I've really lost it!!!

[thongd4me 69]

I'd recommend getting some individual counseling. As busy as your life is, it would be a worthwhile investment and could possibly save you from ruining your current relationship.

When I was very depressed over my first marriage I did go for individual counseling

and it helped a great deal. Also helping was a friend whose son was going through

a lock-down drug rehab in a remote area of Mexico. They brought in the parents to

participate in his treatment and all concerned learned a lot and much of that wisdom

was passed on to me.

My first wife never participated in any kind of counseling, although she did bring the

kids for counseling when the school demanded it but wouldn't participate herself.

I was out of options regarding her a LONG time before I met my fiancée but once

I started putting my life back together I was able to get close to someone new with

a clear conscience that the bad of the past wouldn't dominate our lives.

[Ban Hammer 13,637]

some of the best therapy i've ever had.

[NickD 203]

I'd recommend getting some individual counseling. As busy as your life is, it would be a worthwhile investment and could possibly save you from ruining your current relationship.

When I was very depressed over my first marriage I did go for individual counseling

and it helped a great deal. Also helping was a friend whose son was going through

a lock-down drug rehab in a remote area of Mexico. They brought in the parents to

participate in his treatment and all concerned learned a lot and much of that wisdom

was passed on to me.

My first wife never participated in any kind of counseling, although she did bring the

kids for counseling when the school demanded it but wouldn't participate herself.

I was out of options regarding her a LONG time before I met my fiancée but once

I started putting my life back together I was able to get close to someone new with

a clear conscience that the bad of the past wouldn't dominate our lives.

More than likely why it was your first marriage, first wife dragged me to counseling for years, waste of time. If you can't solve your own marital problems neither can anyone else. One marriage counselor said to me, how have you ever been able to put up with her for all those years? That was a damn good question that made me begin to think.

Oh, this second wife, she is absolutely wonderful, never an argument, no jealousy, it's a question of finding the right one. And if you think you are going to change a person, or that holy spirit is going to give you grace, you are nuts. Yep, I was nuts.

[thongd4me 69]

I'd recommend getting some individual counseling. As busy as your life is, it would be a worthwhile investment and could possibly save you from ruining your current relationship.

When I was very depressed over my first marriage I did go for individual counseling

and it helped a great deal. Also helping was a friend whose son was going through

a lock-down drug rehab in a remote area of Mexico. They brought in the parents to

participate in his treatment and all concerned learned a lot and much of that wisdom

was passed on to me.

My first wife never participated in any kind of counseling, although she did bring the

kids for counseling when the school demanded it but wouldn't participate herself.

I was out of options regarding her a LONG time before I met my fiancée but once

I started putting my life back together I was able to get close to someone new with

a clear conscience that the bad of the past wouldn't dominate our lives.

More than likely why it was your first marriage, first wife dragged me to counseling for years, waste of time. If you can't solve your own marital problems neither can anyone else. One marriage counselor said to me, how have you ever been able to put up with her for all those years? That was a damn good question that made me begin to think.

Oh, this second wife, she is absolutely wonderful, never an argument, no jealousy, it's a question of finding the right one. And if you think you are going to change a person, or that holy spirit is going to give you grace, you are nuts. Yep, I was nuts.

Yes, counseling is a waste of time if both parties can't mutually agree that each has to

make changes themselves in order to achieve common goals. In our case there could

be no common goals. I was the flexible one but she was like a brick wall.

The goal has to be common goals, not to get what you want. If successful, it will be

what BOTH of you want.

[LoriLawless 0]

I'd recommend getting some individual counseling. As busy as your life is, it would be a worthwhile investment and could possibly save you from ruining your current relationship.

When I was very depressed over my first marriage I did go for individual counseling

and it helped a great deal. Also helping was a friend whose son was going through

a lock-down drug rehab in a remote area of Mexico. They brought in the parents to

participate in his treatment and all concerned learned a lot and much of that wisdom

was passed on to me.

My first wife never participated in any kind of counseling, although she did bring the

kids for counseling when the school demanded it but wouldn't participate herself.

I was out of options regarding her a LONG time before I met my fiancée but once

I started putting my life back together I was able to get close to someone new with

a clear conscience that the bad of the past wouldn't dominate our lives.

More than likely why it was your first marriage, first wife dragged me to counseling for years, waste of time. If you can't solve your own marital problems neither can anyone else. One marriage counselor said to me, how have you ever been able to put up with her for all those years? That was a damn good question that made me begin to think.

