A few cultural questions

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

I was just wondering if anyone could give me a little insight?

My fiance is Iranian and has never been to the US. He has lived in Iran and Turkey his whole life. He tells me he "has enough knowledge from reading about the US that there will be no culture shock" when he finally gets here.( i don't think you can every really know unless you've been somewhere) I know its REALLY premature but I want to make sure he feels comfortable and at home when he arrives.( i have OCD about early planning) I have a lot of things in the house from the region from my mother and I travelling to Turkey and from my father who brings home things from over there every time he comes home. But I don't know very much about the Iranian culture. Ive tried looking stuff up online but haven't really found anything significant. I've talked to Mehdi about his life in Iran some but because of his situation it makes him sad to talk about his country and his life there, so I try not to bring it up often. So my question is can anyone give me any insight into the culture and what its like being married to an Iranian man ( I know every person is different so situations will vary). Maybe some "must haves" for him... I love him very much and would just like to understand better where he comes from and to be prepared to try and make his move here as smooth as possible! Thanks so much!!

[vadood 0]

I was just wondering if anyone could give me a little insight?

My fiance is Iranian and has never been to the US. He has lived in Iran and Turkey his whole life. He tells me he "has enough knowledge from reading about the US that there will be no culture shock" when he finally gets here.( i don't think you can every really know unless you've been somewhere) I know its REALLY premature but I want to make sure he feels comfortable and at home when he arrives.( i have OCD about early planning) I have a lot of things in the house from the region from my mother and I travelling to Turkey and from my father who brings home things from over there every time he comes home. But I don't know very much about the Iranian culture. Ive tried looking stuff up online but haven't really found anything significant. I've talked to Mehdi about his life in Iran some but because of his situation it makes him sad to talk about his country and his life there, so I try not to bring it up often. So my question is can anyone give me any insight into the culture and what its like being married to an Iranian man ( I know every person is different so situations will vary). Maybe some "must haves" for him... I love him very much and would just like to understand better where he comes from and to be prepared to try and make his move here as smooth as possible! Thanks so much!!

Maybe you need to practice Iranian cuisine, it might be fun and your fiance will appreciate it!

[nicole&efe 0]

My Turkish fiance has been in the US twice, the last time he was here for 5 months. I don't think that any movies/books could have prepared him for life here, he actually commented all the time on how different everything is from what he thought he knew. Being away from his family was really hard for him, but I think he will be happy in the US in the future. This is all because of his open mind and easy going personality. If he didn't have this qualities, I think it would be much different. Something that helped him feel connected to home was buying a cell phone so that his parents could call him at any time, whether if he was at home or out and about. I think that gave him some sense of reassurance. And then, there are always free Skype calls for planned chats!

The last time my fiance was here, I had the same mentality as you. I really tried to connect him to the Turkish culture as much as possible. Interestingly, he wanted the opposite. There were some Turks living near us and he didn't have any interest in making friends with them, he preferred to go out and meet new American people. To my surprise, he really enjoyed just talking and making jokes with everyone (people at the supermarket, my friends from school, etc.). I really thought that he would be a lot more shy, but I was wrong. This was really refreshing for me because I felt some sort of burden lifted off of me. The things that he did enjoy from home were: making tea everyday with the Turkish tea pot his aunt gave me and occasionally going out to eat Turkish food at a fancy restaurant in our city. I guess that all my worrying about him feeling comfortable in the US was for nothing, because in the end, he directed how he wanted his life to be in the US. I hope that helps, and reassures you that everything will be how it's supposed to be!

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

Thanks guys!!

The cooking is going to be challenging because I CANNOT cook to save my life...I try and it comes out awful EVERYTIME hahaha. He always worries when we are on the phone and I tell him Im hungry and Im gonna make something. (usually ends up being a sandwich lol)

Mehdi is a HUUUGGGEE fan of tea...He drinks tea non stop all day, and luckly I have a turkish tea pot from one of my trips to Turkey

And youre right Im probably getting overly worried for no reason haha!!!

[Ney 0]

Overall Iranian people are very family oriented, and extremely hospitable people. The middle eastern culture is really not easy to breakdown. There is alot involved depending on the individual, family, beliefs, exposure, and the region the person comes from.

I have read and heard so many different experiences over the years.

