devistated...now what?

[Hopeishere 4]

Sorry this has happened to you, I would have to agree on wanting some kind of answers and some closure. I hope you get what you need in this time of devistation. Hang in there.

[Boiler 45,770]

Nothing you can do if it was a scam to get into the US.

If it was I would have thought he would have played along a bit longer

So really the issue is getting a legal divorce asap

[Lia792 5]

Gaeliza, if you are feeling really depressed, you need to get some kind of help - talking to us can be helpful, hotline, good friends or even your local emergency room. I'm sure that you have put so much into this relationship that it seems like way too much to handle.

Please bear in mind that your husband may not be in any control of the situation. It is much more likely that his family is. I also have my doubts about your divorce being real, too. Or that your husband even wrote you that email. Middle Eastern families are very important to their members, and yes, they can dictate what the adult member will do.

Take it slow. At this point, you do not know what is real and what is not. Breath. Watch tv. Take a walk. Talk to good friends. Let things play out.

It is good that you found out whether he was coming into the US or not. That is good to keep an eye on. He has four months to do so from your timeline. That does change my first response, because I thought he only had a few days left. Even if he manages to come in, the minute he comes in to a new address without changing his address, he has violated procedure.

We are here supporting you; keep your chin up.

[gaeliza 0]

Thankyou I am in the health field and I know I need medical help ....I have an appt with someone on tues ..My PCP and ER personel are co-workers and friends..but not close friends I dont want to share this with just yet. ( or let rumors fly) I have not been to work because "I have a very bad case of the flu" My issue is if this is indeed true, then 1)why turn the phone off even before the "incident" supposedly happened ( that makes me think it was fraud) 2) why not just tell me on the phone 3) why make me suffer, thinking he was dead Just the day before I was helping him with what kind of medicine to get and talked to the pharmacist when he was in the store as to the best medicine for him. It is too much for this to handle One thing I didnt say was that during this relationship... (2 years ago) my father died..I had to bear this alone (1 year ago to the day he did this) my mother died I have had nothing but loss

Gaeliza, if you are feeling really depressed, you need to get some kind of help - talking to us can be helpful, hotline, good friends or even your local emergency room. I'm sure that you have put so much into this relationship that it seems like way too much to handle.

Please bear in mind that your husband may not be in any control of the situation. It is much more likely that his family is. I also have my doubts about your divorce being real, too. Or that your husband even wrote you that email. Middle Eastern families are very important to their members, and yes, they can dictate what the adult member will do.

Take it slow. At this point, you do not know what is real and what is not. Breath. Watch tv. Take a walk. Talk to good friends. Let things play out.

It is good that you found out whether he was coming into the US or not. That is good to keep an eye on. He has four months to do so from your timeline. That does change my first response, because I thought he only had a few days left. Even if he manages to come in, the minute he comes in to a new address without changing his address, he has violated procedure.

We are here supporting you; keep your chin up.

[gaeliza 0]

The other hurtful thing is that if this were true then he would have known his families reaction and he was playing games with me....I mean was I going to be his secret the rest of our lives?

Thankyou I am in the health field and I know I need medical help ....I have an appt with someone on tues ..My PCP and ER personel are co-workers and friends..but not close friends I dont want to share this with just yet. ( or let rumors fly) I have not been to work because "I have a very bad case of the flu" My issue is if this is indeed true, then 1)why turn the phone off even before the "incident" supposedly happened ( that makes me think it was fraud) 2) why not just tell me on the phone 3) why make me suffer, thinking he was dead Just the day before I was helping him with what kind of medicine to get and talked to the pharmacist when he was in the store as to the best medicine for him. It is too much for this to handle One thing I didnt say was that during this relationship... (2 years ago) my father died..I had to bear this alone (1 year ago to the day he did this) my mother died I have had nothing but loss

[Twisted K 2]

i am sorry to hear this. i agree with lia and nancy. even in india, the family ties are very strong. i don't think it was a scam to get in the usa, or he would have come immediately, imho. i think his family really got to him. the fact that he kept you a secret marriage does not look good, especially since his family had plans of him marrying his cousin. they could have threatened him, disowned him, etc.

i do hope you get closure and an official divorce. i am not sure about how that is done in the muslim culture, but it is worth going into some investigation, but u will also want the divorce american style so you can move on with your life. you are in my prayers .

