Are We the Only Ones?

[lpribac 0]

It's been hard for us too here in NC. It's been 4 months now for my husband and he is pretty depressed over it which is making our new marriage that much harder. I was unemployed last year for five months so I knew it was going to be difficult but I never imagined it would be this hard. And for those that think that teens get the fast food jobs think again. I have an unemployed 19 year old who can't seem to find anything either. Anybody have any advice that we can give one another?

[trillium13 84]

It's been hard for us too here in NC. It's been 4 months now for my husband and he is pretty depressed over it which is making our new marriage that much harder. I was unemployed last year for five months so I knew it was going to be difficult but I never imagined it would be this hard. And for those that think that teens get the fast food jobs think again. I have an unemployed 19 year old who can't seem to find anything either. Anybody have any advice that we can give one another?

That's interesting, because around here, a vast majority of the part time or "lower level" jobs are going to kids. Or people who are really stupid and rude. Or a combination of the two. Maybe your 19 y/o is just too pleasant and hardworking.

If I sound bitter, it's because I am.

[TracyTN 237]

I feel like we've pretty much got every strike against us. Hubby spent literally all of last weekend filling out applications. Not one response.

At least he has school to go to now and keep him busy, and I hope it's worth it for us in the end. He feels terrible about it all, like he's not doing enough. I tell him all the time that it's ok. Someday we'll get there.

Thank you all for understanding. No one outside of our situations can really understand.

That's it - you know you have 'strikes against you' and then you can't even get a '####### off' response from any of the apps you put in. We even put one in for hubby where my sister works and even they didn't have the decency to say we got his information. So if you know someone at the place and you still don't hear #######, then it's hard not to take it personally. Like non US work experience isn't good enough.

The other thing I worry about is retirement. I have a decent 401k and will have a pension but he will have really nothing (after having had to pay off some debts before he left the UK). If he's not earning much during the years leading up to retirement, well, where will that leave us? I can only provide so much from mine and given what little will probably be left in social security by that point...not very encouraging. We'll probably both end up working until we're physically ready to drop. And what a burden to put on our child to see mom and dad struggling. Yeah, I'm bitter about it too - esp. for a man who worked hard his entire life to now basically be nowhere.

And agreed - only folks on here can really understand this.

[lostinblue 1,989]

The economic times are to be blamed more than anything else. My sister in florida has been unemployed for over a year. She has a 4 year degree and has had one job interview during this time period. Her husband is in sales and there is nothing selling. Right now they will lose their home of 15 years. A lawyer is working the case as we speak. She has applied for jobs in Florida,Georga,North and South Carolina. NO luck. My wife has found a decent job in our home town. It was luck more than anything else. She was a data base operator in china. She applied to every temp agency around. She found work in a wokery at a supermarket. She is chinese working with chinese. That was a plus for her. After about a year a data entry job came up . I had to drag her to the employment agency. (kelly services)She did data entry for many years in china also. They set the interview up with her now employer. This was with a grain brokerage company. I live on a small farm and it did help when she admitted she had just helped me deliver a calf a few weeks before. She also was attending a college taking an accounting course. All of these things did make this puzzle fit in obtaining this job. We are very lucky she landed this job. She is almost at $14/hour. Good money for our area. She is working seven days a week, Works in the wokery on the weekends. Still goes to school. She never told her family she works in a wokery until a short time ago. You just have to keep going. I have a friend from South Africa. She said to obtain a degree in this country. Any degree from overseas is almost worthless. Unless it is a TOP university.

[letty 1]

That's it - you know you have 'strikes against you' and then you can't even get a '####### off' response from any of the apps you put in. We even put one in for hubby where my sister works and even they didn't have the decency to say we got his information. So if you know someone at the place and you still don't hear #######, then it's hard not to take it personally. Like non US work experience isn't good enough.

