marriage troubles

[Scott and Mhay 57]

Im glad we got to hear the other side. I hope everything will be ok with your sister. I agree it is his loss...you had every right to get jealous. Good luck and take care.

[RVIANE♛ 5]

Hi everybody i just want to clarify things that he had posted. Im his wife... He really doesnt understand my feelings and situation.. On the frist place he knows that my sister is sick and she is treated here in manila for 18 mos.. Everything in manila is expensive.. I ask him heartily if he can help my mom financially coz it is needed..he said of course.But since theres a global crisis and he has no overtime he stop sending money and i understand.. If i got a job in there i wont ask him to support my family.. I am not expecting that i will become a princess when i got there in usa.. I am a hardworker person..And its not my attitude to depend on someone if i know i can make it on my own. But because his place is a small town,, car is needed and he cant afford to buy a car for me coz he still paying for his car loan, so i cant find ways to find a job.. I dont demand him for financial.. He knows i just stayed at home taking care of him and her 18 yrs old daughter like cleaning her room, wash her clothes, fix her bed etc etc.. His daughter decided to live with us when i get there.. He said im not socializing with his friends and family? WHY he say that? Him and his friends, nieces, nephews used to hang out in a bar drinking , etc.. Do u think this is the right place for the married couple to hang out? He just think of his hapiness and ignore what makes me happy. I mean he married me he should focus his attention with me coz im all alone there and the place is boring.. He cant even invite me goin to watch a movie till i say so.. Do u think u will be happy stayin at home 24 hrs? I never ask him money to buy something for myself coz i understand him..i just wait till he ask what i need for my personal. I decided to get back home because of his mom and the text ive read in his fon.. His mom is bitchin me in fon telling that i am stupid bla bla bla.. So i call him at work telling that his mom is bitchin on me.. I cried like a baby coz i know i didnt do wrong.. I told him i deserve to be bitchin if they caught me cheating.. ive read his send messages to his daughter tellin his daughter that i miss ur mom, just thinking of her.. who among of the wives wont get jealous of this messages??

Anyways, its his decision to file a divorce.. Its his loss ..

you go girl!!! if i read that on my husband's phone thats the end of the story i will be OUT! he doesnt know how much you sacrifice for him just to be with him here in the US you dont deserve this man

[marklovetina 52]

*my filipina wife is not happy here in the usa she is critical of everything around her my friends my family dont get me wrong we do love each other and she is a good wife in the sense of her duties at home of cooking cleaning etc. but nothing seems to make her happy more than a week at a time we live in a small town no other filipinas close to us for her to have as a friend but so many woman here have tryed to makes friends with her she is not interested at all makes no attempt to be social at all an is jealouse of everyone that is close to me including my mom and my daughter so i decided to send my wife back to philippines for a visit for us to take a break from this marriage we have been married 5 months i miss her very very much but last nite even tho we are still so far away from each other when we are chatting she gets the bad attitude with me again i cant take it anymore its not worth it im done i guess my question is now that she is in philippines how do we o about getting a divorce .*

Hi everybody i just want to clarify things that he had posted. Im his wife... He really doesnt understand my feelings and situation.. On the frist place he knows that my sister is sick and she is treated here in manila for 18 mos.. Everything in manila is expensive.. I ask him heartily if he can help my mom financially coz it is needed..he said of course.But since theres a global crisis and he has no overtime he stop sending money and i understand.. If i got a job in there i wont ask him to support my family.. I am not expecting that i will become a princess when i got there in usa.. I am a hardworker person..And its not my attitude to depend on someone if i know i can make it on my own. But because his place is a small town,, car is needed and he cant afford to buy a car for me coz he still paying for his car loan, so i cant find ways to find a job.. I dont demand him for financial.. He knows i just stayed at home taking care of him and her 18 yrs old daughter like cleaning her room, wash her clothes, fix her bed etc etc.. His daughter decided to live with us when i get there.. He said im not socializing with his friends and family? WHY he say that? Him and his friends, nieces, nephews used to hang out in a bar drinking , etc.. Do u think this is the right place for the married couple to hang out? He just think of his hapiness and ignore what makes me happy. I mean he married me he should focus his attention with me coz im all alone there and the place is boring.. He cant even invite me goin to watch a movie till i say so.. Do u think u will be happy stayin at home 24 hrs? I never ask him money to buy something for myself coz i understand him..i just wait till he ask what i need for my personal. I decided to get back home because of his mom and the text ive read in his fon.. His mom is bitchin me in fon telling that i am stupid bla bla bla.. So i call him at work telling that his mom is bitchin on me.. I cried like a baby coz i know i didnt do wrong.. I told him i deserve to be bitchin if they caught me cheating.. ive read his send messages to his daughter tellin his daughter that i miss ur mom, just thinking of her.. who among of the wives wont get jealous of this messages??

