need cancel k-1 visa..faincee refuse to go U.S

[marcus_arlyn1226 0]

This is hard to explain to anyone and maybe will sound strange.My fiancee since the seond month of the NOA1 she has refuse to come live in America.I asked her the reason she has given me many.Strangely,There is 1 other option if i want to be with my love.She wants me to go there.I know the conditions for the 13(a)Permanent Residence Visa, and other option to stay there.I willing to do it if it what takes be with the women to be my wife.We talk it with family members and friends.I will cancel the visa a few days from now.I give her time to see her if change mind.We have a small store already in philippines and and few other small businesses.We agreed on a 6 month to 12 months saving period to improve things before plans to go.I don't know what to do.

Do anyone have advice or ideas would be nice?!!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

moved from Off-Topic Forum to Philippines Regional Forum as OP more likely to get useful information here

[Pinay Wife 47]

This is hard to explain to anyone and maybe will sound strange.My fiancee since the seond month of the NOA1 she has refuse to come live in America.I asked her the reason she has given me many.Strangely,There is 1 other option

Can you give us some of the reasons why she does not want to go to America?

Since you've already paid for the filing of the I-129F, why not just wait out the process instead of cancelling the petition? There is a possibility she might change her mind in the near future.

[rheanick 42]

This is hard to explain to anyone and maybe will sound strange.My fiancee since the seond month of the NOA1 she has refuse to come live in America.I asked her the reason she has given me many.Strangely,There is 1 other option if i want to be with my love.She wants me to go there.I know the conditions for the 13(a)Permanent Residence Visa, and other option to stay there.I willing to do it if it what takes be with the women to be my wife.We talk it with family members and friends.I will cancel the visa a few days from now.I give her time to see her if change mind.We have a small store already in philippines and and few other small businesses.We agreed on a 6 month to 12 months saving period to improve things before plans to go.I don't know what to do.

Do anyone have advice or ideas would be nice?!!

There are some filipinas who does not want to go to the US. You just need to respect her on that. Your plans are logical and feasible.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I would advise your future hubby to make out a budget in order to see if you guys can afford to live in the Philippines.

List all of your expenses on one side, and list your income on the other side.

[charlie&pam 1]

to the OP A couple of years ago I know how you are feeling i kinda went through the same thing .....once it was time for the interview she never went .....It sounds like she is doing the same that my ex did!!...send me a PM because I will talk to you about it ok !!!

[Tsup2 0]

It's a big red flag if she is unwilling to relocate to the US to be with you. My advice would be to end the relationship. At least cut off financial support and see how she reacts. You will know her true intentions.

[Ban Hammer 13,604]

who's name(s) are the store and businesses in?

[Laser1 63]

It sounds like the main problem for you is financial support - whether you would have a enough steady income to live comfortably. I would reserve the savings for emergencies.

[JoBri 548]

My wife also was very confused. Our relationship developed and she was ready to come here. She always said she would adjust. Then she got her dream job as principal, and I noticed right away from the opposite end of the earth that she changed. I could not figure it out, and i worried a lot, and felt very insecure. She changed because she became a principal and had job security and financial stability and had family obligations in the Philippines and her heart was so deeply attached to Asia.

She came here in spite of her mixed feelings, and we went through a nightmare. Twice she went home to the Philippines, the first for a 3 week visit, and the next time was indefinitely. She admitted she was so confused. But within just a couple days of being back in the Philippines, she sorted out all her confusion. She realized we were truly one. She didnt feel she fit in back in the Philippines anymore, and she became homesick for me and the USA.

When she first left the Philippines she even made excuses there to only take a leave of absense from her job, just in case she would want to go back. That also caused me a lot of grief and insecurity. When she went back the 2nd time, and sorted things out, she permanently resigned her job, burning all bridges back to the Philippines. Ever since she came back to me again all has been wonderful. Our marriage was changed for the better. And we are happily expecting our first child now too. All walls came down in our relationship. I also changed, for the better, becoming less insecure, more patient, trusting, and gentler in heart.

After her return to the USA, I think a big part of the improved relationship was actually that we became habitual in having daily devotions together. Every night we end our day with a daily Christian devotion for couples and prayer. We begin our day with prayer too, and surrendering all to God for the day. But in addition to that, we each learned a lot about ourselves and about each other, and it all impacted huge on our marriage.

So anyways, what I am trying to say is that I understand. My wife was torn. She really wanted us BOTH to go back to the Philippines to live. But it would have been more difficult for me, and she realized that. But she still left me and went back alone, and sorted her feelings out, then commited 100% to our marriage and walked away from a good life there to a life of financial hardship and foreign culture here because she realized the importance of me and our marriage to her.

That is how it was for us... I remember the day she left...just a note saying "Dont look for me anymore. I will come back when I am ready and if you still love me". She got a ride with a filipina I introduced her to, and her husband, a captain in the police department, to the airport 2.5 hours away. By the grace of God I figured it out she would be at that airport. I called my parents, and told them she is there, with certainty. They drove the 45 minutes to the airport to try to find her and did, and mom gently asked her if she would go home with them to sleep a few hours, and then they would take her back to get her flight that morning. I drove to mom and dad's house, and was exhausted, and fell asleep outside the door of the bedroom she was sleeping in. A couple hours later, that morning, I took her to the airport myself, and we held each other much, and it was very sad, and I stood there, watching through the crowd as she went through security, and she would look back to see if I was still there watching. And I watched her disappear out of site, and she watched for me, until she disappeared... and I guess she could see how much I loved her.... The hardest thing for a husband to do I think is to take the wife he loves to an airport, and with so much love watch her board a plane for the opposite end of the earth, not knowing if he will ever see her again, but determined not to pressure her or force her to stay or anything....to just let go and still love her with all his heart... So hard to do... Terribly hard to do... And God used it all to do something wonderful in our marriage.

