Your age difference..Could it be a problem?

[Mikhail 1]

Wife, not Fiancee! Because he doesn't have a job they took the CR-1 route to avoid the complications of The Affidavit of Support with an Unemployed Petitioner who needs his Mommy to sign for his bride.

Even though my wife is only 15 years younger than me (which isn't unheard of around here with "local" couples), I find these threads offensive.

Seriously what's next, "Why to Asian women choose to marry hairy western men"?

At the OP I'll ask why did your wife choose to marry a man who can't support her? You realize that once she's here on the CR-1 she gets a greencard and can remove conditions without you, right? Are you a little worried that after 6 months of living in Mommy's basement and working so she can support you that she'll start looking at us "Older" men who have our own homes and nice cars?

FWIW, statistically men die younger than women anyway. So maybe when I kick the bucket my wife will still be young enough to enjoy some peace & quite in her golden years without a horny old Kano chasing ater her trying to play a game of "Grab-A$$"!!!!

She chose me because she loves me, I should be asking you guys why your wives chose you!

Shes a very simple woman who was looking for love we found eachother by chance etc. we have alot in common, but i wont get into the personal details, in a perfect world she would prefer to live in phil but that does not make sense in this stage of our life

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

She chose me because she loves me, I should be asking you guys why your wives chose you!

Shes a very simple woman who was looking for love we found eachother by chance etc. we have alot in common, but i wont get into the personal details, in a perfect world she would prefer to live in phil but that does not make sense in this stage of our life

My wife didn't choose me, when is love ever a choice?

Together we discovered our mutual love. The only "Choice" was what do we do about it as we live so far apart and I think that decision is obvious.

Your assumption that Pinays "choose" older Kano husbands for strictly financial reasons is arrogant and offensive. Does it happen, sure but honestly there are young women in the US who marry older men to be the trophy wife. In my adult life I've dated women who were 5 to 18 years younger than me and my wife was my second foriegn girlfriend (first was a Chinese born Canadian PR who is actually about 5 years my senior). At 36 years old I had an 18 year old American girlfriend.

If Love is what you really want then you don't look at age first. Our souls touched even before I was ever able to embrace her.

Edited January 21, 2010 by Bob 4 Anna

[Mikhail 1]

Any guy of any age or financial situation come sniffing around my wife and he'll find the same thing, she loves me and I know how to dig deep graves (because the police dogs always find the shallow ones)!

I agree, that goes for any couple were they genuinely love eachother

Are you really so ignorant that you don't realize how much you just insulted most of the Fil-Am couples on this forum? Take that attitude to the local Fil-Am Community and see how many friends it gets you.

Im sure alot felt uncomfortable about and it brought up things people may not want to nescesssarily talk about, but its a perfectly acceptable question, definately on Visajourney

I think your blatent display of immaturatity demonstrates why so many Pinays are happy with their older {and WISER} Kano husbands.

I dont think I've displayed any lack of immaturity but you are entitled to your own opinion, Bob I've looked at some of your comments there not exactly "MATURE" your the one thats attacking me, Why should there be any question in your mind that we will be together in 10 years if I'm on VisaJourney a place were most couples are out of the nromal age difference and seem happy...

[DainandVicky 4]

I said security. I didn't say financial security.

Most young men are out with their friends, roadtripping, barhopping, generally just being jerk-offs that don't crack a book and can't use their they're and there properly.

Many, MANY women prefer a more STABLE man, not necessarily financially well-off. Big difference.

The OP's posts are extremely self-serving and full of Hubris, typical of a young and immature man. And exactly the reason a lot of women choose a more mature one.

[Mikhail 1]

I said security. I didn't say financial security.

Most young men are out with their friends, roadtripping, barhopping, generally just being jerk-offs that don't crack a book and can't use their they're and there properly.

Many, MANY women prefer a more STABLE man, not necessarily financially well-off. Big difference.

The OP's posts are extremely self-serving and full of Hubris, typical of a young and immature man. And exactly the reason a lot of women choose a more mature one.

Im not like those guys at all though, I agree 100% that women want a stable man and that man can be stable at any age. I can definately see how the posts sound "self serving" and "full of hubris" but it was just a question, curious to see what people would say and how they perceive themselves and what not. I like your posts Ive agreed with both of them.

