African Husbands/ Cooking?

[Peace be still 6]

He got his 10 year green card in July, now all of a sudden he's not happy. What was it like in the beginning? He knew what you was capable of cooking.

[tdf1942 0]

He got his 10 year green card in July, now all of a sudden he's not happy. What was it like in the beginning? He knew what you was capable of cooking.

Well Menaforlife i can only hope thats not the case , it would be really heart breaking for that young lady i know they will resolve their delima of cooking ,better yet i'm willing to teach them some good ol fashion southern home cooking

[a&o 4]

I'm the cook five days a week, my husband cooks one day, and we go out once a week. The trade-off is that he does all the dishes and kitchen cleaning in the morning before he goes to work. This works for us, except that he has the nerve to complain when he doesn't like something I made. When he does this, I leave the table and eat elsewhere. But it is INCREDIBLY annoying. I tell him he can go find a wife in Ghana if he needs Ghanaian food every day, and he grumbles. He knows he is being an ####, but his stomach rules his head sometimes.

I've found his tastes in food totally unpredictable, too. He LOVES Thai food and then he also loves pasta with portabello mushrooms and spinach. No patterns to follow. At first, though, I just put hot pepper on everything I made and that seemed to satisfy him.

I would say easy things that are Ghana-ish would be fried plantains, fried rice, tomato stew with fish, and okra. I'm a vegetarian so my husband has to deal with that, too, but thank goodness he likes tofu. So, I guess it could be worse....

To your real question of balancing chores: that's universal, but if you remind him that you'd gladly cook every meal if he wants to be the sole breadwinner, it's a deal.

[GabiandVi 34]

When my husband wants African food, he cooks it himself. In fact, even before we were married, my apartment in China became the place where all the Beninese would gather to have African food. They didn't have kitchens, so they used mine.

In the beginning of our relationship, I would cook for my husband every time he came over if we weren't going out to eat. But after about six months or so, he asked me, after we had finished our meal of chicken, if it was possible to buy an "authentic" chicken in China? After I stopped laughing, (had we just eaten fake chicken?) I figured out what he meant. He wanted a live chicken and he thought he would be able to kill it and clean it in my apartment. (I set him straight on that!) He also wanted a skinny chicken. (A friend of mine swears that Africans kill the chickens they are ready to eat by starving them to death.) Anyway, I understood that he had never been impressed by my cooking, so I stopped cooking as often.

He eventually found a market where he could buy his live chicken, and where they would kill and clean it for him, and he would bring it home with the head and feet still on, and prepare it in my kitchen. I'd come home to find chicken feet sticking out of a pot, and whole fish in my freezer unwrapped.

He arrived here in America recently on an extended visit, and I have been trying to cook every night when I come home because I think it is important to eat together as a family, and because I don't want African food all the time. AND I don't want EVERY pot and EVERY bowl in my house to be covering EVERY surface in my kitchen!!!! This is how he cooks. In China, I had a housekeeper. Here the housekeeper is me. Fortunately he loves Mexican food, Louisiana food, Thai food, and simple fare. However, he does have some dietary restrictions based on his traditions, so it gets a little complicated at times. And his favorite food is goat, though he will substitute with lamb, but neither are abundant here and both are relatively expensive. But we've found a source and he has already cooked that for himself. (I DON'T eat lamb or goat. Lived in Greece and didn't eat it there either!!!! YUCK!)

As for other duties, we are figuring it out. Like I said, when we were living together in China, we had a housekeeper and a nanny. Now we have to do the chores ourselves. Because my husband is here on a tourist visa and can't work, he is staying home all day with our three-year-old. I figured this would be the quickest way to Americanize him with regard to husbands partaking in the household chores and duties. It has only been a little over a week, but I have hope that things will work out so that I'm not left doing everything myself. However, I've resigned myself to the fact that by marrying him, I've sentenced myself to the bulk of the housework. I think even in marriages where both partners come from cultures where men are more domesticated and women are more liberated, women still end up doing more of the housework. I count it a success that he does a little vacuuming and cares for a pre-schooler all by himself all day. So far, he hasn't taken out the garbage yet. But he's been here long enough now that I'm going to crush his excuse that he doesn't know where to bring it. Next time, it will be his turn! I still come home to find dirty dishes from lunch, but at least they are in the sink, not all over the counters, and I have a dishwasher here. But our child is still in her pajamas at 3:00 when I get home. What's with that?

