The cat rant and rave

[visaveteran 1]

It's a pretty rare thing for me to get angry here, because it's just not worth it. And actually the OP hasn't attacked me at all, he's been pretty civil about the whole thing, even when I shared my fairly blunt observations and opinions with him.

If you mean visaveteran's attacks...eh, this is go-round number 382 or something with him. I've told him why I don't share a lot of my personal details here, but he makes these demands every couple months or so. Life goes on.

Anyway OP...get the cat over here no matter the cost. It'll wind up costing you a lot more if you don't.

Glad the personal attacks have been addressed.

For the record, I don't consider asking questions about your personal life off limits when you choose to interject yourself into other people's personal life. I certainly don't consider them "attacks" as you have chosen to call them. And why your indulging this HannaP I really don't get, but it's your game to play out. Just leave me out of it.

Finally, I don't recall any explanation about why your personal life is off limits...maybe you need to refresh my memory. You seem fine dishing it out but put up a wall to protect yourself when someone returns fire. Not the gentlemanly thing to do.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I already changed the ticket so that it's got a Ukrainian International Airlines flight number. I could have got off a bit cheaper flying it solo via Lufthansa...but I'm thinking better to pay a few extra dollars then end up having WWIII when she arrives.

Good choice. The Mox would never steer you wrong.

[christeen 966]

To the OP... I know this is a regional forum, however I feel compelled to add my .02 cents

I am very happy to hear that after the ranting and pissy fit about the cat, you decided to give a little on the subject... Since she is giving up her family and friends to come over here, I say it is good to bite the bullet and dont make her leave behind the cat too! It is a proverbial "straw" and I think somehow represents a link to her family and life over there...

As far as taking the lead and not giving up ground... Not speaking in terms of what works for East European relationships, but Perhaps it might help to think of things in these terms.... A marriage is a partnership and each person has different things that they are good/bad at... Just like a business partnership there are subjects and areas which one will be good at and naturally be the leader whereas the other would take a supporting role... Yes marriage is 50/50 but not in EVERYTHING... Some things are 80/20, 60/40 etc.. etc... But it is the end sum that it important, not being the chief in every role...

So my best advice is to talk and observe and find out what each others strengths and weaknesses are and assign responsibility for those tasks/roles accordingly... For example, my husband sucks at organizing things like trips, flights and details, things that I am great at.. .So those things I take on a 90/10 role and do most of that... However my husband is great with numbers and does the bills, investments, budgeting etc... he takes on an 90/10 role for that... in the end it works out...

But you cannot be the best at everything, just try to keep in mind the nature of a partnership and what each of you bring to the table... A strong man OK, fine, however dont get a Custer stance and to hell with logic and your partners possibly more intuitive input and forge ahead... If you have a "my way or the highway" stance, eventually the highway will win.

[mox 298]

And why your indulging this HannaP I really don't get, but it's your game to play out. Just leave me out of it.

I'm "indulging" HannaP because there's nothing wrong with a little civility even in the face of disagreement. I've extended you the same courtesy on numerous occasions. Not always, but more often than not. If you want to be left out of it, don't jump in the middle of it.

You seem fine dishing it out but put up a wall to protect yourself when someone returns fire. Not the gentlemanly thing to do.

As I said before, anything I have to say is out there to be listened to or ignored free of charge. Like everyone here, I discuss what I'm comfortable about discussing with my own relationship. I don't know how that could be construed as "ungentlemanly," seems an odd choice of words to me.

Edited January 4, 2010 by mox

[visaveteran 1]

I'm "indulging" HannaP because there's nothing wrong with a little civility even in the face of disagreement. I've extended you the same courtesy on numerous occasions. Not always, but more often than not. If you want to be left out of it, don't jump in the middle of it.

As I said before, anything I have to say is out there to be listened to or ignored free of charge. Like everyone here, I discuss what I'm comfortable about discussing with my own relationship. I don't know how that could be construed as "ungentlemanly," seems an odd choice of words to me.

