Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[Gilles 4]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

[Jasman0717 9]

I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck

[Jo-bel 0]

I am a teacher in the Phil and I gave monthly support to my family when I was in the Phil. My family are expecting me to give much money now since I am in US.

My husband knows that it's part of the deal, I was planning to get a job so I can give money to my family because I know they need it, but I am pregnant and my husband will not allow me to work. So I explained to my family that we have many expenses here in US and I can give only what fits to our budget. My husband said once we give more, they will expect more....

You and your wife can able to talk about the financial matter. My husband gave me the account password and I can check it online everyday what are the account activities so I understand more about our financial matter.

I hope everything will be fine.

[Gilles 4]

I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

[Patrick808 0]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

Without number, (and, I'm not really asking,) there's no way to choose "sides" in this situation.

Since you already know and expect to support her family, the question is the amount.

This is what I did. During our engagement and Visa Journey, I matched her salary, and she doubled what she was already sending to her parents. Then after she arrived, we doubled again the monthly allowance to her family. However, I was no longer sending anything to my now wife, so it was a net gain. We also fund special projects in addition to the above. My wife works.

Good luck.

[CaNdiD wiTcH 0]

There is nothing wrong in sending money if it is something important or if it is an emergency. I do send money back home because my brother needs support for his quite expensive medications and laboratories. But, it is just temporary till my brother gets well. Everyone in the family gives contributions, not just me. I started applying for a part-time job a month after I arrived here in US. I know that my husband is willing to help if something comes up but I want to do it on my own.

Perhaps, your wife needs to open her eyes that life here in the US is not easy as she thinks. Make a monthly budget. Create a list of all your daily and monthly expenses/bills versus your salary, explain everything to her. If she really wants to help and support her family then it is high time to apply for a job. There are jobs in foodstore and places like Walmart.

[Anh map 2,098]

Budgets can be a new thing for a lot of our spouses.

If what she's wanting to send would break the bank ask her what she's willing to trade out of your current household budget to send her desired amount to the family. Perhaps that would help her to to see that your combined resources aren't limitless.

[ScottThuy 140]

I have been dealing with this for almost five years now. Fortunately for me I have a business in the Philippines and my partner periodically gives them money that that is now coming to an end because she is moving to Colorado to get married.

I know it is very difficult to discuss this with your Filipina bride because, if she is like my wife, doesn't understand all the ramifications of budgets and bills, etc. The best I can suggest is that you just tell her that all you can afford is X-amount. Try not to get angry if she continues to pester you, it is just the Filipino way. If you can maintain a reliable assistance they should be able to adjust to it but make sure you don't put your own well-being into trouble to satisfy the in-laws.

Good luck

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

If you send all of your money to them.. and something happens here that requires you to come up with some amount of money. will they send money your way to help you out? You need to be sure that you are there for them long term... set the amount... and dont set it so high that it breaks you guys.. if she wants more sent, then she needs to make up the difference.. no job.. no extra $...

[wizardfitz 13]

I am sorry but I know I may sound harsh, here goes:

Smack her upside her head, did she marry you for you or for your money so she can support her family? Just so everyone knows, I am the Filipina wife here. I do not and never expect my husband to send them money or anything else even though as everyone says its the Filipino way. I will not burden or obligate my husband in such a manner. My husband is the one who initiates sending gifts etc to my family, I would be the sensible one telling him our budget is tight right now, etc etc.

By all means, tell her to work if she wants to send more! When my husband and I were courting, he was telling me about his friends who also married Filipinas and how they expect and know they are supposed to send money home to support/help the family. I told him no! That is not how I operate, I do not and never will expect him to do that, and to this day, I have never asked him to send them money or gifts. I do not think it is right, everyone thinks once you marry an American that the money just drops out of the sky.

Sorry for the vent but I am outraged that your wife would FORCE you to do this and throw a fit when you are incapable of agreeing to her demands.

[TBoneTX 45,024]

Sorry for the vent but I am outraged that your wife would FORCE you to do this and throw a fit when you are incapable of agreeing to her demands.

Bravo, si man!

[George&Hazel 1]

Just be straight with her. Honesty is the best policy. If the family did not need that much money before. Then you can bet they are out wasting the money you are working for. You need to help your wife understand that as firmly and nicely as possible. Helping is one thing. Leaching money to be top 15% does no one any good.

[lbounds 16]

I think your wife needs a job if she doesn't already have one. If she wants to spend more than the budget and she's serious about needing to send to her family she will roll up her sleeves and do some work.

[NCWife 0]

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you both been married and if she works? Is she aware of the bills (the amount) that you have to pay each month?

Well, you will need to explain to her about the amount of money you make and the amount you have to pay each month just to make sure you get electricity, food, gas... etc! She needs to sit down with you when you write checks to pay all those and make her see that if you send money (whatever amount she asks for) some things need to be sacrificed.

Before I came to the US, I gave money to my mother every month. So, when I moved here, I explained to my mom that I won't be able to send money home until I get a job. She understands and I also explained to my husband that whatever I make, small part of it will be sent home. But of course, I put my family here in the US as my priority.

I hope you will work this issue out with your wife.

Cheers..

[Dakine 26]

Luckily I worked hard all my life and have enough income to take care of my MIL and FIL. They don't have a pot to piss in. It's mine! I bought them a "house" and we pay for EVERYTHING.

Sh!t could "hit the fan" tho if their medical problems increase. I adopted their granddaughter and she is numero uno when it comes to money priorities.

I don't know what's going to happen when they go thru the dieing process. As we all do! Hopefully it's short and sweet and not costly.

[Jasman0717 9]

We got a phone call at 12:30am this morning crying for money. I transferred money to their ATM account so they could pay the electric bill. I just wish they wouldn't call at such hours, it took me two hours to get back to sleep and I had to get up for work at 6. Ugh, I am tired and sleepy