5 Minute Management Course

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5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as

his wife is finishing up her shower, when

the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel

and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob,

the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll

give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman

drops her towel and stands naked in front of

Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800

and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and

goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband

asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,'

she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'Did he say

anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining

to credit and risk with your shareholders,

in time, you may be in a position to prevent

avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her

gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily

slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing

gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember

Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the

flesh is weak..'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily

and went on her way..

On his arrival at the church, the priest

rushed to look up Psalm 129..

It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you

will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you

might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the

manager are walking to lunch when they find

an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just

one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.

'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a

speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I

want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach

with my personal masseuse, an endless

supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the

office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing

nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,

'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle

and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the

rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be

sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that

tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the

energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of

my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed

with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it

actually gave him enough strength to reach the

lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he

reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was

proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him

out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't

keep you there..

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the

ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and

dropped some dung on him..

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow

dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began

to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came

to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird

under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him

out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is

your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to

keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[mawilson 2,133]

:rofl:

[edward toro 3]

not bad!

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]