Anyways, its his decision to file a divorce.. Its his loss ..

ok this was explained very well.... agree its his lost not urs... think ur husband needs a maid not a wife hehehe...

[Ndrangeta_one 0]

WOW.....

what a difference from the male point of view and the female point of view.....

You both right......but 2 rights does not make a relationship works either....

it seem that neither side is willing to make a small compromises....

I think we need to add a sub-forum to this....like such;

A guide for KANO husband with Pinay wife......

Your wife is a another "human being"....just like you...treat her with respect as you may want to be treated by her.

Your wife is not a victory price to be shown around.....she is not a thing...again she is a human being with feeling and emotions!!!

How would you feel if your mother or sister was treated in a certain ways?....

remember is or will be someone's mother and she is someone's sister......

A guide for Pinay wife with Kano husband.......

USA is "NOT" the land of MILK and HONEY and not everyone has a money tree in the backyard...

if you have that illusion..... leave it at the airport, before embarking on the trip.

Life here is very hard, harder then were you coming from, because without an income or a decent income life will be miserable.Extended family is not the same due to culture difference among many other western culture things...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

WOW.....

what a difference from the male point of view and the female point of view.....

You both right......but 2 rights does not make a relationship works either....

it seem that neither side is willing to make a small compromises....

I think we need to add a sub-forum to this....like such;

A guide for KANO husband with Pinay wife......

Your wife is a another "human being"....just like you...treat her with respect as you may want to be treated by her.

Your wife is not a victory price to be shown around.....she is not a thing...again she is a human being with feeling and emotions!!!

How would you feel if your mother or sister was treated in a certain ways?....

remember is or will be someone's mother and she is someone's sister......

A guide for Pinay wife with Kano husband.......

USA is "NOT" the land of MILK and HONEY and not everyone has a money tree in the backyard...

if you have that illusion..... leave it at the airport, before embarking on the trip.

Life here is very hard, harder then were you coming from, because without an income or a decent income life will be miserable.Extended family is not the same due to culture difference among many other western culture things...

Unfortunately, as long as many of these international dating sites keep perpetuating those myths, some American men and Filipinas will have those ideas in their mind going into their marriage. Then reality bites.

[DARUMA07 25]

Too many times here on VJ, we only get to hear one side of the story. This is one of the first that we got to hear both sides. Whatever happens, there is going to be alot of work to do. Good luck to both of you!!!!

[SuperDuper! 230]

A job can make all the difference in the world. When she comes back, tell her to get one. It will keep her busy, get her some friends, and allow her to make some extra money to send to her family. Not having a job and just staying at home can drive anyone mental. When I arrived here, my husband and I lived in a small town too. I had no friends too, no job (I only got my EAD five months after my wedding), no high-speed internet to get in touch with my family, no money except for the $5k savings I brought fr the Philippines (which wasn't much). No drivers license. Nothing to see except trees and trees and more trees. I was bored and depressed (at that time I denied that I was). I had thrown tantrums that my husband claimed he's never seen before. I had threatened to leave probably more than a couple of times. I was extremely critical of the surroundings (boring and quiet), the "country", the people, the cows, the grass, the culture, etc. I hated the get togethers and I was extremely suspicious of the people around me (e.g."They don't like me and are just pretending to like me"). Money was tight too. We were living paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway. We've been married almost four yrs and we're happy. The first year was tough but I found a job as soon as I could. We moved to the city. Every time I got a raise, we'd move to a better place. Now we own a house and we don't have any other debt. My husband had bad credit so I had to work on mine alone to the point now where I'm improving his credit too! I still don't have filipino friends here which tbh is ok. I have friends at work and my closest friends are still back home. I keep in touch with them daily. Here I hang out with my in laws and my husband 100 per cent of the time.

