NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON!

[-B&T- 1]

Seems like they are more than friends they are calling each other "babe"? Ako ana day posposan ko nag 2 por dos hehe. It's sad you just came over it's really a bad start in your relationship that he is treating you that way. Anyway, be wise agree with others don't get pregnant at least for now that there's a problem and you are gwapa day, if he won't change, leave and go home or be wise… stay, adjust status, find a job, file for divorce and move on with your life.

[jOHnLei 0]

Unfortunately you were deceived and once the trust has been broken its never the same, you will never be able to completely trust him again. That is so very sad, you went a long ways to complete his life. If everything is as exactly as you stated then you need to give serious thought to moving on with your life. I'm certain you deserve better.

He knows that i dont trust him, i told him that if he wants my trust he rebuild it. but yah, u are right he will never get the full trust anymore. he lost it and i cant give it back. its so hard and i know i dont deserve this treatment.

[loveaboo 0]

It is very sad that your husband has chosen to break the trust that the two of you have had together in such a manner.

A good rule of thumb for "friends" is that if you can't be doing what you do with that person in front of your spouse, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

I would lay down an ultimatum. It's blindingly obvious that this person is much more then just a friend. He has to grow up and make a decision. It has to be either you or her.

All these "rides" and other things he is doing for her has to stop.

I don't see much of a point in talking to the other woman. She's not going to do anything to help you out regardless of what you have to say. It is your husband you will have to work your influence on in regards to his behavior. If he won't stop, then the decision will be up to you in regards to where you want your relationship with your husband to go.

Best of luck to you, and I hope this works out for the best.

-- Loveaboo of Loveaboo

[jOHnLei 0]

i agree with her post... oi sis grabe namn yang asawa mo... dba kadarating mo lang jan tapos ganyan na yan... natatakot tuloy ako sa mga nababasa ko dito honestly bka mamaya naku!!!... ako sis hindi ko kya ung situation mo naku pag siguro ako ang ganyan uuwi na ko d2 sa atin... sorry tlga sis sa situation mo ha... maski ako naiiyak ako sa post mo... ako kc selosa din ako, eh di lalo na pag ganyan na ang situation.... hay naku talk to him for the last time sis and make a decision, hay... pray for u lei... ingat ka... and pls. dont' get pregnant pag-ganyan ung situation mo... naku napaka-insensitive ng hubby mo sis.. ganyan din ung X ko dati sobrang sira ang ulo napaka-insensitive...

its really hard, i tried to make us work. i have so much adjustments that he has, so selfish.... he cant even appreciate..

[jOHnLei 0]

Seems like they are more than friends they are calling each other "babe"? Ako ana day posposan ko nag 2 por dos hehe. It's sad you just came over it's really a bad start in your relationship that he is treating you that way. Anyway, be wise agree with others don't get pregnant at least for now that there's a problem and you are gwapa day, if he won't change, leave and go home or be wise… stay, adjust status, find a job, file for divorce and move on with your life.

that what i thought and believed too.. they are or were more than friends.. dont know yet exactly what to do. at this very moment am in pain and with all your words of wisdom it helps me feel better..

[jOHnLei 0]

It is very sad that your husband has chosen to break the trust that the two of you have had together in such a manner.

A good rule of thumb for "friends" is that if you can't be doing what you do with that person in front of your spouse, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

I would lay down an ultimatum. It's blindingly obvious that this person is much more then just a friend. He has to grow up and make a decision. It has to be either you or her.

All these "rides" and other things he is doing for her has to stop.

I don't see much of a point in talking to the other woman. She's not going to do anything to help you out regardless of what you have to say. It is your husband you will have to work your influence on in regards to his behavior. If he won't stop, then the decision will be up to you in regards to where you want your relationship with your husband to go.

Best of luck to you, and I hope this works out for the best.

-- Loveaboo of Loveaboo

I asked him 3 times already to choose whose important bet. me and his friend, he chooses me. i am so confused, told him to leave this woman or else there will never be me and him anymore. but he still see her... i ask him nicely,i almost beg... he didnt listen...

all i need right now is healing... need to be strong for all of this #######...

[sheila526 2]

I want to tell you that I call my friend Hun (short for honey). Yes he is a guy. But he's just a friend to me. If your husband is naturally uses endearment to his friend, it might not be a big deal.

If he's spending more time with the so called friend, you have a problem here. And I can tell that this is a very difficult situation. Try to talk him when you are relaxed. Clear your thoughts about this before you speak to him. Because no matter how your husband explain things, if your mind is already clouded with jealousy, you won't listen to him.

I don't know how long you've been here in the US, but if you are really hurting, I would go back to the Philippines if it's me.

[Tahoma 2,292]

I'm so sorry you are going through this heartache. You don't deserve it. You have done nothing wrong.

This woman is more than simply a female friend. Look at the facts. Your husband wanted to be more than friends with her in the past. Also, she made a play for your husband two weeks before you arrived here. This is not the definition of an innocent friendship.

Don't believe a word he says about their "friendship." Instead, believe his actions.

I hope your husband comes to his senses and that you two can work it out.

