My first trip

[cedwards001 18]

Guys,

I am taking my first trip to VN in February and I received my passport WITH the visa inside, today. I have some questions. On the tourist visa application form, I put my SO's parents address as the contact/sponsor address. She still lives with her parents and I want to stay at their house. I want to respect the local VN customs and I hear it may not be a good idea to do this. I was thinking of staying at a hotel, but i already put her parents address on the visa application. If I do stay in a hotel, would it be better if I stay alone? I dont know if its good to have a person of the opposite sex stay with me in the hotel either. What do you guys think? Let me know as soon as possible because I am getting ready for a great time in VN

Carl

[Old Dominion 26]

I think the question is whether her parents want you to stay at their home. If they really do want you there, then that's the VN way in their community/family circle. As a matter of economic courtesy, you should offer to buy all the food etc. for the time you are with them.

[cedwards001 18]

Thanks. yes, her parents have given me permission to stay in their house. thanks for your advise anybody else have any experience with this?

Carl

Edited January 23, 2010 by cedwards001

[VN10 0]

Almost Vietnamese like to have atmosphere of family than- if they want you stay at their house, that is good, so dont decline please. You can save some money (if stay at hotel) and can spend more time with girlfriend, you can see how your lady 's daily happend....

Before i and my husband not married yet, he visit me 2 first time and stay at my house, that was no problem. we had a lot fun (some time fighting, i was whom always failed, and he got my family's protection)...many reason keep your mind should stay with them , it will better than stay alone at hotel. I wish you will have a great trip. welcome to Vietnam !

PS: that just is my idea.

[Sayha or bust. 71]

Guys,

I am taking my first trip to VN in February and I received my passport WITH the visa inside, today. I have some questions. On the tourist visa application form, I put my SO's parents address as the contact/sponsor address. She still lives with her parents and I want to stay at their house. I want to respect the local VN customs and I hear it may not be a good idea to do this. I was thinking of staying at a hotel, but i already put her parents address on the visa application. If I do stay in a hotel, would it be better if I stay alone? I dont know if its good to have a person of the opposite sex stay with me in the hotel either. What do you guys think? Let me know as soon as possible because I am getting ready for a great time in VN

Carl

I went in December to engage and meet my fiancée for the first time. My new family insisted that I stay with them. My fiancée is Cambodian living in South Vietnam so I don't know much about Vietnam Culture. It's a good way to get to know the family and your gf seeing them in there everyday life. Hope you like the food, the area I was in was almost 8 hours south of Saigon so there was no american food or any other Americans in the town. I didn't mind because I love the food. good luck and enjoy your visit. I will be back in Vietnam for my wifes interview, keeping my fingers crossed when that day comes.... Rich

[Teacher Mark 53]

If the parents say it's OK, then it's OK. They're gonna' wanna' keep an eye on you anyway.

[ScottThuy 140]

Culture leans toward you staying with them since the intent is that you are oing to be a part of the family at some point.. You will be treated like a son from the time you meet them...

There is 1 legal aspect. In VN it is against the law for a foreigner to stay at the home of a VN woman without the government being notified.... technically it is a law to try to prohibit prostitution, but if her family has a not so good relationship with the local police it could be an issue.. the only thing they need to do is let the local govt know you are staying in the house for that time and there will be no worries... the same thing is done whenever you check into a VN hotel... they take your passport and let the govt know you are staying there..

Her family will go out of thier way to make you feel comfortable... well fed and happy... enjoy the time together and get to know her family... your new family

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Have your fiancee check the regulations for the district she lives in. There are some districts where it's forbidden for a foreign national to stay in the home of a Vietnamese national. In districts where it IS allowed, the local officials usually require that the visitor's name be entered in the household register, or "Ho Khau".

Now, in reality, they rarely check on these things, and foreigners stay in private homes all the time without registering, and also in districts where it's technically not permitted. The simple fact is that the government doesn't have the resources to enforce their own regulations. However, there is a slightly higher chance they would check in your case because you gave the address when you applied for the visa.

BTW, you'll be providing the address again on your customs declaration form, which you fill out on the plane.

