NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON!

[jOHnLei 0]

I'm so sorry you are going through this heartache. You don't deserve it. You have done nothing wrong.

This woman is more than simply a female friend. Look at the facts. Your husband wanted to be more than friends with her in the past. Also, she made a play for your husband two weeks before you arrived here. This is not the definition of an innocent friendship.

Don't believe a word he says about their "friendship." Instead, believe his actions.

I hope your husband comes to his senses and that you two can work it out.

He changed, i never expected this to happen. he is very good in his words and thought he's right. One thing that i like about him is whenever i am pissed and upset about all this issues he always find ways to make me feel that he loves me, i doubted his love. i dont know how exacly know what love is.

[jOHnLei 0]

I am sorry to say but this guy sounds like an ####. If he's going to be around this other woman as a friend you the wife should be present with him at all times. (I am always with him wherever he go, however when i take some nap he also take off to his friend that is only a minute away to our house.)

If he's not willing to do marriage counseling when you say it's important to you for your marriage to work out your differences I would say maybe you need to break it off and go home but I don't know how long you have been married. (He is willing for counseling when her mom suggested it, we might do that soon, weve been married for only 2 months now, i believed newly weds should stick together for couple of months, but it doesnt happen that way, i am not happy anymore.)

If he's not willing to go to marriage counseling with you I'd strongly suggest going to see one by yourself and explain your situtation and see what they say direct to your situation rather than relying on forum posters feedback because this is such an important decision for you. (I just want to get possible insights for myself to feel better)

I wish you the best in your future. It's something you definately should pray about.

[jOHnLei 0]

Hi Lei!

You've mentioned that whenever you have an argument with your husband, he runs to the female friend. I think it's about time for you to try a different approach since your approach is not working and just making him closer to her. Stop arguing with your husband and show him that he doesn't need any other girl but you. Show him that you can be his friend also and not jut his wife.

In a marriage, it's very important that you can be each other's bestfriend. Otherwise, you're in trouble.

Yes, he runs to that woman or give her a call and text. i tried that approach already but it didnt work, he abuses it by not telling me the truth where his going. he's done that a lot of times. i never have a peace of mind from the day i met her friend. cant sleep in the night, they bothered me much. husband is so inconsiderate, he doesnt care the wife's feeling.

[jOHnLei 0]

Seems like they are more than friends they are calling each other "babe"? Ako ana day posposan ko nag 2 por dos hehe. It's sad you just came over it's really a bad start in your relationship that he is treating you that way. Anyway, be wise agree with others don't get pregnant at least for now that there's a problem and you are gwapa day, if he won't change, leave and go home or be wise… stay, adjust status, find a job, file for divorce and move on with your life.

ay te, d jud ko pabuntis noh, lami kau cla pakungon. before i forget the girl called me MAIL ORDER BRIDE. how could she said those words to me. i told her that i am a i am a CLEAN MAIL ORDER BRIDE. one thing that i didnt say about her. Shes addicted sa BATO....

[Brettanne 1]

I'm going to chime in here and offer a bit of advice, as well as my thoughts as to what may have happened here.

It sounds like you were your husband's back-up plan, after his attempt to court the "friend" appeared futile. I think it's obvious he has feelings for her or he would never have pursued her in the first place. I also believe the friend is playing games with him, as well as you. She enjoyed the feeling of being chased by your husband and probably thought his courting her would end once he got married to you. Now, she is just testing him, seeing how much power she really has over him, by trying to come between you two. Your husband may have feelings for her, but I doubt if she really has feelings for him. It seems she's just enjoying her role of interfering in your relationship. I've seen this many times. Once the thrill of the chase is over, the woman suddenly loses interest and dumps the guy. Unfortunately, this knowledge is not of much use to you, other than to understand the woman's motives for trying to make your husband break his sacred vows.

Therefore, I am going to suggest that you try a strategy that is opposite to that of what most everyone else here has suggested. Do not show your husband any more jealousy and do not question him about his whereabouts when he leaves. Just pretend that it doesn't matter and that you do not care what he does. In fact, you should take a few mystery disappearances yourself (even if it is just a walk around the block). If your husband does really care about you, he may start to turn his focus back to you. If not he will run to the other woman and you will eventually learn to get over him. By acting like you don't care now, it will help you learn how to deal with the situation if it really does result in him choosing the other woman.

Also, if you wish to remain in the US (even if it means you'll be by yourself), it is very possible to do so, even if you and your husband end up getting a divorce. You entered the marriage in good faith, even if your husband did not. The USCIS will not fault you for that. However, they will expect for you to be able to financially support yourself.

I agree. Reverse psychology.

[jOHnLei 0]

I agree. Reverse psychology.

Ive done that reverse psychology coz thats what my cousins and my mom told me, but it didnt work. It became worst than what i expeted to, he abuses me more.

