k1 visa, co-sponsorhip refused

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

yeah...i wish i could do all that. things to consider though:

1) I have no money. so..so much for just up and flying anywhere.

2) any funds I have to use, needs to go through my mothers approval. (which at this point she is more than pissed that the visa got denied after spending $455 on I-129F, $213.35 on medical, $131 visa fee, $200 plus on fedex, $500 plus on flight, hotel, taxi and meal allowance for my fiance while in manila)

3)Paying for my sons therapy and everything else.

I am on edge since I have been jobless for a year. What sucks the most is that unlike in the Philippines where we can just get a nanny and pay 2500 pesos and you'd get to have some time to study and relax or what not, here in the US, they can kick out and ban your kids from daycare. This is the first time in my life I've been stuck for this long and my brain is turning into sludge. Add to that I haven't been with my fiance for over a year, caring for kids on my own..doesn't really contribute to a relatively balanced frame of mind. My judgement in making decisions right now is really close to nilch.

Plus...the city im in is full of hispanics. Any part time job here requires that you should be bilingual. Unfortunately, I'm not. If it were so easy to just take any part time job, i would've done it a long time ago. I get denied jobs here simply because I know not a single word of spanish except, OLa!

Just curious, given your circumstance, the K-1 was just such a bad choice, why did you do that?

CR-1

1. No need for consulate review of the affidavit of support, it avoids the fickle consultes for this phase

2. It uses the I-864 and incomes from household members can be combined

3. It is cheaper than the K-1 (seems like an issue for your, as it is about $700 cheaper in fees)

4. Your husband could work immediately upon arriving in the USA, no AOS process to go through

Sorry for your circumstance but if you want to be together with this man, it appears either you move to the Phillipines or find a way to go the CR-1 route.

K-1 is by no means always the best route to choose.

[NVC FAN :( 18]

i understand why the consul did what he did. what if your mother gets ' pissed ' again in the near future and kicks you and your hubby out of the house. then who would pay for all these services for your kids . not to mention support your hubby and yourself. im not sure if this is the exact thinking behind the consul verdict, but maybe . gl , yes agree you need to file cr1 , although im sure they will see the result of your failed k1

[rebeccajo 14]

And on another note, it sounds like you need to take your son to another psychiatric facility for a better diagnosis. If he is as ill-behaved as you say, it's more than ADHD. You won't get your chaotic life under control until your son is under control.

[HannahP 119]

What about respite care for your son? Or like RJ mentioned, getting a second opinion?

Seems like passing the Nclex is the least of your worries since it doesn't seem like you'd be able to hold down a job in your present circumstances. If you can find the time to hold down a job, passing nursing school & having current BLS generally means that you're eligible for most tech/extern jobs. It's not as much money, but even a bit of extra cash might mean some freedom to visit your fiance/get married/etc.

[imBlank 0]

some things:

1) I'm nursing graduate. but not of a US nursing school. graduated in the philippines. Im basically a US citizen that graduated from a nursing university in the philippines.

2) yep.. my son is adhd and currently his psychiatrist is undergoing some behavioral examinations on him to verify his diagnosis of ADHD combined type with mood disorder. Schizophrenia runs on my side of my family, his biological father had a younger brother with autism, and had a history of violence against women. Specifically me. Yep! I sure dont wanna hear anybody on this forum pitying me more on the general shizness that seems to follow me around.

3) went with K1 thinking that it would be the right route. My Fiance is 4 years younger than me, and considering that I have an extremely hard to handle son, I basically gave my fiance time to figure out if he really wanted to enter into my life and share all the ####### that happens around me. He chose to stay faithful after one year of being apart from me, didnt do anything bad or disloyal, stayed true and strong. Thats why the decision to finally agree to his proposal came to me.

4) this website gave me the idea that co sponsorship on a k1 visa wouldnt be any problem at all...also, when I spoke to a representative from USCIS, I was told that since I live in a household wherein I'm a dependent of a household member, then co-sponsorship wouldnt be a problem. She failed however to mention that on top of all this, THE LAW IS ACTUALLY IN THE HANDS OF THE CONSULAR OFFICER.

Just my luck that I dont have a lot of luck.