The other thing I worry about is retirement. I have a decent 401k and will have a pension but he will have really nothing (after having had to pay off some debts before he left the UK). If he's not earning much during the years leading up to retirement, well, where will that leave us? I can only provide so much from mine and given what little will probably be left in social security by that point...not very encouraging. We'll probably both end up working until we're physically ready to drop. And what a burden to put on our child to see mom and dad struggling. Yeah, I'm bitter about it too - esp. for a man who worked hard his entire life to now basically be nowhere.

And agreed - only folks on here can really understand this.

It has helped me a lot to follow this tread, even while I'm in a better position as most of the people who have posted. I found a job 3 months after I got here through a temp agency. I have been working at the same job since and hate it every day more and more. Sadly I can't give up the job because in the same period of time (1.5 years) I have applied to many other jobs and even never heard back from them. Like TracyTN said, I take it very personal not even receiving notice in any kind that they received the application. We can't afford to life of my husbands income alone since he's self-employed in the construction industry which is not doing to good at the moment.

I tried to go back to school, but most of my classes won't be tranferred since it's not a common thing in my home country to have a transcript sent to another University. So, nice to have a BSc, but not if you have to start all over here, not even talking about the cost of attending school.....

I got bitter too and last week put in applications for jobs at home. If I get a good offer I go back. Life might not be easy, but it's not supposed to be so hard.

[Gemmie 142]

You're definitely not alone.

My husband (USC) spent roughly 2 years looking for a decent job since he had been working as a supervisor for 7 years and only being paid $8 an hour... plus the fact that it's a seasonal job and closed down for 4 months a year. He tried to get a job in IT since he has a degree in computer science, but had no luck. Finally, he got a freelance job in web design but that business was on a dangerous slope and he ended up not being paid for literally 9 months. Anyway, we held in there throughout the immigration process, just hoping that he would find something else, and he was offered a job (ironically) while on a visit in England. He now works in a residential appraiser office. The pay isn't great, and we can't afford our own place on his salary alone. We've been living with his parents for 8 months now and it's taking its toll. My husband is trying to go for his appraiser license which can take a couple of years to get, and thousands of $... though companies are VERY reluctant to promote people right now and give raises, so we've been waiting and waiting for that to go through.

Myself, it took months of applying to jobs, and nothing. I recently went to a company luncheon and am being considered for interview in a very good company, but that's only because I know someone who works there, and they only employ referrals. Applications from outside the company go to the back of the line. If I get this position, we'll finally be able to afford to move out, but it makes us question if we can afford to start a family with those jobs.

And I know the feeling of having to defend your husband. We went through the same thing, with my UK family making judgments about my husband being lazy, making excuses, not trying hard enough.. and even throwing the line out there of how "you moved countries for him and what is he doing?" Easy to say when you've been in the same job since leaving high-school, (as my family often do, ranging from 8-50 years). It's hard.. but at the end of the day, you have to stay strong and think of yourselves. No one else knows the difficulty until they've lived it, and no one can judge your marriage except you.

Good luck, hang in there!

Edited February 15, 2010 by Gemmie

[M.O 6]

Finding a job nowadays is hard for everyone, i mean a decent job...i hope everything works out for you...

[andrea4prez 1]

we are all having a hard time with recession and everything but I know we will all get by...

don't lose hope, keep the faith...as the saying goes there's no way but UP!!!

Hey all...

Just need to vent a little. My hubby got his GC nearly a year ago-and he's had a really hard time finding a job. I think he's been employed maybe 3 months out of the past year.

I have an ok job-it's not great but it pays the bills-barely. Unfortunately, the stress of our lack of finances has really been getting to me, and it shows. They want to cut my hours back at work because they say I'm working too much. That's only going to make our situation worse.

Hubby started school this month-we were hoping that would make it easier for us down the road. He's been filling out apps like crazy just looking for something part time to help out. So far nothing.

