coping with the separation etc......

[milly7 0]

Hey guys!

I am fairly new to this board, and I am soooo glad I found it.

So, just to recap incase any of you are not aware of my situation.

I live in BC, close to the border. I am a UK citizen and a Canadian citizen.

My goal was to seek TN status this summer. I am a lawyer by profession.

3 years ago, I met my boyfriend, who is a US citizen, who resides in Seattle. (3 hours away)

At first the long distance was no problem, I would go in to see him twice a month, he would come up more reguarly as hes a musician and theatre tech, so his schedule is more flexible.

All was good until Feb 2009, when a really nasty officer detained me for 4 hours, and basically flagged me within the system. This means each time I cross I must show ties...which is not a problem as such, but tedious/scarey and a pain. To be fair most Officers are nice and actually very sympathetic.

After the flagging, I told my boyfriend, I was coming in less, so have been going approx every 6 weeks.

My boyfriend has been coming up alot more....

A few weeks ago he suggested we get married as we have been together 3 years, want to be with eachother etc...

I thought his suggestion was fair, but had always wanted to enter the US on my own terms, if that makes sense (maybe I am too independent...ha ha)

So, marraige came into the mix, and I posted here about K3''s v CR 1's etc

Upshot was its probably smarter for me to go for K3, so I can be interviewed in Vancouver (please correct me if I am wrong)

So, my boyfriend is keen to marry asap, his view is why risk waiting till summer for TN on the off chance it could be turned down...and the economy is bad in WA so not sure how quicky I could get an attorney post (I did have one offer, but they cannot hold out post summer)

My view was still to go for TN first and adjust status maybe next year or so.....no rush....

I would like to know how you all cope with the separation etc...and how does the US citizen cope....is he/she supportive/...my worry is if anything goes wrong with K3, then what??? is the pressure on the US citizen to leave their country? My b/f would never leave Seattle!!!! My boyfriend gets frustrtaed with the process...is this common????

I realise I am fortuanate in that hes only 3 hours away, but still, all feedback appreciated...on whether to wait for marraige/seek TN first/support etc

Thank you so much for your time....

[canadian_wife 1,826]

The separation is the worst. But please keep in mind that being Canadian we are offered very relaxed entry into the US. Many couples on here go months or even years not seeing their spouse. every 6 weeks is not so bad in that sense but it does not make the separation any easier

Vancouver does do K-3 visas, but Montreal has increased their scheduling, I'd really re-visit the Cr-1 if I were you and not dismiss it.

Remember, a TN visa is a non-immigrant visa and planning on using a non-immigrant visa with intentions to adjust status, even if you want to enter the US 'on your own' is still visa fraud. It is certainly smarter to go for an immigrant visa.

Good luck

[Amit-N-Melody 11]

I would like to know how you all cope with the separation etc...and how does the US citizen cope....is he/she supportive/...my worry is if anything goes wrong with K3, then what??? is the pressure on the US citizen to leave their country? My b/f would never leave Seattle!!!! My boyfriend gets frustrtaed with the process...is this common????

Coping with the seperation is a constant battle... I personally struggle with depression over it... I have been married for 6 months and have only seen my Husband 2 weeks out of that time. And it isnt like I will know exactly when I will get to see him next unless I plan a trip overseas. It is amazing though... no matter how down in the dumps I am about the immigration process evertime I talk with my Hubby he melts all my frustration away. He is very supportive and understanding. I think he hides some of his emotions to keep me strong If anything goes wrong with his visa then I am more than willing to move to India to be with him... One way or another in the end we WILL be together.

In the waiting game I like to call the visa journey... my suggestion would be to start a new hobby or pick an old one back up, the busier you are the faster this process will go

[hobokenworkingman 4]

I would like to know how you all cope with the separation etc...and how does the US citizen cope....is he/she supportive/...my worry is if anything goes wrong with K3, then what??? is the pressure on the US citizen to leave their country? My b/f would never leave Seattle!!!! My boyfriend gets frustrtaed with the process...is this common????

Coping with the seperation is a constant battle... I personally struggle with depression over it... I have been married for 6 months and have only seen my Husband 2 weeks out of that time. And it isnt like I will know exactly when I will get to see him next unless I plan a trip overseas. It is amazing though... no matter how down in the dumps I am about the immigration process evertime I talk with my Hubby he melts all my frustration away. He is very supportive and understanding. I think he hides some of his emotions to keep me strong If anything goes wrong with his visa then I am more than willing to move to India to be with him... One way or another in the end we WILL be together.