[christeen 966]

Not to belabor a point, however, it sounds like you have your hands full as it is and frankly, the reasoning the "he has been faithful and did not do anything bad or disloyal" seems like a pretty weak arguement for marriage... He has stayed strong, but he was not there, actually dealing with all the chaos and situation you are in... Marriage does not solve anything and how will it be once he comes here?? Lest take a little walk in the future....

he comes over here, he cannot work because of AOS and EAD... So he is stuck in the house all day with the chaotic kids... Between the two of you cant afford a pot to piss in so you are both stuck there, indebted to the whims and moods of those who support you, not able to do anything and what?? You are going to leave to go study and work and leave the kids with him all day??? He cannot work as he is waiting for his EAD... this is a recipe for future posts about how your SO is not adjusting and you are argueing and miserable??? Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies, it takes hard WORK and even in good times it is trying sometimes... And lets be honest, your situation is not exactly the smurf magic forest over there....

Sorry, but it sounds like you need to get a hold of your own personal situation before you add another layer on top... On one hand you say how your family can help you, then you say that they cannot??? I personally would say that you are not at a point in our life for marriage and bringing another weight to put on your shoulders... Think carefully...

However, if this is something ou insist, you need to find a way to get married and file CR1...

"She steps down from her soapbox now"...

[CherilynandDamion 1]

All relationship and personal advice aside. You had two options to get your fiance into the US. A K1 visa which has failed, so the only other option is to get married and file a CR-1. There are many, many reasons that you have given why you can't do that, but the long and the very short of it is: You HAVE to do that. Unfortunately there is no other way, so between you, your fiancee and your family you need to come up with a plan to MAKE it happen or accept that you and your fiance will never be together. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is a matter of needs must. Again I wish you good luck.

Sorry if I have missed this further up the thread, but is your fiance not working in his home country? Is he not able to fund a trip for you to fly over to him to get married and then fund the CR-1 visa fees himself? I know it still leaves the child care issue, but you need to start finding CAN DO answers to each problem rather than CAN'T DO.

[Darnell 8,478]

I suggest you file another K-1 , and instead of income, use assets. Study the I-864 about rules of assets, use those for the I-134.

Good Luck !

[imBlank 0]

@ christeen

yep. i understant your point about marriage and all seeing that my father was a psychiatrist and was without a doubt, the worst example for a father in the whole world. my fiance and i have been together for 4 years. 3 years of that was spent living in an apartment together with my adhd son. 1 year spent apart, me here in the US, him in the philippines.

so...basing on whether he's the kind of guy id like to spend the rest of my life with? yep.

other things he does:

1) Does he do household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry BY HAND? YEP --frankly thats more than what i can say about most men.

2) Back in the PHilippines, When Im pissed off from work because Im so stressed out from having to meet a sales quota or what not, does he know how to handle my b*tch*n? YEP

3) Does he know how to balance a check book? YEP

4) When our daughter was colicky for every night, for three whole months, did he pitch in and stay up with me all night? YEP

5) Does he clean diapers, milk bottles, bath the baby, spend time with my son? YEP

6) When I'm having the usual female mantra of irrational mood swings, does he just keep quiet and out of the way? YUP!!!

7) Does he know what its like to live life without a single dime to his name, no nothing, no everything. AND still be able to find a way to get by? YES! (philippines...3rd world country. go figure)

frankly...i do know there's more to marriage than just rainbows and roses. That's the reason why in the 1 year of not being together, I let him decide on his own to have fun, choose what he wants out of life, and be his age. He is 24. Im 28. The age difference was the only thing holding me back from marrying him in the first place. I'M not some selfish woman who goes out and takes away a MANS freedom to be youthful abandon at that age. i met him when he was still 19.

What I did was more than most women would probably give most men. I just gave him free will. And with his free will, no pressures, no nothing from me, he chose to be faithful though I wasnt there to see what he does, be loyal though im not there at all times and stay strong even though on the everyday sessions that we would be on webcam, I would be freaking out on how much I missed him. PLUS...I did have a womans normal fear of long distance relationships. But he never gave me one single time to doubt him. He was always the first to message me on my phone that he is online already, EVERYDAY, waiting for me to be online on skype too.

@christeen..i hope this clarifies some things up for you.

[imBlank 0]

right now my can do option is join the navy. I am after all a US Citizen. My sister was in the army as an intelligence officer. She is now back to civilian duty and when her daughter had cancer at the age of 4, got a lot of help. Her husband is currently still with the Navy. My plan anyways after passing the NCLEX was to join the Navy as a Navy nurse. But since it seems that I'm going to get nowhere on this K1 visa, i might as well join and sign up for their student loan program, just to get things going. My mom is already 60 years old. What we would've wanted was that as soon as me and my fiance get jobs as nurses, she could retire and be our childrens "nanny". She is more than capable of managing a child with adhd being that she was a psychiatric nurse for 9 years prior to being a regular hospital nurse.

