I am heartbroken tonight

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Hello everyone. I have not been on this website for a long time. After much work and stress, I finally managed to bring my Nigerian fiance here on a k-1 visa. It took me only 5 months to get him here. Now that he is here things have been good and bad.

I can't even type straight because I am so sad tonight.

While we were seperated waiting for him to get his visa: I found him to be emailing other woman online. I caught him doing this three times and because very distaught and angry with him.. Each time he apologized and asked for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. He was using dating websites too!!! Each time I managed to forgive him by allowing him the excuse that the distance is stressful and he could never tell if he was ever going to make it to be with me in US.

On the first night he arrived: I found that he had some emotional text messages on his phone to and from women in Naija, plus he had 15 new woman on his messenger. I was in tears and so upset but managed to forgive him again because of the distance factor.

Now he has been here a few weeks and this morning I noticed that he was using Tagged and so I logged onto his profile (he forgot that i knew his password) and found that he has been emailing local woman on tagged when I am at work or sleeping. ####### He tried to stop me from reading it cause he knew I would be upset.

He has been begging me to forgive him all day. By 5pm he was disappointed that I didnt' cook for him and I still had not forgiven him.

I don't know how to forgive him for this. I can't think of an excuse for him.

He tried to leave me this evening because he was upset that I have not forgiven him yet. Now he is sleeping

How can he f-------ing sleep?????? I am sleepless

I don't know what to do please help!!!

So far I have put a password on my computer so he can't use it------

I don't know what to do

i feel so dead inside

phew...very sorry that this is happening to you....it seems that he might have an addiction. or..he's just not capable of fidelity. we r sure, in this moment it is very difficult for you to think clearly but....our advice to you...begin to take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Based on (his) controlling and narcissistic behavior (that you described in your post), worried that he might take an agressive approach with you. I do believe that people can change if they really desire to, but it seems he is commited to his womanizing activities. and...pls consider...if you let the man out to play...how many women will he victimize besides you?

Be strong and good luck

[TracyTN 237]

Moving to correct forum.

[Susita 175]

Hey I had an ex like this, and he was American.

Don't let him make you feel bad. It has nothing to do with you, it's a problem some have that they just can't be happy with one person. And it is very difficult for a guy like this to change. You have one of two choices. You could either leave him and move on with your life and find someone who really deserves you or you can continue like this and be miserable.

I made my choice.

[sera77 35]

He's using you. And he will keep on using you.

This is not a problem about YOU, do not feel guilt.

This is the real guy behaving as what and who he is.

As another poster said'

Don't let him make you feel bad. It has nothing to do with you

BUT, now you have to either lie down and accept it or get rid of him before he harms you over and over and over again while you keep forgiving him. HE will not change. This is who he is and how he treats women. He will keep hurting you and you will keep waking up every morning and then getting that sick awful feeling when you remember what is happening in your life and how he is knowingly hurting you.

Hopefully you haven't married him and it's not simply that you haven't updated your timeline. Buy him a ticket home and report to USCIS if you haven't married him yet.

If you have, contact a lawyer immediately and figure out the fastest and cheapest way to get rid of him.

S.

[Wis-Can 0]

Hello RANNK1. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. But I did want to mention that when I checked your timeline and saw that you are not yet married, I drew a huge sigh of relief for you. This man seems to be using you for immigration to the US, but the power is in your hands because now you can refuse to marry him. I know the visa process is painful, long, and expensive, but I assure you that an unhappy marriage and divorce will be moreso. I'm glad you have time to get out of this, and move on with your life.

Good luck to you.

[DainandVicky 4]

He is using you. Cut your losses with him now and have a clean break.

If he is looking to talk to other women and then is disappointed you are not cooking for him you should kick him in the nuts to boot.

I hope you find resolve to your problem, sometimes as much as we want to believe a person is good and loves us, we have to accept they are no good.

Stay strong, kick his ####### out to the curb.

