I've really lost it!!!

[sweetnsour 0]

Hello people, I know you all don't know nothing about me as I know nothing really about you so please don't judge me. I'm just going to vent to a bunch of strangers cuz I have no one to turn too. I feel so alone and hurt, even if I did bring this pain upon myself. I am married to a man living in a different country, we have strated the process over three years ago. We had our paper work sent back and are still waiting the outcome. It has been three long years now and of course it has been a very difficult wait. This has brought stress on both of us. I have family, but they have their own lives and never really want to hear about my same old problems, so I keep them to myself. Today was a very bad day. My husband and I have been having some problems, like fighting about stupid things. We fight everyday now and I make him angry then he will make me angry. Then before you know it I close my laptop and walk about without making up or calling him to make things better. He thinks that I am way to jealous, well maybe I am a little. I just can't help it yes I know this is an issue I need to work on. I was married before for many years and my ex cheated on me all the time. He would hit on all my friends, family members, people he worked with ect ect. I really had a hard life with that man. Now I have met a great man, so I hope with all my heart he is what he seems. To tell you the truth I want to trust him so bad but something inside of me will questioned is he telling you the truth. I know this may be because we are both in different countries and we don't see each other in person like we should.

During these past three years I have become a different person. I use to be happy even if I was divorced I was happy. Then I met my husband, I was in love and ready to start my life with him. Then I was surprised to find we would be waiting this long. I love my husband very much and have waited for him faithfully as he has done the same, so I hope... He tells me I have changed so much today, that I use to smile more and come happy to talk to him online. It's not that I'm not happy to see him on cam or hear his voice, it's life that changed me. I am raising my two kids on my own working long hours, dealing with life without him here. As I know he is doing the same dealing with life there. Well sorry I am very upset and hope I am making sense. Today was different our fight that is, I think it may be over and it's all my fault. I don't know what I'm asking of you good people maybe I have just gone crazy. I'm sorry but I needed to vent to someone thank you for reading.

[thongd4me 69]

Hello people, I know you all don't know nothing about me as I know nothing really about you so please don't judge me. I'm just going to vent to a bunch of strangers cuz I have no one to turn too. I feel so alone and hurt, even if I did bring this pain upon myself. I am married to a man living in a different country, we have strated the process over three years ago. We had our paper work sent back and are still waiting the outcome. It has been three long years now and of course it has been a very difficult wait. This has brought stress on both of us. I have family, but they have their own lives and never really want to hear about my same old problems, so I keep them to myself. Today was a very bad day. My husband and I have been having some problems, like fighting about stupid things. We fight everyday now and I make him angry then he will make me angry. Then before you know it I close my laptop and walk about without making up or calling him to make things better. He thinks that I am way to jealous, well maybe I am a little. I just can't help it yes I know this is an issue I need to work on. I was married before for many years and my ex cheated on me all the time. He would hit on all my friends, family members, people he worked with ect ect. I really had a hard life with that man. Now I have met a great man, so I hope with all my heart he is what he seems. To tell you the truth I want to trust him so bad but something inside of me will questioned is he telling you the truth. I know this may be because we are both in different countries and we don't see each other in person like we should.

During these past three years I have become a different person. I use to be happy even if I was divorced I was happy. Then I met my husband, I was in love and ready to start my life with him. Then I was surprised to find we would be waiting this long. I love my husband very much and have waited for him faithfully as he has done the same, so I hope... He tells me I have changed so much today, that I use to smile more and come happy to talk to him online. It's not that I'm not happy to see him on cam or hear his voice, it's life that changed me. I am raising my two kids on my own working long hours, dealing with life without him here. As I know he is doing the same dealing with life there. Well sorry I am very upset and hope I am making sense. Today was different our fight that is, I think it may be over and it's all my fault. I don't know what I'm asking of you good people maybe I have just gone crazy. I'm sorry but I needed to vent to someone thank you for reading.

Looks like you are living your new married life through the slush-covered glasses of your old one.

The problem isn't just you, it never is. It take two to screw things up. You are both thinking and

acting on your own needs/expectations without much thought for the other. I would suggest

some serious counseling because you both felt you were perfect

for each other at one point.

Jealousy is not entirely bad, it's how you manage it. A live-in girlfriend I was with before my

first marriage was extremely jealous, but in a GOOD way. If I didn't kiss her upon arrival

at home she would go into a tirade for about one hour and then we would have incredible

make-up sex for 3 hours, each of us apologizing to the other. There is no love without

forgiveness and there is never anyone on either side that is perfect.

Serial infidelity is another thing. Your husband apparently is not guilty of that but you can't

get the old nightmare out of your head. That is YOUR problem, not HIS.

Sometimes people go into relationships with the EXPECTATION that history will repeat.

It certainly will if you let it.

Edited December 11, 2009 by thongd4me

[Niels Bohr 72]

Sounds like you want to control him. Just let it be, don't be mad at him. When you learn he's cheating on you, just dump him. Simple as that.

[sweetnsour 0]

Hello people, I know you all don't know nothing about me as I know nothing really about you so please don't judge me. I'm just going to vent to a bunch of strangers cuz I have no one to turn too. I feel so alone and hurt, even if I did bring this pain upon myself. I am married to a man living in a different country, we have strated the process over three years ago. We had our paper work sent back and are still waiting the outcome. It has been three long years now and of course it has been a very difficult wait. This has brought stress on both of us. I have family, but they have their own lives and never really want to hear about my same old problems, so I keep them to myself. Today was a very bad day. My husband and I have been having some problems, like fighting about stupid things. We fight everyday now and I make him angry then he will make me angry. Then before you know it I close my laptop and walk about without making up or calling him to make things better. He thinks that I am way to jealous, well maybe I am a little. I just can't help it yes I know this is an issue I need to work on. I was married before for many years and my ex cheated on me all the time. He would hit on all my friends, family members, people he worked with ect ect. I really had a hard life with that man. Now I have met a great man, so I hope with all my heart he is what he seems. To tell you the truth I want to trust him so bad but something inside of me will questioned is he telling you the truth. I know this may be because we are both in different countries and we don't see each other in person like we should.

