spanked kids may grow up to be happier & more successful

[Danno 1,228]

It is less about whether a spanking crushes a child and more about whether there are more intelligent and effective ways to discipline a child. I tend to believe that by spanking a child, you accomplish two things: 1) you teach the child that physical force is an acceptable response to bad behavior and 2) you actually show weakness.

See, I respect your judgment to discipline in the way you feel is best, where we disagree is this huge leap you make suggesting a spanking to a child "teaches" him to use violence on others.

This is just silly, is it fair to say your method of sending a kid to a timeout chair teach him to be a controlling person..... to make others agree with you and to physically manipulate them to do your will.

By sending a kid to his room does that condition him to be comfortable with incarceration or perhaps to be comfortable with kidnapping. (OMG)

I don't make these silly connections and marvel that others try.

The truth is, while some of you might be successful in your "non-violent" method of raising children (primarily due to the easy nature of the child) bulk of you get on our nerves by us having to listen to these silly "conversations" you have in public with out of control 5 year olds.

your kids aren't really listening and you have to know what everyone around you is thinking the kid needs.

[sara..... 371]

I have not read all of the reply to this ......... but i will say in our home if a spanking was needed it was given....are we violent people NO we learned boundaries, not all children are the same, how ever if a child requires spanking NOT BEATING it should be given....all of us carry 4.0 gpa and we are happy, and well adjusted, but we do respect people and their right to their own way of life and opinions.......time out would never have worked for me if u put me in time out i would find a way to do something i was not suppose to as in spitting on the wall or something......of course not all children are like that but i was.

I HATE going shopping and hearing teenagers argue and swear at their parents......good God if ur small child is throwing a fit in the store take the child home......dont abuse others ears by having to listen to it......all mom had to say to us is do u want to go the van....key word for if u dont stop im going to spank you. we stopped with the temper tantrum and behaved.....if we were well behaved in the store we got a treat......how ever we didnt always expect it........i dont know but i have seen so many teen agers and people my age that have no respect for anything or anyone......and these are the very children that came from the oh we dont spank but give time out and oh we better go get therapy because time out is not working.......old school worked for me ........if u have success being a non spanking family thats great too......but i think that the no one should have the right to state spanking should never be an option

if a child is truly abused u dont hear from that child until its too late.........

just my opinion

sara

[NickD 203]

The way your kids behave has got a lot to do with you (genetic makeup), the mate you selected to have them with, and the environment you raised them in. Perhaps many a parent should be spanking themselves.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

See, I respect your judgment to discipline in the way you feel is best, where we disagree is this huge leap you make suggesting a spanking to a child "teaches" him to use violence on others.

Children tend to copy the behavior of their role models - their parents, teachers, even other kids they socialize with. If bad behavior is responded to with slaps and spanks, then the child will tend to copy that particular behavior whenever it is exposed to what it perceives to be bad behavior by others.

Classic example: As I said, my daugther is not being spanked at home at all. She's been raised at home thus far with the exception of a 4 months period earlier last year where she attended a day care facility. Not too long after she started to attend day care, she would try and spank anyone that did something she didn't like. Not much of a leap here to figure out where that behavior came from - other kids in the day care facility. And where did they pick that up? Some perhaps also from other kids but some of the kids most certainly picked that up at home. I spent several weeks correcting this particular behavior with my daughter teaching her that hitting others simply isn't acceptable.

And to say that kids that behave badly in public are those that are raised w/o spanking is utterly ridiculous. Some kids learn to scream and cry their way to the things they want - that's just another sign of poor parenting, not an argument in favor of spanking. Again, at 3 years of age, my daughter knows good and well that tantrums of any kind don't earn her anything she desires. Hence, she's not pursuing any such strategy.

[Danno 1,228]

Children tend to copy the behavior of their role models - their parents, teachers, even other kids they socialize with. If bad behavior is responded to with slaps and spanks, then the child will tend to copy that particular behavior whenever it is exposed to what it perceives to be bad behavior by others.

Classic example: As I said, my daugther is not being spanked at home at all. She's been raised at home thus far with the exception of a 4 months period earlier last year where she attended a day care facility. Not too long after she started to attend day care, she would try and spank anyone that did something she didn't like. Not much of a leap here to figure out where that behavior came from - other kids in the day care facility. And where did they pick that up? Some perhaps also from other kids but some of the kids most certainly picked that up at home. I spent several weeks correcting this particular behavior with my daughter teaching her that hitting others simply isn't acceptable.