The timing of everything isn't great-if we had known my hours were going to be cut, we would probably have considered moving to a whole new area, but now that he's in school...we really want to continue with that. We live in East Texas, not the most economically booming area. There hasn't been a ton of job loss here, but there has definitely been some. And few if any new jobs at all. My hubby is really smart and a very hard worker-but unfortunately around here, it's less about what you can do, and more about who you know.

We're pretty stressed out about it all and I'm really at a loss as to what to do next. I'm just about ready to start looking for a second job myself. i just want to know that it's not just us. We don't personally know any other people in our situation. All of my coworkers have jobs (obviously) as do their spouses. We don't really know anyone else around here. My family is 1500 miles away, and his at least twice as far.

Thanks for listening...K

[bora bora 1]

Oh, it's so nice to read these posts (even though it's so unfortunate). My husband struggled for about 2.5 years; it got sooo frustrating at times. My husband's first job was working with Brazilians so he was caught in a catch 22 - wanting to learn English quickly, but was working with Brazilians. At the same time, he needed to learn English to get a better job. That job frustrated him to no end and he didn't last long. After that he had job after job, all pretty sh!tty, while he continued to study and improve his English. When the economy really started to go bad he didn't have any luck finding jobs, and we applied EVERYWHERE for jobs. He finally got involved in AV which offered work he liked and paid well, but it was all freelance and that was difficult financially. After more than 2 years here he was hired by a temp agency and they were great. They offer insurance and positions close to home, but the pay wasn't always the best (though we were grateful for the jobs), and sometimes he'd pass a month or two at a time between positions.

The best thing about the temp agency was that he was put in a position that later hired him. He's now been there for two months and is happy. The pay is excellent, as are the benefits. But...we're trying to recuperate from having to struggle financially for 2 years. This will take some time but we'll make it.

The best thing is that I don't need to work 2-3 jobs to support us and my husband feels like he's taking care of us now.

I know exactly how you all feel and I hope that our story brings you hope (though I'm not going to hold my breath that we are set for life). I felt bad when people asked about my husband's work because he is extremely hard working and took crappy jobs that we wouldn't want as teenagers just so he could work.

Thanks so much for posting here...

Meredith

Edited February 25, 2010 by bora bora

[hopeful pinay 0]

I was reading your post and replies and I hear you. Your husband and i are actually on the same page. I got my GC three months ago and have been applying online,filling out all forms again and again with all the websites I found. Name it,from craigslist to careerbuilder and a whole lot more. I had a very decent job in my country,and I did not expect it will be this difficult to get a job in the states even if one is educated.Education is not enough. The fact that we are immigrants make it even harder to land in a job.I was just crying a while ago. I hope this will pass sooner. The only thing that keeps me going is my husband's love,understanding,patience and his trust on me that I will be fine and that it will just take a little while before I can really start my life here. I will be one year next month in jersey. Getting a car is a necessity here, for you to be able to get a job too. I have researched on the net that as long as i have my driver's license with me in my country, I could just take the written exam, no actual driving test anymore. Let's say i get my DL here, but where's my car?How can i get a car if i am not even working?you know what i mean? Geesh! I dunno what is at stake for me....I am just living it up to the one up there, although I won't stop in filling out forms on line. I am sorry about your husband.I bet it is much harder for his case since he is the man. And all i can say is, just continue supporting him and make him feel he is doing a good job as your husband and soon to be a dad. Take care and good luck to us!

Hey all...

Just need to vent a little. My hubby got his GC nearly a year ago-and he's had a really hard time finding a job. I think he's been employed maybe 3 months out of the past year. <img src="http://www.visajourney.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sad.gif" />

I have an ok job-it's not great but it pays the bills-barely. Unfortunately, the stress of our lack of finances has really been getting to me, and it shows. They want to cut my hours back at work because they say I'm working too much. That's only going to make our situation worse.