[lbounds 16]

I am sorry to say but this guy sounds like an ####. If he's going to be around this other woman as a friend you the wife should be present with him at all times. It really doesn't sound right if he's confiding in her more than you his wife and if he is really ignoring your feelings.

If he's not willing to do marriage counseling when you say it's important to you for your marriage to work out your differences I would say maybe you need to break it off and go home but I don't know how long you have been married.

That's a tough call and one only you can make.

If he's not willing to go to marriage counseling with you I'd strongly suggest going to see one by yourself and explain your situtation and see what they say direct to your situation rather than relying on forum posters feedback because this is such an important decision for you.

I wish you the best in your future. It's something you definately should pray about.

[loveaboo 0]

I asked him 3 times already to choose whose important bet. me and his friend, he chooses me. i am so confused, told him to leave this woman or else there will never be me and him anymore. but he still see her... i ask him nicely,i almost beg... he didnt listen...

all i need right now is healing... need to be strong for all of this #######...

Hi Lei!

You've mentioned that whenever you have an argument with your husband, he runs to the female friend. I think it's about time for you to try a different approach since your approach is not working and just making him closer to her. Stop arguing with your husband and show him that he doesn't need any other girl but you. Show him that you can be his friend also and not jut his wife.

In a marriage, it's very important that you can be each other's bestfriend. Otherwise, you're in trouble.

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

I have a lot of female friends whom I'm very close too. Two of the best friends I've ever had are women and one of them I regularly call Honey. It's a term of endearment though. I call Merlaine's nieces sweetie or girlie in the same "tone" if you will. Having close female friends is fine - it's how you make your partner feel that's important. Merlaine and I were required to have marriage counseling before we were issued our marriage license and it was actually very cool. It was all just common sense things but was nice to hear it put into words by a Filipina. "Never cause your partner to doubt where your heart is". It sounds like that's exactly what he's done.

[Anonymous 0]

I'm going to chime in here and offer a bit of advice, as well as my thoughts as to what may have happened here.

It sounds like you were your husband's back-up plan, after his attempt to court the "friend" appeared futile. I think it's obvious he has feelings for her or he would never have pursued her in the first place. I also believe the friend is playing games with him, as well as you. She enjoyed the feeling of being chased by your husband and probably thought his courting her would end once he got married to you. Now, she is just testing him, seeing how much power she really has over him, by trying to come between you two. Your husband may have feelings for her, but I doubt if she really has feelings for him. It seems she's just enjoying her role of interfering in your relationship. I've seen this many times. Once the thrill of the chase is over, the woman suddenly loses interest and dumps the guy. Unfortunately, this knowledge is not of much use to you, other than to understand the woman's motives for trying to make your husband break his sacred vows.

Therefore, I am going to suggest that you try a strategy that is opposite to that of what most everyone else here has suggested. Do not show your husband any more jealousy and do not question him about his whereabouts when he leaves. Just pretend that it doesn't matter and that you do not care what he does. In fact, you should take a few mystery disappearances yourself (even if it is just a walk around the block). If your husband does really care about you, he may start to turn his focus back to you. If not he will run to the other woman and you will eventually learn to get over him. By acting like you don't care now, it will help you learn how to deal with the situation if it really does result in him choosing the other woman.

Also, if you wish to remain in the US (even if it means you'll be by yourself), it is very possible to do so, even if you and your husband end up getting a divorce. You entered the marriage in good faith, even if your husband did not. The USCIS will not fault you for that. However, they will expect for you to be able to financially support yourself.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Just friends or BF/GF, going over to her place at 2am and leaving you behind is inexcusable. No offense, but I don't think your husband is the guy you think he is. You may feel romantically in love with some fantasy of who you imagined him to be, but he's really a self-centered jackass. You can try for marriage counseling but my honest opinion, the quicker you end your relationship with him, the better off you'll be. Don't let the warm fuzzy feelings of romantic love cloud your rational mind to do what is right. You deserve better.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Also, if you wish to remain in the US (even if it means you'll be by yourself), it is very possible to do so, even if you and your husband end up getting a divorce. You entered the marriage in good faith, even if your husband did not. The USCIS will not fault you for that. However, they will expect for you to be able to financially support yourself.

BUT...

Only if you get the Adjustment of Status filed while you're still married and he is supportive of it. If he changes his mind you can't adjust without him unless you can prove abuse and I hear that's an uphill battle.

[jOHnLei 0]

I want to tell you that I call my friend Hun (short for honey). Yes he is a guy. But he's just a friend to me. If your husband is naturally uses endearment to his friend, it might not be a big deal.

If he's spending more time with the so called friend, you have a problem here. And I can tell that this is a very difficult situation. Try to talk him when you are relaxed. Clear your thoughts about this before you speak to him. Because no matter how your husband explain things, if your mind is already clouded with jealousy, you won't listen to him.

I don't know how long you've been here in the US, but if you are really hurting, I would go back to the Philippines if it's me.

ive been here september 2009, month after we got married. its been 2 months since our marriage. i know that we are still in our adjustment time. all i wanted right now is to let go of the feeling so whenever he's doing the opposite i wont feel the pain..