Family and friends invalidating my marriage

[Munchkin 0]

.. do you love her?

Don't ever let what your family think get in the way... This is your wife, give your loyalty to her. Once your family meet her they will come around, and if they don't then ask yourself, how much do you value them as friends if they don't respect your choice of who you want to marry. I'd say go for it, stay true to your marital vows and have a great life with your wife.

[Amit-N-Melody 11]

To the OP - I looked at your timeline and holy #######, you are stilling waiting to get approved???

What happened between July 2008 and the March 2009?

It just seems like you've dragged your heels on getting the process rolling.

8 months to pay the IV bill? WOW..... I would have to agree with the above statement

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Dude! Your posts (on this thread and other threads) are starting to kill my buzz!

so at this point im just considering quitting the whole thing. good luck

I thought you posted, on your thread, that you already quit her (oops...I shuda said...thing?) !?

Your reminding me of a Paul Simon song...here's a link...

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/paul-simon/crazy-love-vol-ii.html

I have a Q for you, journey4life. Why are you still at this party? I mean..if your having second thoughts, ok, but remember, it's not just your heart your considering.

Sorry for the harshness, but, buzz killing is..yuck. (myb Charles shud get Ewok to add that to the TOS, a buzz killing clause?)

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I am putting this on VJ in hopes if anyone has gone thru this. I have been married for 2 1/2 years now to my wife in which I love very much. I got married in 11/07 in the philippines. But when I discuss this with my brother or friends, they are under the assumption that it is not a real marriage since It was done overseas. Well I know this is BS. It's computed in the NSO that we are husband and wife just as if we got married in the U.S.

We have a all the documents to prove this. But when I get excited about talking about my wife and the process of getting here here with me, I get a lot of silence. I think in a lot of peoples eyes, it looks like I was desperate to find someone and that I just went on line and got a mail order bride. It just doesn't sit well with me.

I know this shouldn't bother me because there is more diversity today in interracial realationships more than ever. Especially where I live in the S.F. bay area in CA. Every where I turn, I am seeing more asian woman with american men. But it is getting old to not have any support from family and friends. I am getting the vibe that most of them think it's a bad idea to bring my wife to the U.S. This has been very stressful and a very long journey for us as you can see by my timeline.

I just sent the DS-230 packet out to the NVC. If this gets approved, it's off to the embassy. I have tried to delay this journey as long as possible due to the things that were going on my side with me losing my job, ex-wifes, and this nasty recession. My wife has been very patient with me and is willing to wait until I got things together.

Just wanted to see if anyone else has gone thru this,

martinbr

Why would you even give a rats #### what they think?

I think you need to develop some healthy boundries for yourself and your marriage.

Edited February 1, 2010 by ~happyndinlove~

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

>>> journey4life...Dude! Your posts (on this thread and other threads) are starting to kill my buzz!

I thought you posted, on your thread, that you already quit her (oops...I shuda said...thing?) !?

Your reminding me of a Paul Simon song...here's a link...

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/paul-simon/crazy-love-vol-ii.html

I have a Q for you, journey4life. Why are you still at this party? I mean..if your having second thoughts, ok, but remember, it's not just your heart your considering.

Sorry for the harshness, but, buzz killing is..yuck. (myb Charles shud get Ewok to add that to the TOS, a buzz killing clause?)

[Pinay Wife 47]

What happened between July 2008 and the March 2009?

Steven, OP mentioned that he lost his job.

I have tried to delay this journey as long as possible due to the things that were going on my side with me losing my job, ex-wifes, and this nasty recession. My wife has been very patient with me and is willing to wait until I got things together.

[sara..... 371]

i have not read all the responses to this thread.......but why would u care what ur friends say? If they can not give you emotional support are they really ur friends?

as far as family you can and should set limits on how they react to your marraige......after all it is really rude to talk about anyones wife or husband with out even knowing them......your married simple as that... if they make the choice of not recognizing it because it was in another country seems it is their problem not urs..........

sara

[Pinay Wife 47]

Why would you even give a rats #### what they think?