Some interesting sites...

http://www.farsinet.com/zanamu/issues.html

http://www.iranian.com/Features/June98/Man/index.html

I can tell you my experience being married to a man from Isfahan for nearly 30 years. My husband is intelligent, loving, attentive, and an extremely thoughtful man; he has an amazing sense of humor, he's a wonderful partner, a fantastic father, a great provider, and can a bit stubborn at times. We have a daughter who married a wonderful American man, and they have given us two bright and beautiful granddaughters. We also have a son who is in the process of getting his lovely fiancee here from Iran, thus the reason I am here. My husband is still to this day the most amazing man I have ever met. I feel I have been truly blessed in life.

PS. You can start looking for some middle eastern grocery stores in your area because he will appreciate them when he gets here.

Good luck to you both!!!

Edited February 7, 2010 by Ney

[zaytoona 8]

Hi Tamara!

I know what you are feeling! My fiance is from Morocco and he has never been out of the country so I can just imagine how he will adapt to America. Luckily to my advantage, I live in Los Angeles, so there are many restaurants, grocery stores, religious institutes and cultural centers to assist him in his transition.

My best friend is Iranian and he has been here for about 30 years. He visits Iran at least every year or so to visit his family. He said he loves his country but he absolutely HATES the religious and political system it is currently in. He comes from a very good family and I can tell her is very happy when he sees his parents. I have been to Turkey and a few other places in the Eastern region so I can already see a few differences right off the bat. These are based off my visits to the region and what my best friend tells me.

Iran vs. US

-Wal-Mart, Target and other superstores don't exist. Stores are located in "bazaars" or marketplaces where merchants are specialized.

-Fresh ingredients are hard to come by in america unless you live on a farm or visit a loca farmer's market.

-Driving in Iran is like those of most other countries in the region. Int he US, most people stay in their lane and follow most of the guidelines of the road.

-"Waiting in line" is something that most Americans are accustomed to. In Iran, From what I hear, it all depends on who shouts the loudest!

-Americans are typically on the quiet side and Iranians and other Easterners (Indians, Arabs, Turks) are vocal. Unlike Americans, they are not afraid to ask for directions, tell a restaurant worker that the food is bad, nor are they afraid to strike up a conversation to a complete stranger. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing.

-I know there is a nice growing population of Iranians growing in Ohio, but be prepared for other Americans to confuse your husband for "Arab" and we all know how Iranians hate this.

These were just generalizations based of experience and by all the information my best friend gives me. Iranian people are very proud and some of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Living in "Tehrangeles", I have grown a love for Persian culture and it will be an honor to visit Iran one day.

My best advice to you...PLEASE learn how to make Persian tea. It's a MUST!

Good luck!

[morocco4ever 63]

My husband knew everything as well. He learned it from TV. Needless to say that you just have to let him think he knows everything, and when he gets here he will have to deal with his own culture shock. There isn't much more you can do. As for trying to make your home more like is culture, well there is only so much you can do there as well. This is not an Arab country that's entire culture revolves around Islam (assuming that he is Muslim). That just isn't something you can prepare for. The best thing I could have done for my husband is when I convinced him not to sell his computer before he came, and to teach his family how to connect to yahoo/msn so that they had plenty of time to communicate without the large $ for phone calls.

[Tamara and Mehdi 0]

Thanks so much!!!!

Ney I hope your son and his fiancee are together soon..I wish him luck on the interview!!!!

Zaytoona I will def be making lots of tea...if I have one memory that I will never forget is how when I met Mehdi he tried to force feed me about 30 glasses of tea...Ive never seen someone consume so much tea in one sitting in my life and fortunately my mom has shown me how to make it lol. I think hes going to be pretty bored here because I work at a University that is very small and is in a very small town. There are no Iranians here but Im hoping that we will be able to make trips to my parents home where there is a very large Islamic center and an actual city. Going from growing up in Tehran to a hillbilly town is going to be interesting to say the least. He even asked me if we could live in a penthouse apt because thats what his house was in Tehran....I had to explain that we dont have buildings over 3 stories high and there are only a few of those. The one good thing though is that we have ALOT of fresh food places and farmers markets so at least in his bordom he will be well fed!!!! I do hope one day to be able to visit Iran one day and see where he grew up but like your friend he HATES the political and religious going ons and because of that he cannot enter the country, but I hope for that to change so he can go home one day. I know he misses his family terribly and I couldnt imagine not being able to see or talk to my family on a regular basis...He is a much stronger person than I could ever be because I would have lost hope long ago!!

morocco4ever I know he will go through his own shock haha. He is muslim but not practicing...which dissapointed my dad ( whos not muslim) but found a prayer rug in Iraq and it was beautiful and he just looked like someone stole his candy when I told him Mehdi wasnt practicing lol... I am hoping that he gets in touch with his friends that have been re settled here and even though they are all over the country I think it will give him alittle piece of mind that they are adjusting just as he is.

