He tried to kill himself

[justashooter 430]

It's good the husband is NOT in your home, now. IIWY, I'd make sure he stayed out of the home.

Good Luck !

this guy may have major mental health issues, and he may not. for sure he has "adjustment disorder" issues. he is not coping well with his immigration, and is prolly similarly affected by his MS. in any case, you and your children are not supposed to be carrying his cross. he needs to man up and carry it himself. i agree that you should contact your local sherrif's office and ask them to help him get the services he needs. if he can get himself together, great, but if he can't, it's not your problem.

you indicate that he already has GC. if so he should be OK on his own if he wants to be. you might want to delay any divorce for a few months to see how he handles things, and might want to divorce later if his behaviour is unacceptable. if so, you might want to print out an outline of how he can remove conditions after divorce.

if this guy has MS and is already significantly impaired things are not going to get better. they are just going to get worse.

as hard as it will be, it is in your interest to avoid serious dating for a few years and to rebuild your own life as you would like it to be, and as your relationship with your children requires it to be. once you have become who you really are you can begin to look for a compatible mate. it's a tough process if you do it right, but it's tougher if you don't.

[SuperDuper! 230]

this guy may have major mental health issues, and he may not. for sure he has "adjustment disorder" issues. he is not coping well with his immigration, and is prolly similarly affected by his MS. in any case, you and your children are not supposed to be carrying his cross. he needs to man up and carry it himself. i agree that you should contact your local sherrif's office and ask them to help him get the services he needs. if he can get himself together, great, but if he can't, it's not your problem.

you indicate that he already has GC. if so he should be OK on his own if he wants to be. you might want to delay any divorce for a few months to see how he handles things, and might want to divorce later if his behaviour is unacceptable. if so, you might want to print out an outline of how he can remove conditions after divorce.

if this guy has MS and is already significantly impaired things are not going to get better. they are just going to get worse.

as hard as it will be, it is in your interest to avoid serious dating for a few years and to rebuild your own life as you would like it to be, and as your relationship with your children requires it to be. once you have become who you really are you can begin to look for a compatible mate. it's a tough process if you do it right, but it's tougher if you don't.

But each person is different. It chaps my hide when people impose one's standards upon another. We are all different, and what works for one person, will not work for another. If someone's love relationship goes bad, then just maybe a new and exciting love relationship is JUST what the doctor ordered.

And yes, I am speaking from personal experience, and it worked for me. To hear people drop this, "It's better if you wait a year or two before you start another relationship. You need time to heal." Even therapists hand out that garbage. Only each person can say what is best for them and what will help them move on in life. Maybe healing comes from being with the right person who gives you mad love. Pffft.

[Wis-Can 0]

The person who tackles his life problem like a man is the hero, not the guy who squeezes a trigger to end his pain.

Rent the movie, "The Bridge" and you will get a new perspective.

OP, you have a difficult situation with no easy solution. His life is now unmanageable, and will make yours an endless nightmare if you don't take control to preserve what peace, love and happiness you have left on the planet. Be brave and do the right thing for yourself.

Your missing my point Hopp, I don't need to rent a movie. My best friend hung herself at 23 years of age and I went from anger and hate, to trying to understanding why. Not on my own but through support from family, friends and a support group. This was the second person in my life, as I lost a friend back in high school who shot herself at 14. The person who tackles his life problems as you say is the hero, I agree...if they have the ability to be able to do that its wonderful. Some people however use the "attempted suicide" as a means of trying to get what they want. Problem is, its hard to tell which they are. Just my 2 cents.

I agree with you regarding the OP, she needs to be brave and do whas best for her and her family. He's praying on her heart. Lets hope for the best for her. Take care.

[HannahP 119]

I have been in the same situation, sort-of, except that I was the equally self-destructive one. Feel free to PM me if you want.

He may or may not be trying to manipulate you. Please don't think that his reaction is manipulation -- it may not be, and that idea may colour the rest of your relationship.

If you wanted to leave him before, than you need to leave him NOW. Don't stay with him out of pity or concern. (However, if you do choose this, he is not likely to harm you or your children -- more likely to lash out at himself, again.)

He needs help. You can't give him that help. He probably won't be in a psych ward for a long time because our system isn't set up like that. Again, he's really NOT likely to hurt you or your kids unless a specific therapist has said so. Us crazies tend to hurt ourselves, sadly. :/

Do you have insurance? At all? Could you argue for commitment?

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

I don't know what you should do ...this is a difficult situation...sure there is the whole in sickness and in health thing, but it doesn't sound like you love him wholeheartedly...one thing for certain is you have to think about your kids....I don't think that having him in the home would be a good idea until he is healed-if ever...whether you abandon him or not is up to you...but think of your children first.

[andrew&evelyn 6]

Chris and I are both passionate, stubborn, strong-willed and type A personalities.

What does that mean? Is that a nice way of saying you are both selfish? Obviously the guy loves you so much he doesnt want to live without you or the very least he just wants you attention because you dont give enough to him. Some women only dream of being loved so much.

1 Peter 3 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Both of you need to read your bibles as it sounds like you are BOTH out of control to me. Submit to your husband (as is fitting to the Lord) and dont yell back at him if he starts yelling. He will not yell for very long if you dont escalate it by yelling back. If you speak calm when he yells, he will stop yelling.

Andrew

[What Happened? 4]

What does that mean? Is that a nice way of saying you are both selfish? Obviously the guy loves you so much he doesnt want to live without you or the very least he just wants you attention because you dont give enough to him. Some women only dream of being loved so much.