I intentionally did not jump into anything regarding HannaP...so what's your point? I did stay OUT but still you invoked my name in discussions with her. LEAVE ME OUT OF THAT NONSENSE. Can I make it anymore clearer?

You seem quite comfortable suggesting some of us married "doormats" and live pathetic vicarious lives, while you share nothing about your own life...so no one an return fire. No one can challenge your life situation. You like to play with a stacked deck. I get you Mox. You like to stick your nose in other people's lives while your life is locked away in a vault.

[mox 298]

You seem quite comfortable suggesting some of us married "doormats" and live pathetic vicarious lives, while you share nothing about your own life...so no one an return fire. No one can challenge your life situation. You like to play with a stacked deck. I get you Mox. You like to stick your nose in other people's lives while your life is locked away in a vault.

Glad you get me now vv, so we don't have to have this conversation anymore.

[visaveteran 1]

Glad you get me now vv, so we don't have to have this conversation anymore.

Empty rhetoric...your trade mark.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I know! You wouldn't be able to get a hot, younger wife from Canada. Weird how that works, yes?

Within an hours drive of my house are about 60,000 American women and about 1 million Canadian women. I agree with you, I would have a problem finding a hot, young, thin one that isn't afflicted with a mental eating disorder. Thanks for pointing that out. I am reminded every day why I did not marry a (north) American woman.

Hot women in Ukraine are more concerned with what a man can provide for the family and prefer more established men who have already developed their bad habits (if any) and are not likely to run off after the other hot woemn all around. They get here and feel real secure. There isn't a chance in h-e-ll I would run off after something not nearly as good as what I have at home (Alla does a lot of her modeling in Montreal, Canada has to import FSU women for models)

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

It's not like I searched for a younger foreign wife, but I'm very glad I met Kira. I'm not sure about other parts of the US so much, but here in Alaska we have a majority of fat chicks who's main concern is Walmart, McDonalds, and having the latest iphone. The few up here that do look half way decent have a major attitude and don't usually marry until they are older and have that "rode hard put away wet look" to them.

So let's see about this....

A) I wind up with a gal from here.(been there done that a few times) who drinks like a fish, can't even name who's vice president, eats more than I do, hates life and hates everyone who enjoys life more than them, is into reality TV, and spends their time trolling forums and berating anyone and everyone who disagree's with them and/or has it better than them.

B ) I wind up with a gal who speaks five languages, is knowledgeable in world politics, has a lot in common with me such as travelling, fishing, watching movies, dancing, and loves having hot torrid sex in the banya until the sweat pours like a river...not to mention she looks like a model.

So ya, I think I'm going to go with choice "B".

Edited January 4, 2010 by Why_Me

[mox 298]

I honestly don't understand this need (not just you why_me, it's been a running theme in this forum for as long as I can remember) to run American or any other women down. Isn't it enough that we found somebody who makes us happy and leave it at that? Nobody's ever asked me to justify my decision to marry either the American woman from my starter marriage or the FSU woman from my current marriage, and I've never felt the need to justify it.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

I honestly don't understand this need (not just you why_me, it's been a running theme in this forum for as long as I can remember) to run American or any other women down. Isn't it enough that we found somebody who makes us happy and leave it at that? Nobody's ever asked me to justify my decision to marry either the American woman from my starter marriage or the FSU woman from my current marriage, and I've never felt the need to justify it.

Posters such as HannahP that come to this forum and post what she has posted tends to bring the truth out of some of us. It is what it is mox

Edited January 4, 2010 by Why_Me

[mox 298]

Posters such as HannahP that come to this forum and post what she has posted tends to bring the truth out of some of us. It is what it is mox

Believe me, nobody likes to toy with the drive-byers more than me. I just think it's more helpful to concentrate on the positives that our choices bring us. You've got a beautiful wife, and it sounds like with the possible exception of her choice in traveling companions she makes you happy. No need to rationalize or justify beyond that.