Since plans have changed...my option now is to join the navy. this way, my mom could retire, I'd get time to study and be indebted to a navy funded student loan, my son and daughter would have a nanny who is essentially their grandmother..so no worries. As of this moment, my fiance is doing a reconsideration with the embassy in Manila. If that doesnt go well, then im joining the navy. AFter that, at least I'd have some military backing, and income to get the K1 approved.

my fiance does work in the philippines. but if you knew about life in the philippines, you'd also know that the pay grade there is just enough to get you 3 meals a day and thats it. Call centers are pretty fickle and usurps all ur energy. Hospital nurses earn between 5 thousand to 7 thousand pesos which translates to just around 150-200 dollars a month.

Edited December 17, 2009 by imBlank

[Dakine 26]

It may not be all financial as I imagine you being older and a woman comes into play also. The CO may be thinking your fiancee may be looking for a trip to the US and a GC also.

COs are basically god.

Main thing is for you guys to continue having daily records of communication.

[christeen 966]

No need to clarify to me... I was just making a point for you in case you have not thought about some of the challanges that face the two of you.. Apparanlty you have... I have just seen a lot of posters here who have not so clearly thought through what they are doing and what they are expecting. I am glad to see that you have thought about these things and that your SO seems to be prepared to share the load with you...

However, this does not solve your dilema... It seems that you have considered wisely as to WHY you are doing it... But, As others have suggested, you need to start to think of HOW you are going to make it happen.

One cannot discount the importance of financial security of some sort in a relationship, it is not everything, however with special needs children it is something to consider. Right now, your options are to re-file the K1 or find a way to get married so you can have your co-sponsors income considered OR find a way to get certified and earn enough income...

I cannot imagine your situation, however you have to start to think of how you are going to make it happen. So far, all I have seen from your posts is all the reasons why you cannot make it happen. If something is important enough, you do what it takes to make it happen... It will certainly not be easy, but rarely are the great things in life...

You are not a kid and seem to have a grasp of what you need and want and it seems you have found you match... Now just make it happen... Do what you have to, make arrangements with parents to help, have you SO work, save and assist you financially... do what you need to do. And right now, you need to decide to re-file K1 or find a way to get youself over there and get married...

I wish you the best in your journey

[imBlank 0]

@ Dakine

Yep. exactly. Thats what our family has been discussing. That aside from the co-sponsorship being denied, the CO must have thought that with the age gap and everything, my fiance was just looking for an easy ride into the US. It also doesnt help that he looks really young for his age. Even I have been mistaken to be 17 when I went to get a lost drivers license replaced. But that's only because im only 4 foot 11 and of a slim build. At 24, he still looks like a lanky 5'11 teenager.

Edited December 17, 2009 by imBlank

[CherilynandDamion 1]

This will be my final post on this thread because I have to admit I am sort of getting a little lost with it, but this is just a simple option that will require a simple possible or not answer.

If your Mother and Brother both earn above the 125% poverty level required (as stated in your original post) and your mother is capable of looking after your son due to her many years experience in the correct fields of nursing (as stated in your Navy option post) could your mother not help you out by taking a week off from work to look after your son to allow you the time to travel to your fiance to marry him. And maybe between the two of them they could muster enough money for a loan to pay for your flight over? Again, I don't know what the possibilities are, I am just putting myself in your position and thinking about the options I would look into.

[imBlank 0]

@CherilynandDamion

She could. But as of this moment she is pissed that after all the money spent to get my fiance over here and then just have it all go down the drain, at this moment, she just isnt open into the idea of me flying over there to marry him, then filing another petition the CR-1, which would essentially bypass all the drama endured by using a K1. Tickets to the philippines ONE WAY, cost $1500 to $2000+, then the cost of marriage, waiting for 2 months to get NSO certification then filing CR-1 with NVC which i know not what the amount is.

Anyway, I did get word from my fiance just now that after his motion for reconsideration today with the embassy, the official now did take the forms I-134 and I-864, income tax returns, properties, life insurance forms etc...all those documents that my brother and mother filled out as support. HOWEVER, he was told that they would inform him through a letter if the visa will be denied or approved. NO timeline was given on how long the letter could be sent out.

so..here's hoping for a favorable outcome. Time to break out the rosary!