Likely to receive AOS approval

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

You are young. I was young once, so I've walked in your shoes. Old people are often boring, and young people don't like to hear what they have to say, but you asked, so here it is:

What makes you think he is young? My guess is he is at least 50. And she is playing him like a violin.

I bet she's not shy when she's with the other guy.

[trillium13 84]

Someone please tell me this one isn't for real. It couldn't be, could it?

[Darnell 8,478]

Hullo BobinGeorgia -

Good Lord, Man - This girl has a handler - and it's her Aunt - you know - the spouse of yer friend.

Yer friend won't tell you all the scoop, or them 'marital relations' with his wife will cease. Immediately.

She's living up the road with her 'friend' , you say? Oh - it's another person who's somehow indebted to the Auntie, you betcha.

So far, you've been had.

But hei - she's 23, and mostly clueless about what she's doing - she's only doing what her Auntie is telling her.

I suggest this - to try one time. Schedule a lunch ONLY with the Auntie - and tell her that you feel you've been played.

Tell her that her niece either needs to return to the PI, or step up and be in a relationship with you.

Remind the Auntie that she could make better monies in Saudi Arabia as a nurse, instead of the USA.

Every single thing you've mentioned -

-- lives down the road with a 'friend'

-- introduction to you via the Auntie

-- you've no frickin clue what went down with the K-1 process

-- you think she has visa preference cause she's an RN

is a red flag to me. I suggest you have that one chance, with the Auntie - so -

GO TALK TO THE BOSS, and clear the air.

Otherwise, yer just gonna be another stupid American (sorry, buddy ) who is feeding the remittance economy in the PI.

If I sound a bit harsh, I do apologize - but I do hope you think about what I've written.

(To any PI people - no, I won't apologize - you know the game, or about the game, already )

[Road 2 Peace Arch 0]

Bob,

There are three types of mistakes; those you learn from, those you suffer from, and those you don't survive. I believe you're signing up for the "suffer" variety. Good luck.

[Calypso 464]

Hi Bob..

I doubt if the government care's if she is in love with you or not.

As long as you are willing to financially support her, and as long as all the legal paperwork is in place

[marriage cert, affidavit of support, etc - the stuff you already know]

I doubt the interview will ask her about your daily routines.

So there is no need for her to live with you - If that is her preference.

As long as you appreciate who she is and are willing to give her space to grow and show her what you have shown in this post - that you care about her.

Its obvious that you have already chosen your path..

I would just make an attempt to verify that the future is not one-sided.

Ask her questions about the future - and see if her answers resonate with what you want to create in your life.

If what she wants to create does not fit with you, then you might be doing her a big dis-service by marrying her.

I would stay on your path - But I would get more information about the waters before you leap in to them..

A companion..

..arbind

[Tahoma 2,292]

Do you really think that she will learn to love you? Don't be too gullible. You should heed the advice given to you here.

Best of luck to you. I hope you will make the right decision.

~Chinook

[zenaxe 22]

I would encourage you to really have a good hard look at your situation. If you aren't getting the kind of affection and love that any reasonable person would expect, you would have to wonder about the relationship you are in and what your marriage would look like. I'm not sure I would wait to see if she 'falls in love' in a few months or whenever. Either you are both equally into this or you are not. It just sounds like you are in a very different place emotionally than your fiance. There are warnings all over this but it'll be entirely up to you whether you will explore this further and determine what is the best course.

Did you envision getting married to someone that appears to lack affection toward you? Someone that you 'hope' will fall in love with you? Is this the kind of relationship you want? It can't be a cultural behaviour because many people have married Phillipino men and women and post accordingly without issues such as what you are describing.

Many who have posted aren't passing judgement and this certainly isn't my intent; however, it's in your best interest to explore what you are dealing with and decide whether this is what you really want. If she doesn't love you now and you are engaged, my humble opinion is that she doesn't feel the way you do. And marriage is based on mutual feelings when it comes to love and commitment.

Our intuition always guides us to truth but we often overrule it with intelligent and rationale. Trust your instincts.

Good luck to you.

Edited January 24, 2010 by zenaxe

[Tahoma 2,292]

...it is obvious that she either has no romantic interest in me or has some issues.

Bob...

You are the one with issues. She is scamming you and you know it. You are a willing victim of the long con.

At least you are right about one thing...she has no romantic interest in you.

How old are you anyway? Why do you still allow your little brain to make decisions instead of your big brain?

~ Tahoma

[VanessaTony 3,567]

3 months to get a K1 visa???... have you seen the visa? Are you sure it's not fake? I have never seen it be that quick, and occupation is irrelevant (I assume RN means registered nurse like it does in Australia). I'm suspicious that she's not here on a visitors visa or something else.

Something untoward is going on. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes because if something is happening, you will be asked questions, and they will likely think you were involved if it ever gets discovered.

Did you know she wasn't going to live with you when she came over? Did you know she wasn't going to live with you once you were married even? Strange...

[mamaSue 38]

Bob..... it's one thing being shy and not wanting to live with you before marriage.....

But not wanting to live with you AFTER marriage.... ARE YOU KIDDING!!!???

Sorry...... she's playing you big time!!

And..... do you realise...... once she's got her AOS..... you're financially responsible for you..... even if she goes off and lives with a boyfriend!!

Approximately 50% of the people in this world are women...... I'm sure you can find one that won't take you for an asss!!!

Is it worth investing any more time and money in this one???

Edited January 25, 2010 by mamaSue

[BobInGeorgia 0]

Did you know she wasn't going to live with you when she came over?

