Nervous about the interview..

[KittyPollitt 284]

Yeah... I didnt ask if what I did was wrong.. God will judge us as he sees fit if what we did was wrong... I am just asking for advice which will aide me in providing the best case I can... Thanks to everyone who has done that!

Please don't take offense. We are advising you about how to make the best case, because before God judges your behavior, the consulate will. In order to help you, we have no choice but to give you advice based on your particulars, including the negatives along with the positives. While things may smoothly, insha'allah, it is best to be prepared for consular skepticism. You have made mistakes in going thru a fake marriage, living together out of wedlock and having a child out of wedlock. Those are not Moroccan cultural norms, the consulate knows it, and they can set off red flags that your SO is planning to take advantage of you for marriage fraud since he didn't do anything to protect your reputation, as he would have been expected to do with a Moroccan woman.

Morocco may seem progressive, but it is still quite conservative in its norms. A Moroccan woman whose family is protective of her would not be treated the way he has treated you, nor would his family allowed it to happen without dissent. We're just telling you to prepare, because your lack of knowledge about how Moroccan culture works has raised red flags that can affect the consulate's view of your SO's motives. Things are not the same in Morocco as they are in Egypt, where urfi is in legal flux. Morocco has not sanctioned it for mixed marriages, and that has left you vulnerable to exploitation, as sandinista has noted. Those of us who are familiar with the culture do question why an honorable man would suggest an urfi marriage to a foreigner unfamiliar with custom. You will need to strengthen your positives so that the negatives are not so glaring. It can be done, and visa success is still possible.

Would it not be prudent, in a case like this, for the beneficiary to point out to the interviewer that he has chosen NOT to marry a Moroccan woman and live in Morocco. and thus the "cultural norms" of his country don't necessarily apply to his relationship? I ask this because I am in a very similar situation, and this is how my fiance and his family have chosen to approach our child out of wedlock. Albeit, his family is very progressive and have a history of association with America and this may contribute to their easygoing attitude. And the joy of welcoming a grandchild into the family, when as a poor man, they feared my fiance might never find a decent woman, has far outweighed any negative viewpoints they may have had. I'm just saying, isn't this something that can be explained, if the man has tact? In our case, living in Morocco may actually have been an option for us, until I returned home and discovered that I was pregnant, and which time our child's future became our first priority and it is important to both of us that she reap all the benefits that living in the states can provide her, as opposed to living in Morocco.

Are some of these things points that my fiance, and perhaps the OP's SO, point out during the interview that may make things a little smoother?

I'd appreciate your opinion..

Sarah

Sister, that is the red flag - huge banner-waving red flag. The Consulate will see this as a poor man could not find a decent Moroccan woman - so, he did the next best thing to improve his situation in life with the raving approval of his family - he found an American woman who could be his meal ticket, and theirs too. Typical MENA families will never approve of a child born out of wedlock with some MENA female, so why should they approve of him having knocked up his American girlfriend - the consulate knows this and they will be mightily skeptical when they are doing the interview.

Please know, I'm not judging you or Resha...I'm judging the bonafides of the relationships and they are causing me concern on both your parts.

Actually, it was quite the opposite in our case, he was the hunted and I was the archer And we have documentation of my near stalker behavior in the form of emails and chat logs going back to our very first conversation.. He was such an introvert when I found him that I had to BEG him to even go on webcam...

But I understand all we have going against us.. all we can do is throw a ton of paper at the situation, and make sure he has the correct answers to the tough questions, and pray..

[morocco4ever 63]

And this is the key. To be able to recognize your red flags rather than get defensive with the people on VJ. Once you can look at the situation from a third party point of view you will be able to understand what will go through the CO's mind. Now using this knowledge you will have a much better chance at easing their suspicions.

I can't tell you what you would use to convince them, but just be honest and upfront with them.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Would it not be prudent, in a case like this, for the beneficiary to point out to the interviewer that he has chosen NOT to marry a Moroccan woman and live in Morocco. and thus the "cultural norms" of his country don't necessarily apply to his relationship? I ask this because I am in a very similar situation, and this is how my fiance and his family have chosen to approach our child out of wedlock. Albeit, his family is very progressive and have a history of association with America and this may contribute to their easygoing attitude. And the joy of welcoming a grandchild into the family, when as a poor man, they feared my fiance might never find a decent woman, has far outweighed any negative viewpoints they may have had. I'm just saying, isn't this something that can be explained, if the man has tact? In our case, living in Morocco may actually have been an option for us, until I returned home and discovered that I was pregnant, and which time our child's future became our first priority and it is important to both of us that she reap all the benefits that living in the states can provide her, as opposed to living in Morocco.

