Fraudulent Marriage vs. Legitimate Divorce

[PurrSuede 0]

Dan,

I see lot of people pity you here, im sure you are a nice guy. but you seriously need to get out of this. shake it off and move on. may be you're not realising these posts are taking you on rounds and kepping you stuck on this. looking at your last post it seems like you have planned for a divorce more in advance than ur spouse, well im just giving you my honest openion, how it looks like when ur looking at it from out side. by any means im not saying you did.

and also you very correctly mentioned in one of the previous posts that there are three sides, her side, his side and the truth very true. have you looked at it closely or impartially and tried to figure out whats in the middle?

also i saw you were accusing your ex-spouse for having a plan B. well it was not plan A right? it was clearly plan B, which i think she should have and unfortunaetly there are many of us who never had a plan B and never thought what would we do if end up getting dumped after quting jobs, selling houses and leaving relatives and going through all the odeal of establishing a new life.

last but not least my friend i think you need to get some help from a therapist. im not saying it in an offensive way. please dont misunderstand me here. quite frankly im going through therapy, because im all f**ked up after getting dumped and not given any reason for it and it looked like planned and executed. (may be the same way that you feel) i was loosing sleep, geting up 3 in the morning all angry the list goes on...... im not saying ur f**ked up like me maybe your dealing with it well.

when i posted my story here, some guy posted "Now you know how american women are" i see some same kinda stuff getting posted in your threds in much more indirect way. but if u ride this wave ur not doing your self any good. now youre divorced let it be a thing in the past and move on. hang out with off-line friends and give up talking about all this, if (which i believe so) ur divorce is final.

all righty what ever it is all the best to you and youre ex-spouse in the rest of the journey of life.

Actually, no, posting and discussing this situation IS a huge part of moving past it. Because it is allowing me to express my feelings and work them out. I did NOT plan for divorce in advance, but I did protect myself before moving into the marriage. In my mind there's a HUGE difference. And I am encouraging people to think about the What-If's because it ~could~ happen, and that's why I'm not afraid to share my story.

I'm not wearing this as a badge of shame, nor of honor, it's just something that HAPPENED.

I certainly have looked at this impartially, and I've shared a lot of my feelings with my friends about it, and my friends have been very supportive, as well.

As far as "moving on", I don't sit here and go into all the people I'm meeting now, but if you check out the IMBRA topic, you'll see I'm getting prepared in case I need to file a waiver or do a K-3 next time. Nor do I go into all the wonderful new people I'm talking with, both in the USA and outside of it. I've never viewed VJ as a personal dating site, nor a place to discuss my new relationships that are forming, either.

Mind you, I've been involved in Russian culture and language and people since 2002. Just because my marriage went out the window, doesn't mean my experiences did either. And I have a LOT of Russian friends, my ex-wife wasn't the only Russian national in my life, just the most important one.. while we were married that is.

Also there is nothing wrong with being angry, but holding onto the anger, and letting it turn into bitterness and obsessiveness, that is dangerous indeed, and I feel I know the dividing line between the two.

There's also something called "impulse control". Decent people have this, mad-stalkers do not.

I've been writing out the story of my relationship to a friend whom I trust, and saving the emails.

It helps me to voice and iterate the things I went through, and while I talk about the ENDING for the benefit of the people here on VJ, I do -not- discuss all the intimate details of what happened, why it happened, what went wrong, what I would have done differently of a PERSONAL nature in my relationship...

That info is NOT for public consumption, it is mine, it is private and deeply personal.

That being said, I feel the -resolution- itself, regarding the USCIS, the immigration lawyer, what I had to do in terms of FAMILY LAW (aka Divorce) in my state, IS worthy of public consumption.

I can respect that you think a "therapist" might help, but you don't know me personally, and for all you know I just might work for a large healthcare facility and have several friends in the "behavioral health" group as well. Perhaps

Frankly my interest is in someone new. And by clearly and cleanly resolving the past, there will be room for this person in my heart and in my head, since there's already room in my life.

Sure, I made mistakes, I'm not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but I do feel that my ex-wife checked out of this relationship a long time ago, shortly after we were married, again for reasons that I haven't chosen to share publicly here.

And in fact, this was almost two years ago this transpired, so I think I can discuss this with rationality. Certainly divorce takes time to "settle", but you don't know all the things I've gone through the last two years...

And that includes a life-threatening trauma and serious illness and a major surgical operation that I was forced to recover and rehabilitate from. Compared to that, this is a walk in the park.

So I hope that you will never need to know the inner personal strength it takes to recover from staring death in the face, truly. I'm going to assume that you have no idea what this is like to experience, and I sincerely hope that you never will for a very very long long time.

Wishing you health and happiness...

-- Dan

[meauxna 15]

It helps me to voice and iterate the things I went through, and while I talk about the ENDING for the benefit of the people here on VJ, I do -not- discuss all the intimate details of what happened, why it happened, what went wrong, what I would have done differently of a PERSONAL nature in my relationship...

That info is NOT for public consumption, it is mine, it is private and deeply personal.

That being said, I feel the -resolution- itself, regarding the USCIS, the immigration lawyer, what I had to do in terms of FAMILY LAW (aka Divorce) in my state, IS worthy of public consumption.

Dan,

Hear hear!

Awesome. People here don't need to know all your nitty gritty (even if they "want" to). The immigration and family law information IS important and relevant.

Thank you for sharing what you have---very eye opening!