Baby Corner

[MARM 7]

My periods have always been very irregular too, w/ cycles on the long side...sometimes very long side (like 50 days wasn't unusual). I'm not sure if this is standard, but it seems that nowadays, a lot of people get a transvaginal (crotch probe) ultrasound at the first prenatal appointment, which is typically between 6 and 8 weeks. I had mine at about 7 weeks, and it gave a due date that jibed completely w/ my own estimate. I knew pretty much when I ovulated because I was using the test strips. They always ask for the date of your LMP, but they know that this isn't necessarily the most accurate predictor of your due date because people's cycles vary so much. I was blown away by how accurate the due date generated by the ultrasound was given that at that point, the little critter was teeny tiny. One thing to keep in mind is that the fetal pole & heart flutter won't show up on the ultrasound if it's too early, like much before 5 1/2 to 6 weeks. From what I've read on message boards, this has led to a lot of freak-out. Do you have any idea when you may have conceived?

A friend of my mother's gave me "What to Expect When You're Expecting." I think it's a very good and comprehensive resource. The writing style is super-cheezy, though.

Thanks for all the detailed info Joyce! I am familiar with the transvaginal probe ultrasound as I have had it before (to eliminate ovarian cysts as the reason for delayed periods). According to my calculations, I probably conceived about 2 weeks ago. So I see that the date generated by the ultrasound is most accurate. I guess the doctor will tell me on Weds. regarding the u/s. And I will also check out the WTEWYE book at the library. Don't want to invest in books that I will probably read once when I know I will have alot of other baby things to invest in! Thanks Joyce

@ Marm: I second the Dr Sears book, he actually also has a pregnancy book. I'd get it at the library, cause now I have a bunch of books and don't use them anymore and had to donate them... I personally didn't like WTEWYAE, it was too shallow and paternalistic in some places. The breastfeeding section had some bad info. It's an overview though. At my midwife's office they had a marvelous picture book of all gestational ages with a lot of detailed information about development. the earlier pictures are IVF embryo pics, and God knows how they got the other shots... So interesting. So many things happen upon conception and implementation, and then the stunning development from a bunch of cells to a child, it's beautiful. It's a $60 book though, I forget the title, but Google should find it

I will check out the Dr Sears books at the library and let's see if Google can find me the book you are talking about...once I get the name, it's on to the library as I don't think I would be benefiting from buying the books. Thanks Anna!

[Autumnchik 6]

@ MARM - Congrats! And welcome to the Baby Corner

@ Kel - I am so sorry your doctor made you feel like a nutjob. I'm happy you are going to see a therapist (personally, I think therapists rock, but then again, I am biased ). My thoughts on the anxiety and Zoloft, I agree with what you are doing ... trying the talk therapy first. Basically, what I tell my pregnant clients regarding taking any psychotropic meds during pregnancy is that you need to weigh the pros and cons and make the decision based on your and your baby's wellbeing ... for example, if someone is severely depressed, not eating or sleeping, suicidal, etc., then I would recommend medication to alleviate the symptoms of depression, because the symptoms are affecting the baby immensely and are likely to be more harmful than taking the medication. For less severe symptoms, I would absolutely try other methods of combating anxiety and depression first before medication. Just for anyone who wants to know, here is a link to antidepressants taken during pregnancy. BTW, antidepressants are also prescribed for other issues, like anxiety as Kel mentioned.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antidepressants/DN00007

Okay, I'm done with being a nerd now

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

massage wasnt all I expected. I did pee like 7 times since then and I guess massage makes you do that, lol. I do have a slight headache since leaving there, I thought massage was suppose to relieve that?!?!? grrrr

[gabby4ever 1]

Hi girls....

I have a question....if you're confortable answering it

How did having a baby / babies affected your relationship with your husband???

Did you have any help with the baby? ( babysitter/ relatives, not the husband) did your relationship with your husband turned more sour now cause your more a mom than a wife? Or you managed to have time for everything?? ( baby/ cook/ clean/ yourself / husband? )Did your husband ever complain that is not just you and him anymore?

Just curious... and a little sad cause my relationship didnt turn out as i hoped after having a baby and now another one on the way.....

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

I have NO help beside my babysitter that babysits when I work. I have only had 1 babysitter since then for non work purposes and it was so DH and I could go to a wedding, if we go out, Zaid comes with.

