how do you address your SO's parents

[AlHayatZween 2]

when cornered, mom and dad (in the native language)... but i will try my best to avoid it.

i call my MIL Ooma = mother...

but it feels kinda weird. that's what my mister told me to call her... and that's what everyone else calls her.

[sachinky 465]

Heehee.

My in-laws have asked me to address them by their first names but I can't bring myself to do it. Yet. I call them Mr. and Mrs when speaking to them one-on-one. In private, I refer to them as Papa G and Mama G seeing as their last name begins with G. Like Mama, Papa and Baby Bear from Goldilocks. For example, I ask my husband, "what's Papa G upto?"

He refers to my Dad as Mr. and he calls my mom "Mummy-jee" which my mom just loves. He picked it up from some Bollywood wedidng movie--"jee" commonly used as a sign of respect. You should hear my mom yacking about her precious son-in-law. She might just like him more than she likes me. I think he's a little scared of my Dad which is hilarious, I think. He's just really quiet and keeps to himself but can often come across as intense and moody.

[Scott & Lai 12]

It seems SO weird to me when someone (US culture assumed of course) wants their DIL/SIL to call them Mr./Mrs. I just think THAT is rude. You don't call family by formal titles. Obviously different cultures to be taken into account with that.

I agree with this part. Expecting your DIL/SIL to refer to you as Mr./Mrs. sounds like you are telling them that they aren't real family members, or that you wish they weren't...

Use of first name to FIL and MIL so disrespectful. It is a plague that must be stopped.

The trend of american children addressing their father and mother by first name just chaffs my hide.

Mom and dad is cute and endearing. Live it, love it, learn it.

Happy New Year!

This bothers me, too. I was raised with the quaint notion of showing respect to one's elders. It wouldn't occur to me to refer to my inlaws, let alone my parents, by their first names unless I'm introducing them to someone else. One of the things that quickly endeared Lai's eldest niece, Dory, to me was when, before we met face to face, she asked me for permission to refer to me as "Scott-san." She's really into Japanese culture, and that is a respectful way to refer to one's elders. She also calls me "Uncle Scott." When Lai's nephews and nieces in Hong Kong heard I liked that, they all started calling me that :-)

[sachinky 465]

I hear you. Using Mr./Mrs. sounds very formal and not family-like. But I met my in-laws when I met my husband (then boyfriend) in college. I just went with what I called my other friends' parents.

Whereas, first names sounds just disrespectful. In India, you'd never call an elder by their first name. It's either Aunty/Uncle or adding a Brother/Sister to their name.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

how do you address your SO's parents,

By their first names, since we are the same age.

[Mary Lou 681]

The inlaws have nicknames they go by, so i call them their nicknames.

[Richard90027 1]

I was just sitting here wondering how do you choose to address your mother-in-law, and father-in-law? Do you call them the same as your partner? ie "mom" and "dad"? do you call them mr. and ms.? or do you call them by their first names? i was thinking about my own family, and how my bros-in-law refer to my parents. my parents have long been divorced, and one bro-in-law calls them mom and dad. another calls my father dad, and my mom, by her name. then another one calls both by their names. my husband has chosen to call them mom and dad. me? i can't decide... so that is why i am asking what have you chosen. in their presence, i call them the same has my husband.

Well nobody told me what to call my wifes Mom so I just call her Mother, but the meetings are very stressful because my wifes family isnt good at english

[slim 1,525]

I don't address my SO's parents. Her pops is dead and I've never met her mama. When she's on the phone with her I'll just yell out, "hello." That's about the extent of our interaction.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Mother-in-law by first name, don't have anything to do with father-in-law and my parents are dead, so nothing for them. Her parents aren't my parents so I wouldn't call them mom and dad ever.....disrespectful to my parents.

This really isn't disrespectful when you think of context and intent. Yes, mom and dad are official family/biological titles for your parents, but did it ever occur to you "mom and dad" can be used as terms of endearment?

Well, in hispanic culture, the terms mommi and popi are used between the man and the woman couple.

Also, when the sex gets hot, the man may be heard to call out, "Who's your daddy?!" as he gently spanks the woman.

Likewise, calling the inlaws mom and dad is simply a loving term of endearment, and just often feels right. OK, glad to be of service, but...

Class Dismissed!

Happy New Year!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I was just sitting here wondering how do you choose to address your mother-in-law, and father-in-law? Do you call them the same as your partner? ie "mom" and "dad"? do you call them mr. and ms.? or do you call them by their first names? i was thinking about my own family, and how my bros-in-law refer to my parents. my parents have long been divorced, and one bro-in-law calls them mom and dad. another calls my father dad, and my mom, by her name. then another one calls both by their names. my husband has chosen to call them mom and dad. me? i can't decide... so that is why i am asking what have you chosen. in their presence, i call them the same has my husband.

They kept ONE Gulag open in Siberia, and it is for people who refer to their elders by their first name! When I address my MIL myself I call her "Momma" if addressing her in front of our children..."Babushka" (grandma), there is no other way to refer to a parent figure in Russian culture. Alla calls my mother "mom". Russian culture places HUGE emphasis on respect for your elders. Men on buses do not stand to allow a woman to sit, as they would (or used to) in our culture, but allow an elderly person of either sex to enter the bus and EVERYONE offers their seat. It is cutomary for children and even younger adults to refer to ANY elderly woman as "grandmother" and ANY elderly man as "grandfather" out of respect. You are not allowed to refer to an elder person by their first name unless you have asked an received permission to use "familiar" speech with them. Otherwise they are refered to by their formal first name and patrynomic...Aleksander Ilyovich....for example. A father or mother figure would never give permission (or be asked) to be referred to in the familiar terms "Alek" for example.

When speaking to her I use the formal speech...Drastvootye, not Privet. Kak Vih, not Kak tih. You simply do not address parent figures in anything but the highest level of respectful speech, it is a major, unforgivable faux pas to do otherwise.

Edited January 2, 2010 by Gary and Alla

[bora bora 1]

My husband doens't have parents so I've never had to deal with this. On the other hand, my husband calls my mom "Mama", which I love (and which he started calling her himself, and my mom is delighted). My BIL does not even address my mom this way and they've known each other for over a decade.

Hubby calls my stepdad by his first name because that's what I call him - although we call my mother and stepfather our "parents" when we talk about them.

I am just now rekindling a relationship with my real dad and it feels weird for me to call him "dad". My husband doesn't consider him my father since he's only known my stepdad since we've been together.

[Jenn! 918]

Shouldn't respect be measured by how you treat your elders rather than what you call them?

IMO, you should call your in laws what they want to be called - that's respectful whether it's their first name, mom/dad, or any other name.

[Muhammad n Maryam 1]

I call my mother in law mom

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Shouldn't respect be measured by how you treat your elders rather than what you call them?

It's cultural. In the part of India my family is from, it's very disrespectful to address anyone older than yourself by their first name. Everyone older has a title and as a kid trying to remember them all was a real challenge.

[Jenn! 918]

It's cultural. In the part of India my family is from, it's very disrespectful to address anyone older than yourself by their first name. Everyone older has a title and as a kid trying to remember them all was a real challenge.

Understandable.

I just object to the blanket statement that it is a sign of disrespect to call your in-laws by their first names. Sounds like it would be in India or Russia, but it's not in the U.S.