I am heartbroken tonight

[Rob and Jill 82]

Hello RANNK1. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. But I did want to mention that when I checked your timeline and saw that you are not yet married, I drew a huge sigh of relief for you. This man seems to be using you for immigration to the US, but the power is in your hands because now you can refuse to marry him. I know the visa process is painful, long, and expensive, but I assure you that an unhappy marriage and divorce will be moreso. I'm glad you have time to get out of this, and move on with your life.

Good luck to you.

So sorry to read you are going through this. I've been there with a fiance. Do yourself a favor and do not marry this guy. I know it sucks and hurts, but you'll move forward and be better off for it. *hugs*

[Nwanyioma 11]

Rebecca,

How are you? Im really sorry about what your go through with Nnamdi. I have read previous postings and everyone is saying that you should leave him, hes using you, he's this, he's that. At the end of the day sweetheart YOU can only follow your heart. You see with men, their like dogs. You have to train them. Once you have given him the oppurtunity to forgive forgive forgive, he will know that you will always take him back and he will continue to misbehave. Im an igbo girl, and igbos where known to be strong headed people and we dont take nonsense especially me. My advice. THINK. Think long and hard and follow your heart. Forget about him and how he feels right now. Its about you. I see that you two are not married yet. But dont rush it. Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I dont believe in divorce. Follow your heart. Listen to advices but dont adhere to them. People will mislead you. At the end of the day you are the one who knows what you want. Good luck and all the best.

Nwanyioma

[TheCockyLockies 2]

Be thankful you have not married this guy. He is not worthy of you. If he has the audacity to do this to you, whilst he is in your home with your own computer. It's highly likely he will do it again. Trust is everything. From what I can read, it's gone. It would be hard to live with someone you can't trust. Always feeling like he's doing something fishy and always be looking behind your back.

His excuse for being separated and away from you was inexcusable. Like many of us here, we were half the world away from our partners and made the commitment.

You should reconsider. I personally think to send him back.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Rebecca,

How are you? Im really sorry about what your go through with Nnamdi. I have read previous postings and everyone is saying that you should leave him, hes using you, he's this, he's that. At the end of the day sweetheart YOU can only follow your heart. You see with men, their like dogs. You have to train them. Once you have given him the oppurtunity to forgive forgive forgive, he will know that you will always take him back and he will continue to misbehave. Im an igbo girl, and igbos where known to be strong headed people and we dont take nonsense especially me. My advice. THINK. Think long and hard and follow your heart. Forget about him and how he feels right now. Its about you. I see that you two are not married yet. But dont rush it. Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I dont believe in divorce. Follow your heart. Listen to advices but dont adhere to them. People will mislead you. At the end of the day you are the one who knows what you want. Good luck and all the best.

Nwanyioma

I wholeheartedly disagree with this. If you have to "train" your man in this context then he wasnt ready for the relationship to begin with and who wants to train a human? I do agree that people like that will continue to "misbehave" if they know there are no consequences... man or woman.

Edited December 23, 2009 by Y's_habibitk

[TheCockyLockies 2]

Rebecca,

How are you? Im really sorry about what your go through with Nnamdi. I have read previous postings and everyone is saying that you should leave him, hes using you, he's this, he's that. At the end of the day sweetheart YOU can only follow your heart. You see with men, their like dogs. You have to train them. Once you have given him the oppurtunity to forgive forgive forgive, he will know that you will always take him back and he will continue to misbehave. Im an igbo girl, and igbos where known to be strong headed people and we dont take nonsense especially me. My advice. THINK. Think long and hard and follow your heart. Forget about him and how he feels right now. Its about you. I see that you two are not married yet. But dont rush it. Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman. I dont believe in divorce. Follow your heart. Listen to advices but dont adhere to them. People will mislead you. At the end of the day you are the one who knows what you want. Good luck and all the best.

Nwanyioma

But most of the times the HEART will tell you "he will change".

REALITY is that he's done this to you not once, not twice but MORE.

[christeen 966]

My 2 cents is that the OP knows what she has to do and knows the reality of the siutation... However knowing the right thing to do and actually doing it are two very different birds....

I am sorry that you are going through this... And the immigration issue I know adds a certain amount of pressure for it to work out because of the time, money and enerty involved...

However, Right now YOU have to be selfish about your future and your needs and your emotions... Just as he is being selfish about his immediate needs and wants. If you can close your eyes and imagine your future with him knowing what he has done to you and live with that... Or if your future seems bleak with you never being able to trust him, always being suspicious, sleepless nights from crying, afraid to turn on the computer for fear he is shopping for women and not trusting him for any minute... Those are the things you have to think about and decide what you can and will live with....

I can tell you love should not be like that... when you are truly loved it does not feel like that.... Right now pain, embarrassment, shame not wanting to admit that you loved and were not equally loved back is clouding what you know you need to do.

Many here have given good and true advice but it has to be you who takes that decision for YOUR future... Although it will hurt like hell now and I imagine that he will not make it easy for you should you decide to take control of the situation and do what is best for you, I think you know and have gotten the confirmation from others that what you are thinking you have to do is the right path...

Be strong and love yourself first, only then can you find someone who truly loves you. If you love yourself, you will not let anyone treat you this way and you will not accept any excuses from somebody who treats you this way....