[Anonymous 0]

BUT...

Only if you get the Adjustment of Status filed while you're still married and he is supportive of it. If he changes his mind you can't adjust without him unless you can prove abuse and I hear that's an uphill battle.

I don't care to enter a long debate on this issue, so I'll just briefly state that it is indeed possible to successfully adjust status without the support of the US citizen. I'll agree, it's certainly not an easy obstacle to overcome but it is possible and abuse isn't the only accepted reason. Some US citizen husbands tend to use the deportation card as a control element to hold over their foreign bride's head, threatening to send them "home" at any/every sign of trouble. Those actions violate the "spirit" or intentions of the law and are not how the immigration process is intended to function. (Unfortunately, some of these clowns make it through the petition process successfully.) If a foreign bride can show that she entered the contract of marriage in good faith, while the husband did not (and this information generally surfaces during the AOS interview), it is not uncommon for AOS to be approved, so long as the resident alien can prove he/she will not be a financial burden. I recall at least two instances (over the last 5 years) of cases I've worked in which this scenario has played out in the favor of the resident alien.

It's much easier to stay in the US, after you've legally entered, than it is to gain legal entry to the US.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Anonymous

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

... Some US citizen husbands tend to use the deportation card as a control element to hold over their foreign bride's head, threatening to send them "home" at any/every sign of trouble ...

Actually that is Mental/Emotional Abuse and should qualify the Alien Spouse under VAWA. The problem comes in proving that this was happening. How many spouses living in the same house converse via e-mail or txt about such things?

I'm really uncomfortable whenever I hear about a couple who waited "until our situation gets better" to file for Adjustment of Status. The $1,010 cost shouldn't be a surprise at that stage of the game. By allowing the Alien Spouse to go out of status it puts them behind the 8-ball, "So what I slapped you, call the cops and I'll tell them you're out of status. You got to ICE for Removal Proceedings and I make bail tomorrow morning, guess who won't be around in a month". Of course we know that a Domestic Abuse arrest would strengthen the VAWA case but the Alien Spouse is probably so afraid of ICE and Removal Proceedings that they can't think that far ahead.

[loveaboo 0]

Yes, he runs to that woman or give her a call and text. i tried that approach already but it didnt work, he abuses it by not telling me the truth where his going. he's done that a lot of times. i never have a peace of mind from the day i met her friend. cant sleep in the night, they bothered me much. husband is so inconsiderate, he doesnt care the wife's feeling.

If you've done everything and nothing worked, maybe it's time to just wait and see. Be patient. Your husband won't change because you told him to. The only thing you can do is to make him want to change himself. Stop arguing with him. Continue being loving and caring to him. Get a life. Don't let your world revolves around him only. Soon he will realize how much you mean to him and he will come around.

You've only been married for 2 months. If the two of you can't fix the issue soon and still stay in the marriage, that issue will continue hurting the marriage. Hope you'll be able to surpass that.

Goodluck!!!

[T_and_A 3]

Naku... parang ganito rin yung case ko... except yung sa akin yung third party yung ex wife... dun din sa first few months ako i have doubts.. Kaka-low talaga ng morale if you were in the situation.. minsan may feeling na parang ikaw pa yung third party... madalas nga noon, lumalabas pa kaming tatlo, sobrang OP ako... they talk about used-to-do in the past or did-you-remember game... ayyy kakaloka.. ako rin, iyak nang iyak nung una... but i got over it (syanga kaya?)... I can't do anything about the ex's moves nor my husband's.. I can only control what i can do. I know mahirap... but i just took my husband's word for it, basta sa akin siya umuuwi, sa akin siya sumusunod, tapos ang kuwento.. buti tumino nang kaunti yung asawa ko.. I know until now, may communication pa rin sila... text msg, facebook... instant msgr.. ayyy keber..... basta pag kelangan ko asawa ko dapat andyan sya kundi warlock itu!!!buti di pa naman umabot sa ganun... rerebenta ang ulo ko... good luck sa asawa ko pag ganun nga.

basta girl, yung sakin, tatagan mo loob mo... been there sa situation mo... it's a matter of battling with yourself din... your self-esteem is really at stake, basta kahit anong mangyari don't give up your self-esteem.. Naku ha... bata pa tayo, lahat ng positive thoughts, gawin mo, isipin mo... divert yourself for the better... isipin mo na lang... di mauubusan ng ####### sa mundo! (ayy.. pardon my word).. smile ka lang parati... things will turn around.

[marklovetina 52]

I'm going to chime in here and offer a bit of advice, as well as my thoughts as to what may have happened here.

