The cat rant and rave

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Horsesqueeze. seeing someone as a #######, #######, golddigger or GC junky is not objective. It is just as stereotyped and blind as blindly falling in love with someone you proposed to in the third email.

His chance of success are the same as he would have with any other woman if he and she are willing to work at it.

The divorce rate here in Alaska is off the scale. I don't know the official numbers, but I would be surprised if 1 in 5 marriages here go the distance...and those numbers are conservative.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Who ARE these women Y'all are marrying? I never have these probems. what gives? Are Ukrainians that much better?

You got very lucky....I know where slims coming from...and Kira doesn't even get here for another month. It's like a daily battle sometimes just to make sure I don't lose anymore ground to her. It's like a contest of wills sometimes on who's going to break first.

[Neonred 3,517]

WOW... And I thought I had it bad. My wife is only a total b*tch like once a month. It's almost like clock work LOL.

[eekee 182]

I don't think her wanting you to sleep on the couch while her friend visited was her being a ######. When we've had female friends over, they get to sleep in the bed, and male friends sleep on the floor. Women need comfort more, I guess.

[visaveteran 1]

First comment: How do you Alaskan guys convince Russian women to live in what amounts to Siberia? Damn...

Second comment: The tradition in Russia is the man is the ultimate boss...even if he lays around the house while his wife goes out to work. It is also a tradition in Russia for the husband to "tune up" (slap) his wife once in awhile to keep her in line. This tradition was very present in the Soviet era but may have toned down since...yet corporal punishment for the wife is still not unusual. The police will do virtually nothing if a man beats his wife. The odd thing about it is the wives expect it and even gain comfort that they married a strong man who can take care of her. This is not a sign of weakness, but a devotion to the Russia way of marriage and the way men and women act. And among circles of men, it is often discussed that maybe a certain friend needs to teach his wife a "Russian lesson" because she's acting too much like a bit*h. If a Russian man appears weak with his wife in front of his male friends, he will loose face.

The lesson here for American men is that Russian women (at least those old enough to remember how dad treated mom during the old days) expect and respect a strong man who takes on the role as the "boss." This may not be immediately apparent as she feels her way along with her American man, but somewhere down the road it could well show up. She may "test" her man to see what he's made of. So, I judge it is a mistake to start off a relationship with Russian women by trying to be overly complacent or too accommodating. Or give in to their sometimes goofy demands because they look so "hot." We don't beat our wives but we can be strong and assertive when needed and at some level the women will feel comfort and support from this.

I think this is what Slim has always tried to teach new husbands or financees on the forum.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

First comment: How do you Alaskan guys convince Russian women to live in what amounts to Siberia? Damn...

Second comment: The tradition in Russia is the man is the ultimate boss...even if he lays around the house while his wife goes out to work. It is also a tradition in Russia for the husband to "tune up" (slap) his wife once in awhile to keep her in line. This tradition was very present in the Soviet era but may have toned down since...yet corporal punishment for the wife is still not unusual. The police will do virtually nothing if a man beats his wife. The odd thing about it is the wives expect it and even gain comfort that they married a strong man who can take care of her. This is not a sign of weakness, but a devotion to the Russia way of marriage and the way men and women act. And among circles of men, it is often discussed that maybe a certain friend needs to teach his wife a "Russian lesson" because she's acting too much like a bit*h. If a Russian man appears weak with his wife in front of his male friends, he will loose face.

The lesson here for American men is that Russian women (at least those old enough to remember how dad treated mom during the old days) expect and respect a strong man who takes on the role as the "boss." This may not be immediately apparent as she feels her way along with her American man, but somewhere down the road it could well show up. She may "test" her man to see what he's made of. So, I judge it is a mistake to start off a relationship with Russian women by trying to be overly complacent or too accommodating. Or give in to their sometimes goofy demands because they look so "hot." We don't beat our wives but we can be strong and assertive when needed and at some level the women will feel comfort and support from this.

I think this is what Slim has always tried to teach new husbands or financees on the forum.

They have a saying in Belarus and it goes something like this...; "If you hit your wife with a big enough hammer, she will turn into gold."

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

You got very lucky....I know where slims coming from...and Kira doesn't even get here for another month. It's like a daily battle sometimes just to make sure I don't lose anymore ground to her. It's like a contest of wills sometimes on who's going to break first.

well I don't use "corporal punishment" and although it is common in the FSU even now, it is also one of the leading reasons for divorce in those countries...so I won't go there. on the other hand, there is never any question who is in charge IF I do what a man should do. This means that when she has a cat to bring...I make all the arrangements and all she has to do is carry the cat to the airplane, anything else is my responsibility and I take care of it. If I am with her, I will carry the cat. She knows as well as I how to handle shake downs by customs people and I make sure she has extra cash for such things. Trying to move anywhere or do anything of substance in Ukraine without being prepared to pay bribes is a fools' errand. usually US $$$$ work best, but not at the airport. Customs people don't want to answer questions about where they got pockets-full of US $$$ or Euros. Not only that but Ukraine forbids the removal of their currency from the country so it is really easy to say..."Oh, look, I also have this 100 Hryivna, I forgot I am not supposed to take this out of the country, can you take care of this for me?" Job done...cat gets on the airplane.