In the waiting game I like to call the visa journey... my suggestion would be to start a new hobby or pick an old one back up, the busier you are the faster this process will go

Oh what I would do to have my wife only 3 hours away! My wife and Melody's husband is 8500 miles away in India. While we had a civil ceremony in september last year, we had our spiritual big-fat-indian-wedding just in december. i had to come back to start a new job on jan 2nd. what i wouldnt give to be with her, or just fly at a whim's notice. weekend trips are impractical, as it takes nearly 24 hours (with the time difference) to go to India and then you have to come back. so it becomes a 3 day endeavour even considering such a trip. yet i'm still am trying to plan visiting her in march (hopefully her interview comes in that time in which case, i'll go and bring her back w/ me), even if for just 2-3 days.

yeah i echo melody's response above - find a good hobby and DONT watch the clock or the calender. it'll just drive you mad.

[milly7 0]

Oh what I would do to have my wife only 3 hours away! My wife and Melody's husband is 8500 miles away in India. While we had a civil ceremony in september last year, we had our spiritual big-fat-indian-wedding just in december. i had to come back to start a new job on jan 2nd. what i wouldnt give to be with her, or just fly at a whim's notice. weekend trips are impractical, as it takes nearly 24 hours (with the time difference) to go to India and then you have to come back. so it becomes a 3 day endeavour even considering such a trip. yet i'm still am trying to plan visiting her in march (hopefully her interview comes in that time in which case, i'll go and bring her back w/ me), even if for just 2-3 days.

yeah i echo melody's response above - find a good hobby and DONT watch the clock or the calender. it'll just drive you mad.

Great advice.....I think because I took time out of work to study for the WA ttorney qualification,I have had a liitle too much time to think!!!! once my exams were over, I decided to take some time out to spend with my 5 year old so have had lots of free time, I am back to work in March, so can keep busy and a new hobby is great advice....I have booked cello lessons!!!!

Makes me realise too, that I am alot more fortunate than most, given that we can see eachother fairly reguarly....

Thanks for the tip on the CR-1, I will revisit that as opposed to the K3, I had heard Montreal has horrible backlogs...is this not the case now???? plus I will have to fly/stay there, all costly from BC

I assume that you cannot apply for a TN if married to a US citizen????? (at this stage no spousal app would be in)

My thoughts are the quickest way I can get there legally and work/earn.

Thank you for all your support, this board is wonderful, its so nice to know we are nor alone.

[Vivi6 12]

Hi Milly!

My boyfriend and I have gone 9 long months before we saw each other again over the holidays...now I have to go back to Italy for my visa interview and I will be gone for about 4 weeks. trust me, at this point 4 weeks is NOTHING to us. We got frustrated many, many times during the process (it's been mostly me, with all the paperwork to fill out and the money to spend, and the stress of the whole thing! ), but when there is the will to be together, then you wait and wait and you know it's worth it like it was for us. We just got "officially" engaged--got my beautiful ring and everything, I couldn't be happier.

I am very independent like youa nd I wanted to come here on my own terms as well, i was even offer an H1B visa (work visa) 2 years ago but it never went through because they did a random selection so I lost my job and had to go back home. Marriage was never a mean for us, after 3 years I guess it just came natural to think about it:)

So good luck with everything and I hope my post could help a little:)

Viviana

[Amanda Lynn 3]

The separation is the worst. But please keep in mind that being Canadian we are offered very relaxed entry into the US. Many couples on here go months or even years not seeing their spouse. every 6 weeks is not so bad in that sense but it does not make the separation any easier

Quite right. I've not seen my husband in a year now...-.-

[edp333 9]

Yahoo YM, a good webcam with mic, and keeping busy was how we survived the separation.

[Carlawarla 1]

We're very lucky having such a close border in order to see our fiance's during the process.

Two things you mentioned in this post were addressed in your other posts, about you being in Vancouver, and the benefits a K-3 might have for you over going to Montreal, where the wait time might be well over a year before your interview, and as well, another Canadian poster that spoke to the TN visa, and marriage.

I'll post it here so you can easily access it.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry3631647