marriage troubles

[illnevergetthis 5]

Marriage is work and five months is not a long time. Even if she has lived away from home before, I am sure the adjustment of a new country, new life, and no local friends is stressful and depressing. Try to be patient with your wife and give her more time. I have friends that told me that the adjustment was very difficult and the first year was exceptionally hard. Think about how you might feel if you were the one that gave everything up and moved to a new country to be with your SO.

Please be patient. You love your wife, so keep trying to make it work. I've always been told that if you work through the tough times that it makes your marriage stronger.

Best of luck to you and your wife!

[ellmvl 1]

I don't think divorce is the solution to your problem unless the love is gone already. I have been here for 2 months now and still adjusting to every single thing around me. I told my husband that I am happy because we're finally living together but I am not happy in this place. Yes America is a great country and has lots of things to offer but honestly if we have the resources to live in the Phils. I would rather live there. If you gonna ask my husband if I get an attitude because of this issue, i bet he will tell you a big YES! LOL I know it is wrong but sometimes I get too depress that I take it on him...but what does he do? He just come grab me and kiss me and that will shut my mouth. One thing about most of the filipina, we are not vocal with our feelings...when we are upset we just become quiet and distant...thats when you know something is wrong. So it is better to ask her what is bothering her and making her feel insecure and maybe from there you guys can make a solution to your problem. It could be money matter too, since she's been working in Taiwan for 6 years and prolly been sending enough money to her family to live a comfortable life and suddenly she is out of work and she has to ask money from you...and could be not as much money as she was sending before. If your wife is not happy to live here haven't you thought about moving to the Phils. with her instead of getting a divorce? I really wish you guys can work this together.

[rheanick 42]

my filipina wife is not happy here in the usa she is critical of everything around her my friends my family dont get me wrong we do love each other and she is a good wife in the sense of her duties at home of cooking cleaning etc. but nothing seems to make her happy more than a week at a time we live in a small town no other filipinas close to us for her to have as a friend but so many woman here have tryed to makes friends with her she is not interested at all makes no attempt to be social at all an is jealouse of everyone that is close to me including my mom and my daughter so i decided to send my wife back to philippines for a visit for us to take a break from this marriage we have been married 5 months i miss her very very much but last nite even tho we are still so far away from each other when we are chatting she gets the bad attitude with me again i cant take it anymore its not worth it im done i guess my question is now that she is in philippines how do we o about getting a divorce .

If you are done with AOS, you have to review the affidavit of support you had signed up.

There are lots of filipinas having a hard time adjusting to the US life. She is not alone. The only concern i have with her attitude (based on your post) is that she is not interested to befriend anyone. It is up to her if she want to be happy here in the US. Whatever she is going thru, she has to snap out of it.

Have a final talk with her. If she wants out, divorce her. Get an attorney, file the divorce and send her the papers for her signature. Use fedex or UPS to make the process faster.

[JelloShotGirl 0]

Maybe she had different expectations about America. You know everyone overseas thinks America is so easy, when in essence I believe in some ways Philippines might be easier to live in etc etc. WHen my hubby came here from Phils he assumed he would get a job instantly making $60,000 a year, get a loan for like $200,000 instantly and buy a new car. LOL. Maybe your wife thinks she was gonna be a princess when she got here! 5 months you are both adjusting to marriage and shes adjusting to new culture. It took hubby about 2 years to ajust to culture here.........I hope you still love eachother maybe you can work it out just be patient!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It takes about a year for someone to adjust to their surroundings...she's no where near that time. IMO, sending her back home only complicated things. It would have been a lot less expensive to seek couples counseling. From what you've said, it sounds like you are the one thinking divorce and not her. If that's the case, then I'd get her back over as soon as possible and get counseling. Maybe it's a cultural thing for us Americans, but we tend to look for an exit out of marriage when things don't turn out the way we planned. Either, you never took the time to really get to know your wife's moods, or you've decided that you can no longer deal with them. In any case, you considering divorce as the best solution after only 5 months is a cop out.

As for her personality - do you know if she's had trouble with her other relationships back home - with family members and friends? A Filipina with a bad temper is often referred to as maldita. It might help you to understand her mood swings by finding out if she has always been this way. There are many ways you can help save your marriage if you just stop looking for an exit.

Edited December 20, 2009 by Galt's gallstones

[scarry 0]

A job can make all the difference in the world. When she comes back, tell her to get one. It will keep her busy, get her some friends, and allow her to make some extra money to send to her family. Not having a job and just staying at home can drive anyone mental. When I arrived here, my husband and I lived in a small town too. I had no friends too, no job (I only got my EAD five months after my wedding), no high-speed internet to get in touch with my family, no money except for the $5k savings I brought fr the Philippines (which wasn't much). No drivers license. Nothing to see except trees and trees and more trees. I was bored and depressed (at that time I denied that I was). I had thrown tantrums that my husband claimed he's never seen before. I had threatened to leave probably more than a couple of times. I was extremely critical of the surroundings (boring and quiet), the "country", the people, the cows, the grass, the culture, etc. I hated the get togethers and I was extremely suspicious of the people around me (e.g."They don't like me and are just pretending to like me"). Money was tight too. We were living paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway. We've been married almost four yrs and we're happy. The first year was tough but I found a job as soon as I could. We moved to the city. Every time I got a raise, we'd move to a better place. Now we own a house and we don't have any other debt. My husband had bad credit so I had to work on mine alone to the point now where I'm improving his credit too! I still don't have filipino friends here which tbh is ok. I have friends at work and my closest friends are still back home. I keep in touch with them daily. Here I hang out with my in laws and my husband 100 per cent of the time.

