Tips of Surviving the Wait of the VisaJourney

[GJen 9]

I (Jen, USC) am in Venezuela visiting my fince, G. We will have been together 4 and a half years on January 11th, 2009. In that time, we have seen each other on 3 occasions. (June-Sep 07, April 09, Right now)

Eight months passed before I got to see him again, yet the wait was much harder than the almost two years we had to wait to each other again between the first and second trip (I was looking for a job and trying to save up money)

We went from talking to each other every night on the phone, to mostly just internet and were bickering a lot more. Even days before I came this time it was like that.

Hopefully knowing we're filing will help things, but 6-12 months is still a long time. Any advice on how we can get through that waiting time without growing further apart?

Also, I know that certain technology can help, like Facebook and Skype, but what happens when he relationship gets to the point that they're sharing more through their Facebook status updates than they are with each other? How can you make it better?

[unique135 0]

Skype works out great for me. I use skype to go (phone to phone) ...just a call away from her. Other than that, I am waiting from last 3 years.

lol, little small fights are good too...time goes by.

[Chris_Жанна 11]

Skype video is good. I get to see my love everyday. Although it is absolutely no substitute for her absence it helps me get through the day just seeing her smile.

In a long distance relationship you have to pick and choose your arguments, you don't have the luxury of make-up time after the argument and it is harder to make amends when you are separated.

I think you are doing the best thing possible right now, you are visiting. Hang in there, we all are/were in the same line waiting as you.

[natty bumppo 297]

skype sex?

[Mrs. Diaz 1]

You are NOT alone! I'm also in a loooong distance relationship(It's going to be 4 years in 2010) Trust me, I know how you feel!

It's not easy.... but I like to think about it this way: Every day that goes by is one day closer to what we have wanted for so long. No matter how long it will take, it will always be one day closer.... (at least this helps a little!)

Skype video calls is also helping me getting thru the day... specially those days when everything feels so hopeless....

Our turn will come someday! That's all we know right now. Hang in there til' that happens! And remember that you're not alone. There's thousands out there with same wish, being together with the one they love....

Enjoy your stay in Venezuela and do not forget to enjoy your husband too!!!

I (Jen, USC) am in Venezuela visiting my fince, G. We will have been together 4 and a half years on January 11th, 2009. In that time, we have seen each other on 3 occasions. (June-Sep 07, April 09, Right now)

Eight months passed before I got to see him again, yet the wait was much harder than the almost two years we had to wait to each other again between the first and second trip (I was looking for a job and trying to save up money)

We went from talking to each other every night on the phone, to mostly just internet and were bickering a lot more. Even days before I came this time it was like that.

Hopefully knowing we're filing will help things, but 6-12 months is still a long time. Any advice on how we can get through that waiting time without growing further apart?

Also, I know that certain technology can help, like Facebook and Skype, but what happens when he relationship gets to the point that they're sharing more through their Facebook status updates than they are with each other? How can you make it better?

[slim 1,533]

I suggest finding a "buddy" here you can pass the time with until your fiance arrives. Be honest with him about your intentions and be honest with yourself about what you're doing.

Time will fly by and before you know it, you'll be having that awkward "one last time" with your "buddy" before your fiance gets here.

Have fun!

[NickD 203]

Wife is from Venezuela, remember those days well and the problems we had, plus that one year long wait. She did have a US visa and I got a passport, we would not let three months pass without seeing each other. Her internet service was poor plus many power outages, were nights where we couldn't talk at all that were very depressing, but normally could just give her a quick call on her cell to make sure she was okay. But those call were very expensive.

Also spent time redoing my home to suit her taste, but also had thoughts. One thought was, damn, I had to meet her, did have a life before, but she stole my heart, now living in pain. Other thoughts were in my military days, waiting weeks for a letter, the only way we could communicate, least now I could pick up the phone. Other thoughts, maybe she or I would meet someone else, if so, our relationship wasn't really all that hot. Don't care what anyone says, if that person doesn't love you back, you really can't be in love with them. That perseverance that we both shared was good proof that we both wanted each other.

Ha, when she had major problems, she asked me if I still loved her, even to this day some six years later, I don't say, I love you, I say, I still love you. But we were able to work out all of our problems together and never with an argument, she was always there for me, and I for her.

So if you are concerned about breaking up, you are better off if you do, just wasn't met to be, but if you do persevere, you know it's right. USCIS doesn't seem to appreciate what you had to go through to persevere, just want to see a piece of paper, some legal document with both your names on it. They also seem to forget that if you as the sponsoring USC get taken for a ride by a very good actor that just wants to come here, you are really the victim of this, but they rather treat you as the culprit.