If you allow there to be a question of who is in charge or who's responsibility it is then they will become "nervous" and try to do it themselves. After all, the women of those countries re-built the countries after the 2nd war, not bcause they wanted to but because all the men were dead! They don't sit around and let moss grow under their feet. Yes, the man is in charge (or should be unless you got a defective one) but the man has TO BE in charge, he has to say ..."Do this"...or "I have handled it...put the cat in the carrier I bought you which is the proper airline approved carrier and take it to the gate with you. You will pay an additional $150 at check-in" Or whatever. No questions get asked, no arguments. For what would you argue with a woman for? They lose respect for you if your argue or ose your temper. No MAN should be rattled by a woman.

The house is the woman's place, never argue about that, let her choose the paint color and the drapes, you just fix it when it breaks without being asked. Her feeling is she has a cat, you asked her to marry you and she agrees to move halfway around the world to live in Alaska (which is probably no worse than Vermont and it isn't like Belarus is a tropical paradise) so it is YOUR responsibility to care about the cat. Just do it. Be the man, step up and care about it. No argument no disputes. Care about it and then TELL her what she will do. No problems.

I do not agree that FSU women are submissive, I only say that they have a definite "divide" of women's and men's duties and if you do your duty then there are no questions. If in doubt...it is YOUR duty to decide.

[Martyshk 137]

I do not agree that FSU women are submissive, I only say that they have a definite "divide" of women's and men's duties and if you do your duty then there are no questions. If in doubt...it is YOUR duty to decide.

That's the beauty of it. They know that being a woman is not about being equal. They are proud of being women and they behave like women.

The way I was brought up, and the way my girl looks at it is - I make all of the major decisions. I take care of certain things even though she is fully capable of doing it herself. (i.e. I made all the travel arrangements for her when we were meeting; for our K-1 journey all she's going to be doing is putting signature down on forms and show up at the interview - everything else, I worry about that).

A man is a man, basically, end of story.

This is why I love this forum, because I can totally see people from other countries coming here and telling us we oppress women

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

That's the beauty of it. They know that being a woman is not about being equal. They are proud of being women and they behave like women.

The way I was brought up, and the way my girl looks at it is - I make all of the major decisions. I take care of certain things even though she is fully capable of doing it herself. (i.e. I made all the travel arrangements for her when we were meeting; for our K-1 journey all she's going to be doing is putting signature down on forms and show up at the interview - everything else, I worry about that).

A man is a man, basically, end of story.

This is why I love this forum, because I can totally see people from other countries coming here and telling us we oppress women

If that is oppression, then I can only say my wife WANTS to be oppressed. Why argue when everything is done for you? Her feeling, literally, and in her words, is that a woman should be "behind" a man and the man should protect her. She wants to turn up the heat when it gets cold and receive a "result" She does not want to know how the furnace works, what it uses for fuel or how much it costs, she wants to be warm and her man needs to make sure she can be when she wants to. As long as that happens, there is peace on earth. Turn on the swtich and the light comes on. Turn the key and the car starts. The trash is never full, the lawn is always cut.

Women who do not enjoy being women need not apply to be my wife...absolute deal breaker. If some feminist doesn't like it...too bad. It is a pretty personal decision (who will sleep maked next to you the rest of your life) and I will choose that person based on my own preference. I prefer a woman that acts and enjoys being a woman. I prefer a woman that gets genuine pleasure from pleasing her husband because her husband cares about her and protects her and cares about the things a man should. Yes, she can do it herself, she did. She doesn't WANT to, she did what she HAD to not what she wanted.

Alla has two children, a cat, a dog and a mother. I married all of them. I cared about everything that needed to be cared about, no questions asked (except "will you marry me") There was no question these things needed to be done and if I didn't do them then what on earth would she need a man FOR?

[mox 298]

It's like a daily battle sometimes just to make sure I don't lose anymore ground to her. It's like a contest of wills sometimes on who's going to break first.

Just to play amateur marriage counselor here: I hope for both of your sakes that you figure out pretty quickly that it's not about gaining or losing ground. You are not "the boss" (even if she says it--listen carefully to what she's saying, it's not what you think it is) and if you think most any woman (FSU or otherwise) is going to put up with that kind of thing, you'll be watching the back of an airport-bound taxi pretty quickly. A few of the guys here have either a) managed to wind up with some real door mats who do put up with this kind of #######, or B) are living out their fantasies vicariously through VJ of how they wish their marriage really was. I've known a lot of FSU/American couples, and this is not how it usually goes. Not for the successful ones anyway. She's giving up *everything* to be with you, but that doesn't translate to being a second-class citizen in your household. Yes she will look to you for leadership in certain areas, and she will probably take on some of the more traditional household roles, but you're going to need to learn that your word is not law and if it does come down to your way or the high way, she might just choose the latter.

