Got Baby? Avez vous un bebe?

[Ontarkie 14,133]

Holy ####### Ontarkie - you're pregnant too? I need to read this thread more often! Congratulations to all of you. I dearly wish my husband and I had met 5 years earlier because we would have considered at least 1 more on top of the blended 3 kids we already have. I'm 40 now and the hubster is fixed so we just...ahem... 'practice' for fun (I highly recommend the hubster getting fixed once you're done....no more birth control worries - yippee!)

every so often I feel misty-eyed about us not having a child of our own, but I try to forget about it

Ya I'm pregnant too. Was a big surprise we were told it wouldn't happen without in vitro, my tubes were blocked. We have talked about birth control or who gets fixed. I know I'm not going through that again 2 surgeries are enough for me and hes seen what his brother went through so now hes scared to death. This will be his first child so we are both supper happy, I just worry about all the baby things starting over at this age. But this time around I have a husband who is active with my kids and will be helpful with a new baby. Having 4 teenagers heck the oldest is 19 its going to be interesting that is for sure.

[Colleens 40]

This thread is exciting to read, even if I'm an outsider looking in!

The baby decision is a tough one for us. On one hand, we've come to lead very stable lives. We're pretty financially sound, own a home, 2 cars, steady jobs, all the things people tell you to establish before thinking about kids. And then on the other hand, I'm not sure I could handle it. Am I mature enough to make the necessary sacrifices? I'm not really sure. I guess we should be sure first? There are just a million things to consider. I feel like I'm still young (23) but the husband is almost 26 and is starting to feel "old." For every reason to have a child, there are 5 reasons to put it off. It's just crazy! The way I over think things, I'll be going over the same pros and cons 10 years from now. How did you guys make the decision to start a family?

Since we are a bit older (I am 37 and Si is 36) we don't really have time on our side when it came to kids. We both knew that we really wanted them, and have been waiting a long time to have them, so the choice was pretty easy. I stopped using BC pretty much as soon as we decided to start the K1 process (not that we had great odds of getting pregnant when we only saw each other once every month or 2!!) There will always be a million reasons to put off having kids, and I don't think you are ever 100% ready, and no matter what stage of life you are in there are always things that you are going to need to sacrifice. We could have waited a bit longer and paid our last little bit of debt, waited until Si got a promotion and we could have bought a house first, but it didn't happen that way. There have been some tough times, but we have made it through, and things are getting better every day. I had hoped to be able to go back to school for a career change, but with a little one that is going to be a bit harder (especially since we do want another and probably won't wait too long before starting to try again). But I am sure somehow it will work out. It may take a bit longer, but I will get there eventually.

Huggles, I don't think you are ever sure when it comes to making all the sacrifices, it has been hard for me to give up a lot of things, but having a family opens a lot of opportunities for new experiences as well. I wish I could have had my kids earlier...I hate the thought I am going to be close to 60 when they graduate from high school, and at times I worry that I am not going to have the energy for 2 little ones (should we be lucky enough to have a #2). And now that my parents are 68 & 73, I know that my kids are not going to get much of an opportunity to get to know and enjoy them, and that makes me a bit sad. Unfortunately no one can tell you when you are ready, only you can make that choice. It was like making the choice to get married. I am sure that a lot of things in your life changed when you made that choice, and it will be the same with having kids.

[Canadiandggal 49]

Since we are a bit older (I am 37 and Si is 36) we don't really have time on our side when it came to kids. We both knew that we really wanted them, and have been waiting a long time to have them, so the choice was pretty easy. I stopped using BC pretty much as soon as we decided to start the K1 process (not that we had great odds of getting pregnant when we only saw each other once every month or 2!!) There will always be a million reasons to put off having kids, and I don't think you are ever 100% ready, and no matter what stage of life you are in there are always things that you are going to need to sacrifice. We could have waited a bit longer and paid our last little bit of debt, waited until Si got a promotion and we could have bought a house first, but it didn't happen that way. There have been some tough times, but we have made it through, and things are getting better every day. I had hoped to be able to go back to school for a career change, but with a little one that is going to be a bit harder (especially since we do want another and probably won't wait too long before starting to try again). But I am sure somehow it will work out. It may take a bit longer, but I will get there eventually.

Huggles, I don't think you are ever sure when it comes to making all the sacrifices, it has been hard for me to give up a lot of things, but having a family opens a lot of opportunities for new experiences as well. I wish I could have had my kids earlier...I hate the thought I am going to be close to 60 when they graduate from high school, and at times I worry that I am not going to have the energy for 2 little ones (should we be lucky enough to have a #2). And now that my parents are 68 & 73, I know that my kids are not going to get much of an opportunity to get to know and enjoy them, and that makes me a bit sad. Unfortunately no one can tell you when you are ready, only you can make that choice. It was like making the choice to get married. I am sure that a lot of things in your life changed when you made that choice, and it will be the same with having kids.

