My wife had another kid, what now?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

The way I read it, the OP only recently found out he is not the biological father and may not have known at the time of the birth. The only law breaking would be if they proceeded as is in the hope the Consulate does not ask for DNA testing.

I'm aware of he only just found out. LEAVING his name there knowing he is NOT the father is fraudulent (not simply whether DNA testing is involved, leaving his name there AT ALL). Trying to get the child to the US with him as the father (whether by US citizen parentage or simply with his name on the certificate) is fraudulent. He has completed a document which he now knows to be fraudulent (like thinking he's divorced and he's not) and he needs to have it fixed. He will be submitting a document to the US government stating something as fact when he knows it to be a lie (namely that he is the child's father, and the child's father consents to US travel). Whether we like it or not, the ACTUAL father has rights to his child and should be given the right to sign over his rights if he so wishes, or not. It's his child too.

-----

As an aside, the US government may request that you have the other child tested to ensure you're the parent. The will most likely (though I can't guarantee) that if she lied once, she might have again. To be safe I would carry out a DNA test on the other child just in case that question comes up. Though testing the child might make it look like you don't trust her, I would do the test so you can PROVE she simply made a one time error.

Edited January 28, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[SuperDuper! 230]

I bet many people who will read your post would think you are crazy for continuing your relationship with this girl eventhough she has a child with another man while she is married with you. If you don't mind me asking, why you had put the visa on hold before? Were you guys went on "separate ways" that's why she met another man and got pregnant? And now you guys realized you want to save the marriage? It's ok if you don't want to answer my questions. Im just trying to understand things co'z I don't want to be jumping on conclusion here. If you are willing to take her child from her another man there must be a really strong reason for that...you must really love her.

Elma, Dear, this is the 21st Century. Have you heard of the concept of an "open relationship?"

[Dakine 26]

Hopefully your wife didn't pick up any STDs to bring to you!

[spectheintro 18]

Paul:

To be honest, I'm unsure as to how much sound legal advice you can get, because your situation is a fairly rare one. As others have echoed, your main obstacles will be in proving the validity of your relationship. To have any chance at a visa you will need to get the birth certificate corrected, as submission of fraudulent documents will only make you or your wife look very bad once the truth is revealed. (And judging by the feedback here it most certainly will.) On a more fundamental level, the COs take matters of fidelity very seriously. You may want to contact a lawyer just to see if there is any precedent for your particular situation. My guess is that if you're not stopped at the NVC, you will be at the embassy, and once it is revoked and sent back to USCIS or the NVC you will have a hell of a time arguing that your wife is still eligible for the visa without help from someone with an intricate understanding of that process.

Best of luck.

Edited January 28, 2010 by spectheintro

[complicatedmuch 0]

Just my two cents--- though this may sound sooo off topic. My aunt is a homosexual and was in a relationship with a girl who got pregnant by a somebody else (obviously a man). Because the girlfriend was a teacher and unwed, it would have been "immoral" for her to be a single mom (not my opinion, but this is what happened and how people viewed her), she put the child under my aunt's name; and she maintained that relationship with my aunt. To keep the records clean, that girlfriend listed my aunt on all of her medical records, and when she gave birth in the hospital, she put my aunt's name as the mother. The doctors knew about it and my aunt paid for all of the medical bills (stupid stupid aunt). After a couple of years, they broke up, but because my aunt was taking care of the baby at the time (they had a long distance relationship, my aunt worked her butt off part time and took care of the kid on her own), and the baby was in her name, she got custody. There was no need for DNA testing because it was obvious the biological mother willfully gave up her right to the child. And in court, my aunt's name on the birth cert was binding and she was given custody.

Now don't judge my aunt. She had her reasons.

My point is that the OP's name on the birth cert is legally binding in the Philippines even if the biological father would turn up, I doubt if he has any claim because he "abandoned" the kid, and even if he did not know there was a kid, it would still not hold in court because the mother did not know him. (I assume.. the OP did say it was a one night stand) That birth cert is not "fraudulent" here in the Philippines, because it is legally acceptable, but we all know that US Immigration works in a different way. A lawyer would be your best bet to expalin why this legally acceptable.