Our relationship has gotten better, but also has its troubles. He is a very loving father. He loves to play with Zaid, he does baths every night, and we both are completely proud and in love with Zaid and that makes us feel so much love. On the flip side, DH is kinda the dad who lets Zaid do whatever he wants..so that has left me being the disciplinary. Im firm and always follow thru with punishments (taking toys away, time out, etc) but hubby isnt consistent and will give in. This has been challenging but I guess if this is our only problem I should count my blessings.

One thing, be prepared to fight and bicker alot when baby comes home from hospital. Those first 6 weeks or so are very trying on your minds and bodies and its hard to communicate well when so tired and mentally drained. You'll soon develop a groove and things will run pretty smooth after that!

Going to double check on the gender today! Cant wait to see the little one again!

P.S. My husband has never felt envious or angry that my role has been more of a mother than a wife. Zaid comes first and thats just how it is. Its the same for my husband, he wants Zaid taken care of before his needs even cross his mind.

P.S. My husband has never felt envious or angry that my role has been more of a mother than a wife. Zaid comes first and thats just how it is. Its the same for my husband, he wants Zaid taken care of before his needs even cross his mind.

[Staashi 371]

Hi girls....

I have a question....if you're confortable answering it

How did having a baby / babies affected your relationship with your husband???

Did you have any help with the baby? ( babysitter/ relatives, not the husband) did your relationship with your husband turned more sour now cause your more a mom than a wife? Or you managed to have time for everything?? ( baby/ cook/ clean/ yourself / husband? )Did your husband ever complain that is not just you and him anymore?

Just curious... and a little sad cause my relationship didnt turn out as i hoped after having a baby and now another one on the way.....

Gabby, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This reminds me of the statement - Never have a baby to save a marriage. I don't know if that is what happened to you or not, but children change everything in marriage. My dad used to always say that if your marriage isn't strong enough, that is if you and your spouse don't have a strong enough bond that children will tear your marriage apart. He pointed out that parenting styles, obligations, the added stress of children financially, physically, and emotionally can wreak havoc on you both. If things aren't going well, you might try to seek counseling. You both deserve to get things off your chest and this might be just the way to do it.

I wish you peace, Staashi

[Jenn! 918]

All I'll say on the matter is no matter how busy you are don't have your mother-in-law come and stay with you for 5 months after the baby is born. Your husband might think that the extra pair of hands will make everything easier, but he'd be wrong. It's hard enough for a couple to get settled into a new life with a baby without adding a fourth person to the dynamic.

[Staashi 371]

All I'll say on the matter is no matter how busy you are don't have your mother-in-law come and stay with you for 5 months after the baby is born. Your husband might think that the extra pair of hands will make everything easier, but he'd be wrong. It's hard enough for a couple to get settled into a new life with a baby without adding a fourth person to the dynamic.

LOL - that is my life. My MIL has been living with us since E was born and now he's with her and my FIL in Argentina. Yes, the dynamic leaves a lot to be desired.

[Jenn! 918]

LOL - that is my life. My MIL has been living with us since E was born and now he's with her and my FIL in Argentina. Yes, the dynamic leaves a lot to be desired.

I'm horrible, I have a countdown on my Outlook calendar. 27 days left.

I'm sorry you've always had your MIL around and haven't had any time to yourselves. I know how stressful it is. At least you speak Spanish though, that makes it a little bit better I'm sure.

[Staashi 371]

I'm horrible, I have a countdown on my Outlook calendar. 27 days left.

I'm sorry you've always had your MIL around and haven't had any time to yourselves. I know how stressful it is. At least you speak Spanish though, that makes it a little bit better I'm sure.

It does...but guess who is mommy - my MIL. E takes his cues from her and I don't care how much they all say, "you've got to do more", well what all do you want me to do? You're doing everything." I just love him and dote on him when I can.

[chri'stina 190]

Hi girls....

I have a question....if you're confortable answering it

How did having a baby / babies affected your relationship with your husband???

Did you have any help with the baby? ( babysitter/ relatives, not the husband) did your relationship with your husband turned more sour now cause your more a mom than a wife? Or you managed to have time for everything?? ( baby/ cook/ clean/ yourself / husband? )Did your husband ever complain that is not just you and him anymore?