And to say that kids that behave badly in public are those that are raised w/o spanking is utterly ridiculous. Some kids learn to scream and cry their way to the things they want - that's just another sign of poor parenting, not an argument in favor of spanking. Again, at 3 years of age, my daughter knows good and well that tantrums of any kind don't earn her anything she desires. Hence, she's not pursuing any such strategy.

Where is the evidence of your position, children have been spanked up until recently... do you really suggest we are becoming a less violent people?

Can you really say people you know who were spanked, are more violent?

[Peikko 1,575]

Where is the evidence of your position, children have been spanked up until recently... do you really suggest we are becoming a less violent people?

Can you really say people you know who were spanked, are more violent?

How do you think spanking works?

[Danno 1,228]

How do you think spanking works?

Stick to the point at hand.... what evidence is there that Vjers who were spanked are more violent?

[Peikko 1,575]

Stick to the point at hand.... what evidence is there that Vjers who were spanked are more violent?

The point at hand is that this article claims (spuriously in my opinion for the reasons I have expressed) that children who were spanked before they reached their sixth birthday (no data on how often, how hard and for what misdemeanors the spankings were handed out) become happier and more successful adults. If this is true, it must be possible to show the cause/effect relationship.

The other point at hand is is it possible to raise a child to become a successful adult without spanking and if so, how can one justify spanking unless demonstrably one can't be a happy and successful adult without it or at least the chances of one being so are incredibly small.

As a parent, I have tried very hard not to spank my child because I can't find a justification for doing so. Unless there is a good reason for inflicting pain (child, adult or pet for that matter), I can't see why I would indulge in it.

Edited January 5, 2010 by Madame Cleo

[sachinky 465]

Look, we're not talking about babies or kids. No one is advocating beating them black and blue.

I'm talking about bratty, snotty, obnoxious 10-12 year olds. A slap now and then isn't going to scar them for life.

My cousins and I all turned out fine. We were never spanked but were punished and disciplined in an appropriate manner depending on the scale of mischief. This "child abuse/calling CPS" at the drop of a hat culture in America is going a little too far. There is a line between parental discipline and outright abuse.

I've seen rude teenagers arguing with parents at CVS and I marvel at the parent's patience and restraint. Talking and swearing like that shouldn't be tolerated. If I ever spoke like that to my parents when I was young, I'd be put in my place so fast, I'd never know what hit me.

Hell, I'd ban noisy kids on airplanes and restaurants and loud greasy teenagers in public, if I could.

[Peikko 1,575]

The study suggested that continuing physical punishment into adolescence did cause problems. What does this 'slap now and then' achieve, exactly? You think simply slapping a kid will prevent them from being lippy?

[sachinky 465]

It might make them think twice before getting too lippy, as you say, and that's good enough for me.

And I don't care what flimsy "studies" like these say, really.

Edited January 5, 2010 by sachinky

[Peikko 1,575]

It might make them think twice before getting too lippy, as you say, and that's good enough for me.

And I don't care what flimsy "studies" like these say, really.

Nor do I. If a person perceives being 'lippy' as an acceptable behaviour they will not alter that behaviour because of a slapping. They may not say something that you can hear, which is good enough if you are a stranger and all you care about is peace and quiet, but in terms of teaching a child to become a successful and useful adult, useless.

[Danno 1,228]

The study suggested that continuing physical punishment into adolescence did cause problems. What does this 'slap now and then' achieve, exactly? You think simply slapping a kid will prevent them from being lippy?

I'll bet you have read "books" in the matter ehh MC?

[sachinky 465]

One slap might not achieve anything. But several, over a period of time, due to repeat offences, surely will. I believe it's called negative reinforcement, or some such sociological concept.

As a stranger, all I do care about is my peace and quiet while I try to eat my dinner in an expensive restaurant. Not watch a bratty eight year old throw food all over the next table and floor while the parent tries to "reason" with them.

It's the parent's job to raise a happy and successful child, not mine and I don't judge someone else's parenting abilities and/or methodology.

Edited January 5, 2010 by sachinky

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Where is the evidence of your position...

The evidence is in the fact that for a child to display violent behavior, it would have to have been exposed to the same. Children aren't born violent. In fact, recent studies suggest that humans are born helpful and kind. It's a trait worth fostering rather than countering.