NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON!

[~Johnny~ 27]

I agree.

Stop being a martyr.

What he said..

OP, your husband must not be a VJ'r... we seem to have "mostly" good guys here.......I say mostly very loosly coz I've read some interesting posts here..

Edited January 14, 2010 by duplantisjj

[Mike's Lucy 14]

Then stop building arguments. You both need to talk heart to heart and try to figure out what went wrong. If you still both love each other then I can't find any reason why not start the relationship all over again especially now that the girl is in prison.

for myself te, I can feel that he loves me. He doesn't like arguments that he said I always build. Yes, we argued coz of her and I agree with him. It's unfair for my side that he has friend to run and I don't. He only acts like that if I build up arguments with him. His mom told me that he really don't like it. He told me couple of days ago that he loves me but he never expected that the marriage gone this way and so did I. But I can't just sit and shut my mouth.

Btw, His mom is in my side.

[rheanick 42]

for myself te, I can feel that he loves me. He doesn't like arguments that he said I always build. Yes, we argued coz of her and I agree with him. It's unfair for my side that he has friend to run and I don't. He only acts like that if I build up arguments with him. His mom told me that he really don't like it. He told me couple of days ago that he loves me but he never expected that the marriage gone this way and so did I. But I can't just sit and shut my mouth.

Btw, His mom is in my side.

When i read this reply... It made me think that your issue is not totally your husband's fault. If you would re-read your post (first post) ... the fight started with you. You are the one who started it when you commanded him to stop seeing his friend. Your husband was being honest with you about his past. Its your reaction that worsen the situation.

The post above confirms that you are being a bi##tch. You are the one who built the argument and your hubby stop talking just to shut you up.

On your comment that its unfair that "he has a friend to run and you don't" your immaturity is showing up.

Another line: "But I can't just sit and shut my mouth." If you want to make your marriage work... stop being a bi##tch.

Its takes two to tango. Re-read your post and see the stuff you contributed to make your marriage hell!

It is hard to change another person. It is easier to change oneself. If you want your marriage work... you have to change.

Pardon if i offended you but when i analyze your post... your problem is not totally because of your husband.. If you continue what you are doing... say good bye to your marriage.

Stop your insecurity and start acting mature...

Edited January 14, 2010 by rheanick

[raquel_1208 1]

I agree.

Stop being a martyr.

I second the motion.

[Pinay Wife 47]

The post above confirms that you are being a bi##tch.

Another line: "But I can't just sit and shut my mouth." If you want to make your marriage work... stop being a bi##tch.

You are hereby reminded that making comments in a post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users is a violation of TOS.

Pinay Wife

VJ Moderation

[~Johnny~ 27]

You are hereby reminded that making comments in a post either direct or implied toward another member that are purposely designed to upset, antagonize, make fun of, belittle, or otherwise instigate an argument that takes away from the personal enjoyment of the Service by other users is a violation of TOS.

Pinay Wife

VJ Moderation

[Llyne 0]

Hello I've seen your post and how are you na?

Before I give my advice, here is my question...did you marry him already?

Girl, I'm feelin' you, be strong, be very strong, there's no one to turn to, except yourself...

be very strong, I know its very painful to be in that situation pero you have to be strong.

Think this:

1. Mind over matter, kung ganyan na ang situation, just use your brain nalang and set aside the heart

remember that because of him, you are at the USA and madami jan ang gusto pumunta ng amerka

but wala pera or no means, so hard for them, pero ikaw nakapunta ka ng dahil sa lalaki na iyan,

look at the brighter side of things, if after confronting him, still ganoon parin sya, let him be,

ang importante sa mga papeles ikaw ang legal wife, stand up for yourself and for your family,

continue the process, get SSN, get drivers license, get a good a job, and when you are financially ready

and he still continue to do those ###### to you, well leave him! you dont deserve it, but before doing that,

talk to him heart to heart, ask him what are the things you can improve on and tell him right onto his face

that he is now a married man, that respect should always be there, there is no love when there is no respect.

be strong and pray.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

for myself te, I can feel that he loves me. He doesn't like arguments that he said I always build. Yes, we argued coz of her and I agree with him. It's unfair for my side that he has friend to run and I don't. He only acts like that if I build up arguments with him. His mom told me that he really don't like it. He told me couple of days ago that he loves me but he never expected that the marriage gone this way and so did I. But I can't just sit and shut my mouth.

Btw, His mom is in my side.

You've got to stop referring to love as a feeling because it is much more than that. He may have warm fuzzy, sentimental, he's-gonna-cry-his-eyes-out-and-beg-for-you-to-stay feelings, but that's not real love. Real love is standing by your commitment, it's about maturity, respect, trust and trustworthiness. Based on his actions, he doesn't love you...not in any mature, real sense. Sorry.

[davanj 0]

When i read this reply... It made me think that your issue is not totally your husband's fault. If you would re-read your post (first post) ... the fight started with you. You are the one who started it when you commanded him to stop seeing his friend. Your husband was being honest with you about his past. Its your reaction that worsen the situation.