Are some of these things points that my fiance, and perhaps the OP's SO, point out during the interview that may make things a little smoother?

I'd appreciate your opinion..

Sarah

Morocco is a high fraud area, so it isn't wise to emphasize To the consulate his wish to escape their cultural norms and run off to a more "progressive" country in the west. Your points also make it sound like his family is settling for an indecent western daughter-in-law because a decent Moroccan wife was beyond their son's ability to obtain. There is also no redeeming value in letting them know that he was reserved, but your lack of inhibitions were what set you both on the path of out of wedlock parenthood.

Let me be frank. I'm an Arab woman, and as I said before, I was raised there and I am very familiar with the double standard between how moroccans view women and men. You will never be considered to be decent. They will be nice, kind, love your kids with him, but you are a cause for shame and whispers. Even in the city this is so. Less moral behavior is expected of western women, but a proper potential Moroccan wife would not be living with her intended prior to marriage. This is what they do with western women because they are considered to be loose. Moroccan womenwho do the same are called "too western", not progressive.

The best wayto handle this is as I suggested before; you love each other and desire to be a proper family thru marriage. It's not going to be about trying to be more progressive to the CO, it's going to be about sincerity and a real connection and bond between you and your SO; babies don't guarantee that.

Good luck!

[KittyPollitt 284]

Would it not be prudent, in a case like this, for the beneficiary to point out to the interviewer that he has chosen NOT to marry a Moroccan woman and live in Morocco. and thus the "cultural norms" of his country don't necessarily apply to his relationship? I ask this because I am in a very similar situation, and this is how my fiance and his family have chosen to approach our child out of wedlock. Albeit, his family is very progressive and have a history of association with America and this may contribute to their easygoing attitude. And the joy of welcoming a grandchild into the family, when as a poor man, they feared my fiance might never find a decent woman, has far outweighed any negative viewpoints they may have had. I'm just saying, isn't this something that can be explained, if the man has tact? In our case, living in Morocco may actually have been an option for us, until I returned home and discovered that I was pregnant, and which time our child's future became our first priority and it is important to both of us that she reap all the benefits that living in the states can provide her, as opposed to living in Morocco.

Are some of these things points that my fiance, and perhaps the OP's SO, point out during the interview that may make things a little smoother?

I'd appreciate your opinion..

Sarah

Morocco is a high fraud area, so it isn't wise to emphasize To the consulate his wish to escape their cultural norms and run off to a more "progressive" country in the west. Your points also make it sound like his family is settling for an indecent western daughter-in-law because a decent Moroccan wife was beyond their son's ability to obtain. There is also no redeeming value in letting them know that he was reserved, but your lack of inhibitions were what set you both on the path of out of wedlock parenthood.

Let me be frank. I'm an Arab woman, and as I said before, I was raised there and I am very familiar with the double standard between how moroccans view women and men. You will never be considered to be decent. They will be nice, kind, love your kids with him, but you are a cause for shame and whispers. Even in the city this is so. Less moral behavior is expected of western women, but a proper potential Moroccan wife would not be living with her intended prior to marriage. This is what they do with western women because they are considered to be loose. Moroccan womenwho do the same are called "too western", not progressive.

The best wayto handle this is as I suggested before; you love each other and desire to be a proper family thru marriage. It's not going to be about trying to be more progressive to the CO, it's going to be about sincerity and a real connection and bond between you and your SO; babies don't guarantee that.

Good luck!

Thank you for being frank.. it helps us better prepare.. Thank God my fiance is a giant softy who wears his heart on his sleeve.. I hope it will help The baby and I are going to visit in February.. I hope it won't cause too much BS in his neighborhood.. I swear last time I was there I was a freakin local celebrity.. now I prefer not to have that attention

[Resha 1]

I hope you have a great trip Squeaky... It is such a great feeling seeing your child with their father!! Enjoy!!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Squeaky, you have a great attitude about the real challenges you could face in your visa journey, and that will serve you well in the long run. It's not easy to say what I have said, but I believe that it's best to know, even if the words sting.

Resha, your SO has an interview next week, so I wanted to link to some info that you may not have seen that is important and helpful when going thru an interview. I helped my husband prepare for Morocco, and he got his visa in a day. Here is the link: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...t&p=3393623

For both Squeaky and Resha, we are all about healthy families being united, so I'm sure I speak for many when I wish you much happiness and success in being united with your men and that your children have both parents in their lives soon!

Salaam

[Resha 1]

Thank you very much Sofiyya for your well wishes