My experience with having my in-laws visit us

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My wife's parent came over to stay with us from August and flew back for Cebu last week. We were all sad to see them go, but understood how homesick they were. My mother-in-law kept very busy while they stayed here and although I wasn't comfortable having her do so much (laundry, cooking, cleaning), I know that she wanted to do it ...it helped her feel more at home and she felt needed.

My father-in-law had a more difficult time keeping busy and I regret not finding more things for him to do. For example, he loves to work on cars, but we live in a condo and our HOA doesn't allow any car maintenance on the property. So he spent a lot of time just playing Solitaire or watching TV. We had some furniture that I let him stain, but he put coat after coat on until the wood had a cockroach red look to them. I later learned from my wife that he thought it was a varnish and not a stain. He told my wife that he was bored and wanted to go home back in October, even though the plan was for them to stay through Christmas and New Year. That still bothers me because we were open to them coming out for only 3 months, but really wanted them here for the holidays so they could be around their grandson for the first time, but as soon as they're Visas were approved back in late June, they wanted to come over right away.

Both of them were really great for the kids and my 8 yr. old stepson was crying buckets as soon as he found out they wanted to go back home. They also grew attached to our youngest who's 21 mo. old...often saying that they would take Joshua back with them to the Philippines. I know they were part joking and part being serious.

So I don't know when they will want to come back (they have a 10 year multiple-entry Visa), but according to my wife, Papalo doesn't want to come back because he was so bored. It was a really good experience for me and I would be happy to have them live with us in the future, but of course, I also want them to be happy. Right now, we're still trying to get over them being gone as the house feels empty without them here.

[DARUMA07 25]

Glad you had a great time with the Inlaws! I am kind of wondering if they would have been less bored if there were more filipinos in your community. I know the filipinos feel more comfortable if they are able to speak their dialect and socialize with other filipinos.

We were wanting to bring Ruchies mother over for a visit, but never got a chance to because she got ill and eventually passed away. I wish I would of had the opportunity to have her in my home.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Glad you had a great time with the Inlaws! I am kind of wondering if they would have been less bored if there were more filipinos in your community. I know the filipinos feel more comfortable if they are able to speak their dialect and socialize with other filipinos.

We were wanting to bring Ruchies mother over for a visit, but never got a chance to because she got ill and eventually passed away. I wish I would of had the opportunity to have her in my home.

Sorry to hear about your mother in-law's passing. I think you're right, Danny. Her father does have several extended family in Southern California and we did take him to visit them, but most of their time here, they were pretty much isolated from being around other Filipinos. If I had to do it all over, I would have found my father in-law an old lawnmower motor or something like it to tinker around with.

[Dakine 26]

Sounds like next time just have mom's come over.

[Pinay Wife 47]

So I don't know when they will want to come back (they have a 10 year multiple-entry Visa), but according to my wife, Papalo doesn't want to come back because he was so bored.

I think it's much more difficult for older people to adjust to US life. My uncle and aunt are the same, they don't want to come back because there's nothing much to do for them here in the US. They were bored stiff and the colder temperature did not do their arthritis any good. My parents have not expressed much interest in coming over for a visit either.

You're a good son-in-law, Steven.

I'm sorry Danny that you did not get a chance to show mama-in-law around

[~krakatoa~ 27]

My father-in-law had a more difficult time keeping busy and I regret not finding more things for him to do.

Glad they had a chance to spend time with you and family, and thanks for sharing your experience.

This is what's delaying our plan to invite my parents to come here. I'd be very busy with work and husband too and we probably won't get time off from work (husband might but it'll be for a week only). They don't have grand kids to take care of, house is well-kept, aside from basic chores, there's nothing really to do here while they're by themselves... not sure what they'd do during the day while we're at work. I'd be worrying about them all day. Good thing we have a regional park nearby so I can have them enjoy long walks and sights until I'm free on weekends.

I should come up with more activities for them. And trips to my cousins would be great, if they also have the time. But once I get off work, there'll be tons of things to do, places to visit and sights to see...