Corrections are welcomed.

[ellmvl 1]

Elma, Dear, this is the 21st Century. Have you heard of the concept of an "open relationship?"

Yes sir I am aware of "open relationship" but my mind is still close about it LOL. I don't really understand why people have to get married and decided to have an open relationship. I don't know, it is just weird. Not everything on the trend now is really good for everyone. So, umm...ill remain to be faithful to my husband even if we're on generation Z now or whatever!

[pushbrk 13,067]

Paul:

To be honest, I'm unsure as to how much sound legal advice you can get, because your situation is a fairly rare one. As others have echoed, your main obstacles will be in proving the validity of your relationship. To have any chance at a visa you will need to get the birth certificate corrected, as submission of fraudulent documents will only make you or your wife look very bad once the truth is revealed. (And judging by the feedback here it most certainly will.) On a more fundamental level, the COs take matters of fidelity very seriously. You may want to contact a lawyer just to see if there is any precedent for your particular situation. My guess is that if you're not stopped at the NVC, you will be at the embassy, and once it is revoked and sent back to USCIS or the NVC you will have a hell of a time arguing that your wife is still eligible for the visa without help from someone with an intricate understanding of that process.

Best of luck.

I would add or clarify that to knowingly submit a birth certificate naming the wrong parent, is the kind of fraud the Consular unit and USCIS generally consider "material misrepresentation" which carries a penalty of up to a lifetime ban from US entry.

I agree that once the birth certificate is corrected, the primary immigration issue will be to convince the Consular officer the relationship is bona fide. Additional evidence and written affidavit from the petitioner would be the minimum extra I would recommend. Even then the story needs to be both compelling and plausible.

[Paul Ficca 0]

I agree, for my generation it is pretty common to have an open relationship(actually I even believe that swinging has been around for decades) ... I think the embassy should go used situations like this. Thanks for everyones advise, I will work on getting the BC corrected.

should i go ahead and continue the visa now? or wait for the BC corrections first?

Elma, Dear, this is the 21st Century. Have you heard of the concept of an "open relationship?"

[Marzy 1]

Elma, Dear, this is the 21st Century. Have you heard of the concept of an "open relationship?"

And how they will explain this to their children?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I agree, for my generation it is pretty common to have an open relationship(actually I even believe that swinging has been around for decades) ... I think the embassy should go used situations like this. Thanks for everyones advise, I will work on getting the BC corrected.

should i go ahead and continue the visa now? or wait for the BC corrections first?

You should wait for the birth certificate to be corrected, just in case there's some date they put on it somewhere. That way it won't come back to bite you.

Also, if the first child is in fact yours, it should be able to get US citizenship (there's a process involved) and this will mean it will be able to travel without the visa (most likely DNA testing involved.. which kinda negates what I said in my previous post). This second child will of course require the visa.

You will have a hard time convincing the consulate that yours is a serious relationship and not just "friends who sleep together" as most "in love" couples don't sleep with other people, or so the societal norm goes (and I personally agree with). I honestly don't know anyone who's been in this situation, but I do know that cultural norms play a big part in some consulates (like some countries you need "parental knowledge/approval" regardless of age, if the family doesn't know it's not a "real" relationship) so it would be beneficial to find out what the PI is like in regards to extramarital affairs, and the like.

I think your case is an interesting one and it would be good if you could keep us updated in case other people find themselves in a similar situation.

[William33 110]

TOS violation removed...

[SunDrop 59]

I'm going to start this post by stating that I'm not experienced in the PI or its laws, so with the disclaimer over:

Reading through the advice given, I think there's little doubt that you need to get the birth cert amended. However, only one person has mentioned following an adoption route. As the biological father of the baby is unknown and so won't be named on the certificate, you need to establish, through a lawyer, what the best way forward to adopting the baby is. And then obviously finding out what type of visa is needed to bring an adopted child to the US.