I learned she would live with her aunt and uncle a few weeks before she arrived.

Who paid / is paying the fees, travel, etc. for your fiancee?

I have paid for everything and have spent $3000 so far.

You state that she will likely live apart from you (1 mile away) after marriage. How will that story sound to someone who is there to assess the validity of your marriage?

If we have a bona fide marriage she will live with me. If we don’t, I am guessing she will live with her aunt/uncle (my friend); and if this is the case, she will conceal this fact in an AOS interview. This fact is material to my original question about the AOS, because if they ask me a question about living situations I will only speak the truth and may contradict her.

Why are you worrying about the AOS and not about building a marriage.

I’m concerned about both but am using this forum only to discuss the latter.

And..... do you realise...... once she's got her AOS..... you're financially responsible for [her]?

Good point. My best friend, her uncle, shall be responsible for her support through the I-134 Affidavit of Support, so I expect to be off the hook for that.

Is it worth investing any more time and money in this one???

There is so much time, effort, and money invested already, and in post #25 I stated my fiancée is a “very, very, exceptional person”, so moving forward may be worthwhile. But the immigration aspect makes it more complicated.

If we marry I expect the true nature of our marriage to quickly become apparent. If it is not bona fide for whatever reason, it’s in my best interest to quickly divorce or annul the marriage. But of course, she still wants that green card, and I will feel some pressure to continue in the marriage for a time to help. I suppose I would be willing to do that provided I have no financial risk, I don’t have to lie to an investigator or do anything illegal, and there is a high chance of AOS approval – accessing that chance is the motivation for my posting to this forum.

As an aside I have another point that speaks to my desire for her to get a green card. If I don’t marry my fiancée, or if we marry and quickly divorce, I believe she should return to the Philippines. But two weeks ago I was told this will not happen, as she would instead choose to overstay her visa and join the ranks of the other millions of people living in the U.S. illegally. In this case she would obtain fake documents and work in a restaurant or something similar. This would be a pity, because she worked very hard to become an RN, and the U.S. has a shortage of nurses.

[TBoneTX 45,329]

I don’t have to lie to an investigator or do anything illegal

See below.

As an aside I have another point that speaks to my desire for her to get a green card. If I don’t marry my fiancée, or if we marry and quickly divorce, I believe she should return to the Philippines. But two weeks ago I was told this will not happen, as she would instead choose to overstay her visa and join the ranks of the other millions of people living in the U.S. illegally. In this case she would obtain fake documents and work in a restaurant or something similar. This would be a pity, because she worked very hard to become an RN, and the U.S. has a shortage of nurses.

So, you're saying that it's not a real relationship for you (you "won't know" until you're married to her); you were told that she plans to violate U.S. immigration law and obtain false documents; and if you don't help her to become legal, it's "a pity because she's a nurse, and the U.S. has a shortage of nurses"?!

Fully 99.44% of posters over 3 pages of responses have provided uniform opinions about and evaluations of your situation. What with this last post of yours, I don't believe that ANY of what you say is an "aside." Furthermore, the words "idiot," "sucker," "pawn," and "accessory" loom large, although to say regarding whom would be a violation of the VisaJourney Terms of Service. Perhaps I'm not the only one who, if I knew you, would call ICE in order to report both of you -- and your "fiancee's" family, too.

Edited January 25, 2010 by TBoneTX

[Stainer 0]

In most cases the green card is sent without an interview if all the paper work is in order.

If all she wants is the card why would she not be kissing your ####?

I suspect there is something more to this case, are you prone to violence or constantly drunk or on drugs?

Suggestion would be to find out what is causing her to act in this fashion.

[TBoneTX 45,329]

From the OP's very first post in his own thread:

My guess is that if we marry she will continue to live there indefinitely, though at some point she will have to spend some time in my home to learn about me so she can game the AOS interview questions.

Read the bolded & italicized portions, everyone -- from the OP's mouth to ICE's ears.

Incidentally, I believe I need not be concerned about this being marriage fraud

If you're not concerned, and if you play along with it because of your weakness, rationalizations, or other milquetoast blindnesses, you flip a bird in the face of everyone else here who had to fight, claw, and scratch to achieve what is legitimate and is real. The three-letter synonym for "donkey" and "burro" comes vividly to mind, Jack.

[Calypso 464]

This topic must be so interesting that my husband wrote a reply using my account for the very first time.

It's clear that Bob has already made a decision even before he posted here. I'm sure that once they get married and this RN girl gives him some trouble, he'd post a topic here again but would not divorce her. That's what most people do. They think they need advice but they have made up their mind a long time ago. They just need to be validated or they simply want a place where they can whine and rant.

If keeping this RN girl at whatever cost makes him happy, it's up to him.

Wise men say only fools rush in but Bob can't help falling in love with the RN.

FAE

Hi Bob..

I doubt if the government care's if she is in love with you or not.

As long as you are willing to financially support her, and as long as all the legal paperwork is in place

[marriage cert, affidavit of support, etc - the stuff you already know]

I doubt the interview will ask her about your daily routines.

So there is no need for her to live with you - If that is her preference.

As long as you appreciate who she is and are willing to give her space to grow and show her what you have shown in this post - that you care about her.

Its obvious that you have already chosen your path..

I would just make an attempt to verify that the future is not one-sided.

Ask her questions about the future - and see if her answers resonate with what you want to create in your life.

If what she wants to create does not fit with you, then you might be doing her a big dis-service by marrying her.

I would stay on your path - But I would get more information about the waters before you leap in to them..

A companion..

..arbind