Brian in Tennessee

[Dakine 26]

This is hard to explain to anyone and maybe will sound strange.My fiancee since the seond month of the NOA1 she has refuse to come live in America.I asked her the reason she has given me many.Strangely,There is 1 other option if i want to be with my love.She wants me to go there.I know the conditions for the 13(a)Permanent Residence Visa, and other option to stay there.I willing to do it if it what takes be with the women to be my wife.We talk it with family members and friends.I will cancel the visa a few days from now.I give her time to see her if change mind.We have a small store already in philippines and and few other small businesses.We agreed on a 6 month to 12 months saving period to improve things before plans to go.I don't know what to do.

Do anyone have advice or ideas would be nice?!!

If you don't speak Tagalog or the local dialect I'd forget about moving to PI.

Just my 2 cents. Been there A lOT.

Who "owns" the businesses?

Edited January 26, 2010 by Dakine

[STEPHnRIA 2]

My wife also was very confused. Our relationship developed and she was ready to come here. She always said she would adjust. Then she got her dream job as principal, and I noticed right away from the opposite end of the earth that she changed. I could not figure it out, and i worried a lot, and felt very insecure. She changed because she became a principal and had job security and financial stability and had family obligations in the Philippines and her heart was so deeply attached to Asia.

She came here in spite of her mixed feelings, and we went through a nightmare. Twice she went home to the Philippines, the first for a 3 week visit, and the next time was indefinitely. She admitted she was so confused. But within just a couple days of being back in the Philippines, she sorted out all her confusion. She realized we were truly one. She didnt feel she fit in back in the Philippines anymore, and she became homesick for me and the USA.

When she first left the Philippines she even made excuses there to only take a leave of absense from her job, just in case she would want to go back. That also caused me a lot of grief and insecurity. When she went back the 2nd time, and sorted things out, she permanently resigned her job, burning all bridges back to the Philippines. Ever since she came back to me again all has been wonderful. Our marriage was changed for the better. And we are happily expecting our first child now too. All walls came down in our relationship. I also changed, for the better, becoming less insecure, more patient, trusting, and gentler in heart.

After her return to the USA, I think a big part of the improved relationship was actually that we became habitual in having daily devotions together. Every night we end our day with a daily Christian devotion for couples and prayer. We begin our day with prayer too, and surrendering all to God for the day. But in addition to that, we each learned a lot about ourselves and about each other, and it all impacted huge on our marriage.

So anyways, what I am trying to say is that I understand. My wife was torn. She really wanted us BOTH to go back to the Philippines to live. But it would have been more difficult for me, and she realized that. But she still left me and went back alone, and sorted her feelings out, then commited 100% to our marriage and walked away from a good life there to a life of financial hardship and foreign culture here because she realized the importance of me and our marriage to her.

That is how it was for us... I remember the day she left...just a note saying "Dont look for me anymore. I will come back when I am ready and if you still love me". She got a ride with a filipina I introduced her to, and her husband, a captain in the police department, to the airport 2.5 hours away. By the grace of God I figured it out she would be at that airport. I called my parents, and told them she is there, with certainty. They drove the 45 minutes to the airport to try to find her and did, and mom gently asked her if she would go home with them to sleep a few hours, and then they would take her back to get her flight that morning. I drove to mom and dad's house, and was exhausted, and fell asleep outside the door of the bedroom she was sleeping in. A couple hours later, that morning, I took her to the airport myself, and we held each other much, and it was very sad, and I stood there, watching through the crowd as she went through security, and she would look back to see if I was still there watching. And I watched her disappear out of site, and she watched for me, until she disappeared... and I guess she could see how much I loved her.... The hardest thing for a husband to do I think is to take the wife he loves to an airport, and with so much love watch her board a plane for the opposite end of the earth, not knowing if he will ever see her again, but determined not to pressure her or force her to stay or anything....to just let go and still love her with all his heart... So hard to do... Terribly hard to do... And God used it all to do something wonderful in our marriage.

Brian in Tennessee

This post gave me happy tears. Thanks for sharing.

[marcus_arlyn1226 0]

Thanks!! All of your post was helpful.The business is in her name and she doing good with it.I do speak tagalog a little and working on learning visayas.We have talked and she compromise with me that she stay 5 years and go back.Of course,she want me to join her.I already know her intentions is not bad.I at least see it as a chance to change her mind further.I would not mind to live there but only in good conditions.I have a good saving for now,but I still at least want be more prepared.I'm a old fashion type of guy with old type of belief.There is some advice given that conflicts with my beliefs.I never believe that just cause something hard relationship it's best to leave or end it.I do love her and many times she shown me that her feelings is true.

Thanks again everyone.I use my chance to change things and if I have do what best to save relationship.

Best of luck to you all for sharing you experience and stories.

[Richard90027 1]

to the OP A couple of years ago I know how you are feeling i kinda went through the same thing .....once it was time for the interview she never went .....It sounds like she is doing the same that my ex did!!...send me a PM because I will talk to you about it ok !!!

Maybe its the same girl!!!

[SuperDuper! 230]

Maybe its the same girl!!!

Wow, Richard, you are such a genius here. No wonder Lilia married you!