1 Peter 3 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Both of you need to read your bibles as it sounds like you are BOTH out of control to me. Submit to your husband (as is fitting to the Lord) and dont yell back at him if he starts yelling. He will not yell for very long if you dont escalate it by yelling back. If you speak calm when he yells, he will stop yelling.

Andrew

Bahahahahahah...........this doesn't sound like it is coming from a person who has ever been abused. I always find it interesting when people use the BIBLE to justify poor behavior as if it is something that is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord. It is very telling.

Pouring alcohol on a person is a demeaning and violent act that most men would not consider just because his wife spoke back to him. Sorry but although I do hold the marriage vows and commandments very high....there are such things as deal breakers. Also, being submissive to a truely abusive person will not make them see the beauty in you. OH, I take that back.........they will see that you have been kind to them always.....but they will realize it when death is at the door, because now they are worried about getting into heaven. Lovely........

I say, let God do his work. If he again threatens to kill himself, it might be his time to go. Al you can do is Be kind as suggested previously and make certain he has health insurance, access to professional help, and maybe some family to help see him through his tough times. Yes, it is true that you did not choose wisely, but it doesn't mean that you keep yourself and your children in harms way.

To Andrew: What seems to be going on here is not just typical arguing that can happen in families. Also. when people threaten to kill themselves, it is not because they can't live with out you....it is their last ditch effort at controlling the emotions of the other person and hurting them....it is not the same as love.

When a person loves you, they do everything possible to keep themselves safe and healthy so that they can be there and be strong for your every need.

You don't need to read the Bible to have an understanding of that....and people who read the Bible are just as likely to have poor behavior as those who don't............because it takes more than just reading to live a good life.

I hope the OP will be strong and do what is in the best interest of herself and her family. Best Wishes

Edited January 10, 2010 by What Happened?

[sachinky 465]

Look, lady. Do what Pink Floyd says. RUN LIKE HELL. Holy hell.

[Ricardo_C 4]

nvm.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Ricardo_C

[lgg 2]

WTH????

Keep your blatant bible banging to yourself or to people who openly solicit it -- this person is asking for real help in the tangible world.

What does that mean? Is that a nice way of saying you are both selfish? Obviously the guy loves you so much he doesnt want to live without you or the very least he just wants you attention because you dont give enough to him. Some women only dream of being loved so much.

1 Peter 3 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Both of you need to read your bibles as it sounds like you are BOTH out of control to me. Submit to your husband (as is fitting to the Lord) and dont yell back at him if he starts yelling. He will not yell for very long if you dont escalate it by yelling back. If you speak calm when he yells, he will stop yelling.

Andrew

[Old Dominion 26]

Your husband has serious issues, ones that you aren't responsible for. I'd say take the legal steps immediately to sever your ties with him. If he really wants to surive, he will quite well on his own. If he doesn't want to, then there is no benefit for you to prop him up and feel any responsibility for his self-destructive actions any further.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Old Dominion

[Lona.C. 16]

I guess it all depands on if he has his GC or not ,

if he doesnt have his GC you could contact USCIS to withdraw the affidavit of suport and remove him from all financuel accounts ,

if he does have his GC , I would ask the DR for a copy of his medical record and seak advice from a laywer

[Susita 175]

What does that mean? Is that a nice way of saying you are both selfish? Obviously the guy loves you so much he doesnt want to live without you or the very least he just wants you attention because you dont give enough to him. Some women only dream of being loved so much.

Riiight... so let's stay in a disastrous relationship and allow the children to be subjected to attempted acts of suicide and chaos because of how much he "loves" her. Give me a break. Srsly.

Kids come first.

[Catt 6]

Hi,

This reminds me of what my sister went through a few years ago.

Their relationship wasn't working out and she wanted to end it, however each time she tried to, he started talking about suicide.

So she felt guilty and responsible ("what if he does something? It will be my fault. How can I live with that?") and stayed in the relationship, which wasn't working at all and which was making her more and more miserable.

People told her he was emotionally blackmailing her, even if he realized it or not, and she should get out before it got worse, but she just didn't dare to out of fear of what might happen.

Finally one evening she came to my house and told me she had left him. While she was with me, she started receiving text messages, very similar to yours. We contacted his family and with his father, we went over to his house. In his case, seeing his father helped defuse the situation.

That evening for her - luckily - was sort of the final straw and she decided that, no matter what, she was NOT getting back together with him. And she hasn't since.

I hope you don't back down now. Because if you do, next time (and there will be a next time) will most likely be even worse.

Your situation is more difficult, because he came to another country for you and has a serious medical condition (MS). However, you have your children and need to think about their and your health and safety. There have indeed been several examples in the media about a depressed parent killing themselves and their spouse and/or kids in the process. This might not happen in your case, but is that a risk you can take?

A good thing is that he is now already in psychiatric evaluation, so you do not need to take steps to get him counseling. I would go talk to whomever is treating him, and tell them clearly the relationship has ended, and he needs help dealing with that.

You can still help him get back on his feet, at least in the beginning, but I would make one thing very clear: you are through and he cannot use the threat of suicide as a way to bind you to him, that is unacceptable.

Good luck.

[andrew&evelyn 6]

Riiight... so let's stay in a disastrous relationship and allow the children to be subjected to attempted acts of suicide and chaos because of how much he "loves" her. Give me a break. Srsly.

Kids come first.

The kids sure didnt come first when she decided to marry him before she even left her first husband, did they? She was thinking about making herself happy first, then her kids. Now she is doing the same thing, thinking about what will make her happy first. Sometimes you have to give a little to get a little back.

Andrew