[DARUMA07 25]

Im not like those guys at all though, I agree 100% that women want a stable man and that man can be stable at any age. I can definately see how the posts sound "self serving" and "full of hubris" but it was just a question, curious to see what people would say and how they perceive themselves and what not. I like your posts Ive agreed with both of them.

Why worry about it when it doesn't even affect you? Ask yourself these questions when your wife starts showing her years and you being 7 years younger start wondering if you made the right decision. Ask yourself if your wife will tolerate an unemployed husband for long? Just like I said in another post. I am 51 years old, but I'll scrap with any 20 year old and come out it smiling....

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I dont think I've displayed any lack of immaturity but you are entitled to your own opinion, Bob I've looked at some of your comments there not exactly "MATURE" your the one thats attacking me, Why should there be any question in your mind that we will be together in 10 years if I'm on VisaJourney a place were most couples are out of the nromal age difference and seem happy...

First I'll correct you a bit:

I said you're displaying immaturity not lacking it. In fact I agree with your statement above that you have not displayed any lack of immaturity, you have demonstrated an abundance of it.

I asked if you're ignorant to how offensive your statements are here to many of the VJ Fil-Am members and you ignored that. My question wasn't an attack as you seem to think but rather an elbow in the ribs nudging you to think about what you've said. In case you don't understand it ignorant doesn't mean you're dumb, it means you don't know something there is a huge difference.

Regarding how mature my comments are I can only guess that you failed to understand the "Deep vs Shallow Grave" statement to be simply a joke

If you had spent 3 brain cells on the search page you'd find so many threads with the questions about "Young Pinays & Older Kanos" that your head would spin.

Now in closing I'll ask you: Who are you to determine what is "Normal"?

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

I wanted to ask because most of the time its fairly obvious that there getting married for the better life and the chance to get out of Phil, because they could find whoever they wanted in the U.S. or Phil with any income level, they dont need to resort to marrying some of these guys.

--->>> I am shocked (by feigned naivitee) and offended (by arrogance and predjudice) that you are suggesting that "most" filipina are desperate to compromise their morals, values, virtues, ethics, dignity, family life..etc....I wonder how your pinay asawa would respond to your question...would you mind allowing some of us vj's to ask her? (but myb that wouldnt be such a good idea for you huh?)

oh..btw...you insulted the Philippines and the filipino people at the same time...myb better you tago behind mommy for awhile!?

there I would actually feel a hell of a lot more threatned by young guys my age and older that are more appealing to your wives or girlfriends because actually in the same generation.

--->>> You really have a very simplified view of love and marriage kiddo! I offer you some advice...you have a lot to learn still on how to earn and keep a marriage. I make 2 predictions....your "simple" asawa will get a job before you do! Your "simple" asawa will complain bout aspects of your relationship with the common (underlying) theme of immature and insensitive!

a 13 year age gap (thank God coz I needed the extra head start on life experiences to help me deserve her) between my wife and I..asawa ko is; college educated...has a high moral value code...had a good job in fili...a spiritually sound and loving family...strong friendships. Asawa ko is more mature and wiser than I in many ways. We are absolutely best friends. Am I threatened by a younger 1 than I? NO!!! Why? coz my wife would eat them for lunch as they could not sustain her strength and she would become weary of their immaturity.

[Calypso 464]

I wonder if this is the next thread to be closed soon after last week. Tsk, tsk...

The title of the topic is...

"Your age difference..Could it be a problem?"

Yet, he specifically has to ask this:

"Im just curious what do you and your wife think about your age difference? Do you you think it could be a problem later in life? What happens when you become an old man and your wife is still a young woman?"

Why does he directly point out issues about "old men" and "young women" getting married when the whole thing about "age difference" doesn't revolve around that?

Maybe he's feeling special because he is not an "old man" but a Filipina has chosen to marry him. Or perhaps, he can't help but feel insecure about "old men" and he is asking himself what makes them better than he is.

To the OP: Cliche but "To each his own."

I first met my husband when he was 36 and I was 21. Even my mother says until now that my husband looks like he is in his 20's. It's not the age that attracted me but his character anyway.