You said that like a pro.. No one is ever a 100 percent ready..

[Bern` 0]

Since we are a bit older (I am 37 and Si is 36) we don't really have time on our side when it came to kids. We both knew that we really wanted them, and have been waiting a long time to have them, so the choice was pretty easy. I stopped using BC pretty much as soon as we decided to start the K1 process (not that we had great odds of getting pregnant when we only saw each other once every month or 2!!) There will always be a million reasons to put off having kids, and I don't think you are ever 100% ready, and no matter what stage of life you are in there are always things that you are going to need to sacrifice. We could have waited a bit longer and paid our last little bit of debt, waited until Si got a promotion and we could have bought a house first, but it didn't happen that way. There have been some tough times, but we have made it through, and things are getting better every day. I had hoped to be able to go back to school for a career change, but with a little one that is going to be a bit harder (especially since we do want another and probably won't wait too long before starting to try again). But I am sure somehow it will work out. It may take a bit longer, but I will get there eventually.

As bad as it may sound, I think my parents are the main reason why I opted to ''try'' and have kids earlier in life as opposed to most of my friends. I'm nearly 21 and my mom is almost 58, my dad 56. My grandparents, god the bless the ones still alive, are in their 80's+. As much as I'd dreamed of having children in my late 20's to early 30's, I feel like it wasn't an option to me. I want my son to get to know my family, along with my husbands, but it's slightly harder with mine...(my mother is 13 years older than my husbands mother.) And my preggo brain is not really letting me form a complete thought...and its 730am...but my parents age was a big thing for deciding. But yeah, you'll never be 100% ready. Thank god, my husband has a career and can support me and the baby on one paycheck. I'm hoping to start college in the fall of 2011 or spring 2012, it all depends. I doubt I'll be trying for another anytime soon though, one grandchild is enough for my mother she says. Maybe another in 6 years.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Thanks for the stories everyone! I think you're probably right, you're never going to be 100% ready. I guess if everyone waited until their lives were 100% perfect, nobody would ever have kids at all! I see how the family thing can play into it as well. My mom already had me when she was my age, and my grandmother already had 4 at my age, so for some strange reason I almost feel behind? Probably a silly thing to feel when you're only 23. People have kids older these days, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just thinking that I'll just wake up one morning and decide the time is right... Probably not going to happen

[Bern` 0]

I've actually noticed that a lot of people in the US anyway, tend to have kids EXTREMELY young, whether on purpose or out of sheer stupidity. Or maybe I think that because most of the other military wives my age already have 2-3 children, and it completely throws me for a loop. :S I never saw that sort of thing in Canada, or rather, I did, but it wasn't as often or frequent as I see it here.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I've actually noticed that a lot of people in the US anyway, tend to have kids EXTREMELY young, whether on purpose or out of sheer stupidity. Or maybe I think that because most of the other military wives my age already have 2-3 children, and it completely throws me for a loop. :S I never saw that sort of thing in Canada, or rather, I did, but it wasn't as often or frequent as I see it here.

Having had a kid at 21, I wouldn't recommend so young - of course, you have done the deed so that is neither here nor there. I was 2/3 of the way through college at the time and I ahve never had the time to finish since and I regret that. Everything changes with a baby - no matter what people tell you, your life and it's priorities change.

The bonus is that at 40, I have a 19 yr old and I will be a young grandma

[Arabella 4]

I've actually noticed that a lot of people in the US anyway, tend to have kids EXTREMELY young, whether on purpose or out of sheer stupidity. Or maybe I think that because most of the other military wives my age already have 2-3 children, and it completely throws me for a loop. :S I never saw that sort of thing in Canada, or rather, I did, but it wasn't as often or frequent as I see it here.

I think your experience is because of the military. I was an Army wife for 8 years (at age 18) and all of the young enlisted guys had wives and babies. I think they might have enlisted when they got their girlfriend pregnant. It might just be that group of people.

I am noticing that my high school friends on Facebook are all getting married and having their first baby this year- and we are all 32! They did a lot of partying and taking their time in college (one of my friends took 10 years to get her degree), and are settling down now.

[Bern` 0]

Having had a kid at 21, I wouldn't recommend so young - of course, you have done the deed so that is neither here nor there. I was 2/3 of the way through college at the time and I ahve never had the time to finish since and I regret that. Everything changes with a baby - no matter what people tell you, your life and it's priorities change.

