Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[TBoneTX 43,647]

Dude, HOW LONG have you been dealing with this? HOW LONG will you put UP with it?

Please re-read my post #108 of page 8 of this thread. And we're at page 19 now?!

[Colin&Lori 6]

Dude, HOW LONG have you been dealing with this? HOW LONG will you put UP with it?

Please re-read my post #108 of page 8 of this thread. And we're at page 19 now?!

Lost Cause TBone.....

I know I would have got shot of her ages ago...every chance to become a massive liability in the future

[Colin&Lori 6]

double post pressed post but didnt work so pressed it a few more times and this is what happened lol

Edited November 10, 2010 by Colin&Lori

[Colin&Lori 6]

triple post urghhh sorry all

Edited November 10, 2010 by Colin&Lori

[Gilles 4]

D I V O R C E

Perhaps I need to be more clear:

What would you do if your wife - who you love - insisted on sending money to her family in the Philippines when you couldn't justify giving away the money? And then when you say "no", she tells you you're cheap, teases you about your previous relationships, etc?

And what would you do if your wife - who you love - went to work, created her own checking account, denied you access to the funds and send practically all her income to her family in the Philippines?

I encourage you to read Kevin's post at http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/280345-sending-money-to-your-wifes-family-for-hospital-expenses/page__st__60 and his signature

There's also nothing wrong with him putting up with her for an eternity. It's that thing called love. See my signature regarding the definition of love.

Love is not just a feeling, it is the actions showing kindness, caring, and concern, even when you don't feel like it.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Perhaps I need to be more clear:

What would you do if your wife - who you love - insisted on sending money to her family in the Philippines when you couldn't justify giving away the money? And then when you say "no", she tells you you're cheap, teases you about your previous relationships, etc?

And what would you do if your wife - who you love - went to work, created her own checking account, denied you access to the funds and send practically all her income to her family in the Philippines?

I encourage you to read Kevin's post at http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/280345-sending-money-to-your-wifes-family-for-hospital-expenses/page__st__60 and his signature

"love" is why people don't leave when they're being abused.

"love" is why people make stupid decisions.

While I agree with remembering love when making decisions, mutual RESPECT is my biggest issue. Your wife does not respect you. I couldn't live with my opinions constantly being ignored and not valued. Of basically not being an important member of the relationship.

If your wife wants to send HER money that's all well and good, but HER money should also go towards household expenses. It's apparent that there's a great issue here and you keep thinking that love will conquer all... it doesn't. Eventually resentment starts to creep in and eventually that turns to hatred.

If you're okay with her working and her money going home and her income contributing nothing to the household but yours does 100% then that's fine. But if you want at least a little bit of help then she needs to help out. She is treating you like a cash cow. Some relationships monetary support is never an issue. My husband works and I don't. His income supports us, and income I earned while in Aus just recently he's treating as "mine"... but I am using the money for things that I want/need that otherwise he would have bought (winter gear for instance and wedding pressies that we were supposed to buy last year). When I get a job you bet my income is going into the same family pool. We'll have a discussion (which we have already) about how much "spending money" we can afford and how much should go to savings.

Financial matters are one of the leading reasons for divorce. From here: http://www.divorcereform.org/cau.html

"Why Marriages Fail

Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons more often than others. They are:

- Poor communication

- Financial problems

- A lack of commitment to the marriage

- A dramatic change in priorities

- Infidelity

There are other causes we see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above. They are:

- Failed expectations or unmet needs

- Addictions and substance abuse

- Physical, sexual or emotional abuse

- Lack of conflict resolution skills"

Love is great but love shouldn't make you stressed out and unhappy. Love shouldn't make you feel irrelevant. Love should make you feel respected and admired. A marriage should be a two-way street and it's apparent that in this area, it's not. Your wife is the boss and if you don't fall into line she will work around you to get her way.