FAE

[Mikhail 1]

Im happy with my older wife she is happy with me, You guys are happy with your younger wives and vice versa, we all love our spouses, so we dont have to make any more judjements, on anyone. We dont need to make decisions on maturity over the internet either. There are actually 20 year olds out there who are ready to get married. Of all places this is not the place for that, none of us knows anything about eachother, I dont doubt anyones love for their spouse, i didnt think everybody would get so defensive about it...and again I dont feel threatned at all theres no reason to be, and I have already looked at the posts in this category prior to posting the original post. I thought this was a discussion. Theres nothing wrong with your situations or mine, I just wanted to talk about the phenomenon that is associated with older foreign men and younger women as it relates to the philippines, as the post went on I just added that I am not apart of that demographic and i was just curious about it.

[Esperados 1]

Very True, love is irrational and not tied to age. You can "fall in love" with someone for different reasons; they could be attractive, have a nice personality or even be a walking-wallet.

It takes much more to make a life long union work in a complex world like ours.

Having said that, when all is said and done, love is just a minimum requirement in order to win the commitment of a woman.

Nothing will save a man who cannot faithfully support his wife and family from eventuall loss of respect. Being a responsible provider and parent, in addition to treating your partner right, can be the only ultimate litmus test in some cases. I'm not dismissing other classic factors of romance etc.

To the OP, my thoughts for you is to further your education or learn a trade that would help you sustain your future family. You are still young and that would be the best thing you can do for yourself and your fiancee in my opinion.

To those who see the thread as an insult to pinays, i strongly disagree.

Age difference, as it relates to a lifelong union is very sensitive, but also a valid point worth discussing. There is no statistics that suggests marrying someone 30 years older/younger or someone 3 years older/younger, determines the future of marriage.

However the advent of online dating , has rejuvenated a scary situation where some men simply choose women half their age (or in some cases, the same age has their daughters) just to fulfill their fantasies . We cannot just dismiss the odds that come with such huge age differences in some cases. e.g. 60 yrs married to a 19 yr old.

To some, the age difference is worth a sacrifice. The men might simply be more attracted to the old-fashioned values of another culture, and are hoping to avoid the America divorce epidemic---an epidemic which is yet to spread to most foreign countries. While the woman might see such union from a maturity/commitment point of view.

There is nothing repugnant with a woman seeking security in her future husband. This is true in most (if not all) cultures.

Lets not lump all cases together.

Goodluck to all !!

Edited January 21, 2010 by Esperados

[Mikhail 1]

Very True, love is irrational and not tied to age. You can "fall in love" with someone for different reasons; they could be attractive, have a nice personality or even be a walking-wallet.

It takes much more to make a life long union work in a complex world like ours.

Having said that, when all is said and done, love is a minimum requirement in order to win the commitment of a woman.

Nothing will save a man who cannot faithfully support his wife and family from her eventually loss of respect. Being a responsible provider and parent, in addition to treating your partner right, can be the only ultimate litmus test in some cases. I'm not dismissing other classic factors of romance etc.

To the OP, my thoughts for you is to further your education or learn a trade that would help you sustain your future family. You are still young and that would be the best thing you can do for yourself and your fiancee in my opinion.

To those who see the thread as an insult to pinays, i strongly disagree.

Age difference, as it relates to a lifelong union is very sensitive, but also a valid point worth discussing. There is no statistics that suggests marrying someone 30 years older/younger or someone 3 years older/younger, determines the future of such marriage.

However the advent of online dating , has rejuvenated a scary situation where some men simply choose women half their age (or in some cases, the same age has their daughters) just to fulfill their fantasies . We cannot just dismiss the odds that come with such huge age differences in some cases. e.g. 60 yrs married to a 19 yr old.

To some, the age difference is worth a sacrifice. The men might be more attracted to the old-fashioned values of another culture, and are hoping to avoid the America divorce epidemic---an epidemic which is yet to spread to most foreign countries. While the woman might see such union from a maturity/commitment point of view.

There is nothing repugnant with a woman seeking security in her future husband. This is true in most (if not all) cultures.

Lets not lump all cases together.

Goodluck to all !!

GREAT POST ESPERADOS......THANK YOU........ SOMEBODY WHO GETS IT AND IS NOT OUT TO NITPICK AND BUST MY BALLS

[Mikhail 1]

Why worry about it when it doesn't even affect you? Ask yourself these questions when your wife starts showing her years and you being 7 years younger start wondering if you made the right decision. Ask yourself if your wife will tolerate an unemployed husband for long? Just like I said in another post. I am 51 years old, but I'll scrap with any 20 year old and come out it smiling....