I think the biggest help was me getting a job. When my husband and I fought, prayers helped. When things were tough, the commitment really helped---through thick and thin

And of course, there's love. Love kept me here. And love kept my husband fr throwing me out when I threw the worst tantrums ever !

Her sending money home will continue to be an issue until she gets a job (that's my guess). We don't have that problem since I don't send money home unless there's an occasion. And we always try to make it fair (e.g. If we give his mom a 100 dollar gift on her bday, we'd give the same amt to my mom).

Good luck. I hope you and your wife make it. The first year is always tough. You're not alone.

Van, your story is so wonderful, given how quickly some people just give up on the relationship when things get rough or complicated. Thanks for sharing it and having such a balanced attitude and determination to fight for your relationship and striving to make things better for a better future.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

My wife and I read this post/thread yesterday. I wanted to add a reply chastising the husband...bcoz I thought I smelled a momma's boy that seemed a little too naive for a man in his 40's (He seemed surprised that she has needs)... and perhaps a chauvinist that considered going to market for dried isda a romantic getaway deserving some additional floor scrubbing.. and I have a distaste for any man that will post criticisms bout his wife in a public forum (it's the whole chivalry thing..)..anyway...my wife(who is more prudent and wise than me in many ways) reminded me that there r 2 sides to every story with many stories to tell by each side....(i suppose i'm sneaking my post in after all)

so..all this to say...

I was very impressed by vj's that were encouraging reconcilation...

It's not always rainbows and butterflies but comprimise that moves us along(Maroon 5)

Is it now ok to encourage divorce?

our opinion....time for the 2 of them to sit down and think/talk.. 1st) remember why they married...2nd) have an open and honest discussion bout how their marriage is gonna work....3rd) keep talking it out until they make it work...isn't this what most if not all of us have had to do with our own unique situations?

[ellmvl 1]

Now that clears things up for the VJers. I totally support that statement "It is his LOSS". Btw, no hurt feelings but I really find it gay for men who whined and complain about their wife's attitude over a forum like this. Why can't you be man enough to talk this out with your wife instead of asking people for a solution and getting their sympathy? You are just making things more difficult. Just like what happened now.

PEace~!

[ladylyn 0]

WOW.....

what a difference from the male point of view and the female point of view.....

You both right......but 2 rights does not make a relationship works either....

it seem that neither side is willing to make a small compromises....

I think we need to add a sub-forum to this....like such;

A guide for KANO husband with Pinay wife......

Your wife is a another "human being"....just like you...treat her with respect as you may want to be treated by her.

Your wife is not a victory price to be shown around.....she is not a thing...again she is a human being with feeling and emotions!!!

How would you feel if your mother or sister was treated in a certain ways?....

remember is or will be someone's mother and she is someone's sister......

A guide for Pinay wife with Kano husband.......

USA is "NOT" the land of MILK and HONEY and not everyone has a money tree in the backyard...

if you have that illusion..... leave it at the airport, before embarking on the trip.

Life here is very hard, harder then were you coming from, because without an income or a decent income life will be miserable.Extended family is not the same due to culture difference among many other western culture things...

100% Agree!!!