Hubby started school this month-we were hoping that would make it easier for us down the road. He's been filling out apps like crazy just looking for something part time to help out. So far nothing. <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="sad.gif" />

The timing of everything isn't great-if we had known my hours were going to be cut, we would probably have considered moving to a whole new area, but now that he's in school...we really want to continue with that. We live in East Texas, not the most economically booming area. There hasn't been a ton of job loss here, but there has definitely been some. And few if any new jobs at all. My hubby is really smart and a very hard worker-but unfortunately around here, it's less about what you can do, and more about who you know.

We're pretty stressed out about it all and I'm really at a loss as to what to do next. I'm just about ready to start looking for a second job myself. i just want to know that it's not just us. We don't personally know any other people in our situation. All of my coworkers have jobs (obviously) as do their spouses. We don't really know anyone else around here. My family is 1500 miles away, and his at least twice as far.

Thanks for listening...K

[Ladylethal 12]

I feel you. I'm the foreign spouse here and unfortunately my law diploma isn't worth much here (since the laws are different) and so far in the 3 years I've been here I worked for 4 months only, 'cus when I finally found a job, after having waited almost a year to feel confident to go to the interviews in Spanish (came here fluent in English but we live in Puerto Rico so I needed the Spanish), and it actually paid well for PR standards, the company relocated to Panama to lower costs. Since I haven't found anything else for me, so now my husband has joined the Air Force. He leaves for basic in a month and we hope that after the tech school and moving wherever they send us things will be better, with a stable job for my husband and an opportunity for me to find something in a new place or at least start studying again for something that will be valid here (hope for paralegal studies).

[trillium13 84]

And all i can say is, just continue supporting him and make him feel he is doing a good job as your husband and soon to be a dad. Take care and good luck to us!

I'm not sure where I gave that impression, but no no.

I appreciate everyone's feedback to this thread. It is nice to not feel alone but it really sucks for all of us. Hubby is pretty much just concentrating on school at this point, he's filled out app after app and nothing. Not even a call. I'm making enough to support us (barely) and that will have to be good enough for now. Hopefully once he's done with school the economy will be a little better and things will be a little easier. We can always go to another area, which we'd like anyway.

I do find it somewhat frustrating that it seems to be easier for high school kids or college kids to find work. No offense to any (I was one once ) but they're notoriously unreliable and really don't want to work. I don't understand the advantage of hiring them over someone you know will work harder.

I could vent further on this but I won't, I think you all understand what I mean. Thank you again all, I hope we all have better luck soon!

Gemmie-I lived with some former in-laws once for a while, I hated it. I feel your pain.

[mikeuday19 0]

you definitely are not alone, just dont lose hope, everything will be okay...

[TracyTN 237]

I do find it somewhat frustrating that it seems to be easier for high school kids or college kids to find work. No offense to any (I was one once ) but they're notoriously unreliable and really don't want to work. I don't understand the advantage of hiring them over someone you know will work harder.

I could vent further on this but I won't, I think you all understand what I mean. Thank you again all, I hope we all have better luck soon!

That has frustrated hubby, too! Honestly at this point, any measly job he could get would be pointless once I have the baby and we'd have to consider day care. So his 'income' will be taking care of the baby and helping us avoid the massive costs of day care -- one of my coworkers said to have an infant in her son's day care center was nearly $10k a year - I about died!

I just hope caring for our little one fills in some of the gaps that being unemployed has opened up for him.

[psiprez 3]

Everything WILL be OK.

I tell myself that 100x a day.

My hubby arrived 18 months ago, right before the recession hit. Lucky us. I lost my job after 6 months, and my unemployment runs out very soon. He worked for UPS briefly before his back gave out, then spent weeks recovering. No job prospects for either of us. We've applied to every company there is, and there are just no jobs out there. It's terrifying. The stress is unbearable. Don't know what we will do.

I guess the only thing TO do is get up in the morning and keep trying. For us and for our kids.

*wipes tears and stops ranting*