I think the biggest help was me getting a job. When my husband and I fought, prayers helped. When things were tough, the commitment really helped---through thick and thin

And of course, there's love. Love kept me here. And love kept my husband fr throwing me out when I threw the worst tantrums ever !

Her sending money home will continue to be an issue until she gets a job (that's my guess). We don't have that problem since I don't send money home unless there's an occasion. And we always try to make it fair (e.g. If we give his mom a 100 dollar gift on her bday, we'd give the same amt to my mom).

Good luck. I hope you and your wife make it. The first year is always tough. You're not alone.

thank u for your story it sounds exaclty like my wifes and my situation how can such a little person make so much noise is wat id like to know lol

[Calypso 464]

I agree with JelloShotGirl. Your wife isn't that young and as you said, she has worked in Taiwan for six years without visiting the Philippines. No offense intended but maybe she was expecting to live like a princess when she got here in the U.S. but as your finances dwindled and you didn't provide what she vocally asked and silently wanted, things have gone this way. Instead of understanding you and helping in working out the debts, relationship, and standard of living, she just gave up. I don't encourage divorce but stop making excuses for her... like she is acting that way due to new environment or the unavailability of jobs. Making a big deal about coping with one's new environment is already a sign of "personal problems." She has chosen to sulk instead of admiring and finding the beauty around her and of being with you.

Do you know her interests? If she likes dancing, enrol her to a local dance class or introduce the YMCA. Does she like cooking, fine arts, or anything like that? Get a way to keep her busy with her hobbies. Go to your local library if she likes books. She can do these while looking for a job. Does she want her master's degree or anything like that?

Anyway, I hope you both talk about it before merely ending your marriage.

Hakuna matata.

God bless us all.

FAE

[J.W. 4]

A job really helps like what van2006 said. For me, it's hard especially the first year of marriage, asking money to your husband. I'm so use of earning my own money and even while still in the PI and we were dating I feel secure if I pay my share too. It makes me crazy when I got here we're just living in a one bedroom apartment (really a bachelor pad; don't even have any kitchen stuff and utensils imagine cutting a really big chunk of meat with a very dull butterknife), I can't go out because I still haven't got a license here and didn't know I could use my PI license until I got my DL here, don't have friends (though I got a sister who is in a different state that call me up sometimes, which helps a bit), our internet is dial up (as oppose to when I was in PI we got a broadband internet at home). I remember I clean the apartment twice or thrice already in a day, prepare the food to distract me out of my melancholy and still feel so bad because I can't seems to get out of my loneliness. So everytime my husband came home, I'm dress to go out. Even when he's tired from work I force him out 'coz I'm about to climb the walls!!! I feel like picking a fight with him. I don't enjoy shopping much (that time at least he-he ;D Now I do!) because I always convert the price to pesos and it's too expensive to buy. But when he introduce me to the PUBLIC LIBRARY, I fell in love!!! Hehehe I love to read books, just like my husband and I could have live there. I just about horde every books of my favorite authors I could find. Bad thing was you can only check out 15 books. I was done reading that after a week and a half. This is what kept me sane plus I got a job. Sure, it takes time for you to get one like 6 months to a year but that's how it is usually (more so now even). So, if your wife has some hobby like reading books, sewing etc. that might help her. Chatting with the family back in PI helps too! I hope both of you can work this thing out, divorce after 5 months of marriage is just not the solution. Good luck!

Edited December 20, 2009 by J.W.

[sweetpinay 0]

*my filipina wife is not happy here in the usa she is critical of everything around her my friends my family dont get me wrong we do love each other and she is a good wife in the sense of her duties at home of cooking cleaning etc. but nothing seems to make her happy more than a week at a time we live in a small town no other filipinas close to us for her to have as a friend but so many woman here have tryed to makes friends with her she is not interested at all makes no attempt to be social at all an is jealouse of everyone that is close to me including my mom and my daughter so i decided to send my wife back to philippines for a visit for us to take a break from this marriage we have been married 5 months i miss her very very much but last nite even tho we are still so far away from each other when we are chatting she gets the bad attitude with me again i cant take it anymore its not worth it im done i guess my question is now that she is in philippines how do we o about getting a divorce .*

