devistated...now what?

[Ram&Tam 1]

Gaeliza,

The best revenge is to live and be better then him. I was married to a man from Irbid 6 yrs ago and it just didn't work out and now he is on the 2nd wife, but he had forgot to divorce me. HAHA so if she is from USA she will have surprise from the Amman Embassy. Jackie was an awesome support and since then I have found happiness from someone else. Just remember this painful time is just a short time in your life, not all or the rest of it. If you ever need to talk just send me a msg and will be happy to exchange numbers.

[Sandrila 1]

i am so sorry to hear this outcome

my prayers are with you and hope you get the answers and closure that you deserve, at the very least

Thankyou I am in the health field and I know I need medical help ....I have an appt with someone on tues ..My PCP and ER personel are co-workers and friends..but not close friends I dont want to share this with just yet. ( or let rumors fly) I have not been to work because "I have a very bad case of the flu" My issue is if this is indeed true, then 1)why turn the phone off even before the "incident" supposedly happened ( that makes me think it was fraud) 2) why not just tell me on the phone 3) why make me suffer, thinking he was dead Just the day before I was helping him with what kind of medicine to get and talked to the pharmacist when he was in the store as to the best medicine for him. It is too much for this to handle One thing I didnt say was that during this relationship... (2 years ago) my father died..I had to bear this alone (1 year ago to the day he did this) my mother died I have had nothing but loss

[kimberly&tarek 0]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, my heart goes out to you. I have had problems with my husbands family as well and it almost cost us our marriage. Thank God, my husband was strong enough to stand up to his family and fight for us. It worked out for us, I'm sorry it doesn't look like it will for you. I know exactly what you are feeling, not sleeping, eating, working, totally heart broken...

If you want to talk, you can feel free to pm me. I wish you well.

Edited January 28, 2010 by kimberly&tarek

[~Jackie~ 30]

Hoping you find comfort and peace. I wish I had magic words of advice, but really only time heals a wounded heart.

Jackie

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

gaeliza I am sorry to hear about you losing your Dad, Mom, unborn baby, and now your Husband. I hope that you may take some time for yourself now to heal and grieve. Maybe a grief counselor would be best to see at this time for all the loss you have experienced in the last two years.

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

First I'm so sorry this has happened to you. And I really think this is about his family. Medo's family had plans of him marrying his cousin. And when he went home after we got married his mom wanted him to take off his ring. Being married to a stubbren man....He told his mom no becaused it matched his wifes. But he did stand up to his parents. I really think your hubby went home and lost his spine. There is another couple on here that have been married for 2 years and his mom still dont know he is married. And his answer is "How would your parents be if they knew you married a american woman'....So I think in my opinion he has no spine and wont stand up to his parents. And if he wont stand up for you now..Do you really want to be married to him? But still I feel so sorry for what has happened to you. And try to take one day at a time.

[KittyPollitt 284]

First I'm so sorry this has happened to you. And I really think this is about his family. Medo's family had plans of him marrying his cousin. And when he went home after we got married his mom wanted him to take off his ring. Being married to a stubbren man....He told his mom no becaused it matched his wifes. But he did stand up to his parents. I really think your hubby went home and lost his spine. There is another couple on here that have been married for 2 years and his mom still dont know he is married. And his answer is "How would your parents be if they knew you married a american woman'....So I think in my opinion he has no spine and wont stand up to his parents. And if he wont stand up for you now..Do you really want to be married to him? But still I feel so sorry for what has happened to you. And try to take one day at a time.

It happened that way with my first husband, who was from Nepal.. He came from some kind of powerful Kathmandu family, and was terrified to tell his father that he married an American woman.. As it was, we are now divorced, and I still don't know if his father ever knew we were married. He told me that he would have lost his inheritance and his entire family's social standing in Nepal if anyone found out that he had married a non Hindu (which I think is a little bit of a stretch), so I can totally understand where the OP's unfortunate situation is the result of a cultural issue. The most important thing now is that she take care of herself and begin the healing process. I really hope she's ok..

[rika60607 215]

Poor Gaeliza,

it sucks, I am sorry!

It is time to cut your losses and take care of yourself. I know it is impossible when it happens to you the first time around... it hurts like hell... but it happens to many people, that their spouses just pick up an leave one day, for apparently no good reason, breaking hearts...

There is nothing wrong with you! There is something wrong with him!

At least you know he left you because he has no spine and because of his family pressure. Many don't have even that knowledge.

As far as your financial responsibilities - as LPR he is not eligible for any means tested benefits within the first 5 years in the US. Yes there were cases when sponsors got sued to provide support anyway, but they are very rare. Just get a divorce, take him off all your accounts and forget about him. It takes two to dance... you alone can not change anything.

