Anyone's parent/s hate their fiance/e?

[zaytoona 8]

Salam/Hello everyone!

I'm new to VJ and to MENA and I am surprised by how help and support mostly everyone seems to have. Just a brief introduction:

My fiance is from Morocco and we have just petitioned for the K-1 Visa. I have been to Morocco twice (once for 6 weeks, second for 2 weeks) and my family knows that I have decided to get married to a man that I fell in love with whom conveniently lives in North Africa. My family and friends have not met my fiance although they have heard much about him and will be happy to meet him. His mom (his father passed away years ago) and family absolutely loves me and I love them equally. My dad is okay with my decision as long as I am happy and my fiance is able to take care of me and so on.

My mom........well, let's just say that she would rather have me die an old maid than get married to him. My mom is well-traveled, open-minded (for the most part) and loves people from cultures all over the world! Well, that is what I thought unless she just does not want me to marry someone from Morocco. She has never met my fiance although she refuses to chat with him over the phone or through the internet. She is obviously very protective of me and she has expressed true hate for wanting to marry this man. Honestly, I don't think she wants me to marry a Muslim man. She had a hard enough time when I accepted Islam (Alahmdullilah!) over 4 years ago. What's funny is that she has Muslim friends and has no problem with them. I hinted to her that I will bring my fiance to the US but I definitely did not tell her that I filed for an actual visa. If I did that, I really think she will do everything in her power to ruin the process. Unfortunately, I had to eliminate a lot of information on my profile due to this situation. I am afraid she will find out.

I am also concerned about our interview in the future(ISA). What if they ask if my parents like him? Should I tell them "I do not know since they do not know him well" or should I just tell them "My dad is excited to meet him and my mom...."

Anyhow, I am curious to hear of any similar stories. Does anyone have trouble with parents/friends not accepting the relationship/marriage? Culture or religion barriers?

Thank you for your time and God Bless!

Zaytoona

[merijan 0]

Salam/Hello everyone!

I'm new to VJ and to MENA and I am surprised by how help and support mostly everyone seems to have. Just a brief introduction:

My fiance is from Morocco and we have just petitioned for the K-1 Visa. I have been to Morocco twice (once for 6 weeks, second for 2 weeks) and my family knows that I have decided to get married to a man that I fell in love with whom conveniently lives in North Africa. My family and friends have not met my fiance although they have heard much about him and will be happy to meet him. His mom (his father passed away years ago) and family absolutely loves me and I love them equally. My dad is okay with my decision as long as I am happy and my fiance is able to take care of me and so on.

My mom........well, let's just say that she would rather have me die an old maid than get married to him. My mom is well-traveled, open-minded (for the most part) and loves people from cultures all over the world! Well, that is what I thought unless she just does not want me to marry someone from Morocco. She has never met my fiance although she refuses to chat with him over the phone or through the internet. She is obviously very protective of me and she has expressed true hate for wanting to marry this man. Honestly, I don't think she wants me to marry a Muslim man. She had a hard enough time when I accepted Islam (Alahmdullilah!) over 4 years ago. What's funny is that she has Muslim friends and has no problem with them. I hinted to her that I will bring my fiance to the US but I definitely did not tell her that I filed for an actual visa. If I did that, I really think she will do everything in her power to ruin the process. Unfortunately, I had to eliminate a lot of information on my profile due to this situation. I am afraid she will find out.

I am also concerned about our interview in the future(ISA). What if they ask if my parents like him? Should I tell them "I do not know since they do not know him well" or should I just tell them "My dad is excited to meet him and my mom...."

Anyhow, I am curious to hear of any similar stories. Does anyone have trouble with parents/friends not accepting the relationship/marriage? Culture or religion barriers?

Thank you for your time and God Bless!

Zaytoona

I think many of us have had someone in our family that did not accept that we married men from other countries. The fact that your dad is ok with it is a good thing and a good support. When it comes to the interview I dont think they will ask so much about ur family, but even then u dont have to elaborate abut ur mom if she does not come around. They wont focus on that anyway. Be patient with your mom and try to understand why she feels the way she does.

[sachinky 465]

OP, I'm sorry about your mom not liking your fiance. I hope in time she comes to like him and appreciate why you love him as much as you do.

At the interview, your fiance should say whatever he knows to be the truth.

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Welcome to VJ, Zaytoona!

We are in the same situation here only that I am the beneficiary... My family does not like my fiance only because they want me to marry an Egyptian guy... My fiance and I have been trying with them for almost a year and half now... When he visited last March they refused to meet him and it hurt me a lot.. My mother, like yours, refuses to talk to my fiance over the phone, doesn't accept his gifts, and never replied a letter or an email he wrote... Although our original plan was to live in Egypt close to my family, but back in June we decided we should start filing the visa asap, since my family started arranging traditional marriage meetings a few times although I strongly refused...