Just because we haven't heard about a similar situation, doesn't mean you're the first to find yourself in it. I would go so far as to say that you're dealing with it in the best way possible, namely getting advice BEFORE you get bitten in the a$$ for misrepresentation. The immigration process is long, the separations are hard on any relationship and respectfully, you are young. From a non-CO point of view, it's understandable that the survivability of a marriage might be called to question and even that a couple may separate, albeit for a brief period of time because the stress and strain this way of existing has on ANY relationship.

But love can prevail. Heck, 24 hours before we got engaged, my fiance and I broke up. He had an 'omg, what the hell are we getting into' moment, felt overwhelmed but it was the misery of realising what he was losing that affirmed that this process and all the responsibilities that go with it are worthwhile. I have no doubt in my mind that our love and relationship is real and strong. Sometimes it takes this kind of 'reality check' to confirm feelings.

I'm not suggesting lying, but it is going to matter how you present the facts as much as what the facts are. Yup, you'll have to work 3 or 4 times harder than a married couple who haven't experienced an illigitimate birth within a marriage, but I'd be astounded if you were the first couple a CO has ever seen in this situation.

Get the records set straight, get good legal advice and believe in being able to overcome it. Onwards and upwards, as they say.

[pushbrk 13,067]

I'm going to start this post by stating that I'm not experienced in the PI or its laws, so with the disclaimer over:

Reading through the advice given, I think there's little doubt that you need to get the birth cert amended. However, only one person has mentioned following an adoption route. As the biological father of the baby is unknown and so won't be named on the certificate, you need to establish, through a lawyer, what the best way forward to adopting the baby is. And then obviously finding out what type of visa is needed to bring an adopted child to the US.

Just because we haven't heard about a similar situation, doesn't mean you're the first to find yourself in it. I would go so far as to say that you're dealing with it in the best way possible, namely getting advice BEFORE you get bitten in the a$$ for misrepresentation. The immigration process is long, the separations are hard on any relationship and respectfully, you are young. From a non-CO point of view, it's understandable that the survivability of a marriage might be called to question and even that a couple may separate, albeit for a brief period of time because the stress and strain this way of existing has on ANY relationship.

But love can prevail. Heck, 24 hours before we got engaged, my fiance and I broke up. He had an 'omg, what the hell are we getting into' moment, felt overwhelmed but it was the misery of realising what he was losing that affirmed that this process and all the responsibilities that go with it are worthwhile. I have no doubt in my mind that our love and relationship is real and strong. Sometimes it takes this kind of 'reality check' to confirm feelings.

I'm not suggesting lying, but it is going to matter how you present the facts as much as what the facts are. Yup, you'll have to work 3 or 4 times harder than a married couple who haven't experienced an illigitimate birth within a marriage, but I'd be astounded if you were the first couple a CO has ever seen in this situation.

Get the records set straight, get good legal advice and believe in being able to overcome it. Onwards and upwards, as they say.

The OP need not adopt the child, in order to bring it to the USA. It is his step-child and is treated the same as any child she would have born out of wedlock prior to their marriage. In the PI, if the biological father is not married to the mother, he has no rights.

[SunDrop 59]

The OP need not adopt the child, in order to bring it to the USA. It is his step-child and is treated the same as any child she would have born out of wedlock prior to their marriage. In the PI, if the biological father is not married to the mother, he has no rights.

Sorry, accidentally deleted the sentence that referred to him adopting if re-establishing himself as a father with full parental rights, which step-parents do not have (although this may be dependent on the state). If worse came to worst and he and his wife were to divorce, there could be issues with his visitation rights to the non-biological child if the only relationship they have legally is through marriage. He obviously wishes to raise the baby as his own, so adoption would be a consideration of interest if so.

[belinda63 3,041]

Just to throw my 2 cents in, my now husband, prior to obtaining his visa and us getting married had a one night stand. I was unhappy when he told me but I was also understanding of the time it took to obtain his visa and the doubts that it would be approved.

You should look more at the specifics, was it a relationship or a "I'm lonely and need someone". The relationship can continue based upon the circumstances and your feelings.

Trying to convince the US government of this will be a different matter.

Good luck whatever you decide.