[KnightAndMagpie 7]

There has been a great deal of good support and wonderful advice from the others here, RANNK1, and it's so sad that you're having to endure something this heart-wrenching. As others have said, nobody can make you do anything -- that's up to you. But, as others have also said, if he's continuously and repeatedly getting caught doing things, and begs for forgiveness every time, how genuine are his apologies at this point? It's clear that he used you, has no respect for you, and will probably do it again a thousand times. He is not worth your time, patience, and effort, nor your love. A grain of advice: People don't change unless they want to, and it's clear that he will never change because he likes doing what he does. I married my hubby because I loved him as he was, and he changes because he chooses to. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink.

Cut your ties now, while you can -- and, again, as others have said here, it's going to hurt horrendously. You've invested so much into him, sweat, blood, and tears, and it's not going to be an easy journey. You will come out of this stronger and better for it, though -- believe you me! You'll have learned a great deal, and hopefully, you won't let anybody use you in that manner again. You'll find someone who is deserving of you, and you'll look back on what happened and feel a great deal better about it. Just one more thing -- don't regret what's happened. Regretting leads to brooding, and unhappiness, and having a great weight on your heart. Accept that it's happened, move on from it, and look at it as a learning experience. I've done that with some things in my life where I used to regret what went wrong, and I feel all the stronger for it.

Hugs -- and God bless.

Magpie.

[Ning 619]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

You are a victim of self inflicted wounds & now at this late date after all of this you dont know what to do. You have created a monster that is now living with you & you still dont know what to do? You write this post with this incredible story of abuse & you dont know what to do?

You must know what to do but arent strong enough to accept reality & do what is best for you for a change instead of furthering his ability to take advantage of you.

You can either learn to accept what he does or do something about it. This is very simple. You brought him here knowing what was going on. Why? Because the seperation allowed him to stock up on other women just in case. Ridiculouse excuse.

I hope the countless stream of people you dont know have convinced you to do what you need to do to save yourself. If not you have nothing to complain about.

[Joseph and Tsion 0]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

If you are on a k-1 and you didnt get married yet. Just dont marry him and send his sorry a$$ back to africa.....word!

[zenki_james 0]

if i am u i will never ever trust him again never give him another chaNCE coz u have the ryt to love urself too. hello give chance to urself also sister. youve been forgiving him many times already and same thing is happening, it was so easy for him to ask and say sorry to u but he never proven u yet how sincere he was with his sorry. maybe hes not just the ryt guy for u sis. im not going to consider the distance as a factor for him to cheat you. me and my hubby tooks more than 7 months for the whole process but we never cheated each other..thats y trust is number one or very important in a realationship. you trusted him but he just cheated you many times and im telling you a lot more times...sis im sorry this is happening to you now. i will deport him if i were you becoz he will be more worst after he will become a permanent resident here and you will just lost everything to u. love urself too by not giving all to him leave something pride for uself too my sister! merry xmas and hopefully u will enlightened ur mind and make a wise and best decision. this is my own opinion and this is what exactly i am going to do if i am unto ur situation.

[SuperDuper! 230]

He's had so many chances to straighten up his act. If he truly loved you he would not be playing games seeking other women. We're glad you have a K1 Visa, and did not legally bind yourself to this poor excuse for a man. This is the wisdom of using the K1 Visa as a final check and verification to see if getting married is a good idea. You already know what you need to do. Send him back home and cut your losses and start over to find the man who will love you with all his heart and be forever true. God Bless.

[MRStee 19]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

You said it, and according to your timeline he is still your FIANCE... show him the door. I hope your heart will heal in time. God bless...

[MRStee 19]

Rebecca~

I am sorry that he is doing this to you. Now, what you need to do is get MAD!! Remember you are a strong, beautifull woman! You brought this man over here, HE needs you NOT the other way around! The moment you start showing him that you are not going to take his #######, he is going to realize that he needs to straighten up or leave!

I know that it is easier to say than do these things, but a person can only take so much. Have faith in yourself and know that you are in control of your life.

It is so easy to say throw his butt on a plane back to Nigeria, IF you are able to do that. It's easy to forgive, but remember you will always have his previous actions in the back of your mind. Been there, done that...I have plenty of t-shirts to prove it!!

Good luck girl! Remember that you have plenty of friends here who will gladly give you advice that is up to you to take or to even listen too!

alot of us forget to do this which allows us to feel sympathy. I agree with this poster.

[MRStee 19]

Also remember: What goes around comes around. When you intentionally hurt the one you love, when its your turn to be loved you will suffer a worse fate!

You got this sista.... Do you and handle ya bizness

[Robby999 1,024]

I am sorry about the heart-ache you are suffering now! I think you must really love this person, if you are willing to still bring him here after you caught him writing other women 3 times prior to the issuance of the visa. He told you that he was not sure his visa would be issued and that was his reasoning to continue searching for other women! It sounds like he was stacking the deck in his favor! I would make copies of all the records of his e-mails and chats since arriving here, since you have the password! These might come in handy later on, and I would do it before he can access the account from another computer and delete these records. I agree with several of the other posters about his actions, if this has been going on the whole relationship,I do not think he is going to change now. I can not believe he actually had the nads to be upset because you did not prepare his dinner! I would be checking ticket prices for a one-way ticket to Nigeria right now and the cyber-Romeo would be headed back to his homeland! If he wants to be here so bad, let one of these friends of his sponsor him. Again, I hate the fact that he is playing with your heart and finances, but you know the saying " If it walks like a duck, sqauwks like a duck,..... you see where this going? I think that he used you to get here and is working on his plan B now to stay here. I would be very careful about anything I said or did , I would be very careful not to be drawn into situations that could allow him to make accusations of physical or verbal abuse and give him more options for ways to stay here. I also agree with everybody else's opinion about the decision being yours alone, you are the one who has to decide how much of his infidelity you can tolerate!