Consider that his significant other is half-way around the world and he was seeking moral support from family and friends. It is normal to feel hurt when those you count on in times like this are unable to provide you with the support that you seek. Not only did they not provide support, they also added insult to injury.

Martin, those closest to us are the ones who hurt us the most. It's okay to feel hurt but don't let the situation consume you. I'm sure they will come around if they value their relationship with you. In the meantime, concentrate on getting your wife here so you can start a new life with her.

Good luck with the journey!

Edited February 1, 2010 by Pinay Wife

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I totally agree with you PW.

I am trying to encourage op to "man up!"

I was asked the typical questions...Where's she from? How did you meet? What's her work? How bout her family? How bout her spirituality? Age,,etc...

I was not surprised by a few dissenting viewpoints caused by ignorance, predjudice and paranoia. My opinion, often, American's suffer a few sociological plagues. Divorce, greed and American arrogance. I communicated through/over these mindsets while maintaining a dignity and self respect (for our marriage). I had 1 friend that could not get past his ignorance, so, I cut him off. I don't give a rat's #### what he thinks, we are either friends or we aren't. Obviously, we aren't.

Seeking support will open a door to various views. Don't like what your hearing from one door or another? Then close those doors or agree to disagree. Seems simple to me.

Bottom line, Don't let others bring you down. Follow your heart and God's guidance.

[Pinay Wife 47]

I had 1 friend that could not get past his ignorance, so, I cut him off. I don't give a rat's #### what he thinks, we are either friends or we aren't. Obviously, we aren't.

I would have done the same ~ cut them off

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Steven, OP mentioned that he lost his job.

Ah, ok. To the OP, I'm sorry that you've gone through a lot personal hardship over the last couple of years.

How many times have you been able to fly over to be with your wife during this long wait?

[martinbr 1]

Wow!, I'm kind of blown away for all the responses here. It just confirms that VJ is the place for me to come to to get some support and some answers to this long trying immigration process that started 2 1/2 years ago.

Yes, it's been a long haul, but I am seeing light at the end ot the tunnel. I just sent in my DS-230 papers to NVC. Hopefully there will be no rejects in the process and they can move them to the embassy in Manila.

Some have wondered why it's been taking so long for me to get my wife here. It hasn't been easy. I had some major setbacks when I started this. To be honest, if I would have known it was going to be this hard I might not have gotten involved with a long distance realationship. Add a nasty divorce right before I got married, put this immigration on hold for time back in 2008. My ex was sucking a ton of money out of my paycheck. Then the recession kicked in. I started to question if it was even realistic for me to even bring her to the U.S. But I fell in love with my wife and that's just the way it is. As they say, love has no boundries. I just went back in August of last year to see my wife and daughter for the first time since we got married. It was a very emotional moment for me and my wife. I had a great time. With the papers being sent to NVC, now I wait..

martinbr

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wow!, I'm kind of blown away for all the responses here. It just confirms that VJ is the place for me to come to to get some support and some answers to this long trying immigration process that started 2 1/2 years ago.

Yes, it's been a long haul, but I am seeing light at the end ot the tunnel. I just sent in my DS-230 papers to NVC. Hopefully there will be no rejects in the process and they can move them to the embassy in Manila.

Some have wondered why it's been taking so long for me to get my wife here. It hasn't been easy. I had some major setbacks when I started this. To be honest, if I would have known it was going to be this hard I might not have gotten involved with a long distance realationship. Add a nasty divorce right before I got married, put this immigration on hold for time back in 2008. My ex was sucking a ton of money out of my paycheck. Then the recession kicked in. I started to question if it was even realistic for me to even bring her to the U.S. But I fell in love with my wife and that's just the way it is. As they say, love has no boundries. I just went back in August of last year to see my wife and daughter for the first time since we got married. It was a very emotional moment for me and my wife. I had a great time. With the papers being sent to NVC, now I wait..

martinbr

Glad to hear you were able to see them back in August. Best of luck in getting them over here so you can start on your life together.