NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON!

[ronalyn 0]

sorry to hear about your story.anyway, all i can say is, if that girl is just and ONLY a friend of your husband, she should know where she stands now in your hubby's life. A "girl-friend" should not be visiting her married "boy-friend" 4x a week; i mean, what for?!. she should already know her limits NOT UNLESS something is going on between her and your husband. And besides, if they are JUST FRIENDS, your husband should've told her about you from day one that you started communicating since they can talk about anything and everything under the sun like you said. And vice-versa, your husband should've told you about her too! Based from your story, if its not the girl who visits or picks up your husband from your house; it is your husband who does those things and I guess that is something you should be worried about. I mean, there must be really something fishy going on... Hey, I am not trying to give you bad advice but if I were you, I will be very and more observant in everything that your husband does. Continue checking his phone because answers to your questions might be there BUT dont you ever confront your husband or the girl if you dont have enough and valid evidence BUT do NOT let them FOOL you; do NOT be blinded by gifts or sweet nothings from your husband especially if you notice that your husband is really hiding something from you. BE STRONG my dear...

Need Advice!

Here's the story!

Husband has a girl friend and hid her before i came here. I dont know her, i have no clue that he has a girl friend and close to each other. 2 days after my arrival in the US she introduced her to me, they are neighbors 2 blocks away from where we live (walking distance for me). They are very close, friends for 4 years and they can talk anything and everything under the sun. Husband said shes a friend that he can run to whenever he needed somebody to talk to, however, i wasnt told about her. Couple of weeks later, i read their text msgs and found out that shes calling him "babe" I was so jealous and asked hubby if theres something going on between them. He said nothing and they are only friends and that 2 years ago he asked the girl for a dinner and tried if it'll work beyond friendship but the girl refuses and 2 weeks before i came here the girl proposed to him that she'll leave her boyfriend if my husband would like to be with her. I freaked out when i heard about it and told him not to see her again coz as for me woman will ruin us. I am always in pain, feel so hurt, i always cry a river when it comes to her everytime he hides and that they're seeing each other behind my back. Hubby is always there with her if she needed a ride, doctors appointment and others. I never knew about that and when i learned about it and wanted to know everyday what she's up to and why she wanted my husband to give her a ride, some times i am told some time dont and still the same it'll always been left unsaid, they are still seeing each other without me knowing it. His alibis was if he tells me i freak out and if not i freak out.

Husband didnt tell her about me as we are talking in the internet, she only knew that her friend was engaged 4 months before i came here or i guess the day that my visa was approved. We live with his parents and if times his parents not around she visits, she has no car and lost her license so hubby pick her up to her house all the time, she used to visit the house 4 times a week before but now that im here hubby visits to her house, we always argued about her cant stand their friendship. He replied to her text msg when im not around and even call. I know he doesnt like arguements and so do i, he said there is nothing to be jealous about but why hes hiding it and erased their text messages. He runs to her 2am one time we argued. I dont know what to do about this anymore it drivin me crazy. I feel like i am all alone. i had nobody to talk to except his mom. he doesnt want to hurt bcoz he loves me but why he does things that will make my heartache. I know that its so unfair if i stop him from seeing her, he should understand that I gave up everything. He cant even keep his words. I love him so much more than myself. I am so weak when it comes to him and her. I wanted to go home, they said we need counseling. i dont know what to do..... He ignores my feeling.

Please i need ur advice hudband and wife's opinion.

He's 38 im 25...

[journeyingwithyou 0]

That's interesting, I'll keep you posted...

Make use of the opportunity to mold your hubby's mind all for you and your marriage while she's away. Research what love languages he may have.

Here is the book I am with and helping well to communicate my love to my husband not in my ways but in a way that is comprehensible by him or through his love language. To give you an example, I am going to use my experiences. My hubby calls me every single time possible for him since he thinks this will communicate his love for me. He gives up some extra office hour activities just to come home to me but watch FOX news most of the time that he is home. Words of Affirmation when he says how beautiful I look with the very detail of how soft my tummy feels, how cute my toes and feet are, how lovely my hair appear to him and even my moles or scar etc. or how great the dinner tasted. All these did not mean so much to me (kasi may pagka TOMBOY hihihi)because my love language is touch and full attention. I appreciate it more if he cuddles and talks endlessly with me. (•Quality Time

Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.)

In short, at the end of the day, I would still feel unnoticed or unloved. So he would complain that I am hard to please. I spent time researching what could be wrong and I found Mr. Chapman's book here. He is a marriage counselor for many many years so I gave it time to study....

Chapman's Five Emotional Love Languages:

•Words of Affirmation

This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.

•Quality Time

Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.

•Gifts

It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.

•Acts of Service

Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.

•Physical Touch

Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Determining Your Own Love Language

Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

•How do I express love to others?

•What do I complain about the most?

•What do I request most often?

Speaking in your spouse's love language probably won't be natural for you. Dr. Chapman says, "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough."

Emotional Experiences

The number one emotional experience reported by folks is feeling the presence of God in their lives. The emotional high of being in love (which generally lasts around 2 years) is the second highest emotional experience that people reportedly have.

That is why it can be so difficult to try and talk some sense into someone who is in the midst of falling in love. Chapman stated that obsessive love can render people mentally incompetent. "There's not much difference between being in love and being insane."

Fading Tingle and Empty Love Tanks

After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial "tingle" is starting to fade, many couples find that their "love tanks" are empty. They may have been expressing love for their spouse, but in reality they may have been speaking a different love language. The best way to fill your spouse's love tank is to express love in their love language. Each of us has a primary love language. Usually, couples don't have the same love language.

Tank Check

Dr. Chapman recommends that you have a "Tank Check" 3 nights a week for 3 weeks. Ask one another "How is your love tank tonight?" If, on a scale from zero to ten, it is less than 10, then ask "What can I do to help fill it?" Then do it to the best of your ability.

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

I THEN STARTED TELLING MY HUSBAND THAT ALL I LONG FOR IS PHYSICAL TOUCH FROM HIM. He slowly but surely learned and that is making each day better with us together. Well, don't ask about his love language because it is so different...hehehehe

[gene and mai 0]

well, i've read this whole thread 'coz i felt really sorry for you. but now i am very happy you guys are working things out. communication is really important. that is why i always tell my fiance (for now but husband soon hehe) how i feel. guys are not mind readers, we know that for a fact, even though we, most of the time, want them to be (especially if we want something from them or for them to do lol). grabe sis. sana magtuloy tuloy na ang pag-improve ng relationship niyo. kinwento ko nga yan sa fiance ko eh. sabi niya wag daw ako mag-alala wala daw siyang girl "friends". natawa na lang tuloy ako. well, just continue to pray ha. God will always be there for you. good luck! keep us posted.

ps. saang state ka? ingat lagi!

[nicole_nathan 0]

grab the opportunity that you are here, find a job and dump him,, he does not respect you at all...

yes i agree with you! grab the oppurtunities that u already there find a work there and dump you hubby coz he doesnt even care about your feeling's, if i were you i will gonna do that he is the one who started that not you and you warned him already but he didnt liste. so its his fault now! your are still lucky coz even he did that to you not like me im still here in the philippines and i found out that my hubby was cheating on me and it was painful coz we had a child and our paperworks was pending at the nvc right now. so go on with life there dont waste your tear's for the man who is not worth it ok. God will alway's guide you no matter what and just pray alway's and lift it up all to God.