I def have some Ideas so thanks again sooo much....I have PLENTY of time to prepare....hopefully I dont get too crazy and he gets here and looks at me like what is wrong with you crazy girl hahahaha (which i could see happening )!!

[zaytoona 8]

You are very welcome and good luck with everything. I know it will be rough but try to stick in there. I know his adaptation will vary depending on where he lives in The US. Shoot, I get culture shock every time I visit my family in Louisiana! Talk about foreign! It's often easier to adapt in bigger cities. Please feel free to message me anytime you have any questions!

-Rogan Zaytoon <--- "Olive Oil" in Farsi

[Ney 0]

Thank you Tamara! I wish you both a quick and wonderful journey too!

[amysaid 9]

I don't know if this has been said before, but one of the first things we had to take care of once my husband was here was figuring out a way to rig up a "butt sprayer" in the bathroom. Most of the toilets in MENA have built-in bidets, which ours don't have here, and it quickly becomes a hassle to try to use a bottle of water or a watering can. We ended up buying a product that's actually intended for cloth diaperers, to spray waste off of diapers. It's this one: http://www.amazon.com/bumGenius-8900770020...r/dp/B000ZKHVMU , it was really easy to install. There are lots of other ones on the market if you look for something like"handheld bidet" or something along those lines. Anyway, just a heads-up in case it's not something you'd thought of.

[NancylovesAhmad 1]

I don't know if this has been said before, but one of the first things we had to take care of once my husband was here was figuring out a way to rig up a "butt sprayer" in the bathroom. Most of the toilets in MENA have built-in bidets, which ours don't have here, and it quickly becomes a hassle to try to use a bottle of water or a watering can. We ended up buying a product that's actually intended for cloth diaperers, to spray waste off of diapers. It's this one: http://www.amazon.com/bumGenius-8900770020...r/dp/B000ZKHVMU , it was really easy to install. There are lots of other ones on the market if you look for something like"handheld bidet" or something along those lines. Anyway, just a heads-up in case it's not something you'd thought of.

Thanks for sharing this Amy. That the one thing that my husband has already said he will have a hard time adjusting to.......the lack of the "booty cleaner".......lol. I actually would like to have one installed as well because after I go to Egypt for awhile and come back here I realize how much more hygenic it is than just toilet paper and water and so much less hassle.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Thanks for sharing this Amy. That the one thing that my husband has already said he will have a hard time adjusting to.......the lack of the "booty cleaner".......lol. I actually would like to have one installed as well because after I go to Egypt for awhile and come back here I realize how much more hygenic it is than just toilet paper and water and so much less hassle.

We've been contemplating the same things at our house. Everyone wants one and we thought to have him bring one but they're on the metric system and it wouldn't match up. Then the discussion came up if the water here would be too cold because we're so far north that it's not exactly warm most of the times if you know what I mean. We looked around and everything was astronomical. We did find one set of 3 for $99 but that sale passed and we would have to hook up a side tank to the toilet to adjust the temperature. Anyways we passed on the deal so it got to too late but this diaper sprayer thing might be the solution if we can figure out how to rig it.

[~Jackie~ 30]

lol@butt-sprayer If ya don't have one be prepared for him to hang his #### in the bathtub for a quick 'shower'

Get the watering can if you cant find the bidet.

[irahaymeh 0]

We found the bidet at the Mediterranean halal grocery store. It cost about $35.00 and my husband hooked it up to the toilet. The water is a little cold for me so next time we'll try to invest in one with the thermostat for temp control.

lol@butt-sprayer If ya don't have one be prepared for him to hang his #### in the bathtub for a quick 'shower'

Get the watering can if you cant find the bidet.