Losing friends because of marriage choice

[venusfire503 54]

Interesting thread. I have a few thoughts/comments.

1 - my brother was upset about my fiance visa application because he needs background checks and stuff, and said something about my SO's presence in my life possibly affecting his promotion in the military. I went ahead with my own life anyway. My brother got promoted (he's now a Major), and recently came back from a year in Afghanistan. He liked my husband before he left, but after he spent a few weeks in Afghanistan, he really got closer to my husband, and (never thought I'd hear this from him) expressed appreciation for Muslims. He calls him "brother", and seems to like to talk with him more than me sometimes!

2 - I have a friend I've kept in touch with for about 25 years. She lives a few hours away, so it's mainly been a mail/email/phone kind of friendship. She didn't seem very happy when I told her I was going to be marrying someone from another country. When I mentioned stopping to visit her when I was in the area, there was always some reason she couldn't meet. So one day (and I'm not necessarily recommending this to anyone), we decided to stop without warning. When she came to the door, I thought she was going to faint, but she was too polite not to invite us in. After talking with both of us for a little while, she relaxed, and really learned to like my husband. We actually seem to keep in touch more now than before, and have gotten closer (more 'deep' conversations).

3 - Of course, there are the people who have dropped out of my life. Honestly, I don't know which ones are because of prejudice, and which ones I lost because of the divorce I went through (I met my MENA man in the middle of the whole mess - poor guy!). I'm sure there are some I 'lost' because of both reasons. I don't have many people to talk with, but we're both meeting some people recently.

I feel more sorry for my husband than I do for myself. I don't really care much if people stop talking with me for such a stupid reason, and like someone else said - they're not real friends if they do that anyway. But I know it bothers him when people dislike him because of the Arab/Africa/Muslim aspects. I really want to punch people for that - I HATE when people upset people I love.... and he's such a sweet, sensitive person, too. He's the kind of guy who will give you the shirt off his back, and anyone who takes the time to talk with him likes him. I sometimes feel guilty for bringing him here since he has to deal with it. He says he's happy, though, and I know he generally is.

Best wishes for everyone....

venusfire

[Laveau 67]

There is a flip side. Kamran's mother refuses to have anything to with me. We met once for about 10 minutes. But I think she hated the idea of me way before that. She hates me and to this day I really don't know why. He won't even talk about it and I don't pressure him.

[Revenesque 2]

Personally I was sad that some of my own friends ... However it has served as a sort of mixed blessing. I really only lost my most critical, judgemental, narowminded so called friends.

True! I had to cut off a longtime friendship (she was my college best friend) and estranged a family member when they crossed the line of judging my husband because of their ignorance. It was very difficult for me to do--got really sad & depressed for months.

I'm OK now and tomorrow is a new day! :-)