It doent affect me but that doesnt mean i cant ask a question. Does it concern or affect anyone else when somebody post says My Vietnamese wife and I love to sit home and watch T.V. all day.......Or what dishes can I make for my husband? People can talk about whatever they want

Whats wrong when my wife starts showing her 7 years? nothing. Older women are beautiful in many different ways, I love her for the same reason your wife loves you for being older than her. What happens when you start showing your 30 years? thats a rhetorical question. Again cmon guys stop with the unemployment thing its a tough economy. and "doesnt affect you". since when did unemployment become permanent and a reason not to love someone?

and happyninlove.........Theres nothing remotely prejudiced about that comment and everybody here knows it. My wife knows that and thinks its unfortunate just like everybody else does, and dont play that game with me were Im naieve and ignorant of the phil and im disrespecting everybody, its like that everywere, any country

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Im happy with my older wife she is happy with me, You guys are happy with your younger wives and vice versa, we all love our spouses, so we dont have to make any more judjements, on anyone. We dont need to make decisions on maturity over the internet either. There are actually 20 year olds out there who are ready to get married. Of all places this is not the place for that, none of us knows anything about eachother, I dont doubt anyones love for their spouse, i didnt think everybody would get so defensive about it...and again I dont feel threatned at all theres no reason to be, and I have already looked at the posts in this category prior to posting the original post. I thought this was a discussion. Theres nothing wrong with your situations or mine, I just wanted to talk about the phenomenon that is associated with older foreign men and younger women as it relates to the philippines, as the post went on I just added that I am not apart of that demographic and i was just curious about it.

I'm sorry but I'm not just gonna let you off the hook that easy!

Accountability is an act of maturity and I dont believe that you're so naive to not recognize that your comments were offensive.

You said, its fairly obvious that "MOST" filipinas marry (an old man) for a better life and to get out of the philippines. You're surprised that some are defensive? You basically said, that most filipinas are gold digger's at best and that life in the Philippines totally sucks.

Please dont hide behind the guise of pontification.

I agree that there are some, in all countries, that will marry to enrich their life and help their families. To say that "most" of the pinay do this demonstrates a lack of understanding about the filipino culture. Reconsider and compare the core value system of (some) Americans to (most) filipinos.

I think this is a topic you should discuss with your wife and be careful how you phrase your question next time!

Schools out...now go look for a job and stop messing around on the web all day! You have a marriage to (help) support!

[Pinay Wife 47]

What happens when you become an old man and your wife is still a young woman?

Umm, isn't it obvious that the young woman will be able to take care of her old man?

Im just curious about the guys that are alot older than there wives

Don't be curious because one day you will be older too and that will come sooner than you think. So enjoy your youth while you can.

you usually dont see Filipno guys 20+years older than there wives in phil

It's far more common. One good example is Dolphy (Filipino comedian), 81 years old, who is in a loving relationship with the beautiful singer/actress Zsa Zsa Padilla who is 45 years old. They hooked up when Dolphy was 61 years old and Zsa-Zsa was only 25. Still happily living together after 20 years!

Unfortunately I think some are almost "brainwashed" into thinking that well if hes american, white, and at least 20 years older then me then i know he loves me, thats kind of sad.

What is sad about loving someone who is 20 years older? What I think is sad are people like you who judge others because of the choices they make.

How would you feel if I questioned your 27-year old girlfriend's choice of an unemployed 20-year old American man who is irresponsible enough to try and petition her into coming to America will the full knowledge that he cannot support her and have to ask Mommy and Daddy to co-sponsor?

My soon to be wife and I are the total opposite we dont fit the typical bill at all Im 20 and shes 27, Im unemployed in a tough economy, I dont have alot of money or whatever. We like our age difference but I dont get these age differencs when the wife is 21 and the guy is like 48. I wonder where they see themselves in 20 years when the 21 year realizes maybe she shouldnt have married a guy so much older then her.

I wonder where you and your fiancee would be a few months after she gets here and she realizes you can't even feed her? Think about that. Most of the time, love flies out of the window when money is tight.

it will be sad when he dies and your alone 50 something years old, what will you do fro the rest of your life?

I'll go marry an unemployed 20-year old! Yehey!!!

BTW, I couldn't have picked anyone any better than My Ruchie. She defines what true love is all about. I gotta go now. Gotta find my bottle of Geritol and change my Depends (Adult Diaper) and go to bed. (If I can find where my bed is)...

Love this, Danny!!! Way to go!!! :lol: