Twas the Night Before Christmas...

[spookyturtle 9,465]

Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed,

he cussed out the elves and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.

I've busted my aѕѕ for damn near a year,

instead of thank Santa, what do I hear?

The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night,

The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk, and goosed all the maids,

Donner is pregnant, and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better,

those aѕѕholes from IRS sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny,

who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?

And the kids these days - they are all just the pits,

they want the impossible, those mean little shits..

I spent my whole year, making wagons and sleds,

Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads..

I made a ton of yo-yo's, with no requests for them,

They want software and computers, they think I'm IBM!

If you think that's bad, just picture this,

try holding those brats, with their pants full of piss!

They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard,

And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird.

Flying through the air, dodging the trees,

Falling down chimneys, and skinning my knees.

I'm quitting this job, there is just no enjoyment,

I'll sit on my fat aѕѕ , and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, you now know the reason,

I've found me a blonde, I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

Edited December 22, 2009 by spookyturtle

[thongd4me 69]

A warmhearted and kindly paean to the season.

Can I have my kids back?

Their mom got so much money from me she spoils them rotten.

It's okay, they have no idea where the money comes from.

Maybe when the North Pole freezes over, post global-warming...

[Amby 490]

pants full of piss