The post above confirms that you are being a bi##tch. You are the one who built the argument and your hubby stop talking just to shut you up.

On your comment that its unfair that "he has a friend to run and you don't" your immaturity is showing up.

Another line: "But I can't just sit and shut my mouth." If you want to make your marriage work... stop being a bi##tch.

Its takes two to tango. Re-read your post and see the stuff you contributed to make your marriage hell!

It is hard to change another person. It is easier to change oneself. If you want your marriage work... you have to change.

Pardon if i offended you but when i analyze your post... your problem is not totally because of your husband.. If you continue what you are doing... say good bye to your marriage.

Stop your insecurity and start acting mature...

i fully disagree with u, i symphatized with this girl. If she might sound unreasonable and insecure, this because her husband made her feel that way. if her husband really consider her feelings and if her husband's friend or so called " friend" is a truly friend she would understand and respect her and try to limit seeing each other or maybe include her and not seeing each other behind her back. She is the wife, her husband should prioritize her feelings and not the other girl. if they argued, do u thnk it's reasonable that her husband took off at 2 am and see his so called friend??? instead trying to work things out together with his wife?? sometimes we behave soo immature because we we're overide with anger and insecurities, but her husband should be there and show support and feel her secure specially at this point in her stay here in the US, she is still in adjusting period, a very difficult period. She needs more understanding and emotional support, the only person that could provide that is her husband. Instead of making himself busy giving a ride with the other girl, why not spend time with his wife. Sometimes in oder to understand other's feeling is to try to put yourself in someone's shoe. what would u feel if you were in here shoe. What would her husband feel if she have a friend that would make her husband feel uncomfortable to be around with his wife. Do u think he would just shut up or just go with the flow??? i dont think so!!! regardless of the fact that something is going or nothing is going on with the relationship with his friend, the point is who would u consider first?? your friends feeling or the person that you choose to be the partner for life?? I am a woman, a wife and a mother to be.. i choose my husband to be my partner forever and we had few arguments regarding with ex's and he respected me and he tried to minimized things that would upsets me or him.. I admit that in a relationship, jealosy is always there no matter how much trust u have to your partner. For me if u wont feel jealous i guess u dont really love the person because u dont care at all. that's just my opinion.

Anyway, to u girl i hope things would be settled soon with u and ur husband. Try to talk to him heart by heart..if he wouldnt change and understand your feelings then it's your call. We dont want to tell you what to do because this is your life, u know what is best for you and what makes you happy. Just keep praying and He will guide your way..God Bless!!...P.s i am also from Davao..keep your head up always!!..ingat

[JelloShotGirl 0]

OK daw listen up..........this is AMERICA and it is not acceptable to put up with your husbands affair. You do not have to stay with him!

[Juan de la Cruz 0]

You've got to stop referring to love as a feeling because it is much more than that. He may have warm fuzzy, sentimental, he's-gonna-cry-his-eyes-out-and-beg-for-you-to-stay feelings, but that's not real love. Real love is standing by your commitment, it's about maturity, respect, trust and trustworthiness. Based on his actions, he doesn't love you...not in any mature, real sense. Sorry.

Nice exhortation, Abby! Or, is that you, Ann?

[Loolie 56]

for myself te, I can feel that he loves me. He doesn't like arguments that he said I always build. Yes, we argued coz of her and I agree with him. It's unfair for my side that he has friend to run and I don't. He only acts like that if I build up arguments with him. His mom told me that he really don't like it. He told me couple of days ago that he loves me but he never expected that the marriage gone this way and so did I. But I can't just sit and shut my mouth.

Btw, His mom is in my side.

my husband doesnt like arguments too...and i dont like to argue also kasi pinanggalingan ko grabe kung mag argue...when my hubby gets disappointed of something i do i just keep quite and ignore him and he gets more disappointed if i ignore him so he will ignore me too...then with the silence we will look at each other and smile or laugh...or sometimes me or him will make the first move...then we will start talking about the issue when both are calm...

kung di na sya sweet sayo try to be sweet to him...maybe kailangan lang gisingin yung emotions na nawala sa marriage ninyo... meron kasing tao na kung anong pagtreat mo sa kanila ganun din pagtreat nila sayo... there are times din na dapat alisin mo yung hate and pride in your heart if ever you want to make your relationship work and nasa adjustment period pa kayo...pero kung talagang may paka ewan ang hubby mo eh mag isip isip ka na... kasi base sa mga sinasabi mo may pag ka immature nga talaga...actually ako rin sometimes or most of the time im immature...learn to set aside whatever you feel that will affect your relationship and just learn to accept what or who he is i bet he will also realize things if he really loves you.