The bonus is that at 40, I have a 19 yr old and I will be a young grandma

Yeah, the deed has been done, and right now I'm worry about whether or not I'll do college but it's not really easy to get a loan for school as an immigrant so I think I'll wait until I can get citizenship and once I'm a citizen, my husband will have served 6 years, so he can transfer his GI bill to me. Getting a degree at 30 still isn't bad. I completely adore and love my son to death though, I wouldn't change a thing (mind you, he still has another 3 weeks to go..unless he's early) but I will definitely be taking the nessecary precautions to prevent any pregnancy until at least another 4-5 years.

And yeah, Arabella, I think that's a big part of it. A lot of the men my husband works with, joined simply for the fact that they had kids too young, and couldn't afford them. A lot of this same group, loathe their jobs...which is a shame. I couldn't imagine doing something I hated. ):

[Colleens 40]

I seem to notice that a lot of lower income families seem to have kids at younger ages as well. To me it seems that in America the "middle class" is smaller than in Canada, and there seems to be more disparity between lower and middle income families. In my experience it seems that the middle to higher income families tend to wait a bit longer to have kids. It could also because lower income families do not have as easy access to affordable birth control, or maybe they don't receive the education on preventing pregnancy. I know that these are generalizations, and it may just be in the area that I live in, but I see a lot of it. I know that in my husbands family, his mom had kids quite young, his sister had kids at a young age and his 16yr old niece has a 2yr old son. And I seem to see a lot of people who seem to be in similar situations.

[Canadiandggal 49]

I seem to notice that a lot of lower income families seem to have kids at younger ages as well. To me it seems that in America the "middle class" is smaller than in Canada, and there seems to be more disparity between lower and middle income families. In my experience it seems that the middle to higher income families tend to wait a bit longer to have kids. It could also because lower income families do not have as easy access to affordable birth control, or maybe they don't receive the education on preventing pregnancy. I know that these are generalizations, and it may just be in the area that I live in, but I see a lot of it. I know that in my husbands family, his mom had kids quite young, his sister had kids at a young age and his 16yr old niece has a 2yr old son. And I seem to see a lot of people who seem to be in similar situations.

where In canada are you from? Most the people I have know far out beat me to having children, Most the people I knew or knew of in high school had children between the ages of 14-17. My best friend had her first at 14, second at 15 and third by 17.Maybe it is the area I am from but the low income was far more of the usual than the middle class. In my opinion I would say there was Low income and "high imcome".In my opinion I would say the opposite about Canada and USA But It is probably just the area I was from.

[Colleens 40]

where In canada are you from? Most the people I have know far out beat me to having children, Most the people I knew or knew of in high school had children between the ages of 14-17. My best friend had her first at 14, second at 15 and third by 17.Maybe it is the area I am from but the low income was far more of the usual than the middle class. In my opinion I would say there was Low income and "high imcome".In my opinion I would say the opposite about Canada and USA But It is probably just the area I was from.

I was in Ottawa. Pretty much all of my friends are about the same age or older than I am when they had kids. I really don't know of any one of the people I new...even those who were just casual aquaintances that were any younger than their mid 20's when they started having kids. I guess it has a lot to do with the region you are in.

[Canadiandggal 49]

I was in Ottawa. Pretty much all of my friends are about the same age or older than I am when they had kids. I really don't know of any one of the people I new...even those who were just casual aquaintances that were any younger than their mid 20's when they started having kids. I guess it has a lot to do with the region you are in.

has to be the difference in regions

Edited December 2, 2010 by Canadiandggal

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Having had a kid at 21, I wouldn't recommend so young - of course, you have done the deed so that is neither here nor there. I was 2/3 of the way through college at the time and I ahve never had the time to finish since and I regret that. Everything changes with a baby - no matter what people tell you, your life and it's priorities change.

The bonus is that at 40, I have a 19 yr old and I will be a young grandma

That is a nice bonus! I keep telling my mom that. Whenever she says she's getting old, I need to remind her that she is younger than most parents who have children my age. She just celebrated her 46th birthday on Tuesday, so she will probably get to be a young hip grandma before she's 50

There are tons of people I went to high school with who have kids now, and none of them are married. Literally none. Part of me thinks it might be more prevalent in smaller towns. When there is nothing to do, people just have sex I guess...

[Canadiandggal 49]

That is a nice bonus! I keep telling my mom that. Whenever she says she's getting old, I need to remind her that she is younger than most parents who have children my age. She just celebrated her 46th birthday on Tuesday, so she will probably get to be a young hip grandma before she's 50

There are tons of people I went to high school with who have kids now, and none of them are married. Literally none. Part of me thinks it might be more prevalent in smaller towns. When there is nothing to do, people just have sex I guess...

Yes...thats the reason but that was never me

I actually bought a shirt when I was 8 months pregnant that says "My father thinks Im still a virgin" It was awesome...I still have it in my closet...one day is shall wear it again

Edited December 3, 2010 by Canadiandggal