Just curious... and a little sad cause my relationship didnt turn out as i hoped after having a baby and now another one on the way.....

I am sorry it's not been as you hoped.

In our situation, I haven't really had any help besides my husband. My closest family members live in another state, but we do get to visit often. It is something I never thought of though. When we were trying for a baby, they still lived here, and they had to move soon after my son was born. I have often felt alone as a new mom, but my husband has been very helpful. He helped me so much after my c-section, he always lends a hand when he isn't at work, and he hasn't complained about it not just being me and him anymore. Our marriage did change in some ways, which seems normal for when you have kids and it's not just you two anymore. Not in a negative way though, and lately we have been having even more fun together with our son since he is 2 1/2 and can interact in more activities. But when I do think of having another baby, I feel overwhelmed because of not having family nearby and Kavi still isn't a good sleeper. I wonder if he will ever sleep through the night every night! Until that happens, I don't know how I'd manage another newborn when my oldest isn't sleeping good. If I had family around, I think things would have been different for me and less overwhelming at the start.

Jenn-I can see what you mean. We didn't have anyone stay with us which I am glad about! I just wish family was nearby, but not in my house for a very long time.

Edited August 27, 2010 by chri'stina

[Anna C. 4]

@ jenn: You are not horrible, I know exactly what you mean! While my MIL is great, her mom is a pain in the neck. We just had her here for a week and I was soooo sick of her comments about oh there is dust here and there and blablabla/ Last year she nearly had a heart attack when she saw hubbie do the dishes... Ya know, that's a woman's work yikes....

@ Gabby: A child surely puts strain on a relationship, as it is a lot of work and even if you have talked about parenting choices before, things do come up that you haven;t thought about before. The way you feel I'd suggest to talk to a family counselor, it can help so much! Many things are misunderstandings, especially when mom is sleep deprived and exhausted. My husband and I talked a lot about our feelings about our situations which helped a lot. Of course there is a whole lot less hmm love life with a baby in the house or pregnancy, and it's important to acknowledge the man's feelings, that is all it took with us. It doesn't mean he's unhappy with our children, to the contrary, but it is also important to understand when someone feels rejected. I know it is hard when you feel totally run down. What really helped us is to listen to each other, try to set date nights and so on... And hubbie helps a lot which surely makes things easier, a less tired mom = more attentive wife, so to speak. While I'm happy in our relationship, I still think we could profit from family counseling, because it is always nice to see a different perspective which helps to understand each other better and to communicate more effectively, however, for us it is not a choice, as my husband's work would disqualify him from his duties if he did family counseling (well and the military wonders why so many people are divorced, cheating and suicidal!!!! A big fat DUH! They are not allowed to seek help! - that is on special PRP protocol though, when working with nuclear weapons). I wish you all the best and hope you guys can talk about it and maybe seek help.

Help - we have each other. My family is obviously in Europe, and DH's family is in California. Since the military sent us to Wyoming, we are by ourselves. There are some spousal support groups, but that's about it. My SIL has her MIl and my MIL over about 3-4 times a week and gets tons of breaks (people cook, do laundry and such for her) and she still complains (and she has a biweekly cleaning service and gardeners). She has no idea what it means to run a family and house without any relatives close-by! It is much, much harder. I see how my sister goes to my parents every weekend, my parents play with my nephew all day long, cook while my sister and her hubbie catch a break. I think technically it's supposed to be that way that family is with you, all the kdis play with each other and moms take turns so everyone gets a break here and there. Modern life interrupted that lifestyle and more then ever parents are alone, which can put a whole lot more strain on a relationship, but also a person (I personally would love a break once a week, wow I could pick up a hobby then!). But I also feel once the children are older, it will get easier to make time for ourselves, and the time that kids are little will never come back, so despite the stress it causes sometimes, I try to enjoy the time as much as possible. Soon enough my son won't want hugs and kisses anymore and be a preschooler!