[visaveteran 1]

Mox, I do remember some angry comments from you about your ex American wife who cheated on you as I recall...and cheated a lot. You must have felt compelled to dredge up this old stuff and vent. So, are you so clean on this issue?

I think a lot of American men are angry about the state of gender relationships in the USA and that anger takes voice on this forum from time to time...often in a humorous vein as Why_Me has done. I don't see that as a bad thing. And you of all people should appreciate some jokes and snide comments here and there aimed at some subgroup of society.

Personally, I've never had an angry word to say abut my ex American wife and we are still very good friends to this day. I don't think I've ever mentioned her on here as there is no reason to. I don't need to vent.

But like many men, I find American women to be off putting in many ways and at many levels. I have some anger over some dating situations I had, and my general observations are that American women have lost their feminine mystique...and are more in touch with their "inner masculine."

I also think the more exposure I've had with Russian women, the less I've felt good about American women...they simply don't compare well to Russian women in most areas. And, frankly, Russian women have very few hang ups about sex (men's favorite subject!). They don't merely accept it, but seek it out aggressively and open-minded. Whereas American women walk around with a 3-inch think "rulebook" about sex, Russian women walk around with a one page "menu."

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I honestly don't understand this need (not just you why_me, it's been a running theme in this forum for as long as I can remember) to run American or any other women down. Isn't it enough that we found somebody who makes us happy and leave it at that? Nobody's ever asked me to justify my decision to marry either the American woman from my starter marriage or the FSU woman from my current marriage, and I've never felt the need to justify it.

we differ on this Mox. If I receive bad service from a business, for example, I feel it is only fair to tell them that I will no longer be using that business "because...." It is a service to them to inform them that they are losing money "because..." If I say nothing and go on to another business, how does that business ever have the opportunity to correct its problems. It frustrates me to no end when I must deal with the gvernment's poor service and have no choice where to go after that.

Yes, my first marriage was to an American woman (this is my second marriage, for the record) I was young and didn't know any better and heck, they are everywhere, so what do you expect? Long story short we divorced after a relatively long marriage and I ended up taking a job assignment in Ukraine to get WAY away from that. This ultimately led to my meeting Alla by chance, though not in Ukraine for what it's worth. neither of us was looking for a foreign spouse, I met her completely by chance in the course of normal life.

That said, after two years in Ukraine there just was no way I would ever be interested in an American woman again. I mean, for me, it is an absolute deal breaker, or would be. I simply wouldn't take the chance, the odds are way to against it. Actually it took about 30 seconds to realize there was some huge differences which I liked very much. It is not that I feel a need to "bash" anyone, but it is a service to them to inform them why I would never have anything to do with one again. Maybe they will eventually change and realize the power they have lost. Maybe not and it is just gloating. Ok with me either way.

I do not feel I am "justifying" because I really couldn't possibly care less what someone else thinks about my marriage.

[mox 298]

Mox, I do remember some angry comments from you about your ex American wife who cheated on you as I recall...and cheated a lot. You must have felt compelled to dredge up this old stuff and vent. So, are you so clean on this issue?

You recall correctly. I don't recall how much ranting I did about her here on VJ, and it's even conceivable that in my anger I might have even made disparaging remarks about "American women." I'm not perfect and sometimes impulsive in my posts. But one of the things that we're all here for is to provide support to other people, based on our own experiences. Based on my experiences, disparaging an entire gender in order to justify our own choices just creates negative energy. It is imho unhelpful. Better to concentrate on the positives.

I think a lot of American men are angry about the state of gender relationships in the USA and that anger takes voice on this forum from time to time...often in a humorous vein as Why_Me has done. I don't see that as a bad thing. And you of all people should appreciate some jokes and snide comments here and there aimed at some subgroup of society.

Humor is good. I often partake in the humor myself, sometimes parodying some of the more misogynistic posting I see. But when the fun turns to nastiness towards an entire gender, it just creates a feedback loop of bitterness. We're all at various stages of starting a "new life" here, so why bring that kind of baggage?