According to VN law, it is illegal for a foreign national to stay in a hotel room with a Vietnamese national of the opposite sex. This law is meant to curb prostitution. Some hotels will absolutely forbid it unless you're married. Most hotels don't care, especially if they know you're engaged. I usually stay in a nice 4-star hotel in Hue, and they were a little skeptical about my fiancee staying at the hotel with me on my first visit. They wouldn't add her name to the register, and basically just ignored it. On my second and subsequent visits, they were convinced that we were legitimate and she wasn't a hooker, and they were happy to register both of us.

Phuong didn't invite me to stay in her home on my first visit. She hadn't met me yet, and neither of us knew how the relationship was going to progress after the first meeting. Also, she had her own home in Hue, and didn't live with her parents, so she didn't have the safety net of having chaperones in the home. She did invite me to stay in her home before the second trip, but she changed her mind after she found out that it's generally not permitted in the district she lived in. We were engaged on my third trip, and she'd heard that an exception can be granted to the foreigner if they are engaged to a household member, so she invited me again on my fourth trip to stay in her home. Again, she changed her mind after one of her neighbors told her about someone who had been arrested even after they got approval to register the guest in the household register.

The absolute prohibition against foreigners staying in private homes is only in certain districts. Most districts will allow it, provided that the guest is registered. As Scott said, she may want to consider her family's relationship with the local constabulary.

[luckytxn 2,264]

I stayed at my then fiances home with her family with no problems. I also asked them about having to register me but in her area that never happens. The people in that area has very little contact with the government and the government pretty much leaves them alone. As stated before it is all up to the family on what they want. If they ask you to stay then I would do that. They will want to get to know you firsthand. They will also make fast judgements on your character. There are also other small customs that need to be observed like I brought my future Father in law a bottle of fine Cognac. Do not expect to be traveling anywhere alone with your future wife but to be chaperoned. The chaperones will be nosy too. As for me and we were allowed some alone time to get to know each other but usually with a door open that anyone could go by at any moment. Also every night in my case and this could vary we were allowed about an hour so I could help her with her English and no one was allowed to bother us at all. Of course the English lesson would turn into a make out session. It was pretty much known that it would be by all but appearances had to be maintained. When out walking with the chaperone do not expect to be holding hands.

Of course in the big city this may be different and also in other parts of Vietnam but this was what was expected for my situation. The biggest thing to remember is that this is not America you are going to but a unique country with their own norms and tradition. You must respect this at all costs if you want to be successful.

[Teacher Mark 53]

I was sharing a house in HCMC with 4 other foreigners last year. Two of them had their VN girlfriends living there. One friday night at about midnight the cops decided to come and see who was living there. They were actually very nice about the whole thing. They took copies of our paaports and registered us all. They told the girlfriends that they would have to come in to answer a few questions, but it never happened. The landlord did have to pay a visit though. $$$

[cedwards001 18]

Oh I see. I hope I did not make a mistake. I put her parents address on the visa application because she obviously lives with her parents and I was invited to stay with them. She lives in the Go Dau district in Tay Ninh. Should I just end up paying for and staying alone at a hotel instead? I dont know what the laws are in Tay Ninh and I dont want to take any chances.

Carl

[ScottThuy 140]

Don't worry.. just talk to them about it.... before you go...

[cedwards001 18]

Brother, I wish I could stop worrying. I did some further reading and found about it being illegal to have a member of opposite sex stay with you in a hotel. she doesnt know what hotel or residence laws there are in Tay Ninh in regards to both of us staying together. Honestly I really dont want to take any risks with that government. I will call her again to see if she can do some more research.

Carl

Don't worry.. just talk to them about it.... before you go...

[Anh map 2,098]

Here's what happened at the hotel in Binh Duong where I stayed: the desk guy would tell us when it was ok for Linh to stay there with me. There were a few nights when he said no, and most of those nights I got woken up by the police to look in the room.

In Saigon the hotel never had a problem. The desk folks kept her ID card along with my passport.

Just go with the flow and defer to her family. They know what's going on in their town.

Have a great trip!!

[luckytxn 2,264]

Seems like many had more fun on their trips with their fiancees than I had.