:thumbs:

[Loolie 56]

*my filipina wife is not happy here in the usa she is critical of everything around her my friends my family dont get me wrong we do love each other and she is a good wife in the sense of her duties at home of cooking cleaning etc. but nothing seems to make her happy more than a week at a time we live in a small town no other filipinas close to us for her to have as a friend but so many woman here have tryed to makes friends with her she is not interested at all makes no attempt to be social at all an is jealouse of everyone that is close to me including my mom and my daughter so i decided to send my wife back to philippines for a visit for us to take a break from this marriage we have been married 5 months i miss her very very much but last nite even tho we are still so far away from each other when we are chatting she gets the bad attitude with me again i cant take it anymore its not worth it im done i guess my question is now that she is in philippines how do we o about getting a divorce .*

Hi everybody i just want to clarify things that he had posted. Im his wife... He really doesnt understand my feelings and situation.. On the frist place he knows that my sister is sick and she is treated here in manila for 18 mos.. Everything in manila is expensive.. I ask him heartily if he can help my mom financially coz it is needed..he said of course.But since theres a global crisis and he has no overtime he stop sending money and i understand.. If i got a job in there i wont ask him to support my family.. I am not expecting that i will become a princess when i got there in usa.. I am a hardworker person..And its not my attitude to depend on someone if i know i can make it on my own. But because his place is a small town,, car is needed and he cant afford to buy a car for me coz he still paying for his car loan, so i cant find ways to find a job.. I dont demand him for financial.. He knows i just stayed at home taking care of him and her 18 yrs old daughter like cleaning her room, wash her clothes, fix her bed etc etc.. His daughter decided to live with us when i get there.. He said im not socializing with his friends and family? WHY he say that? Him and his friends, nieces, nephews used to hang out in a bar drinking , etc.. Do u think this is the right place for the married couple to hang out? He just think of his hapiness and ignore what makes me happy. I mean he married me he should focus his attention with me coz im all alone there and the place is boring.. He cant even invite me goin to watch a movie till i say so.. Do u think u will be happy stayin at home 24 hrs? I never ask him money to buy something for myself coz i understand him..i just wait till he ask what i need for my personal. I decided to get back home because of his mom and the text ive read in his fon.. His mom is bitchin me in fon telling that i am stupid bla bla bla.. So i call him at work telling that his mom is bitchin on me.. I cried like a baby coz i know i didnt do wrong.. I told him i deserve to be bitchin if they caught me cheating.. ive read his send messages to his daughter tellin his daughter that i miss ur mom, just thinking of her.. who among of the wives wont get jealous of this messages??

Anyways, its his decision to file a divorce.. Its his loss ..

i think the problem here is both of you dont know how to communicate to each other in which you can work things out...

if you have issues about your family in pi and here you are stuck in the house...no job no money of your own...but what is really your priority of marrying the guy? love or just to have a job to support your family?

when you expect for something but it didnt work out i know its frustrating...

to scarry, try to be a man enough to solve your problems and find solutions on your own and not in the forum.

God bless you both.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I really find it gay for men who whined and complain about their wife's attitude over a forum like this.

I don't think that's helpful. Reaching out for help is the first step. I'm glad he talked about here and to be fair, from his perspective, he believes everything he said to be truthful. It's not that he was lying...it's just that both of them are seeing things from two different views. Hopefully, if he has been reading this thread, he'll be looking back at it with a different set of eyes, and be willing to work on changing his behavior if he truly loves her. I hope for the best for the both of them.

[Calypso 464]

I wonder if the wife has told her husband what she stated here (her side of the story like why she was "unhappy") or if the husband (OP) ever talked to his wife in the first place before posting anything here.

And oh, I think I wrote something a little unkind earlier as a reply. My bad. Anyway, maybe it's not ours to judge who's loss it is or not or whether we should encourage divorce or not. After all, the truth sounds different when it's put in words as it truly is in reality.

God bless us all.

FAE

[Mike's Lucy 14]

I think the problem is communication. You both need to talk with honesty and open heart and go from there.

[marklovetina 52]

I think the problem is communication. You both need to talk with honesty and open heart and go from there.