Like you, I had fears in the beginning of the visa process... I was scared we would be denied based on unfair situation that is out of our hands... But after many crazy details and difficulties and while trying with my family the whole time and getting nothing but refusal, we just did what have to do and stayed strong... I had my interview just last Sunday.. Of course I was asked what my family thinks of my engagement, if we ever had a traditional engagement party, if my fiance ever met my family and why not, and if I have any family member supporting my decision of being with my fiance, and what his family feels about me.. I said the truth to every answer and hoped for the best... I also hinted that my fiance is visiting again after my visa is issued and this time we are meeting my family together no matter what and we're hoping to get an official engagement.. And alhamdulillah I got approved!

I know you have your worries and fears which is completely normal.. Just have faith that everything is going to be alright, never give up the hope that your family will love and accept your fiance one day, BE CAREFUL cause any mess up could affect the process, and at the interview stage let your fiance tell the situation as it is with short specific answers but not volunteer information unless he is asked... There are some good points in your situation... You visited him twice, you both are on the same religion (I expected I might be asked about my fiance's conversion to Islam at the interview, but was never asked about it may be cause we attached a copy of my fiance's conversion certificate with the I-129F packet), You have converted before meeting your fiance (if I'm not mistaken), and you two seem close in age... It would be a big plus if you attend the interview with your fiance, but if you can't it's no big deal! So don't worry I have a good feeling about your visa journey!

I wish you all the best with your journey and if you need any help don't hesitate to PM me!

Aya

[Rezak and Sharon 0]

Salam/Hello everyone!

I'm new to VJ and to MENA and I am surprised by how help and support mostly everyone seems to have. Just a brief introduction:

My fiance is from Morocco and we have just petitioned for the K-1 Visa. I have been to Morocco twice (once for 6 weeks, second for 2 weeks) and my family knows that I have decided to get married to a man that I fell in love with whom conveniently lives in North Africa. My family and friends have not met my fiance although they have heard much about him and will be happy to meet him. His mom (his father passed away years ago) and family absolutely loves me and I love them equally. My dad is okay with my decision as long as I am happy and my fiance is able to take care of me and so on.

My mom........well, let's just say that she would rather have me die an old maid than get married to him. My mom is well-traveled, open-minded (for the most part) and loves people from cultures all over the world! Well, that is what I thought unless she just does not want me to marry someone from Morocco. She has never met my fiance although she refuses to chat with him over the phone or through the internet. She is obviously very protective of me and she has expressed true hate for wanting to marry this man. Honestly, I don't think she wants me to marry a Muslim man. She had a hard enough time when I accepted Islam (Alahmdullilah!) over 4 years ago. What's funny is that she has Muslim friends and has no problem with them. I hinted to her that I will bring my fiance to the US but I definitely did not tell her that I filed for an actual visa. If I did that, I really think she will do everything in her power to ruin the process. Unfortunately, I had to eliminate a lot of information on my profile due to this situation. I am afraid she will find out.

I am also concerned about our interview in the future(ISA). What if they ask if my parents like him? Should I tell them "I do not know since they do not know him well" or should I just tell them "My dad is excited to meet him and my mom...."

Anyhow, I am curious to hear of any similar stories. Does anyone have trouble with parents/friends not accepting the relationship/marriage? Culture or religion barriers?

Thank you for your time and God Bless!

Zaytoona

i dont see anything wrong here coz u r the one that gonna marry him and not ur Mom ... so it is ur life and u can do wherever u want , good luck

[zaytoona 8]

Thank you all for replying. I guess all I can do is be honest with myself, my family and my interviewer

Aya, thank you for sharing your story. I am certain this has been quite the journey for you. I can see why an Egyptian mom would want her Egyptian daughter to marry an Egyptian man. It's funny how Egyptian males receive more acceptance when marrying out of their culture. John sounds like he is very open-minded and very sweet for wanting to move to Egypt to be with you. Insh'Allah all will go well and you will be with one another for the rest of your lives. God bless.

P.s. I have been to Egypt a couple of times and I love it. I always tell my fiance "You know, Morocco may be more beautiful than Egypt but Moroccans have nothing on the warmth and delightful sense of humor of an Egyptian!" Sorry dear, I love me some Egypt!

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Thank you all for replying. I guess all I can do is be honest with myself, my family and my interviewer

Aya, thank you for sharing your story. I am certain this has been quite the journey for you. I can see why an Egyptian mom would want her Egyptian daughter to marry an Egyptian man. It's funny how Egyptian males receive more acceptance when marrying out of their culture. John sounds like he is very open-minded and very sweet for wanting to move to Egypt to be with you. Insh'Allah all will go well and you will be with one another for the rest of your lives. God bless.

