer that what the person has said is very generous and kind and his/her observation is exaggerated since reality is much simpler. Actual example, "oh, you are so smart on figuring this out". A middle eastern answer is, "oh no, I was lucky in figuring it out, I am sure you knew it too". The western mentality is accepting the compliment and recognizing oneself and just saying a simple "thank you"

Although this seems to be a simple thing, but imagine this conversation in a job interview, the interviewer will feel that this person is not quite good for the company since he was 'lucky'.

Sorry for my rambling here, but I think your question hits a very sensitive and fundamental topic. It is best if you and Mehdi try to explain things to each other and not assume that the other person knows that, and as time passes, it gets easier and both of you will adapt to each others cultures.

It is such a shame of the current situation in Iran - or a visit there would be an ideal scenario for you.

Cheers!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

she was being funny not mean. it's not all seriousness, all the time.

And skittles taste like rainbows.

[msheesha 548]

Ibrahim was HERE for 5 months and for some reason~~he's struggling with adjusting these first 3 weeks. I wish I could sit home and read and study on the computer all day while someone else worked.

He's wanting to go places when I get off and all I want to do is sit down and chillax. He misses visiting with friends and going places. He knows there are universities here but they have requirements for admission, like placement tests and MONEY.

The ESL classes are closed til May. We have a foot of snow on the ground so he's homebound for the moment.

Friday we can go to the masjid, that will help for an hour or two. We go on Sundays, I have a womens class to attend and he reads with the men.

I guess we need to find some board games or card games to fill time. His 'cabin-fever' is killing him and frustrating me.

Good luck to the OP. Sounds like you and him are prepared for the adjustment.

Jax

Jackie,

Would it help if he went out and did things when you are at work? That would cut down on his cabin fever; and your annoyance that he wants to do go out when you get home from work and are tired, etc? Might not be feasible at the moment with the snow, but when the snows is cleared. Might make him feel like he's able to get out and get around while you're at work and he won't have cabin fever when you get home. Can he go to the mosque for Asr prayer? That will get him out, at least a little bit.