Hi everybody i just want to clarify things that he had posted. Im his wife... He really doesnt understand my feelings and situation.. On the frist place he knows that my sister is sick and she is treated here in manila for 18 mos.. Everything in manila is expensive.. I ask him heartily if he can help my mom financially coz it is needed..he said of course.But since theres a global crisis and he has no overtime he stop sending money and i understand.. If i got a job in there i wont ask him to support my family.. I am not expecting that i will become a princess when i got there in usa.. I am a hardworker person..And its not my attitude to depend on someone if i know i can make it on my own. But because his place is a small town,, car is needed and he cant afford to buy a car for me coz he still paying for his car loan, so i cant find ways to find a job.. I dont demand him for financial.. He knows i just stayed at home taking care of him and her 18 yrs old daughter like cleaning her room, wash her clothes, fix her bed etc etc.. His daughter decided to live with us when i get there.. He said im not socializing with his friends and family? WHY he say that? Him and his friends, nieces, nephews used to hang out in a bar drinking , etc.. Do u think this is the right place for the married couple to hang out? He just think of his hapiness and ignore what makes me happy. I mean he married me he should focus his attention with me coz im all alone there and the place is boring.. He cant even invite me goin to watch a movie till i say so.. Do u think u will be happy stayin at home 24 hrs? I never ask him money to buy something for myself coz i understand him..i just wait till he ask what i need for my personal. I decided to get back home because of his mom and the text ive read in his fon.. His mom is bitchin me in fon telling that i am stupid bla bla bla.. So i call him at work telling that his mom is bitchin on me.. I cried like a baby coz i know i didnt do wrong.. I told him i deserve to be bitchin if they caught me cheating.. ive read his send messages to his daughter tellin his daughter that i miss ur mom, just thinking of her.. who among of the wives wont get jealous of this messages??

Anyways, its his decision to file a divorce.. Its his loss ..

[Pinay Wife 47]

There you go, there's always two sides to a story.

Sweet Pinay, I agree with you. It's his loss, not yours.

[J.W. 4]

*my filipina wife is not happy here in the usa she is critical of everything around her my friends my family dont get me wrong we do love each other and she is a good wife in the sense of her duties at home of cooking cleaning etc. but nothing seems to make her happy more than a week at a time we live in a small town no other filipinas close to us for her to have as a friend but so many woman here have tryed to makes friends with her she is not interested at all makes no attempt to be social at all an is jealouse of everyone that is close to me including my mom and my daughter so i decided to send my wife back to philippines for a visit for us to take a break from this marriage we have been married 5 months i miss her very very much but last nite even tho we are still so far away from each other when we are chatting she gets the bad attitude with me again i cant take it anymore its not worth it im done i guess my question is now that she is in philippines how do we o about getting a divorce .*

Hi everybody i just want to clarify things that he had posted. Im his wife... He really doesnt understand my feelings and situation.. On the frist place he knows that my sister is sick and she is treated here in manila for 18 mos.. Everything in manila is expensive.. I ask him heartily if he can help my mom financially coz it is needed..he said of course.But since theres a global crisis and he has no overtime he stop sending money and i understand.. If i got a job in there i wont ask him to support my family.. I am not expecting that i will become a princess when i got there in usa.. I am a hardworker person..And its not my attitude to depend on someone if i know i can make it on my own. But because his place is a small town,, car is needed and he cant afford to buy a car for me coz he still paying for his car loan, so i cant find ways to find a job.. I dont demand him for financial.. He knows i just stayed at home taking care of him and her 18 yrs old daughter like cleaning her room, wash her clothes, fix her bed etc etc.. His daughter decided to live with us when i get there.. He said im not socializing with his friends and family? WHY he say that? Him and his friends, nieces, nephews used to hang out in a bar drinking , etc.. Do u think this is the right place for the married couple to hang out? He just think of his hapiness and ignore what makes me happy. I mean he married me he should focus his attention with me coz im all alone there and the place is boring.. He cant even invite me goin to watch a movie till i say so.. Do u think u will be happy stayin at home 24 hrs? I never ask him money to buy something for myself coz i understand him..i just wait till he ask what i need for my personal. I decided to get back home because of his mom and the text ive read in his fon.. His mom is bitchin me in fon telling that i am stupid bla bla bla.. So i call him at work telling that his mom is bitchin on me.. I cried like a baby coz i know i didnt do wrong.. I told him i deserve to be bitchin if they caught me cheating.. ive read his send messages to his daughter tellin his daughter that i miss ur mom, just thinking of her.. who among of the wives wont get jealous of this messages??

Anyways, its his decision to file a divorce.. Its his loss ..

Well, that explains it!

[J.W. 4]

I think the combination of worry of sis and pressure of his daughter, in law and what the hubby text really did it! Seems like he's not over his ex.

[danvil101 0]

now that she explains her side, you (scarry) should understand her better and you should know now what to do...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

There you go, there's always two sides to a story.

Sweet Pinay, I agree with you. It's his loss, not yours.

[ThreeC 0]

give yourselves a chance to know each other more....5 months is quite short time to make a drastic decision like that more so if you said you love each other.

good luck to you and keep us posted.

sorry on my typo awhile ago...