[gaeliza 0]

I got an email today stating a divorce certificate was on the way and the reason I am getting a divorce because I called him scum for doing this to me. However he did it to me before I called him that name

i am sorry to hear this. i agree with lia and nancy. even in india, the family ties are very strong. i don't think it was a scam to get in the usa, or he would have come immediately, imho. i think his family really got to him. the fact that he kept you a secret marriage does not look good, especially since his family had plans of him marrying his cousin. they could have threatened him, disowned him, etc.

i do hope you get closure and an official divorce. i am not sure about how that is done in the muslim culture, but it is worth going into some investigation, but u will also want the divorce american style so you can move on with your life. you are in my prayers .

[me_4_musa 1]

Sorry this is happening to you.

Try and keep your chin up.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

A terrible thing to go through, If the IP address of his email shows he is out of the country notify USCIS that you are withdrawling your support of the I-864 and that the visa is obtained through fraud . Hopefully this will prevent him from entering and thusly making you responsible for him because of it. Also close/change any joint accounts that he may have access or those whose numbers you revealed in any part of your application. Protect yourself and forget about him the best you can

[Batta 6]

Gaeliza,

I am sure no word I or others can provide which can provide you with peace and comfort.

It is heart breaking to see what you have endured during the whole process and as you were close to celebrate an achievement you went into a down fall. You need to put your trust in God. There is a reason for everything and we could spend the rest of our lives trying to justify why things happened in a way we did not plan for it, yet we always tend to forget that God has power over us, and all we need is to trust in him.

Today, look at the bright side. No matter what is the reason for this break up, you are still at the beginning of the road.

Try to take a time off, recollect yourself and then start looking for options to work this issue.

If it was so easy for him to let you go, then this is not a true love, and if I were you, I would not need to spend my life with someone who does not want to stand up for me and himself.

I been where you were, and I can tell you.. when I look back at things happened, it was the best decision I made by breaking up an engagement, because I would have been dead by now..

Cheer up.. your friends are here for you..

Batta

[gaeliza 0]

Of course its better that I am not with him...if he can treat me in this way that i dont have more years invested in the relationship...but the loss is more than I can bare right now....as I said I lost my parents too in the last 2 years and now my husband Im not sure I want to live

Gaeliza,

I am sure no word I or others can provide which can provide you with peace and comfort.

It is heart breaking to see what you have endured during the whole process and as you were close to celebrate an achievement you went into a down fall. You need to put your trust in God. There is a reason for everything and we could spend the rest of our lives trying to justify why things happened in a way we did not plan for it, yet we always tend to forget that God has power over us, and all we need is to trust in him.

Today, look at the bright side. No matter what is the reason for this break up, you are still at the beginning of the road.

Try to take a time off, recollect yourself and then start looking for options to work this issue.

If it was so easy for him to let you go, then this is not a true love, and if I were you, I would not need to spend my life with someone who does not want to stand up for me and himself.

I been where you were, and I can tell you.. when I look back at things happened, it was the best decision I made by breaking up an engagement, because I would have been dead by now..

Cheer up.. your friends are here for you..

Batta

[sachinky 465]

Oh dear. What a horrible thing. I'm so sorry, this has happened to you.

Keep the faith, and be strong!

You can call the Embassy/DOS and see if they can tell you the visa has been activated at the border.

I do think he's in the U.S. and "divorcing" you so that he can live his life now as he pleases.

[JamilahAM 0]

Of course its better that I am not with him...if he can treat me in this way that i dont have more years invested in the relationship...but the loss is more than I can bare right now....as I said I lost my parents too in the last 2 years and now my husband Im not sure I want to live

Please try to speak to a professional who can guide you here. I am sure you must be feeling a myriad of emotions but hang close to the knowledge that this life is short for all of us and our actions here will guide our fate in the next life.

The lost of parents is hurtful regardless of the age of the child but you should know your parents would not want you to speak like this.

You had a successful life before him and there is no reason why you can not continue to have a successful life.

May God guide you toward better days.

-Jamilah

[dezaman 1]

I am sorry to read about your situation, but I strongly feel you shouldn't wait until Tuesday to talk to someone. You need to talk to someone today, don't wait. I can understand the feeling of overwhelming loss and keep lead your thoughts down a dark path. Please reach out to someone today, you can pm me or anyone if only just to give voice to your concerns and I know for a fact when you give voice to your thoughts and someone listening to you non-judgmental will go a long way then trying to deal with this burden completely alone.

Dee

[milimelo 4,515]

Oh dear. What a horrible thing. I'm so sorry, this has happened to you.

Keep the faith, and be strong!

You can call the Embassy/DOS and see if they can tell you the visa has been activated at the border.

I do think he's in the U.S. and "divorcing" you so that he can live his life now as he pleases.

I don't think embasy or DOS can tell you anything more than the visa has been issued. It's the CBP that can do that.

OP, sorry you're going through this. Stay strong!