Oh, this second wife, she is absolutely wonderful, never an argument, no jealousy, it's a question of finding the right one. And if you think you are going to change a person, or that holy spirit is going to give you grace, you are nuts. Yep, I was nuts.

Yes, counseling is a waste of time if both parties can't mutually agree that each has to

make changes themselves in order to achieve common goals. In our case there could

be no common goals. I was the flexible one but she was like a brick wall.

The goal has to be common goals, not to get what you want. If successful, it will be

what BOTH of you want.

Bolded 1)The right one, at the right time in both of your lives.

Bolded 2) I agree, it takes two. Has he given you any reason to have the gut feeling or red flags that make you feel jealous? You need to explore your issues as well as what might be "triggering" them.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Thanks really, your so right.

The problem with my first wife (now divorced) was that she got angry,

didn't show it or discuss the reason for the anger, but stayed angry for

weeks/months until she would explode cursing and pledging to be ever unforgiving.

The response "yes you're right dear it was my fault" falls hollow in cases like this,

because I never thought it was my fault but if she was forgiving I would say

yes it was my fault even if it wasn't.

Kevein bacon said (on a talk show?), the key to a good marriage is to keep

the sex dirty and the fighting clean.

Wow! Including Swingers' Club?

[thongd4me 69]

Thanks really, your so right.

The problem with my first wife (now divorced) was that she got angry,

didn't show it or discuss the reason for the anger, but stayed angry for

weeks/months until she would explode cursing and pledging to be ever unforgiving.

The response "yes you're right dear it was my fault" falls hollow in cases like this,

because I never thought it was my fault but if she was forgiving I would say

yes it was my fault even if it wasn't.

Kevein bacon said (on a talk show?), the key to a good marriage is to keep

the sex dirty and the fighting clean.

Wow! Including Swingers' Club?

Intriguing crack - but for those easily misled "keep the sex dirty" just means to keep it interesting and exciting between two married people in this case.

For other individuals it may well mean Swingers' clubs, fisting, barnyard friends and sex with space aliens.

Kevin Bacon's marriage was and is one of the FEW successful ones in the cesspool of Hollywood.

Kevin Bacon's wife on their relationship

If you don't have BOTH partners agreeing that things are right, things may in fact be wrong. They BOTH have to work at it.

[sweetnsour 0]

Good Morning all hope are doing well. Thank You all for the advice you have taken time to give me, but my husband and I have not spoken since yesterday's fight. I did leave him a message telling him I was sorry and that I hope everything will be fine between us and that I love him very much.

[DEDixon 39]

it seems your jealousy is based on feeling rather than fact. this is the worst kind and results in a lot of wasted energy and emotion. if you can drum up one fact that supports your jealous feelings then your reaction is somewhat normal, but if you have not even 1 tiny bit of factual information, then you need to stop the drama.

if you have no facts, your previous relationship and more is affecting your current relationship. you just need to tell yourself that this is a different man. he has also been waiting for 3 years so give him the benefit of the doubt.

to be honest, i'd not worry about flings he might be having in your absence as long as you think he wouldn't have flings when the two of you reunite. at this point, you don't really know what kind of man he is so when you reunite, remember to react on the facts which are based on your feelings, instead of your feelings alone. your feeling alone are still distorted by your previous relationship so until you truly know the man you are with, you can't rely on your feelings alone.

[thongd4me 69]

it seems your jealousy is based on feeling rather than fact. this is the worst kind and results in a lot of wasted energy and emotion. if you can drum up one fact that supports your jealous feelings then your reaction is somewhat normal, but if you have not even 1 tiny bit of factual information, then you need to stop the drama.

if you have no facts, your previous relationship and more is affecting your current relationship. you just need to tell yourself that this is a different man. he has also been waiting for 3 years so give him the benefit of the doubt.

to be honest, i'd not worry about flings he might be having in your absence as long as you think he wouldn't have flings when the two of you reunite. at this point, you don't really know what kind of man he is so when you reunite, remember to react on the facts which are based on your feelings, instead of your feelings alone. your feeling alone are still distorted by your previous relationship so until you truly know the man you are with, you can't rely on your feelings alone.

While we are online & worlds apart but always together, she sometimes says things that indicate she is jealous, but she always does it with a WINK so I know she is kidding.

She also does that in real life and it just means she loves me. We trust each other.

Edited December 12, 2009 by thongd4me

[Uncle Wally 2]

some of the best therapy i've ever had.

You beat me to it, brother.

Of course, you're recommending this therapy for the feller who's married to this lady I presume.