EX Boyfriend "maybe" back in the picture...

[leahandlucas 15]

its not that im clingy....i do understand, yeah im getting worked up before something has even happened....your right...

Its hard explaining it to people here on VJ....in life situation some people do understand the situation

But your all right.....its either ligit....or its not.....if somethings going to happen....its going to happen....i can't do anything at all to prevent it...

[Darnell 8,479]

If you have other friend who can get HIS number - suggest you call HIM - tell HIM that SHE is married now, to YOU.

and nothing more.

Then let the cards fall, as they may.

Good Luck !

I like Saltillo, MUCH !

[Mrs. Diaz 1]

I'm not going to give you any advices etc.(I'm sorry that you feel so bad right now tho!) Well, you wrote that it's expensive to call cellphones in Mexico... so that makes me wonder, is there a "Skype unlimited" to Mexico?(I guess not?) Cuz I have a subscription for that thing and I call "free" to the US from Sweden. Including Cellphones! I only pay about 5$ per month and it's awesome....

Good luck with everything!

Im worried sick to my stomach.....i honestly feel like i can't go on another day....its killing me...but i'll let you know the story first....

I met my girl (from Mexico) online like roughly 8 months ago,...got married in December 26 of 2009.

Before we got together...we'd talked about "ex's"....and well im 28 and she's 30....she had an ex who was like 40 years old...and well....i guess he was married and supposedly she didnt know about it....although she "suspected it"....anywhos....she used to see him once every 2 weeks....him being from Monterrey and she being from Saltillo.....

So one day she went and visited him in Monterrey, and he never picked up his phone, etc, etc, etc....so long story short, she kinda got a feeling that "yeah, he's more than likely married" etc, etc.

Anyways....i dunno...the details of the relationship never made me feel comfortable because she never introduced him to her family after being together for almost a year and let alone her parents never knew anything about the relationship and all that....more like to me.....i kinda felt like it was a "casual sex" relationship...i dunno.....

Anywhos....bottom line is....i put it (the best i could) behind me,...although that 1 particular relationship just never made me feel comfortable....and well we got married on December 26 of 2009...she treats me really well...tells me she loves me, hugs me, kisses me..all that....I KNOW she's had ex boyfriends in the past,...i understand that...they were there for their time, it ended...etc, etc...but this one in particular with this guy just made me feel uncomfortable....still makes me feel uncomfortable to this day....(for obvious reasons)

Anyways....i phoned a friend down there....and he explained to me that this guy....after not talking to her for over a year.....is trying to get in contact with her again because he called her looking for her asking for her number (her other number she changed it, the old one) But from what my friend explained.....he told me that it sounded like he was very determined to get in contact with her because he wants to get back with her....

Now....i can't get mad at the ex,.....because he doesn't know she's married.....and i can't get mad at my wife....because she doesn't know he's trying to get in contact with her....but what happens if they do get in contact???.....im worried...really worried...

Im worried,...because i know they "had" a relationship....so they have a history....so it really worries me.....im here....she's there....and he's only a few hours away....and i know out of all her ex's...she liked him the most....

So what do i do????wait it out???.....HOW do i go about talking to her about this???....she tells me she loves me....she ses she'd never leave me for anyone....she ses she'd never cheat on me.....but this guy from the beginning has never made me feel comfortable...the relationship they had never made me feel comfortable period.

I really want to talk to her about it....but its hard because her house phone is cut off right now....she doesnt have access to the internet...and the only phone that is working is her cell phone,...and it costs ALOT to call a cell phone in Mexico...

Please help me....what do i do???...im worried....worried sick to my stomach....

[justashooter 430]

you are right...i do need to act like a man...i do admit...it just worries me...thats all because of the circumstances of the situation of the relationship they had...

you're doing OK.

it's a hard nut to crack. have a long talk with the new wife about boundaries, and make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that if she violates the boundaries she is on the street. make it clear that she can hold you to the same standard, so it is fair. tell her if you get the slightest whiff of this guy your relationship is over. if she is a good woman, she will respect you for this. if she is not, you are better off without her.

she needs a little space to work this out, so you need to give it to her. time will tell. i had a situation with my chinese and her ex boyfriend. when he heard she was marrying a lao wai he wanted cash, claiming that she had taken him, and ruined his reputation. it's just the way naive self centered one child chinese guys are. she took care of the situation right quick, because she knew i wouldn't be around if she didn't.

make sure she understands you and see what she does. we're pulling for you.

[Fandango 1,440]

Out of curiosity, have you TRIED ringing her old home number?

[Peikko 1,575]

Yeah, that's the way to talk down to a woman. You tell her it's your way or the highway, as if she doesn't know what being married means, that's sure to help.

Oh, this advice is nuts:

suggest you call HIM - tell HIM that SHE is married now, to YOU.

Do not do that.

[Fandango 1,440]

i had a situation with my chinese and her ex boyfriend.

Is that how you refer to your wife?

[natty bumppo 297]

[Calypso 464]

Have you read Cupid and Psyche?

Before Cupid fled from Psyche, he told her, "Love can't live where there is no trust."