[Kanyiri 0]

Well my husband and I would have problems if he expected me to cook Ghanaian food every day for him. I do cook Ghanaian food, but not very often. I admit I used to cook more. We used to both work full time, but right now he is home taking care of our son while I am working so he's got a bit more time at home than I do. When I do cook, I usually cook an American meal because they are faster - much faster. While in Ghana I had someone cooking every meal for me, so my husband was well aware of my cooking laziness.

Marriage is about compromise, so you have to find the middle ground that works for you and your husband, but the attitude he seems to be giving you wouldn't work in my house - whether it be from him or me. I understand wanting food that reminds him of home, but he has two capable hands. Plus, it is completely unfair for a mixed household to solely eat the food from one country. Maybe his complaining about food is just an outlet because he is homesick?

I've put this link here before, but here are some simple Ghanaian recipes: http://ghanarpcv.org/pdf/DawnOfCooking.pdf

The recipes start on page 21 or so. You can try the way they suggest first and then modify to taste. It is the cookbook we had while in Ghana so obviously some of the ingredients you won't be able to find here (e.g., dawadawa) but you can cook anything in there without those special items. Also if you have a Ghanaian market nearby, they will usually have premaid kenke so that all you have to cook is the stew, and you could even just get their shitto for that.

I hope y'all can find a compromise that works for both of you.

[RANNK1 8]

hello everyone. it has been a while for me. i have a question for you guys. for those of you who are married, does your husband expect you to cook everyday? this is presenting itself as a problem in my marriage. we have been together for 5 years, married for 3. i am a teacher and i work at least 10 hours a day. my husband works too, on average 6-8 hours a day. he cooks sometimes but not all the time. we are getting into huge arguments now because if i don't cook african meals, he gets angry and ignores me. i don't know how to cook many african meals at all. i am american with a caribbean background so i make mostly caribbean food and occasionally african food. my husband told me that he is unhappy because he wants to eat african food every day. i feel this is an unrealistic expectation. any thoughts? i'm at the point where i don't know what to do...

yes the food issues: my husband is so happy to see me cooking for him everyday. If I don't cook for him, or none of his type of food is in the house, he is pretty grouchy. I knew in advance that he would expect, require me to took for him, so I am ok with cooking. Luckily, he has been teaching me how to cook and he is also happy to do most of the dishes and cleaning in the house to help out so I have TIME to do his cooking.

Ask your husband to do plenty of other chores in the house so that you have time to cook. Also ask him to teach you how to cook. This is a huge gender/ cultural way of life in Africa, where the woman are expected to cook---- but it is also expected the the husband is going to be washing dishes, laundry, cleaning and taking care of the children. Maybe someday your husband will take on some American customs like doing some cooking--- but it could take years. In the meantime: have him wash all dishes and laundry and vacume so you have the time to cook.

[oh hene wa 0]

Hi Radical!

Sorry for your frustrations. In my household, my husband does 90% of the cooking. Mainly for two reasons: 1) he is a V-E-R-Y picky eater and 2) he often is home before me. For the few occasions that I do arrive home first, we simply eat left overs. Personally, I am not a big fan of cooking. On the otherhand, it can sometimes be frustrating when I do take the time to cook only to have my husband either not eat the food, eat the food, yet add something he's already cooked to the meal, or pull out left overs that he has cooked from the night prior. But oh well ... we are soon approaching 4 years of marriage, so at this point it suits me just fine.

Back to your situation - may I suggest that you and your husband try the 'whoever gets home first, should cook' plan. Do you think he would be willing to try this? Does he even know how to cook? Also, do you guys have any children? The reason for my question regarding children, is that perhaps he can help out more with the children while you cook. That way you won't become so overwhelmed.

One more thing ... for the few times that I do make it a point of cooking, it's during the school semester in which he's working and going to school. During this period, we both are in the kitchen on the weekends, preparing several different dishes so that during the week, it's just a matter of heating up the food.

As for cooking African dishes .... um .... I will pass on offering any such advice. Cooking is not my area of expertise. For some odd reason, when I have tried to cook an African dish (via a receipe from the internet) my husband frowns on the fact that I went to the internet to learn how to cook a meal. He would rather me ask him. But oh well ... suits me just fine.

I bid you all the best.

Boaz

Wow I say ty

you have good advice

I would have said the same thing

I say who gets home first, cook extra and freeze it

have left overs.

I also would say on a day where you both are off

make it a cooking date where you both can share and

learn a new dish that one can or might teach the other

I do like your words well

TY