It sounds like you were your husband's back-up plan, after his attempt to court the "friend" appeared futile. I think it's obvious he has feelings for her or he would never have pursued her in the first place. I also believe the friend is playing games with him, as well as you. She enjoyed the feeling of being chased by your husband and probably thought his courting her would end once he got married to you. Now, she is just testing him, seeing how much power she really has over him, by trying to come between you two. Your husband may have feelings for her, but I doubt if she really has feelings for him. It seems she's just enjoying her role of interfering in your relationship. I've seen this many times. Once the thrill of the chase is over, the woman suddenly loses interest and dumps the guy. Unfortunately, this knowledge is not of much use to you, other than to understand the woman's motives for trying to make your husband break his sacred vows.

Therefore, I am going to suggest that you try a strategy that is opposite to that of what most everyone else here has suggested. Do not show your husband any more jealousy and do not question him about his whereabouts when he leaves. Just pretend that it doesn't matter and that you do not care what he does. In fact, you should take a few mystery disappearances yourself (even if it is just a walk around the block). If your husband does really care about you, he may start to turn his focus back to you. If not he will run to the other woman and you will eventually learn to get over him. By acting like you don't care now, it will help you learn how to deal with the situation if it really does result in him choosing the other woman.

Also, if you wish to remain in the US (even if it means you'll be by yourself), it is very possible to do so, even if you and your husband end up getting a divorce. You entered the marriage in good faith, even if your husband did not. The USCIS will not fault you for that. However, they will expect for you to be able to financially support yourself.

yes this post is a good one... but honestly hope this work to ur husband lei, i did this to my X before and nothing happens... i did that for a long year, what i got is i lost him, our relationship got worst.... really goodluck bcoz as i continued read ur post here some of ur hubz attitudes have my X attitude too....

hope u and ur hubz work it out....

sa totoo lang po ung story mo is somewhat parang pareho sa na-experienced ko din before... at isa lang yan sa mga na-experience ko sa knya ehehhe.... and i had my relationship with him for seven years sis... ganyan katagal ang pinag-tiis ko sa knya..... just to save my family....

[one...two...tree 2,762]

He changed, i never expected this to happen. he is very good in his words and thought he's right. One thing that i like about him is whenever i am pissed and upset about all this issues he always find ways to make me feel that he loves me, i doubted his love. i dont know how exacly know what love is.

You can know a person's heart by their actions, mostly. It's just unfortunate with a lot of these long distance romances, there's mostly talking during the courtship and not much action. Listen to your own rationale and your heart. You may be in-love, but that's not the kind of love that makes marriages last. After the first couple of years, the in-love fades, and that's when your partner's character really counts. You stop seeing them as you hoped them to be and you start seeing them for who they really are. But you don't have to wait that long as his actions have already showed you who he truly is. The guy's a loser and you deserve better.

I'm going to chime in here and offer a bit of advice, as well as my thoughts as to what may have happened here.

It sounds like you were your husband's back-up plan, after his attempt to court the "friend" appeared futile. I think it's obvious he has feelings for her or he would never have pursued her in the first place. I also believe the friend is playing games with him, as well as you. She enjoyed the feeling of being chased by your husband and probably thought his courting her would end once he got married to you. Now, she is just testing him, seeing how much power she really has over him, by trying to come between you two. Your husband may have feelings for her, but I doubt if she really has feelings for him. It seems she's just enjoying her role of interfering in your relationship. I've seen this many times. Once the thrill of the chase is over, the woman suddenly loses interest and dumps the guy. Unfortunately, this knowledge is not of much use to you, other than to understand the woman's motives for trying to make your husband break his sacred vows.

Therefore, I am going to suggest that you try a strategy that is opposite to that of what most everyone else here has suggested. Do not show your husband any more jealousy and do not question him about his whereabouts when he leaves. Just pretend that it doesn't matter and that you do not care what he does. In fact, you should take a few mystery disappearances yourself (even if it is just a walk around the block). If your husband does really care about you, he may start to turn his focus back to you. If not he will run to the other woman and you will eventually learn to get over him. By acting like you don't care now, it will help you learn how to deal with the situation if it really does result in him choosing the other woman.

Also, if you wish to remain in the US (even if it means you'll be by yourself), it is very possible to do so, even if you and your husband end up getting a divorce. You entered the marriage in good faith, even if your husband did not. The USCIS will not fault you for that. However, they will expect for you to be able to financially support yourself.

Excellent advice.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Life really sucks ........

Some people try so hard to get their loved ones re-united......and some lucky ones that have it.... do not even appreciate what they got

go figure this screwed up world......

[=FoxyBLUE= 2]

Life really sucks ........

Some people try so hard to get their loved ones re-united......and some lucky ones that have it.... do not even appreciate what they got

go figure this screwed up world......

Bitterness much??

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Bitterness much??

Nay.......

Bitterness get us nowhere......