I suggest you personally seek counselling (and together) to figure out why you think you're not worthy of respect in the relationship. And she needs to find out why she refuses to listen to you and why no compromise can be made. Maybe once you stop financially supporting her and she can no longer sustain the amount she currently sends to family, she'll have an idea of what living REALLY costs.

Stop being a cash cow. Be a husband, partner and friend. If you're only the one (husband) then that's no life.

Edited November 12, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Gilles 4]

Now she wants me to pay for her schooling and wants the first 3 to 4 months earnings of hers all to herself to pay for a new house for her parents. And she says after that, she would sign 100% of her paychecks over to me, but suggested that I return some 60-70% of her paycheck to her for her own discretionary money (I had a figure in mind of a lot less than that). Furthermore, why should she get more discretionary money than me? While she said she'd still contribute to some bills (just groceries) during those 3-4 months, I have some reservations, as her desire for 60-70% of her paycheck as discretionary money is too much.

I'd like for her to go to school and improve her job skills. But if she just wants to be a money hog, then what's the purpose? Furthermore, she could say she'll sign over her paychecks and then elect not to.

This is getting nauseating, as she pesters me about this every day. She says if I don't agree to this plan, she'll go to "plan B", but won't tell me what that is.

[TBoneTX 43,647]

Dude: KHHBTHHC, sm. (Kick her hindquarters back to her home country, si man.)

[sachinky 464]

Dude: KHHBTHHC, sm. (Kick her hindquarters back to her home country, si man.)

Succinct and precise, as always.

[sea-monkey 13]

Use that schooling money on a new wife instead. Try a different country next time. Get some variety. You are a option giver, not her.

This current one will suck you dry and leave you asking "what have I done?"

She is already plotting to leave you. Wants education so she can be self sufficient. Hoarding her salary away and seeing her parents taken care of on your dime. You're nothing more than a roof and ticket to citizenship.

If you're miserble each day and wake up miserble, you know what needs to be done.

[Mnemosyne 4]

This matter has been on for about a year now. It's amazing how the OP talks more and does less. I don't think he needs advice. It seems that he just wants to vent. I wonder if he's doing anything at all.

[Tahoma 2,291]

What would you do if your wife insisted on sending money to her family in the Philippines when you couldn't justify giving away the money? And then when you say "no", she tells you you're cheap, teases you about your previous relationships, etc?

And what would you do if your wife went to work, created her own checking account, denied you access to the funds and send practically all her income to her family in the Philippines?

D I V O R C E

Perhaps I need to be more clear:

What would you do if your wife - who you love - insisted on sending money to her family in the Philippines when you couldn't justify giving away the money? And then when you say "no", she tells you you're cheap, teases you about your previous relationships, etc?

And what would you do if your wife - who you love - went to work, created her own checking account, denied you access to the funds and send practically all her income to her family in the Philippines?

Divorce!!!

This is getting nauseating, as she pesters me about this every day. She says if I don't agree to this plan, she'll go to "plan B", but won't tell me what that is.

WAKE UP...!

She doesn't love you...!

She is manipulating you...!

[piglett 16]

This matter has been on for about a year now. It's amazing how the OP talks more and does less. I don't think he needs advice. It seems that he just wants to vent. I wonder if he's doing anything at all.

VERY WELL SAID !!!!!!

piglett

[piglett 16]

Divorce!!!

WAKE UP...!

She doesn't love you...!

She is manipulating you...!

sorry but her sh*t would be on the curb when she got home from work

also change the locks so she can't get back in ! ! ! ! !

piglett

[piglett 16]

My wife is a pinay too but i made it V E R Y clear that when she gets here W E will always come 1ST unless it's life or death!!!

my wife & I intend to get her dad a fish finder so H E can catch more fish

I don't intend to give him any fish

We also want to add some things to her moms vegtable stand like maybe an ice maker or a coke cooler

we exspect them to work hard & make their own way in this world.

piglett

hey OP what are your inlaws spending all this cash on dude???

Edited November 26, 2010 by piglett