[frostysoftyeaton 6]

okay you asked for husband and wife perspective so here goes first of all stop the bashing the husband to my knowledge he has posted nothing here there are always two sides to the story and we are hearing only one

points i want to make from your initial statement

1. it is a friend that is a girl not a girlfriend

2. did you give him a list of all your friends if not saying that he did not tell you about her is completely unfair

3. i am sorry she lives so close it will make this harder but not impossible

4. we have similar situation has caused tension once but my friend does live in other state

5. counseling only works if you want it to

6. remember all marriages take time and work from both of you not just him

7. this brings the point you want him to change but you are not willing to everyone has questioned his love i ask what about yours (i do not do that to be mean just to make you think)

okay having said that here comes the husband response i do feel for you you just got here and are away from all your friends and family and feel isolated we also live with my parents as i work out of the house and i am gone for long periods of time usually at least a month at a time. you say he does not like to argue about it and there is part of the problem try talking to him not having tampo and being mad or pouting this puts distance and causes any man to start tuning you out and not listening .... sorry girls it is true we can talk but do not like to be preached to.... the friend in our case does live in another state and that does make it easier but i still talk to her quite often does not mean i do not love my wife she is a friend, they are precious and should not be wasted lightly and yes i said lightly, just because you feel insecure and out of your element does not mean that this is a heavy issue just that you have made it one and one warning you could actually ......heaven forbid...... make it worse and by this i mean you are having a problem and the only one he feels he can turn to is her so you inadvertently are putting them together and making her seem sympathetic while you come off as the bad guy there here is my suggestion now that you know where i am coming from .

1. ask him to set down and talk to you tell him YOU need to apologize

2. let him know that you are jealous of the time he is spending with her but you understand she is a friend

3. tell him you are willing to meet him halfway

a. if she needs a ride can you go along that way you have more time together

b. if the friend has a problem with this then she is the bad guy not you (and allows you to question her motives)

c. ask him if there is anything else you can do to help him resolve the situation

d. let him know that as you agreed when you got married you are now there to help him with his problems

if after having gone through these things he throws it in your face if you are close to any of your in-laws especially father-in-law let them know what the problem is and they may have some advice

love is worth fighting for do not give up and good luck but always remember you are special to God so hang in there and god bless

here is the wife's side and she does not agree with me but you wanted both sides:

1. Putulin si manoy :rofl: :rofl: . Just kidding!

2. Alam ko nararamdaman mo sis kasi dumaan din ako diyan, pero ganun lang talaga minsan ang mag-asawa, away ng konti, selosan dito, selosan doon, di magkakaintindihan minsan pero lahat ng yan eh party ng marriage life.

3. Gaya nga ng sabi ng asawa ko TALK TO HIM. Ipaalam mo kung anu ang nararamdaman mo sa sitwasyon ninyo.

4. Nung namet ko friend niya I was really uncomfortable. Na OP ako that time pero ayun tahimik lang ako pero ang dibdib ko eh para ng sasabog sa galit..LOL pero syempre pinaalam ko sa kanya yung nararamdaman ko at malaking tulong talaga kapag pinag-uusapan ang problema.

5. Wag mo ding e blame lahat sa kanya, isipin mo rin kung may mga pagkukulang ka din sa kanya. Kasi minsan ako tira lang ng tira di ko alam eh may pagkukulang din ako. Minsan kasi may ugali akong ayaw kung makinig sa kanya..LOL..pero sa awa naman ng diyos naman eh naayos namin ang mga problemang ganito.

6. Ayaw ko din e judge ang husband mo kasi di ko naman alam yung side ng story niya, pero sa ngayon habang maaga pa at bago mauwi sa hiwalayan eh pag-usapan niyo na ang inyong problema.

7. Wag din padalos dalos sa pagdedisisyon lalo na't galit ka kasi mas lalong magtitrigger ng maling desisyon sa kalaunan.

I hope you guys will fix this problem as soon as possible. God Bless!

Edited January 15, 2010 by frostysoftyeaton

[adiiann 163]

Hi! I hope this one helps you to decide what you need to do with your marriage.

I have same scenario as yours, my husband have a girl friend. I have him chose between me and her. I said I am not comfortable having her around. Then, he chose me and he said he will stop talking to her if it makes me uncomfortable. My husband said if it is affecting our marriage, he don't have to think twice to stop seeing her. He didn't see her or talk to her for the longest time. But I said to my husband, you don't have to stop being her friend, just give me time to accept her as your friend. So, my husband let her talk to me until I feel that there's really nothing to be worry of.

My suggestion is that tell your husband that you are not comfortable having her around or idea of him seeing her esp. out of your knowledge. You trust your husband but you don't trust the girl. You wouldn't feel that way if you don't love him so much. Tell him that you need time to accept and know her. Their friendship affecting your marriage. Ask him why it's so hard for him to stop seeing her or being for her. He should be aware that he is already married and have a wife to take care of.

Be strong and keep praying. Don't give up until you know there's still rope you can pull to make things better. All marriages facing same phase of life.

[-B&T- 1]

Any update lei? How are you doing girl?