P.s. I have been to Egypt a couple of times and I love it. I always tell my fiance "You know, Morocco may be more beautiful than Egypt but Moroccans have nothing on the warmth and delightful sense of humor of an Egyptian!" Sorry dear, I love me some Egypt!

Thank you for your sweet words! InshaAllah things will go easier for you!

It's true Egyptians are famous for their jokes in the whole MENA region Egypt loves you too

I like your screen name btw

[zaytoona 8]

Thank you for your sweet words! InshaAllah things will go easier for you!

It's true Egyptians are famous for their jokes in the whole MENA region Egypt loves you too

I like your screen name btw

Ya Aya, ana masriya kaman Well, at least at heart. Once again, thank you for your support and you can message me anytime as well. Insh'Allah I will be able to go to Egypt with my fiance (when he is my husband) because I have told him soooooo much about it. I am surprised I didn't fall for an Egyptian! Well, have a wonderful week!

-Zaytoooooooooona (everyone calls me this because my name is Olive)

[mounir and suzie 0]

i cant add more than all the wonderful pepole on here says to you just i want to tell you inshallah your mom will accept him its just a matter of time when she meet him is person and see how wonderful man he is for sure all will change or maybe even before he come ,, wish with all my heart that your journey goes smoothly and shortly , thanks for your kind words about Egypt ,, wish the best luck to you .

[And_Sam 44]

I can sympathize with you Zaytoona. The only thing that is different is that I am married. My father is very supportive because well, I am his daughter and they could not choose whom I do marry! My mother, that is a different story! She too will not talk with my husband online or on the phone, nor will she accept gifts. I am hoping that once he is here with me, she will be more open to try to have some kind of resemblance of a relationship.

For so long, all she would say to me, when will you find someone to marry? Well I did, but it wasn't the one she wanted me to marry. I will always respect my parents and do the best I can, but I will stand by my husband and support him as a wife should be with her husband. My parents know this so we will see!

[~ameriptian~ 54]

Ya Aya, ana masriya kaman Well, at least at heart. Once again, thank you for your support and you can message me anytime as well. Insh'Allah I will be able to go to Egypt with my fiance (when he is my husband) because I have told him soooooo much about it. I am surprised I didn't fall for an Egyptian! Well, have a wonderful week!

-Zaytoooooooooona (everyone calls me this because my name is Olive)

Thanks for the sweet words again, Olive! InshaAllah everything will just go great with you and your fiance!

I can sympathize with you Zaytoona. The only thing that is different is that I am married. My father is very supportive because well, I am his daughter and they could not choose whom I do marry! My mother, that is a different story! She too will not talk with my husband online or on the phone, nor will she accept gifts. I am hoping that once he is here with me, she will be more open to try to have some kind of resemblance of a relationship.

For so long, all she would say to me, when will you find someone to marry? Well I did, but it wasn't the one she wanted me to marry. I will always respect my parents and do the best I can, but I will stand by my husband and support him as a wife should be with her husband. My parents know this so we will see!

Well said, Andrea!

[UmmSqueakster 54]

They hate him, check.

He hates them, check.

Yes, lots of fun all around.

[zaytoona 8]

"I will always respect my parents and do the best I can, but I will stand by my husband and support him as a wife should be with her husband."

Yes, definitely well said! I told my mom that if she doesn't want to be around my husband(ISA) I then I will be saddened, although the door will always be open. My fiance really cannot wait to establish a relationship with my family and he really understands why why mom may be upset. Time will only tell.

Thanks again, everyone!

Edited December 21, 2009 by zaytoona

[Mommy2ZaidnSalma 11]

My dad has always loved my husband. They use to talk on Skype and grew a bond from the beggining. Now that my husband has been here for 4 years he and my dad are best buddies. They even work together in the same factory, same shift, and are partners

Most of my family has always been so accepting, I have a distant, VERY RELIGOUS (born again christian) grandma who always asked pre-marriage if i was sure i didnt mind "marrying out of my kind" but I think thats to be expected with the older generation.

At the end of the day, once your husband is here, as long as he is good to you im sure your family will warm up to him. It just took time for my family to find things in common with my husband. Sports, cars, and beer did the trick

[Y's_habibitk 2]

I think most parents will eventually come around if they see that

a) you're well treated and taken care of and

b ) you are truly happy

It may take alot of time but be patient with her and let her come to terms with it. You cant make her feel any way whatsoever.

dont worry about the interview, they will be more concerned about what HIS family thinks about the whole thing rather than yours.

Good luck in the future with those dynamics. At least your dad is onboard.