If you trust your wife, you wouldn't fret like this.

[NickD 203]

I knew my wife's ex left her some six years ago before we met, never wanted to discuss or even ask what she was doing that time nor did she want to ask me. We met, and had a constant relationship for two years before we got married. Learned later the reason why he left was to avoid getting arrested for beating her and she still fears him. But reminded her that I am here now and if this guy likes to beat, he can beat up on me.

Won't even ask why your wife is in Mexico and you are here, my wife would never want to leave without me. Not only me, but all the US guys I met in this process are the same way. It's not that I insist on going along, she wants me to go with her, and won't if I won't. Besides, I can deal with POE where she can't, while we were dating, she was constantly harassed by our POE and even had to experience strip searches. That never happens when I am along. We been married six years now, jealousy is not part of our relationship, she certainly introduced me to enough of her available girlfriends that would like to have a guy like me with always a big hug and a kiss when we say goodbye. But never the magic I still have with my wife.

And we both of us having bad marriages, we did want to take our time before tying the knot, found myself being jealous when I met my first wife, that wasn't a signal to me at that age. Even now if my wife left me, could only thank her for the best eight years of my life, but I don't feel that is about to happen, I am her guy. We were just talking about that this morning, being in love is not having to say your sorry, but being in love is not having to constantly say, I love you. It's that feeling, trust, and actions that count.

If I learned anything with the many gals I had dated and my own defunct marriage, you cannot change a person, and can't expect a marriage counselor to solve your problems if you can't solve them your self, what a waste of money that was. Ex kind of pushed me into an early marriage and met many women after that, that were pushers, a first class turnoff, goodbye. With my wife, neither of pushed, we just wanted to be together. USCIS was our major obstacle, but we forgave them after her oath ceremony.

[NickD 203]

Another question to ponder, is how can you love somebody that doesn't return that love to you?

Met hillbilly guys like that, wanted to pick a fight if you so much as glanced at their gals. Just said, if you are that insecure, start sucking your thumb or I'll give you something much larger to suck on. But I dated one anyway even with threats from her ex-boyfriend, but that didn't last long, my knothole in my fence had more personality than she did. Told her ex, he can have her.

[alienlovechild 75]

I met my girl (from Mexico) online like roughly 8 months ago,...got married in December 26 of 2009.

Before we got together...we'd talked about "ex's"....and well im 28 and she's 30....she had an ex who was like 40 years old...and well....i guess he was married and supposedly she didnt know about it....although she "suspected it"....anywhos....she used to see him once every 2 weeks....him being from Monterrey and she being from Saltillo.....

So one day she went and visited him in Monterrey, and he never picked up his phone, etc, etc, etc....so long story short, she kinda got a feeling that "yeah, he's more than likely married" etc, etc.

Anyways....i dunno...the details of the relationship never made me feel comfortable because she never introduced him to her family after being together for almost a year and let alone her parents never knew anything about the relationship and all that....more like to me.....i kinda felt like it was a "casual sex" relationship...i dunno.....

You already have doubts after a month of marriage. Was your spouse married to the guy with multiple wives and was there a divorce? Why didn't you get meet her family after a year?

[spookyturtle 9,466]

I knew my wife's ex left her some six years ago before we met, never wanted to discuss or even ask what she was doing that time nor did she want to ask me. We met, and had a constant relationship for two years before we got married. Learned later the reason why he left was to avoid getting arrested for beating her and she still fears him. But reminded her that I am here now and if this guy likes to beat, he can beat up on me.

Won't even ask why your wife is in Mexico and you are here, my wife would never want to leave without me. Not only me, but all the US guys I met in this process are the same way. It's not that I insist on going along, she wants me to go with her, and won't if I won't. Besides, I can deal with POE where she can't, while we were dating, she was constantly harassed by our POE and even had to experience strip searches. That never happens when I am along. We been married six years now, jealousy is not part of our relationship, she certainly introduced me to enough of her available girlfriends that would like to have a guy like me with always a big hug and a kiss when we say goodbye. But never the magic I still have with my wife.

And we both of us having bad marriages, we did want to take our time before tying the knot, found myself being jealous when I met my first wife, that wasn't a signal to me at that age. Even now if my wife left me, could only thank her for the best eight years of my life, but I don't feel that is about to happen, I am her guy. We were just talking about that this morning, being in love is not having to say your sorry, but being in love is not having to constantly say, I love you. It's that feeling, trust, and actions that count.

If I learned anything with the many gals I had dated and my own defunct marriage, you cannot change a person, and can't expect a marriage counselor to solve your problems if you can't solve them your self, what a waste of money that was. Ex kind of pushed me into an early marriage and met many women after that, that were pushers, a first class turnoff, goodbye. With my wife, neither of pushed, we just wanted to be together. USCIS was our major obstacle, but we forgave them after her oath ceremony.

[Susita 175]

My ex wanted me back too as soon as he found out I had a new boyfriend. Actually, I think he wanted me back until he found out I was pregnant

As long as you & your wife have a good, trusting relationship, what's to worry about? Srsly.