Once there here!

[MrsAmera 41]

The only reason I support him in visiting yearly is because of his mother. I know that she is sick and doesn't have a lot of time left. He is very close to her as his father died in a freak accident about 8 years ago. If this were not the case, then I probably would be more harsh about the yearly visits. That being said - he is now at a point where he's ok not going yearly so long as we all can go. Which I stated in my original post.

[MrsAmera 41]

Cheryl Mido have a business and they also dont have kids together.. Thats alot different than being the mom of small kids and not having alot of money and a husband demanding to go home instead of realising that you cant afford it...Thats selfish and you are being a very big person to take care of his needs and making sacrifices so he can be happy

How does their having a business have any relevance to the fact that going home and homesickness is an issue that is argued about? Also my husband isn't putting us in debt by going home to visit, as I've said before his money goes towards this, he doesn't purchase really anything else. My children and I are cared for. People have different priorities where they spend their money - some buy big screen Tv's and new cars, we don't.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

How does their having a business have any relevance to the fact that going home and homesickness is an issue that is argued about? Also my husband isn't putting us in debt by going home to visit, as I've said before his money goes towards this, he doesn't purchase really anything else. My children and I are cared for. People have different priorities where they spend their money - some buy big screen Tv's and new cars, we don't.

I think its alot easier to go home when you are homesick if you are better financially prepared. I think also some couples dont go home unless both can go and when you do the math, its thousands. In this economy, some people are struggling to hang on to their houses and the thought of banking 3000 dollars to just go home when there isnt a lot left to go around really seems over the top. Everybody has their own situation and if you are loving enough to not have extras so that he can see his mom, thats very noble. Very NOBLE on your part because you are loving. If there isnt food on the table and the kids dont have any extras and someone hoards 3000 to go on a vacation and his wife and kids do nothing extra and she never gets a vacation, thats just purely selfish. She deserves a vacation as well. If the cost to go home doesnt hurt the family , then I think thats pretty fair. If the wife is not ever getting a break and hes the only one that gets one, thats not fair.

Having a business and having money just means its alot easier to follow homesickness. thats what I meant...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think thats very fair considering. I think its not fair when lets say the guys hoards the money both sending it home and taking it home and the wife is paying all the bills and then she gets no vacation or nothing extra. Your situation is one of her ( the mom) not having anybody else. Thats pretty fair for him to go see her

This is in response to Mrs Amera.. I just couldnt work the quote thingy

Edited January 24, 2010 by Hanging in there

[Sandrila 1]

First year is a toughie Cheryl at least for me it was.

My husband loves it here, misses home and family but he doesn't want to go back to his life there and without me.

It is hard for anyone if they are completely alone here without friends or family and others they can relate to or help them.

My husband sees me having work, kids, family and occasional outings. He sees me knowing my way around, moving around freely and being able

to take care of the any issues that arise. I think alot of times it is discouraging to them, being the man and not feeling they have control over what they want/need to do.

For a while both of us anticipating going back to Morocco, this year, a year since he arrived.

Now that he is living in the real world he knows it may not be possible due to work and/or financial restraints but he is fine with that.

Of course he misses it but he knows when he can he will go back.

A good thing for hubby was that his mother arrived 2 weeks ago in Canada to be with his sister who is expecting any day now.

Canada is a heck of alot closer than Morocco and it is his mother he needs to see more than any siblings or friends.

I venture to say that us taking a vacation to Canada is pending.

Edited January 26, 2010 by Sandrila

[Sandrila 1]

How do you afford those trips every year? By the time you add airline tickets, car rental, food, money for family, etc???? Of course, mine insists we he has to have all these things. A strange sense of entitlement...

oh you can't go back without money

my husband referenced that too

it is like cuz they live here they expect it will all be easy for them

when real life and the real world set in ...it can be a rude awakening especially when you SO comes from nothing

there is a sense of "showing" the benefits of your new life in America and apparently the others who know and love will

hope to reap some of those benefits too

[myheartwillgoon 0]

Yes mine is like that!!! Egypt is the best and egyptians are the best HAHA. We went back the first year and now that helps his mother not cry anymore. She was upset for first 3 or 4 months and always cried on the cam. Then we started planning our trip so she could count it down and she got so happy. He got here March 08 and we visited March 09. Now she is happy all the time because we are planning to go again this year. Last year when we visited Egypt it was so great. I was the one crying when we left and he was laughing. He never cries... I think he is not human. Oh yea, He is Egyptian and tough. HAHA

[Cheryl & Medo 3]

No, my husband has yours beat by a mile, I'll bet. Let's see, tonight he had the audacity to say I don't want him to make any money cuz if he had money I would worry he might leave me. Geeze, that man. I wish he had money so he would quit complaining!! Yes, anger seems to come easily to some of them. No problem with venting. When you say "some" great times, is it lots or few? Just wondering....

We have a lot of good times. And alot of laugh's....There is more good.. then bad that is 4 sure. But I did tell him this time he will go back to Egypt alone. But next time I will be going with or he is not going at all.

[Aymsgirl 0]

Cheryl,

Your husband sounds a lot like mine but mine has gotten to go home two times in almost two years. I understand the frustration and feel as if sometimes I am going to lose my mind with the rollercoaster he is on and has myself on.

I just want you to know you aren't alone. Everything that you have said I have been through. I would love to say it has stopped but it hasn't.

God bless you and best wishes in the future.

Edited January 28, 2010 by Aymsgirl

[momof1 205]

My husband left Algeria in 1995 and because of the circumstances surrounding his departure they never thought they would see him again. He showed up unexpectedely on their doorstep in late 2007. He had no gifts and no money since he was only allowed to bring a small carry-on bag. It was humiliating for him. He felt like the biggest loser. He spent almost 13 years abroad without seeing his family and he had nothing to show for it. For the 2+ years that he was in Algeria he lived with his family. Almost his entire salary went to supporting his family. He lived with 13 other people and his brothers don't contribute nearly as much money to the house as they should.. They got used to eating fresh fruit daily and meat more than a few times a month. They've noticed a huge difference since he left, and my husband worries about his ailing parents. He's stuck because he wants to send money BUT he doesn't want to enable his sibilings any further. He knows that if he sends money they won't give any more. His goal is to send $500-600 twice a year with friends because even $100/month would make drastic improvements to the quality of their lives.

He knows that he spent more time with his family than most grown married men do, and he's completely thankful for that. His goal is for us to go to Algeria ever few years. We have things that we want to accomplish here, and we cannnot do that if we're spending thousands on travelling each year.

[Aymsgirl 0]

how/why would tasha be able to answer this? she's not married to your husband, not related to your in-laws. why doesn't it end where you say it ends?

My husband has obligations here and there that I have no issue with. His responsibility is to me and his children. It takes both of us to make it and we just make it a priority to put money back to send home because it is a necessity and I am not talking about sending to his mother or aunt or sister's...but to his responsibility..his obligation as a father. I've never had to give my husband money or worry about how he got it to send home. If he wasn't working, he took care of this issue by himself without putting the worry on me.

As far as traveling back and forth he has to. His situation I imagine is very different than a lot of people on here. I will not stand in the way of him as long as all of our needs are met and he has adequate time off to travel.

My husband's issues are up and down due to missing his family, career, culture. Because I love and care for him so much I feel his pain when he hurts and happy when he isn't if that makes any sense to my reference to the roller coaster ride.

Anyways, I hope it all works out for those having problems. Take care.