Overseas Visits

[TheGoodWife 0]

I need some opinions please...

I try to be a good wife and respect my husband to the fullest, just as he respects me. However, we are having a horrible disagreement as of late. We have two kids together, the oldest has been to his home country (when a baby) and met all his family...however I was with the child at the time when we went for a visit. But now we have another child, 7 months old, and he wants this child to go visit his family as well. Without me. I've said to him not without me because the child is still a baby, needs mommy, I will miss all the firsts! He says I am being selfish and his family deserves to see the child and spend time with it. I agree they do...but only if I come too, and money right now is very tight, there's no way we can afford for all 4 of us to go. He is insisting I make the passport and I am refusing.

I know it is killing his mom to not see our newest addition, but I can't bear the thought of parting with my baby for a month or more! He thinks I am refusing because I think they are going to try to keep the kids there. I know his mother would never do that to me, so this isn't even an issue, I just really and truthfully don't want to be apart from my baby.

Does anyone have suggestions for me? I really need some advice, should I let the baby go? Should I stand my ground and refuse? Have any of you let your husbands take the kids overseas without you?

I appreciate any advice, but please be gentle (but firm) with me, this is really a sensitive matter for me.

Hope you all have a good day!

[me_4_musa 1]

How long does he plan on being overseas?

[JeanneVictoria 55]

The baby is entirely too young to be without you, especially so far away. I know he wants his family to meet the newest child, but he really needs to think this thru.

Sorry, if it was me I would stand my ground and not give in. See if you can at least talk with him about saving the money so all of you can go together. I'm sure it's going to be a battle and I do feel so bad for you that he has put you in this situation.

Best of luck to you and hope there can be some sort of resolution without having to do battle

or having guilty feelings.

[Berber Mama 5]

I agree with Jeanne. I could not let my 7 month old go without me. How old is your oldest child? I know a lot of airlines don't make you purchase tickets for children two and under I think. Could you afford to go if the baby and possibly the oldest didn't have to have a ticket?

My husband's family still hasn't met our son. His father gives him hell over it all the time. I told them that they can just wait until next year when the new baby is old enough to travel so they can meet them both at the same time. There's no way that I'd let them go and miss that experience without me!

[me_4_musa 1]

he wants to take both of the kids? 7 months is too young.

[Jenn! 918]

Not sure I have any advice, but I would not let my husband take the baby by himself until he is at least 2 years old. And that's what I'm saying now, who knows how I'll feel when the time comes. We plan to take the baby to visit Morocco together after he is 1, sometime in 2011. I will probably stay with the baby for 2 weeks and then return home, and he can stay a full 4 weeks.

Is it just the cost of the plane ticket for you that is prohibitive? Or is it the time off of work? Maybe you could just go for a shorter time and take the baby (or both kids) back with you and he can stay longer.

[Staashi 371]

As of right now, we are planning to send E to Argentina for 3 months this summer - (he'll be 15 mos at the time) so that he can meet my FIL and get to know Arg. He will travel with my MIL. We will then go to Arg for a summer vacation in August - I will go for maybe 2 weeks, while hubby will be there for a month. I trust my MIL implicitly so I don't worry about E, but I think that 7 mos is far too young.

[TheGoodWife 0]

Thanks for all the responses ladies! It makes me feel a little more confident in my stance on the issue.

Our oldest is 3. He wants to take both kids, for about a month. I suggested taking the oldest and leave that child for a few months and when finances are better, we will all go and get that child and they can all meet the baby. Of course, I am still the selfish American, but if I am selfish for wanting my baby with me, then so be it. I think his mom will undestand.

God bless you all!

[Aymsgirl 0]

My son will be 2 the end of February. I know we are all different but I can't imagine him going without me. I think he would be confused and I dont want him to ever wonder where mama is. I wouldn't have been able to let him go by himself at 7 months. That is me though. I probably will not even be able to let him go until he is quite a bit older by himself and to stay there alone without myself or his father for a few months probably not until he is about 8 or 9. This is not that I don't trust my husband but I can't imagine being here so far away from my son and something happening to him or him needing me.

I wish you the best.

Edited December 29, 2009 by Aymsgirl

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Thanks for all the responses ladies! It makes me feel a little more confident in my stance on the issue.

Our oldest is 3. He wants to take both kids, for about a month. I suggested taking the oldest and leave that child for a few months and when finances are better, we will all go and get that child and they can all meet the baby. Of course, I am still the selfish American, but if I am selfish for wanting my baby with me, then so be it. I think his mom will undestand.

God bless you all!

this may be an odd question but will dad be with the baby at all times or will he drop the baby off at grandma's and go visit friends and other family? I agree that 7 months is so very young to be away from mommy that long, but not as difficult if dad will be with him/her 24/7.

the longest I have been away from my son is 2 weeks and I cried that first week and he was 5!

so I can say all I want about the dad being with him and its not as bad(on the baby) but I know it will be more than difficult for you

Im sorry you are dealing with this. Good luck on a resolution

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

Zaid wont ever go overseas, or even leave the state until

1. He is an adult

or

2. I go with him

It has nothing to do with trust, laws, etc. It is simply the fact that I am his mother and he shouldnt be travelling across the world without me. 7 months is far too young. You may wanna chat with Amanda. I know her son went with his dad when he was a toddler and stayed in Morroco for 3 months (i think)

[New Beginnings 32]

Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I'm not a mother but my thought is that married people shouldn't travel apart. There are far too many things that can happen when you're travelling alone. If I wasn't going with, my husband wouldn't be going let alone taking our children without me.

If it's so important to him to go, which I am very sure it is. He'll do what it takes to make sure the family can go together. Money could be tight... he'll get a second job... he'll make sure the money is saved.

[Kenza 1]

Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I'm not a mother but my thought is that married people shouldn't travel apart. There are far too many things that can happen when you're travelling alone. If I wasn't going with, my husband wouldn't be going let alone taking our children without me.

If it's so important to him to go, which I am very sure it is. He'll do what it takes to make sure the family can go together. Money could be tight... he'll get a second job... he'll make sure the money is saved.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I'm not a mother but my thought is that married people shouldn't travel apart. There are far too many things that can happen when you're travelling alone. If I wasn't going with, my husband wouldn't be going let alone taking our children without me.

If it's so important to him to go, which I am very sure it is. He'll do what it takes to make sure the family can go together. Money could be tight... he'll get a second job... he'll make sure the money is saved.

My thoughts as well. I know not everyone agrees though.

[AlHayatZween 2]

We just got in this discussion the other night...

i agree with what others posted... 7 months is very young and definitely needs his mommy! Maybe your husband and your other child can go for a month, but have him wait until the little one is older and more fit for the trek w/o mom ??