I agree, this is a good sign that he's not mature enough to get married and you're in for a lot more pain if you stay. You've seen a consistant pattern before he got there and since he's been there, time to cut ties and move on.

[LUISH 0]

Depends on how you see it, he cheated on me with ONE woman but during a long period. I caught him serveral times, he didn't have any intentions to change at first. I left him 2-3 times, I didn't speak to him and I dated others. Then he'll come back running after a while and so on. I think when he started to get closer to 30 he realized that he wasn't 26 with a fit body and could play around with that skanky woman because she would and will never be a woman he'd settle with. Sometimes you got to loose what you love the most to appreciate it. I can't say that I did right or wrong, I did many mistakes with my fiance. I do believe things are different now. But even for me her fiance sounds very fishy, I'm pretty sure he's using her. She derserves better.

Where is your boyfriend now???

[Y's_habibitk 2]

Im sorry.

Thank God you arent married yet. If you choose to forgive him and get married, things will not change.

People dont change their core personality and moral values because a ring is slipped on their finger. These things may never change or take MANY MANY years and you shouldnt be the one to suffer while he figures out that he is a terrible person and he may never figure that out.

The fact that he just got here.....I would not trust his intentions and I would NOT marry him and carry the process out any further. The earlier you get out the better.

You will mourn the loss of the relationship and the ideal that you had wrapped in it. You'll feel betrayed and all of those things, and then the healing will start and you put one foot in front of the other and move on honey. It WILL be OK.

[ScottThuy 140]

Also if he can go to sleep and leave you alone unable to sleep and crying he is not worth it realy he should be with you. He has NO EXCUSE to be angry that you did not forgive him please he is trying to turn the tables on you, and make you the bad one which you are not.

I agree 100%.. anyone that can sleep while thier partner is distraught, has no real commitment to that person or the relationship... bounce him out ASAP.....

[And_Sam 44]

Rebecca~

I am sorry that he is doing this to you. Now, what you need to do is get MAD!! Remember you are a strong, beautifull woman! You brought this man over here, HE needs you NOT the other way around! The moment you start showing him that you are not going to take his #######, he is going to realize that he needs to straighten up or leave!

I know that it is easier to say than do these things, but a person can only take so much. Have faith in yourself and know that you are in control of your life.

It is so easy to say throw his butt on a plane back to Nigeria, IF you are able to do that. It's easy to forgive, but remember you will always have his previous actions in the back of your mind. Been there, done that...I have plenty of t-shirts to prove it!!

Good luck girl! Remember that you have plenty of friends here who will gladly give you advice that is up to you to take or to even listen too!

Edited December 23, 2009 by And_Sam

[thongd4me 69]

Serial infidelity (by either partner) is a hard nut to crack and a pattern not broken easily.

If you can have an "open relationship" and step out as much as he does, that MAY work.

It's not likely though.

Best that you found out early on and will be able to cut your losses quickly.

Best of luck

[Mandy P 3]

I'm sorry you are going thru this but my only advice is RUN! Get out. Find someone worthy of you.

[reeses16 8]

I'm not clear if you are married to him or not; but my advice is to leave him. He did this to you when he was in Nigeria, he's doing it now in the US, and it will continue. You have to think about the type of life and future that you want for yourself. Do you want to be this hurt and upset again, next year when you come across proof of his behavior? What about if you have children, do want to go through this while maintaining a strong front for their benefit/protection? In addition to the emotional consequences, you will have financial consequences as well. Things like being responsible for 1/2 the debt accumulated during the marriage and the I-864 you will/have signed as part of AOS. The more you keep forgiving him, the deeper you'll dig a hole for yourself.

[Enlighten one :) 5]

He is sorry because he was caught.

[MaddyCruise 2]

im really sorry to hear your story. I would call this a cheating! And I think you better rethink it over if he is worth it or not! Coz a cheater is always a cheater no matter what..