Everything I'm hearing is you trying to get inside this woman's head and working out how you're going to control her. I could be wrong--I only have what you're writing to go on--but this whole notion of controlling her and asserting your authority as "the boss" or whatever is pretty much doomed to failure. It's true that marriage isn't really about being equal in the sense of 50/50, but it is about equality in respect. Manipulation and trying to gain the high ground is a recipe for disaster--not just for you, but both of you. I really hope for both of your sakes that you figure this out early on.

And if I've misunderstood your posts, my apologies.

[Martyshk 137]

If that is oppression, then I can only say my wife WANTS to be oppressed. Why argue when everything is done for you? Her feeling, literally, and in her words, is that a woman should be "behind" a man and the man should protect her. She wants to turn up the heat when it gets cold and receive a "result" She does not want to know how the furnace works, what it uses for fuel or how much it costs, she wants to be warm and her man needs to make sure she can be when she wants to. As long as that happens, there is peace on earth. Turn on the switch and the light comes on. Turn the key and the car starts. The trash is never full, the lawn is always cut.

Women who do not enjoy being women need not apply to be my wife...absolute deal breaker. If some feminist doesn't like it...too bad. It is a pretty personal decision (who will sleep maked next to you the rest of your life) and I will choose that person based on my own preference. I prefer a woman that acts and enjoys being a woman. I prefer a woman that gets genuine pleasure from pleasing her husband because her husband cares about her and protects her and cares about the things a man should. Yes, she can do it herself, she did. She doesn't WANT to, she did what she HAD to not what she wanted.

Alla has two children, a cat, a dog and a mother. I married all of them. I cared about everything that needed to be cared about, no questions asked (except "will you marry me") There was no question these things needed to be done and if I didn't do them then what on earth would she need a man FOR?

This is basically my relationship with Daria. She can hide behind me literally and figuratively And that's what she does. She will never be burdened by decision-making. She will always be protected, cared for and like you say - there will be peace on earth.

In essence, all I am saying - you basically wrote out everything I was too lazy to type up.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Just to play amateur marriage counselor here: I hope for both of your sakes that you figure out pretty quickly that it's not about gaining or losing ground. You are not "the boss" (even if she says it--listen carefully to what she's saying, it's not what you think it is) and if you think most any woman (FSU or otherwise) is going to put up with that kind of thing, you'll be watching the back of an airport-bound taxi pretty quickly. A few of the guys here have either a) managed to wind up with some real door mats who do put up with this kind of #######, or B) are living out their fantasies vicariously through VJ of how they wish their marriage really was. I've known a lot of FSU/American couples, and this is not how it usually goes. Not for the successful ones anyway. She's giving up *everything* to be with you, but that doesn't translate to being a second-class citizen in your household. Yes she will look to you for leadership in certain areas, and she will probably take on some of the more traditional household roles, but you're going to need to learn that your word is not law and if it does come down to your way or the high way, she might just choose the latter.

Everything I'm hearing is you trying to get inside this woman's head and working out how you're going to control her. I could be wrong--I only have what you're writing to go on--but this whole notion of controlling her and asserting your authority as "the boss" or whatever is pretty much doomed to failure. It's true that marriage isn't really about being equal in the sense of 50/50, but it is about equality in respect. Manipulation and trying to gain the high ground is a recipe for disaster--not just for you, but both of you. I really hope for both of your sakes that you figure this out early on.

And if I've misunderstood your posts, my apologies.

It's not about being "the boss"...it's all about not being ran over by a freight train. I wasn't raised in a traditional family. My mom worked a full time job, and there was never a "mans only job", and a "woman's only job". We all cooked, did the dishes, etc... But with Kira...it's like if you give her an inch, she takes a mile. All I want is my 50% of the pie. Unlike the government in Belarus, it was agreed that this marriage would be a democracy. If there isn't any democracy soon...there's about to be a military coup...on my part.

[mox 298]

It's not about being "the boss"...it's all about not being ran over by a freight train. I wasn't raised in a traditional family. My mom worked a full time job, and there was never a "mans only job", and a "woman's only job". We all cooked, did the dishes, etc... But with Kira...it's like if you give her an inch, she takes a mile. All I want is my 50% of the pie. Unlike the government in Belarus, it was agreed that this marriage would be a democracy. If there isn't any democracy soon...there's about to be a military coup...on my part.

Sounds like you two might want to begin couples therapy pretty much when she arrives then. Neither one of your approaches sounds very healthy. (apologies for the bluntness, no offense intended.)

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Sounds like you two might want to begin couples therapy pretty much when she arrives then. Neither one of your approaches sounds very healthy. (apologies for the bluntness, no offense intended.)

I thought about that...but I know her. She would never go for it. She's like her dad...she's hard headed. When I was over there she ran the show when it came to her family. She never lacks for confidence, she has everything planned out...she's ...dominant. I'm praying she mellows out when she gets settled in...but I don't see that happening. I'm starting to get a knot in my stomach now that she's going to be here soon.

[mox 298]

I thought about that...but I know her. She would never go for it. She's like her dad...she's hard headed. When I was over there she ran the show when it came to her family. She never lacks for confidence, she has everything planned out...she's ...dominant. I'm praying she mellows out when she gets settled in...but I don't see that happening. I'm starting to get a knot in my stomach now that she's going to be here soon.

Remember it takes two to tango.