During these past three years I have become a different person. I use to be happy even if I was divorced I was happy. Then I met my husband, I was in love and ready to start my life with him. Then I was surprised to find we would be waiting this long. I love my husband very much and have waited for him faithfully as he has done the same, so I hope... He tells me I have changed so much today, that I use to smile more and come happy to talk to him online. It's not that I'm not happy to see him on cam or hear his voice, it's life that changed me. I am raising my two kids on my own working long hours, dealing with life without him here. As I know he is doing the same dealing with life there. Well sorry I am very upset and hope I am making sense. Today was different our fight that is, I think it may be over and it's all my fault. I don't know what I'm asking of you good people maybe I have just gone crazy. I'm sorry but I needed to vent to someone thank you for reading.

Looks like you are living your new married life through the slush-covered glasses of your old one.

The problem isn't just you, it never is. It take two to screw things up. You are both thinking and

acting on your own needs/expectations without much thought for the other. I would suggest

some serious counseling because you both felt you were perfect

for each other at one point.

Jealousy is not entirely bad, it's how you manage it. A live-in girlfriend I was with before my

first marriage was extremely jealous, but in a GOOD way. If I didn't kiss her upon arrival

at home she would go into a tirade for about one hour and then we would have incredible

make-up sex for 3 hours, each of us apologizing to the other. There is no love without

forgiveness and there is never anyone on either side that is perfect.

Serial infidelity is another thing. Your husband apparently is not guilty of that but you can't

get the old nightmare out of your head. That is YOUR problem, not HIS.

Sometimes people go into relationships with the EXPECTATION that history will repeat.

It certainly will if you let it.

Thanks really, your so right.

[thongd4me 69]

Thanks really, your so right.

The problem with my first wife (now divorced) was that she got angry,

didn't show it or discuss the reason for the anger, but stayed angry for

weeks/months until she would explode cursing and pledging to be ever unforgiving.

The response "yes you're right dear it was my fault" falls hollow in cases like this,

because I never thought it was my fault but if she was forgiving I would say

yes it was my fault even if it wasn't.

Kevein bacon said (on a talk show?), the key to a good marriage is to keep

the sex dirty and the fighting clean.

[sweetnsour 0]

I want to call him and say I'm sorry but I feel I should give him some space. I really made him angry and saying sorry may not be enough this time.

[thongd4me 69]

I want to call him and say I'm sorry but I feel I should give him some space. I really made him angry and saying sorry may not be enough this time.

The more time that passes and you don't say you're sorry the worse it is for both of you.

Trust me, I've seen it both ways and that way is better.

Admit your problem and don't just apologize and leave things at loose ends.

Establish rules for communication. One thing my fiancée said is that when she

is mad, she will cool off in another room but after that time things will be good

and she will be sweet to me quickly. Establish rules for making up so that

you know what to expect. Relationships often fail because both parties

blind-side each other. Improve your communication and modify those

improvements on a regular schedule.

Edited December 11, 2009 by thongd4me

[sweetnsour 0]

Okay, I get what your saying, the thing is he told me not to call him until I change. I can not change in a few hours this is going to take me time. I don't want to make things worse either by not calling. He was serious too when he told him.

[thongd4me 69]

Okay, I get what your saying, the thing is he told me not to call him until I change. I can not change in a few hours this is going to take me time. I don't want to make things worse either by not calling. He was serious too when he told him.

Good professional counselors help you learn rules by which you can negotiate &

fight cleanly - ultamatums are not good.

One of the rules they seek to drill into you are to AVOID the words ALWAYS and NEVER.

When you talk in absolutes there's little chance of backing down or getting around the impasse.

[Sandrila 1]

[sweetnsour 0]

I am thankful for your time and good advice, but I have to work now so will check in later.

[Sandrila 1]

Thanks really, your so right.

The problem with my first wife (now divorced) was that she got angry,

didn't show it or discuss the reason for the anger, but stayed angry for

weeks/months until she would explode cursing and pledging to be ever unforgiving.

The response "yes you're right dear it was my fault" falls hollow in cases like this,

because I never thought it was my fault but if she was forgiving I would say

yes it was my fault even if it wasn't.

Kevein bacon said (on a talk show?), the key to a good marriage is to keep

the sex dirty and the fighting clean.

nice

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd recommend getting some individual counseling. As busy as your life is, it would be a worthwhile investment and could possibly save you from ruining your current relationship.

[GabiandVi 34]

Hope you're feeling better about things. It's hard to settle things from such a distance.

I agree that giving him time to cool down is a good thing, but with the distance, he doesn't know what you are thinking and he might be wondering how bad things really are with you. He might be building that wall we all build when we are preparing ourselves for the worst.

Maybe, if you haven't already, a short email with just a few words so that he knows you are sorry and that you still love him wouldn't be out of order.

Good luck.

[NickD 203]

You have been married for three years now and you are living in two different countries? That seems to be your problem, but you don't detail it. I know from experience that the USCIS is slow, but not that damn slow, normally less than a year. If I had to wait much longer to be with my wife, would have said hell with this country and moved to hers.