[gaeliza 0]

yes that is what I am going to do now...Now its about self preservation and protection

gaeliza I am sorry to hear about you losing your Dad, Mom, unborn baby, and now your Husband. I hope that you may take some time for yourself now to heal and grieve. Maybe a grief counselor would be best to see at this time for all the loss you have experienced in the last two years.

[Staashi 371]

First I'm so sorry this has happened to you. And I really think this is about his family. Medo's family had plans of him marrying his cousin. And when he went home after we got married his mom wanted him to take off his ring. Being married to a stubbren man....He told his mom no becaused it matched his wifes. But he did stand up to his parents. I really think your hubby went home and lost his spine. There is another couple on here that have been married for 2 years and his mom still dont know he is married. And his answer is "How would your parents be if they knew you married a american woman'....So I think in my opinion he has no spine and wont stand up to his parents. And if he wont stand up for you now..Do you really want to be married to him? But still I feel so sorry for what has happened to you. And try to take one day at a time.

Eliza, girl, God bless you - you will be alright. PS - that is an excellent point Cheryl.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Im so sorry. I hope time heals your heart. The worst kind of heartbreak is the one left with unanswered questions.

I agree with another poster that he probably never told his family to begin with. It sounds like they flipped out and he complied. Im sorry.

This is a totally different culture than ours and its rare to find a MENA child(adult or not) who will tell their parents that they dont care if they like their choice in spouse or not.

Good Luck in your healing process. Im sorry for your heartbreak and time lost.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I actually wouldn't be surprised if what he told you was true. Families in the Middle East operate on different values than in the West. From a psychological perspective, we come from an individualistic society whereas they are from a society-centered society. I think it is a HUGE deal that you never met his parents. He probably never told them he was married, in my opinion. They probably had no idea he was planning on switching continents. Also, he only has less than a month to enter the US so I doubt he will.

I hope you get some peace and truth soon.

I agree. I'll bet they DID destroy his paperwork and he would rather break it off now rather than cut ties to his family. It's the easiest way out also. Good luck, hon.

[Wantedtobelieve 4]

I cant suggest anything to him...he cut off all communications cold...there is no way to get a hold of him. All the phone numbers have been changed. I dont need a document from him...the issues are here..a possible american divorce and financial liability.I dont know what to do. It is very possible some of it is true...but then why did he cut off all communications. Calling me and telling me instead of letting me think he was dead for 5 days. So that scenerio does not make sense. Doing this by email is the cowards way out. So is it fraud or is it family? I just want to know...if it was family then he was playing a game with me...knowing his family would object, if it was fraud then it was a more serious game...either way he did something very wrong and I have to pay the price

He probably thinks just tear up papers, everything is over. Are you sure you even have to fool with a divorce here? I agree just be glad he never got here. Life's a bit%^ sometimes for sure, but God surely got you out of this one before you got in an even bigger mess.

[myheartwillgoon 0]

This is so sad!!! It very well could be he went to tell them and they threw a fit and tore his papers up. So he followed through and was glad you called him a scum, it made the break up easier for him to blame you. He is probably on yahoo invisible seeing if your online. I doubt he is coming to usa. He still would need to show up for interview here to get his green card and it would be a mess trying to come here without anyone. Most come here and get that permanent card first if they are using you for a visa. Just give it to God. Things happen for a reason and we dont always know the answer, just roll with life and hold up your head. You are still for now his wife and as a muslim man, I would tell him that he has failed and hurt his wife and God will judge him on that and the fact he obviously LIED to you about his family accepting. Let him ponder the fact he lied and how God will judge him on that and you were never given a chance.

[gaeliza 0]

we did the CR1 visa so he can come here without an interview until the 2 year green card is complete. However the green card and SS info will come to my address. I think you are right that he probably is not here. It hurts all the same. But I am coming to realize that better now than after he got here and he was working and had a larger mortgage and all the things that married people do. Ive decided not to do anything right now...My emotional status cant handle it, other than the obvious, stop him from coming if he isnt here and take him off insurance and financial things. The Sheik told me I am no longer Islamically married barring the 3 month waiting period, however we are legally married in the USA. So the cleanup is all here. There is no hurry to do anything else at this time. +Judgement Day comes for all of us and I hope by then that I have some ounce of forgiveness n my heart..but right now I dont.

This is so sad!!! It very well could be he went to tell them and they threw a fit and tore his papers up. So he followed through and was glad you called him a scum, it made the break up easier for him to blame you. He is probably on yahoo invisible seeing if your online. I doubt he is coming to usa. He still would need to show up for interview here to get his green card and it would be a mess trying to come here without anyone. Most come here and get that permanent card first if they are using you for a visa. Just give it to God. Things happen for a reason and we dont always know the answer, just roll with life and hold up your head. You are still for now his wife and as a muslim man, I would tell him that he has failed and hurt his wife and God will judge him on that and the fact he obviously LIED to you about his family accepting. Let him ponder the fact he lied and how God will judge him on that and you were never given a chance.