How was the tourist visa application? How long did the whole process take, to approval? Thanks.

[raymaga 25]

It sure is refreshing to hear such a nice story about the time you spent with your wife's family. I'm glad you had such a wonderful visit with them.

Most people would find it difficult to have their in-laws stay with them for that long a period of time.... you must be a very kind and patient person. I'm sure your wife appreciated your kindness a lot. It will certainly help your marriage because you treated your in-laws so well.

I think your idea of having something for your father-in-law to do next time they visit is a good one!!!!

Best wishes!!!

[DARUMA07 25]

Sorry to hear about your mother in-law's passing. I think you're right, Danny. Her father does have several extended family in Southern California and we did take him to visit them, but most of their time here, they were pretty much isolated from being around other Filipinos. If I had to do it all over, I would have found my father in-law an old lawnmower motor or something like it to tinker around with.

That's a good idea Steven about the lawnmower. Jinky is a lucky lady to have a husband to be kind and good to her parents! You're the Man!!

I think it's much more difficult for older people to adjust to US life. My uncle and aunt are the same, they don't want to come back because there's nothing much to do for them here in the US. They were bored stiff and the colder temperature did not do their arthritis any good. My parents have not expressed much interest in coming over for a visit either.

You're a good son-in-law, Steven.

I'm sorry Danny that you did not get a chance to show mama-in-law around

Thank You Cora! Life isn't always fair, but I did spend time with her in the Philippines. She was the BEST!!! If I could of brought her over here, I would have had a hard time finding anything around the house. Ruchie is like her mother... Constantly changing and moving things around!!!

[Mike's Lucy 14]

Nice. Hope my mom can visit me soon too.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Glad they had a chance to spend time with you and family, and thanks for sharing your experience.

This is what's delaying our plan to invite my parents to come here. I'd be very busy with work and husband too and we probably won't get time off from work (husband might but it'll be for a week only). They don't have grand kids to take care of, house is well-kept, aside from basic chores, there's nothing really to do here while they're by themselves... not sure what they'd do during the day while we're at work. I'd be worrying about them all day. Good thing we have a regional park nearby so I can have them enjoy long walks and sights until I'm free on weekends.

I should come up with more activities for them. And trips to my cousins would be great, if they also have the time. But once I get off work, there'll be tons of things to do, places to visit and sights to see...

How was the tourist visa application? How long did the whole process take, to approval? Thanks.

There's big beautiful park right behind our condos and my father in-law would go there sometimes, but I think he got a bit depressed and wouldn't go, even when I was going with the kids. We have a DVR and he loves fights, so I was recording every kind of fight that was on, but that only went so far. He also loves buffet so we'd try to go once a week as a treat.

The process took all of maybe a month! I couldn't believe how fast they got the Visas! However, they had already traveled to Europe twice before and they own property in Cebu, so maybe that helped?

I think it's much more difficult for older people to adjust to US life. My uncle and aunt are the same, they don't want to come back because there's nothing much to do for them here in the US. They were bored stiff and the colder temperature did not do their arthritis any good. My parents have not expressed much interest in coming over for a visit either.

You're a good son-in-law, Steven.

I'm sorry Danny that you did not get a chance to show mama-in-law around

Thanks, Cora.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It sure is refreshing to hear such a nice story about the time you spent with your wife's family. I'm glad you had such a wonderful visit with them.

Most people would find it difficult to have their in-laws stay with them for that long a period of time.... you must be a very kind and patient person. I'm sure your wife appreciated your kindness a lot. It will certainly help your marriage because you treated your in-laws so well.

I think your idea of having something for your father-in-law to do next time they visit is a good one!!!!

Best wishes!!!

Thanks, but I'll be honest ...I think we were all getting on each other's nerves from time to time. What it made me think about though is how much our society has moved so far away from having families stay together under one roof. You do give up some privacy, but you gain so much and the real beneficiaries are the kids who get plenty of love from 4 adults.

Edited December 20, 2009 by Galt's gallstones