Time is the key factor in determining the validity of a relationship. If you both can stick it out, maybe it was meant to be.

[sara..... 371]

the first thing is u have to believe in each other and completely trust each other.....if you have any doubts dont start the journey.....even with all of that just stated things can get bad ......the visa journey is not something that is easy and it takes a lot of work to keep the relationship going from both sides......our government does not care how much you miss your s/o and as one person stated they just want documents, they dont care about your health either if its effected by a lengthy wait...so per-pair for the worst and be happy when the worst does not happen

apart from all of that find something to keep urself busy.........go back to school, take on a second job, find a hobby, but never allow urself to feel sorry for urself of how long it is taking.....try to find something good about each day that passes.....make a journal to give to your s/o at some point after the process is finished ur s/o could do the same........i have remodeled my bed room to make it nice for both of us (not just girlie anymore lol) .........also try to remember that if it is hard on you waiting it can be worse for ur s/o in another country because even if they think they understand how the process works chances are they do not and at times may feel that your not doing enough

each of you has to be strong for the other one when one of you is feeling down or defeated.....make friends on visa journey.....we are here to support each other and just like any other dysfunctional family we all have our good days and bad.....but when push comes to shove almost all the arguments disappear and help is there for you ........at least that is what i have found in my years on vj......

good luck to you and may ur journey be swift and problem free

sara

[Ban Hammer 13,678]

I suggest finding a "buddy" here you can pass the time with until your fiance arrives. Be honest with him about your intentions and be honest with yourself about what you're doing.

Time will fly by and before you know it, you'll be having that awkward "one last time" with your "buddy" before your fiance gets here.

Have fun!

[NickD 203]

It's true, time does seem to go faster if working and doing things around the home then going to the airport and waiting for their plane to come in.

[rebeccajo 14]

I suggest finding a "buddy" here you can pass the time with until your fiance arrives. Be honest with him about your intentions and be honest with yourself about what you're doing.

Time will fly by and before you know it, you'll be having that awkward "one last time" with your "buddy" before your fiance gets here.

Have fun!

[sachinky 465]

I don't have an answer. I'm struggling like the rest of you. This is breaking me down in a way I didn't think it was possible. People handle things in different ways. Some can plough through it, others crumble. I don't mind the separation so much, it's the not-knowing, the uncertainty, the helplessness that gets to me. If they told me, 5 months, tops and you will get the visa, I could take it. Even eight months. But this hoping/praying that "today is the day" is torturous. And then having to cry myself to sleep at night, every night. It could come today, it could be 4 months from now. The amount of stress is incredible.

I think for me, it's worst because I haven't lived in India for the last four years. So I'm kind of out of the loop here. I don't really have a job, no friends, I just sit around, watch television and read. I did take up two jobs to keep me occupied but I get depressed as soon as I'm back home. My parents are great, but there's only so much that I can hang out with them. I also miss my husband terribly. We were practically inseparable during our dating period. Spent every waking minute together. To suddenly have that taken away is like suffering through withdrawal. It's like going cold turkey. I have never been in a LDR--I don't know how to handle the distance and the time difference.

I wish I could turn back the clock and take back the stupid decision to go through CR-1 instead of AOS. OMG, what was I thinking?

Edited December 29, 2009 by sachinky

[rebeccajo 14]

We went from talking to each other every night on the phone, to mostly just internet and were bickering a lot more. Even days before I came this time it was like that.

You are there with him now, right?

Not to be mean, but I really hope you get this sorted out while you are there. It wouldn't hurt to ask yourself why things got to that point. Sometimes in an LDR it's easy to fantasize how wonderful things will be while we are apart, but when we get together we reallize the chemistry, the romance - the everything - it just doesn't translate to real life.

It's better to figure this out now rather than hope applying for the visa and an eventual move to the US will cure the problem. If you have somehow drifted apart but the romance of the LDR is all that's holding you together, everything will fall apart once he moves to the US.

Sorry to be blunt. But it's something we all have to seriously consider before we commit to the enormity of an international move.

Edited December 29, 2009 by rebeccajo

[GJen 9]

I suggest finding a "buddy" here you can pass the time with until your fiance arrives. Be honest with him about your intentions and be honest with yourself about what you're doing.

Time will fly by and before you know it, you'll be having that awkward "one last time" with your "buddy" before your fiance gets here.

Have fun!

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