@ Joyce & Marm: I had that transvaginal u/s with Jona since I didn't chart back then, and I personally (just me) find it horribly uncomfy and painful, yikes. This time luckily I was charting so I knew my ovulation date, in that case they don't even offer the ultrasound, which I was glad for, one less thing I declined (since I decline all the genetic testing, which most doctors find weird these days, but it's our choice)... Cycles are so different, if calculated by LMP, I would be due a couple days earlier... But those early ultrasounds are pretty accurate at guessing gestational age, more so than LMP... Naegele's rule is somewhat inaccurate, especially since the average pregnancy length varies dependent upon ethnicity and whether it's the first or subsequent pregnancy.

Edited August 27, 2010 by Anna C.

[chnst 6]

Adam had to get full blood draws for his bilirubin checks, poor little guy. I'm mad now that they could have done a heel ####### instead?!

yeah definitely a venous sample is much less painful and more accurate than a heel #######. I used to work as a postpartum nurse and it killed me to see that some babies had been pricked so bad, there would be scars, then they had to use their tiny fingers which was even worse and most of the time the blood clotted by the time it made it to the lab, which required yet another painful stick. When I was in the NICU there was a blood gas machine that took venous blood and within less than 1 minute you had the bili levels plus pH and base excess (bec bili babies sometimes tend to dehydrate under phototherapy). It was a very long fight, but in the end they started to do the blood draws from a vein in the head or arm. It's great to see that some hospitals do it the venous route, I think it's a little more expensive but some newborns really go through a lot of painful procedures with the bilirubin, blood glucose and vit. k shots, immunizations etc.

as for our relatonship: overall it's great, yes a child definitely changes your whole life and relationship. I never imagined how much!! We definitely get really stressed out now and then, hubby works a lot, I spend a lot of time with Ben and I am not made to be a stay at home mommy. It's killing me. But talking about things and making time for each other (even if that means breakfast at dunkin donuts at 7am haha) I am really lucky because my husband doesn't mind to help, take Ben off of my hands for a few hours and it helps him to unwind from a tough day at work. We definitely go through tough times like everybody else but it is important to acknowledge it and figure out why we are not getting along or whatever the problem is.

[tnh9479 1]

Hi girls....

I have a question....if you're confortable answering it

How did having a baby / babies affected your relationship with your husband???

Did you have any help with the baby? ( babysitter/ relatives, not the husband) did your relationship with your husband turned more sour now cause your more a mom than a wife? Or you managed to have time for everything?? ( baby/ cook/ clean/ yourself / husband? )Did your husband ever complain that is not just you and him anymore?

Just curious... and a little sad cause my relationship didnt turn out as i hoped after having a baby and now another one on the way.....

Hmmmm...our life as we used to know it is long gone. But in exchange, as tough as it might be at times, I think our relationship has grown stronger. I have a husband that will do whatever he needs to for his children (although he would prefer if I did it). With twins, we could not afford full-time daycare for both, so he switched his shifts at work to 12:30 pm to 9 pm so he could stay home with the duo in the morning. I get out of work by 3:30 pm and I spend the evenings with the duo. Thank goodness for email and text messaging...that is how we do a lot of communicating during the week (unless I stay up to when he gets home). We really only get significant quality time together on the weekends. All of my husband's family is in Morocco and most of my family lives very far away. So...we have been mostly on our own (with the exception of my mom who lives 2.5 hours away) to figure it out. Does everything get done? I had to learn to live with some dirty dishes or some laundry in the the hampers because the babies want our full attention when we are home with them.

Twila

[Fandango 1,440]

Thank you Jenn and Stacie and everyone for the discussion about induction...I am going to read up on it more before my appt on Wednesday so I can have a more informed conversation with my doc. <3

Hi girls....

I have a question....if you're confortable answering it

How did having a baby / babies affected your relationship with your husband???

Did you have any help with the baby? ( babysitter/ relatives, not the husband) did your relationship with your husband turned more sour now cause your more a mom than a wife? Or you managed to have time for everything?? ( baby/ cook/ clean/ yourself / husband? )Did your husband ever complain that is not just you and him anymore?

Just curious... and a little sad cause my relationship didnt turn out as i hoped after having a baby and now another one on the way.....

Our first is yet to come, but so far so good. I think he was ready to be a dad and he fusses over me constantly. In fact, he's downright overprotective to the point where I've said a million times 'I'm pregnant, not paralyzed' But of course, this is just the pregnancy, so I have nothing to report as far as after the birth.

I'm sorry you're having difficulty perhaps counseling or even just having a heart to heart can help?